“It’s an expensive way to be miserable”....I need a chat please.

[planete]

cblover, you are only 51! I thought you were ancient from your posts. I am 72 and have just started riding again after a 7 year break. Thankfully I still have my old horse and I know him well as I would not feel half as confident getting on an unknown horse. You should have years in front of you yet, no need to rush any decisions, plenty of time to find out how your horses shape up under saddle, plenty of time to ease yourself gently back into physical shape. With improving physical and riding ability your confidence will come back. Enjoy your horses from day to day, they will be fine whatever you decide in the end.

 

[cblover]

You’re all so all kind and supportive. I looked at Scrappy today and my heart just burst. She’s so beautiful. I know I’m very lucky and this is not about the horses....it’s about my ability and a fear of letting them down. So feeling rusty and a bit stiff restricts my ability. But today is a new day and I’ll ride again.

It doesn’t help that my hubby had coved-19 and was very ill. Scary time. Have a good day everyone.

 

[MiniMilton]

I've had some very extended breaks from riding (having babies, horse injuries, and quite frankly being too busy with young kids) and in my experience getting back in the saddle after years off is terrifying. It takes a good few weeks to start feeling back to you old self. I wouldn't make any hasty decisions about your horses until you are back in the saddle a few weeks, be that on your cob or a friend's old quiet one.

I too am very hard on myself but sometimes it's important to remind yourself what you have achieved in the past. There is no reason you can't get back to that with the right frame of mind. Reassess the situation in a few weeks/months.

 

[holeymoley]

I’ve not read through all the comments but could you ride the quiet one for a while to get your confidence back and then try the Clydie? He may quieten as he matures too.

 

[Sarahkinks]

Completely understand your dilemma. Loads of good advice on here from very wise people!

I had a 7 year break from riding, lost my confidence just before I stopped and then of course had none whatsoever when I started back again! We bought an amazing ID who has helped me build confidence back up, and it’s taken a few months but with time and familiarity it comes back - and it will for you too, just hang in there, take your time and definitely be kinder to yourself.

Horses generally don’t mind if they’re ridden or not as long as they are happy and healthy, we all worry a lot about wasting horses or letting them down but that’s our hang up - generally speaking they really don’t care ?
It sounds like you love your two and they bring you joy, hold on to that and give yourself some time and space to build the riding confidence.

 

[fredflop]

Have you thought about putting either of them up for sale

 

[cblover]

I’ve thought about it but that’s as far as I’ve got. It’s not something I’m committed to doing as yet. It would be my last option to be honest.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

CBLover, I'm far (farrrrrr) from any kind of expert BUT I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself.
You've had the huge family issues in one of your other threads and your hubby has been very ill. You have every reason to feel the way you do, I would imagine that these things would knock the hell out of anyone's self confidence at the best of times.
Be kinder to yourself and take it slowly. 61 is no age xx

 

[cblover]

SLH....was that a slip of the finger, I’m 51 not 61. Lol
I’m working on chilling out and taking things as they come but I do give myself a hard time.
I didn’t ride again today due to very high winds but I will on Sunday.

 

[EventingMum]

Give yourself time, there is no right or wrong answer. A year ago I bought what was to be my last horse, I had hoped to enjoy bringing him on as I've always enjoyed young horses. Sadly it wasn't to be and he ended up being pts. I have thought long and hard about whether or not to get another and have decided that I won't - the time, effort and money involved is more than I want to commit at this point in my life. This may be partially as I'm struggling physically with my health and sometimes find I'm too tired and painful to ride however, I still have plenty of horsey interaction with my yard and coaching and for me, just now, that's enough. If you did give up your horses you could always find other ways to have contact with horses, via your friends, a riding club or RDA group etc. Alternately, after a few times riding your mojo might return - either way is ok.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

SLH....was that a slip of the finger, I’m 51 not 61. Lol

Omg yes, accident sorry...I'm telling you to chill while aging you 10 years straight off the bat lololol ????

 

[Red-1]

My Clyde is a big strapping horse but has always had an anxious side. I k ow with the right education she’ll get better but I’m not sure I’ll be confident enough to give her that education. I rode for the first time

After riding today I’m not sure of my capabilities or desire anymore. My cob is smaller than I’d like but a weight carrier and probably more suited to me but my Clyde has a special place in my heart.

