“It’s an expensive way to be miserable”....I need a chat please.

[cblover]

I haven’t ridden for four years with having young horses and a bad accident. Now my clydesdale is coming 5 and my cob 3, they are both having some training (at appropriate levels for their age) with a friend locally. She’s a professional and I have been involved in all the training. We’ve talked lots about my two different horses and their suitability to me.

My Clyde is a big strapping horse but has always had an anxious side. I k ow with the right education she’ll get better but I’m not sure I’ll be confident enough to give her that education. I rode for the first time in 4 years today on my friends horse...he’s a gentle old boy about 15.2 and it was nice to be aboard but I wasn’t confident or really enjoying it to be fair. That makes me sad if I’m honest.

My cob is a solid 14.3hh confident horse. Very affectionate and much less anxious than my Clyde. Two years younger of course but just naturally has a calmer and more accepting nature.

After riding today I’m not sure of my capabilities or desire anymore. My cob is smaller than I’d like but a weight carrier and probably more suited to me but my Clyde has a special place in my heart.

Horses are hard work, we all know that, and my reward has always been riding and the relationship I have with the horse I’m on. I just can’t invest anymore time, head space or money waiting and hoping my horses will be suited to me and my uncertain confidence and desire.

Do I look for an older horse, stick with my two and grow some balls or sell the lot and be done with it? I’d appreciate your views. Thanks

 

[DiNozzo]

If today is the first time you've ridden in 4 years, I'd cut yourself some slack!

Muscles aren't quite the same, you know how and when to respond but things don't happen at the speed you're used to because you aren't 'in practise'. That's enough to make anyone feel wobbly and uncertain.*

I'd have some lessons or see if you can borrow nice old boy for some more riding and see how you feel in a month or two. Then think about re-evaluating.

If Scrappy has a special place in your heart, would it be enough for the riding reward to come from young cob?

Are you/friend going to be sitting on young cob this year? I'd wait until I'd sat on him too to make a decision.

*ETA: In no way meant to suggest your not fit enough, just that muscle memory is as much about movement as it is strength!

 

[DabDab]

Sorry you're feeling a bit down about the horsey side of life OP x
I don't have any particularly useful advice to share, but I would say that it is not at all uncommon to buy a youngster and assume that by the time you get to riding them you will know them really well and be confident with it, but then when it actually gets to that point your confidence and certainty about the whole thing is nowhere to be found. It happens to lots of people and there are usually a fair few youngsters on the market for that reason, so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling that way.
On the flip side there are also people who feel like that but once they get into it (with some understanding help on hand), they are actually fine and start to really enjoy the horse they have. So I don't think there's a right or wrong answer as to what to do from this point.

Your talk of getting an older horse though suggests that you don't really want to give up completely just yet...?

 

[Cloball]

I felt a little bit like this recently had a bit of a weird anxiety provoking riding holiday and then really didn't enjoy riding a horse I went to try for a loan. I had a bit of a melt down thinking I wasn't confident enough or good enough or maybe it wasn't for me anymore. So I booked some lessons having explained my loss of confidence and really enjoyed myself after a slow wobbly start (loss of fitness). It all came flooding back.
Can't help with your choices but don't be put off by one iffy ride ?

 

[cblover]

I agree about muscle memory, god alone knows how I’ll feel tomorrow. It’ll not be the first time I’ve beaten myself up about my ability. I annoy myself don’t worry!

My cob Sox is only 3 this time and will only be sat on by my friend. I won’t get on her until she’s at least 4, possibly 5. She’ll be a real chunk by then I’m sure.

I’m trying to balance spending time with my family, not spending all my money on the horses and getting the most out of them I.e. pleasure.

My cob Kinzzy that I owned for 11 years was the most amazing horse and I’ve just never felt that since...and probably never will. We did everything together and I do love the cob mentality. But need a weight carrier and something with height. Just feel so mixed up and it’s weighing on me.

 

[Midlifecrisis]

You re trying to force a decision and it’s creating more anxiety than clarity. Can you take the pressure off yourself by not making a decision right now? Gently reintroduce riding..get some confidence back and naturally a decision will form. I guess I’m saying have a few more sleeps on it...and be kind to yourself.

 

[Pippity]

I sat on Blue last night for the first time in six months (due to various niggling issues for her and me), and I don't think I'd have been able to get on without an instructor there. After four years out of the saddle, I think it's inevitable that your confidence has taken a bit of a knock. You're comparing how you ride now to how you rode four years ago, and suddenly the muscles aren't quite there and the automatic responses aren't quite as automatic and you're generally a bit rusty.

I'd say have some lessons, either at a good riding school or on your friend's horse if she's willing, and just get yourself back into the swing of it. I'm pretty sure that it won't be long until you're back where you were before.

