5 year old daughter

[Bella01]

Hi my daughter is 5 _6 in March and has been riding all most a year her little face used to light up as she trotted round the arena and it was amazing to see they joy in her face she's always been a bit nervous like has a nervous belly as we pull in to the yard but once she's on she's fine. Her riding was really great and every time after her lesson she wouldn't shut up talking about it... About 2 months ago she took a tumble in trott she wasent hurt and didn't cry, she got straight back on and carried on with the lesson. The week after we pulled up to her lesson and she said she felt sick she didn't want to ride today so we said OK she groomed the horse instead... Towards the end of her hour she got on and had a trott round on the leid rein and was fine...... Week after she got on a horse diffrent horse Nd it got spooked and took her on a wild goose chase around the arena( I dunno how she stayed so calm cos my heart was in my mouth) she was fine again didn't cry didn't seem phased at all carried on her lesson back on leid rein. The week after refused to get on the horse at all OK if you don't want to ride let's go home no mam I do wanna ride just not yet so it was like she wanted to but was scared to...... Any way we decided to leave it that week and book her private lessons to regain her confidence so we started them on leid rein she was very nervous every week turning up with a bad belly and needing 25 nervous wees crying every week but said she still wanted to ride and didn't wannmt to give up weeks went onand I could see that little smile re appearing back on her face...... She's now back in her group lessons and back of leid rein and she's doing amazing however 1 week she'll do amazing then the next week she's back to square 1 wanting some 1 to hold her run beside her cry if the horse moves it's head...
She's trotting round jumping etc and is doing amazing just the odd times cries and asked for some 1 to be beside her I don't wanna push her in to doing anything she dosent want to do but why 1 week dose she seem fine and the next week seems petrified when she gets in the car she's like mam I was amazing today am gonna ask to canter next week am gonna ask to jump higher etc etc she keeps dreaming then she canters around the arena she is horse mad but when it comes down to it nerves get the better of her.
My question is I will never push her in to doing something she dosnet want to do but I no aswell as her tutor knows she is more than capible to trott unaided do I say no you can trott alone you don't need help or do I let some 1 run beside her I don't want her to become to reliant on some 1 been beside her but I don't want her to feel frightened it's so strange how 1 weeks she's fine the next week she's back to square 1 but she is still so young I just want her to get her little smile back what she used to have.

 

[AmyMay]

She’s five. If she wants someone alongside her, that’s absolutely fine.

 

[splashgirl45]

agree, let her have someone beside her for as long as she wants, she is very young and needs reassurance....as long as you are supportive and not expecting her to manage on her own she will gradually regain her confidence. there are many older riders who have had similar thoughts so she is not unusual ...just look at some of the posts on here with people who have lost their nerve...it just takes time

 

[Bella01]

Thank you

 

[windand rain]

Let her do as much as she wants my old girl has taught dozens of kids but she wont do anything they are not ready for. You need to get your daughter to slow down a little and lower both your expectations so she can take tiny steps to where she wants to be. pity there is a week between rides as that often doesnt help

 

[Bella01]

I noits a real shame its only 1 a week I do try and add more in when I can, however I am a mam of 3 and the boys also have football games on she did have a half hour lesson booked in tonight and she didn't want to trott then she got in to it and her lesson was over half hour just flies by.

 

[cobgoblin]

For a 5yr old I think she's working her way through this really well.

 

[Red-1]

I think she is doing really well. Why one week and not the other? Who knows? Is it the same weather as when she had her scares? Is the pony more jumpy some weeks?

Anyway, she is only 5, if she were mine I would tell her that from now on she would always have a leader and only be walking. That is that. Then, when she is in the lesson, if she insists on trotting I would allow that, but it would be from a place of assuming she would be in walk with a leader and only changing that at her instigation. I would not offer. I would be happy with that until she is a couple of years older at least! That way she can enjoy time with horses, fresh air, quality time with you or whoever is leading, learning, friends etc.

Besides, coming from that perspective, I am sure she will soon see others having fun and want to trot or come off the lead. The win is that she will be arriving at her lessons from a place of confidence (I am only walking and someone will lead me) and that only changes if she chooses it to.

I actually think there is a bigger life lesson than horse riding in this for her. She has had 2 scares where things have gone wrong. She has realised that it is dangerous. She is trying to put safety measures in place. If you listen to her fears and allow her to work through the danger at her own place that is a brilliant life lesson. She can be confident to go into the world and be assertive as to what is acceptable risk to her, or not. She can seek guidance as to how to overcome risk, but bravo to her for asking for a leader until she is satisfied that the risk is acceptable.

 

[Bella01]

Thank you for that I never make her do anything she doesn't want to do she has a teacher and I watch frome the side line yesterday's lesson was windy but indoors and I think the wind frightens hers, when she says I want some 1 to lead me the teacher says come on you can do this. I just want her to enjoy it and get her little smile back hopefully in time it will come however I do ask her every week are you sure you still enjoy going and she assures me she dose even though sometimes it doesn't look like it.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Talk to the teacher (without your daughter hearing, in case teacher demurs) and tell her that you have taken advice, from now on your strategy will be that you will walk beside the pony until daughter says she doesn't need you. TBH, I think the teacher is part of the problem, she doesn't understand enough child psychology to know how best to reassure young learners. Come to an agreement that you will *always* start the lesson walking beside the pony. If the RS does any RDA lessons refer the teacher to the way they work with those learners.

You are the one paying for the lessons, so your strategy, which is based on wanting to build your child's confidence, is the one that carries the most weight

 

[doodle]

I work pt at a riding school. At 5 she would still be on the lead rein. We basically wait until child is asking to come off. Then it is lead rein Unclipped and walking along side, back on for trotting. Ponies are then carefully chosen for first off lead rides. If she wants to be on lead rein then let her!