Horses are hard work, we all know that, and my reward has always been riding and the relationship I have with the horse I’m on. I just can’t invest anymore time, head space or money waiting and hoping my horses will be suited to me and my uncertain confidence and desire.

Do I look for an older horse, stick with my two and grow some balls or sell the lot and be done with it? I’d appreciate your views. Thanks

There are a lot of 'not sure' feelings in there. These are strange times, your husband has been ill too. It is not a good time to make decisions. I would wait until you ARE sure of what you want to do.

Thinking it through is great, discussing it is great. Sooner or later you will be a lot surer.

I went through similar, when I bought big Betty for myself and Mr Red to share. She was well over 17hh, which should have been OK for me as most horses I ride had previously been that. But, I am similar age to you and had injuries, and it felt 'wrong' so I sold. The difference was, after just 6 days of ownership, I knew. No doubts. She was wrong to me and had a new owner 5 weeks later. No regrets either. I mean, I regret that I am no longer invincible, but no regrets for selling. She was FAB. But not for me.

You don't yet know if yours are for you or not, so I would hold fire until you know.

 

[fusspot]

Firstly, do not beat yourself up for having these thoughts or questioning yourself.You have had some difficult times which undoubtedly make you question things more.

One thing I always say to anybody.....whether that is to which horse(s) you own and ride to where you keep your animals......horses are expensive and for 70% it’s a hobby not a profession....the time you have with them should be in a nice environment and an owner should enjoy and look forward to your time with them and riding them as they are meant to be your time to de stress.

I have had a couple of times through my life when I have had a break, after having my first son I lost my first ever horse,I rushed into buying a new horse which definetly wasn’t the right one so he was sold to a fab home,I then bought my next mare....she did a leg in the field 2 weeks in and ended up going to stud and being put in foal.I had enough by then and so went down the pony route for my son which I showed In Hand.At the time there was a lovely cob at my yard that I started to ride and just got back into it and actually enjoyed it.After a year and all circumstances were changing and I was really enjoying showing the pony so bought my own Welsh D.

The pony and Welsh D both were unbelievably successful and did more than I could ever hope.I broke my ankle 3 years ago,had to have 2 operations,as I started to think I would be able to ride,I lost the pony and then a year later I lost my boy and my mojo to ever ride again.

People couldn’t believe that I am never going to get another but totally understood.I enjoy looking after my sons pony and foal that became a field ornament and my few liveries without the stress of riding.

Could you get somebody to share/ride your bigger one so you still have the ownership/contact without the stress of riding....over time you may decide that you would like to give it a go or sometimes you find somebody who just gel’s with them and you decide that they could be a good permanent home.

Only you can decide if you want to carry on and you must be the one to make those choices and work out how you feel.Good luck.xx

 

[cblover]

Red-1....I love how practically minded you are. You did what was right for you and the horse. Winners all round.

I’ve been indecisive about my horses and my ability or lack of it for a while now, never quite knowing if I’m doing right or wrong. It drives me mad....I used to be very focused, knew what I wanted but I’ve gone all emotional and soft in my old age.

 

[Clodagh]

It doesn’t help that my hubby had coved-19 and was very ill. Scary time. Have a good day everyone.

I'm no help as I have stopped riding but I just wanted to ask how your husband was now?

 

[cblover]

Hubby is on the mend I’m happy to report. He’s one of the lucky ones. He’s had a few bumps in the road but on the whole he’s doing good. Massive relief.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

I think everyone has had either a crisis of confidence or lost the love at least once. Never a confidence crisis but I’ve lost mojo, I’m a lot younger than you are but I went through a period where I just had no want to do anything and I just did basic care. I felt like this shouldn’t be enough and I should be riding and competing and doing what I saw other people doing every week. It made me feel horrible and like I was letting Kia down.

I took a break from Facebook and forums and just enjoyed going up and doing basic care, grooming, sitting in the field in summer and one day it just felt right to drag out the tack and go for a wander. He didn’t care that I hadn’t ridden in months he didn’t care that he’s not been competing.

Pressure comes from outside, what we see and hear and read others doing and saying. When you just think about what you enjoy it becomes much simpler and also your choices become easier.