 

[meleeka]

I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself! Going forward, you need to practice and get back into the habit of riding. That could be starting with your friends horse or your cob. When you’ve got to the point when you have some confidence In your ability again, then decide whether you want to ride the anxious one. I don’t think it’s fair on yourself or your horse to be making those decisions when you don’t know if you will regain your mojo or not.

 

[MuddyMonster]

Are you actually not enjoying your horses now? Or are you pre-empting possibly being miserable in the future ...?

I wouldn't make any plans yet, based on what you *think* the horse might be like to back and ride away. From what you've put above, with the support you have in place, you sound like you'll be fine FWIW

If you're worried about your time off riding and fitness then you can make a plan to help for your horses - maybe have some lessons, look for a share horse when restrictions are lifted. Yoga/pilates will do wonders for your core strength which will all help your riding muscles too.

 

[MrsMozart]

You need to give yourself some time.

Don't put pressure on now. you rode for the first time, have a Radox bath (the blue box) and eat chocolate.

I need to figure out what to do with Titch, so feel your pain to some extent.

 

[cblover]

Thanks everyone, I can give myself a hard time, which isn’t helpful. I love them both dearly but feel my physical ability and lack of confidence will let them down. Plus my Clyde could possibly be too much horse for me. I’ve nursed her back to full health and she looks amazing, I’m proud of how she looks but I have nowhere near the same ability for her ridden education. I’m the problem here, I know that.

 

[ycbm]

CBL I'm not sure I can help much, but I have never yet regretted selling a horse which I thought was not a good fit for what I needed. The last two it was a positive relief when they left, even though i loved one of them dearly. You may just have the wrong horses.

I hope things perk up for you soon.

 

[meleeka]

Thanks everyone, I can give myself a hard time, which isn’t helpful. I love them both dearly but feel my physical ability and lack of confidence will let them down. Plus my Clyde could possibly be too much horse for me. I’ve nursed her back to full health and she looks amazing, I’m proud of how she looks but I have nowhere near the same ability for her ridden education. I’m the problem here, I know that.

You don’t know anything yet. There’s nothing to stop you getting better with time if that’s what you want to do. Equally there’s nothing wrong with deciding it’s not for you.

 

[Shilasdair]

Oh, chill.

Maybe the Clydie will surprise you by settling down as your friend works with her. Maybe not - but you could always loan her to someone more confident if you want, for a few years. And maybe the cob will be right for you in a couple of years, maybe not. Maybe you'll get struck by a meteor, or perhaps you'll buy another horse.

As long as you are feeding, watering and keeping them happy and healthy, it doesn't matter if you never ride again...

 

[Lintel]

I'll take Scrappy.

Problem solved!

I can exchange you a very horizontal Highland and an arthritic Shetland?

 

[Chinchilla]

One ride is probably too soon to tell.
It might be an idea to get some riding lessons whilst your horses are at your friend's and see how you really feel about it before making any decisions about your own horses: that way you can be certain over whatever decision you come to and your horses will be marketable if you do decide to sell. Also, a young horse anxious on the ground may not be so after good training under saddle, and if they've been well taught they'll have a higher value so you'll have a bigger budget if you do decide to go looking for a confidence giver.

Alternatively you could loan out one or both of you current horses if you don't want to sell - this gives you some control over their futures and also potentially money towards something you might feel better suited to.

Also bear in mind - they really aren't bothered if they're ridden or not! Neither of mine do anything, many people would say they are "wasted", but the horses have no idea of such a concept and honestly don't, as Shilasdair said, give a damn so long as their basic needs are met.

That's my two cents on it anyway. I might be talking out of my arse but hope you can find a solution that you're content with anyway ?

 

[cblover]

Wise words chinchilla, much appreciated. In fact everyone is talking so much more sense than I’m currently thinking lol

It’s something that does concern me but equally I know I may be a little ahead of myself worrying wise. I try to relax and just go with it, but its not always possible. What I do know is that I’d be brimming with pride if I do manage to ride my Clyde.

 

[Shilasdair]

Wise words chinchilla, much appreciated. In fact everyone is talking so much more sense than I’m currently thinking lol

It’s something that does concern me but equally I know I may be a little ahead of myself worrying wise. I try to relax and just go with it, but its not always possible. What I do know is that I’d be brimming with pride if I do manage to ride my Clyde.

I don't know where you are - but do you think you could go to a riding school for some lessons as your friend works with your Clydie? That way you might still be able to walk after riding her - Clydies can be a bit on the wide side for unfit muscles.

 

[Spotherisk]

I bought a foal after weaning, had him Professionally and very well backed and ridden on a bit rising four. I rode him from the professionals yard a few times, groups, alone, cantering etc, before I brought him home. I am not a brave rider but I knew the horse, his personality, wuirks etc, and that gave me the confidence to keep going with him.

trying an unknown horse is bloody terrifying especially if you’ve been out if riding for a while! You have no idea of anything about it... yes it may be a saint - it also might be a fruit loop, have a pyscho approach to tabby cats or a love of kicking yellow cars... you just don’t know! So I vote for sticking with what you know to start with, don’t make rush decisions.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

Your post resonates oddly with me, I’m having this conversation internally and with others currently. I need a very calm weight carrier, I didn't buy a dope on a rope warmblood a few months back and I’m looking for his twin, basically, whilst wondering if I’ll ever actually ride again. The thought is attractive whilst also terrifying.