 

[Clodagh]

Hubby is on the mend I’m happy to report. He’s one of the lucky ones. He’s had a few bumps in the road but on the whole he’s doing good. Massive relief.

I’m so pleased

 

[Maryann]

Four years of not riding is ages! I start to lose it after four weeks. Many years ago my father insisted that I found myself a horse to ride while 'the foal' was growing up because he said I wouldn't have the confidence to ride him if I didn't - I was 22 and didn't believe him (but did buy the horse!)

 

[cblover]

So I’ve had a few rides on my friends old lad and I’ve felt better and better in the saddle. This old horse has a few tricks up his sleeve but I’ve managed.

Today my Clyde showed her anxious side on the ride and I’m glad I wasn’t on her. I am so proud of her and how I’ve looked after her, she looks amazing but I’m still in the mind set that I can’t support her in the saddle as much as a more confident rider will.

Plus I just looked at my cob Sox today and it felt like home. I seem to really connect with a cobs thinking and character. She’s just 3 this time so no riding her until next year. But she’s having experience with her saddle in and doing some ground work.

Time will tell and thanks for all your support. I’ve not totally decided yet but these are my thoughts today.

 

[cblover]

Morning all, another hot day. Huh!

Ive had another ride on the old boy and my trainer on my Clyde. Very mixed bag and one incident with a tractor and trailer which was very unpleasant. Apparently I’m the reason it didn’t go well but I find that a bit harsh to be honest. I’m happy to acknowledge I found it scary once Scrappy decided it was all too much and tried to run away up the road via the backside of my horse.....then he set off too. We got back under control and the traffic was very patient but I did get off as I felt unsafe.

We spoke about it afterwards and my trainer was very sure I was the reason it all happened due to my nerves and previous memories of a fatal accident I was part of. I wasn’t thinking about the accident but I was thinking of getting dumped on the road. And I totally admit I felt unsafe and scared.

So it’s become very apparent that I don’t like feeling scared and need to feel safe. Hubby and I have talked for a long time about it and I’ve also spoke to some Clydesdale breeders I know and we’ve made the decision to put her in foal. Now I know this sounds like I’m not addressing the issue but it will fulfil a dream I’ve always had....to breed my own foal. The market is very slow apparently and it gives my options for next year. So watch this space for a baby Clyde.

Sox has done great this last two weeks too so she’ll now have a break till next year so get kisses everyday lol. Thanks to everyone for listening and offer your support.

 

[Red-1]

Morning all, another hot day. Huh!

Ive had another ride on the old boy and my trainer on my Clyde. Very mixed bag and one incident with a tractor and trailer which was very unpleasant. Apparently I’m the reason it didn’t go well but I find that a bit harsh to be honest. I’m happy to acknowledge I found it scary once Scrappy decided it was all too much and tried to run away up the road via the backside of my horse.....then he set off too. We got back under control and the traffic was very patient but I did get off as I felt unsafe.

We spoke about it afterwards and my trainer was very sure I was the reason it all happened due to my nerves and previous memories of a fatal accident I was part of. I wasn’t thinking about the accident but I was thinking of getting dumped on the road. And I totally admit I felt unsafe and scared.

So it’s become very apparent that I don’t like feeling scared and need to feel safe. Hubby and I have talked for a long time about it and I’ve also spoke to some Clydesdale breeders I know and we’ve made the decision to put her in foal. Now I know this sounds like I’m not addressing the issue but it will fulfil a dream I’ve always had....to breed my own foal. The market is very slow apparently and it gives my options for next year. So watch this space for a baby Clyde.

Sox has done great this last two weeks too so she’ll now have a break till next year so get kisses everyday lol. Thanks to everyone for listening and offer your support.

To be honest, I would sack the trainer, if they have blamed you for the incident. As I understand it, they were in charge, knew you were nervous, knew they needed an outrider, supplied you with a mount, got into a situation in traffic, lost control, crashed into your horse, caused your horse to become unnerved... and blamed you?

I don't doubt that you not riding Scrappy is the correct thing right now, possibly for ever. But to blame you when you had gone there for help? No.

ETA - I am not suggesting they were hung ho with the training, it is always a gamble when you take a baby out on the roads and can never be totally in control of Joe Public, it just seems more about them when they try to pin the blame on you, for a situation they were being paid professionally to be in charge of!