The cob may well get to 15.3hh or more, mine was 14.2hh at 5, stopped at 15.1hh. Don’t dismiss him, especially if he’s chill. Mine’s so laid back he does a good impression of a bloody carpet!

The Clydie (skinny wretch a few years back?) May turn out to to be the steadiest horse in the world ever. Are you happy to wait to see how she turns out?

 

[cblover]

Thanks for that, I can understand where you’re coming from. And I do take comfort from knowing them. I’m not one for riding other people’s horses but I do trust my friend. That said I don’t know her horse well and that unnerved me a little, together with being very rusty...it made for a tense ride at times.

 

[cblover]

Cinnamonontoast - you make a lot of sense and I really need to hear things like this. I feel incredibly blessed to own them both, I just hope I can step up and support them as much in the saddle as I can on the ground.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

Cinnamonontoast - you make a lot of sense and I really need to hear things like this. I feel incredibly blessed to own them both, I just hope I can step up and support them as much in the saddle as I can on the ground.

Honestly, you’ve had the Clydie since she was a wee wretch, you’ve done the right thing waiting til now to start her. She will be a stunning riding horse. Let your friend do the schooling if she’s happy to do it and dip in and out according to your mood/brave pants etc. The cob sounds like he might be an absolute superstar. Nobody but yourself will have a downer on you about riding/not riding. Stop beating yourself up!

 

[splashgirl45]

dont beat yourself up, i havent ridden for 9 months and i know if and when i ride again i will feel a bit anxious if i havent ridden the horse before, and that feeling is not unusual. give yourself time and do things as slow as you like..try not to rush into a decision about the future

 

[Hannahgb]

Could you get a sharer in for scrappy? That way you can still enjoy her on the ground?
Do you enjoy just looking after them, could you enjoy them for them rather than worrying about riding or are you keen to get back in the saddle?
I would give it time and not rush, they are lucky to have someone who cares so much!

 

[Leo Walker]

Could your clyde mare take a bit of time out and have a foal? They are a rare breed so selling the foal should be fairly easy. It gives you a couple of years to get riding fit and gives her a couple of years to mature. There is an enormous difference between 4 and 6 in terms of rideability.

 

[cblover]

Morning all, thanks for the replies. Yes I could put her in foal and I'd like that one day but I'd prefer to concentrate on her riding for now...I'm not getting any younger (51) and fear if I leave it much longer, I'll never ride again. Her manners are great on the ground...she's big but quiet, I suppose its getting over this initial ridden education that's important...then she might be the horse for me. If I get some brave pants. she's 5 this year and only recently doubled in width. She looks amazing to be fair.

I could look to get a sharer for her, in time I might explore this avenue. I love looking after them but my drive is to ride. I class riding as my reward for all the work looking after them.

Lets see how today goes, I'm riding again this afternoon on the gentle old boy. My friend lives on an airfield, so all her horses are used to light aircraft, helicopters and microlights taking off. Its an amazing experience riding across the run way. My clyde is getting used to all sorts of weird and wonderful things.

 

[Trouper]

Times like these, when we are all feeling so uncertain about the future, are not the times to be making life-changing decisions - unless circumstances are forcing your hand. Yes - horses are expensive but if they really make your heart sing then they are worth every penny. Your break from riding is miniscule compared with mind - 30 years - and returning to it in my 60's after spinal surgery was the best thing I have ever done. I just have to live with the regret that I let careers and family commitments take priority for so long. Take it slowly and make sure every decision really feels like the right one for you. Good luck.

 

[Goldenstar]

If you know in your guts you have the wrong horse act on that feeling .
No one needs to ride and for most the time comes when we stop .
If I where you I would try to persevere with riding the safe horse for a while .
As your core strength improves as your riding fitness level increases you may feel differently about riding but not about the horses you have .

 

[Annagain]

You've already had some great advice so I won't add to it other than to say I get it, you are not alone. I'm looking for a new one and just don't feel right on any of them. I've got quite nervous about the whole thing. I'm not blessed with bags of confidence but I've never had crippling nerves before. I wouldn't even canter on one perfectly behaved horse, I couldn't wait to get off and then beat myself up for being such a wimp all the way home.

Then I get home, get on Arch who can be a total *&^%%$^£ at times and laugh at him while going sideways to prevent a flat out gallop somewhere inappropriate. It's a big deal getting to know a new one, even if you are still riding regularly. I think there's an added element now as nobody wants to end up in A&E at the moment which must be at the back of everybody's minds. Hugs.