 

[cblover]

Thanks Red-1, I felt really deflated I can tell you.

 

[Caol Ila]

Yeah, I agree with Red-1. I don't really see how your nerves affected the behaviour of the horse your trainer was riding. And the calmest of horses will take off if a horse behind them runs up their backside, especially if it's the size of a Clydesdale. Sj1t happens when you have youngsters on the road, but your trainer being "very sure I was the reason it all happened due to my nerves" isn't a helpful conversation.

Anyway, a Clyde foal will be adorable.

 

[southerncomfort]

I cannot see how her losing control could in any way be your fault!

I agree it might be time to find a new trainer.

 

[cblover]

I don’t feel it was my fault either....yes I was responsible for the horse I was on and I did the best I could.

In the lead up the incident, I was feeling calm and aware of the tractor coming up the road. I was riding forward and felt in control then heard my instructor saying ‘just keep looking forward and concentrate on your breathing’ then alarm bells started to ring. I could see Scrappy out of the corner of my eye getting upset, rushing forward, jogging and trying to spin....then it all became too much for her and off she shot. Into the back of my horse then they were both off down the road. Not too far and I regained control but my horse shot across to the other verge to snatch the grass.....his party piece apparently then up the bank he went with my still on him and there was a big gutter. That’s when I turned him and got him off.

I walked the rest of the way but my instructor was still on Scrappy. I keep thinking back over it and I just can’t see how my actions led to scrappy being worried by the traffic. I’m happy to accept my part in it but not take the whole blame.

I’ve just got today and tomorrow to go with our initial agreement then I’ll have a break while Scrappy is away at the stallion and I’ll spend time with Sox. I’ll also borrow a little companion for her too. I don’t like them alone.

 

[Tarragon]

I agree with Red-1 too. The trainer gets you both into a situation where she loses control of her horse and then blames you! Not fair.
There are some people who just enjoy doing the ground work with their horses, and get immense satisfaction from seeing others riding their horses, or even just seeing their healthy, happy and well behaved horses in the field.
Breeding has it's risks but if you feel confident and have the right setup and backup, then go for it.

 

[meleeka]

It’s true your horse would have appreciated you being his leader, but a scared horse rarely thinks first then acts. You sound a lot like with with regards to riding. I plan on doing a rider confidence course with Karl Greenwood. I went to a talk and found it really useful. You can’t stop yourself doing it though. If you feel nervous; just get on and do what you can. That might be just standing or a little pootle round the yard. One thing I have learnt is the more you do it the easier it gets (Karl talks a lot about this). If you’ve not heard him have a look on YouTube.

I thunk putting your mare in foal sounds like a plan. At the very least it will hopefully be rewarding and enjoyable.

 

[Caol Ila]

A year or so being a mom will probably help Scrappy mature a bit as well. I suppose you can see where she is and where you are with confidence, plus you will have a cute rare breed foal.

From your more detailed post, it seems clear that you had nothing to do with Scrappy freaking out at a tractor. We've been riding out with a young draft (possibly Clyde-ID cross) and getting him used to the roads and the parks. We go in a herd of two or three old trail horses (depending in who's around) who have seen everything and react to nothing, and the draft's owners, a fairly inexperienced couple who aren't hugely confident riders, have been leading him. Towards the end of the ride, one of the couple will get on but the other will still be at his head. It's a gentle, slow way to do it, but it works. No one -- not the horse nor his owners -- has a bad experience so everyone's confidence is slowly building.

When I had a three-year old, I had ponied him out on my horse and led him in hand, so he'd been on the trails. But when I decided it was time for him to be ridden out there for the first time, I recruited a mate who did trick riding (a Western discipline where the horse gallops flat-out while the rider hangs off the side, the back, the front, crawls under the belly, does handstands, etc.) to ride him. LOL.

 

[Annagain]

I'm another one who fails to see how you can affect Scrappy when you're riding a different horse. Her blaming you is seriously out of order. It sounds to me like SHE got nervous and is projecting that onto you. Putting Scrappy in foal sounds like a great idea. As she's a rare breed you almost have a duty to do that. I'm sure it will do her the world of good and you will feel like she is doing a job too.