A bit miffed.

[05jackd]

I’m usually quite relaxed but something that happened last week has got me quite miffed and I think I just need a sense check.

I have had a young sharer riding my horse for a few months. We have had a few teething issues about not looking after tack and equipment but on the whole things are okay.

Last week I got to the farm to find that her and a friend were coming back from a hack along the main road and had ‘borrowed’ my carefully managed competition horse. I have never met friend and no one had asked my permission.

I have put it down to youthful ignorance but if something had happened where would I stand? No one had my permission to take the horse. I don’t even know friends name let alone if they had insurance for the road. No idea if she can ride. What if she/horse had been injured?

I know I need to say something but I was a bit too mad at the time.

 

[J&S]

I Would be more than a "bit miffed" that's for sure. I would be most likely to ban them both for ever.

 

[rextherobber]

I would have got rid of the sharer on the spot!

 

[Caol Ila]

Nope. Nope. Nope. If Fin had a sharer and they’d let their mate borrow Hermosa without me knowing about it and express permission to do so, a whole new crater would have been blown into the West of Scotland with the amount of sh1t I would have lost.

 

[saddlesore]

End of share. Full stop.

 

[Cortez]

Good grief! I’m not sure either of them would have escaped with their lives if it had been me…..and sharer would most certainly never set foot on my yard again.

 

[Lois Lame]

Their behaviour is outrageous.
The sharer and her friend would be banned.

 

[Pippity]

You're a hell of a lot calmer about this than I would be. Sharer would be sacked on the spot and escorted off the yard.

 

[cauda equina]

That is simply not on
Sharing one of your horses does not entitle her to help herself to any other horse you own
Sharer needs a Never ever do that again! type dressing down if you think she's worth keeping but I'd be furious and send her packing

 

[Flowerofthefen]

I'm afraid I would've lost the plot and not just been a bit miffed. Trust would have been broken. I would have got rid on the spot.

 

[Rumtytum]

I don’t even have a horse and I’m angry! Forget youthful ignorance, she did it behind your back without your permission because she wanted to and must have known you would say no. That is deceit. Get rid, pronto.

 

[AmyMay]

Good grief, ‘miffed’? I’d have been incandescent!

Neither the sharer nor the friend would be returning to the yard!!

 

[Red-1]

Nope. I would no longer have that sharer! I would clearly explain that any trust I'd had was gone. She could say what she liked, but her understanding of respect and boundaries are so far different to mine, that whatever she said, there would be no coming back. I would also say that her judgement had been shown to be so lacking that I didn't want her anywhere near my horses.

Out of interest, which young rider was riding your carefully managed competition horse down the road?

ETA - Surely this is made up?

 

[Emilieu]

She’d never be near my horse again. The brass bloody neck.

 

[SEL]

Is the friend on the horse the sharer normally rides or a different one? If it's the one the sharer normally rides then I'd explain (through gritted teeth) that the horses isn't there for anyone and everyone to have a go on.

If they'd borrowed another horse I'd have hit the roof

 

[dreamcometrue]

I know I need to say something but I was a bit too mad at the time.

So you actually didn’t make any comment at the time?

 

[Red-1]

So you actually didn’t make any comment at the time?

I actually admired that part of the story. I'd have been screaming like a fishwife and upset the horses. Far better to be calm, let them put the horses away then sack the pair of them!!!

I would do it this morning though, before they both load them up and go off to a show or cross country schooling or something

 

[dogatemysalad]

Like you, I'm pretty relaxed and easy going, but your sharers judgement, respect and responsibility are seriously lacking. I am my horses voice, they rely on me to speak for them. On two occasions, I have ended share agreements instantly when an incident left me alarmed for my horses well being.
What happened to you, is simply outrageous. It's a red flag that your rider is untrustworthy.

 

[poiuytrewq]

I’m pretty chilled in general, maybe not inwardly but outwardly.
I’d have dragged them by their hair off the horses and told them both they were never to come near the place again.
I’d have been furious

 

[05jackd]

Thank you. I think I needed someone to tell me that my reaction to be mad wasn’t unreasonable. But as they (well I assume stranger is) under 18 I felt it was best to walk away and calm down a bit first. It’s really chewed at me for the past few days.

The stranger was on the share horse if that makes it any better. I mean she could be a really competent rider but having never met her I’m always filled with concern first.

I’m afraid I was even beyond considering the trust being broken it’s the worry of what could have happened that sickened me. Had there been an accident who would I have even called?

 

[Barton Bounty]

OH HELL NO!!!

Nope nope nope nope nope never in a million years…..

This happened to me years ago , i had a sneaky half day at work. Got home and changed ready to go for a nice hack. Got to the yard and my boy wasnt there!!!
YO had gone out on him! As her horse was too much for her. Never asked , no permission. I flipped my lid and moved , she WAS my friend but never in a month of sundays would I have allowed her to ride him

 

[poiuytrewq]

I'm afraid I would've lost the plot and not just been a bit miffed. Trust would have been broken. I would have got rid on the spot.

This is the thing, if you keep her how will you ever trust her again.

 

[PSD]

I probably would have reacted like you as I tend to prefer to mull things over as opposed to blowing up immediately (it never ends well if I do the latter).

However I would be telling the sharer not to come back. It’s a complete abuse of trust, how does she know that your competition horse is suitable for her to ride? Had an accident happened you would have been clueless that your other horse was there which is alarming.

For this reason, if I did ever need a sharer I wouldn’t have anyone young. They don’t have the capacity to consider real implications of actions most of the time. She probably thought you wouldn’t mind, or it may have been a “one off”. It’s worrying how she didn’t even think to ask if it was okay, I’d be concerned about what else may have happened without your knowledge.

I would be looking for a new sharer and end the current share immediately.

 

[dreamcometrue]

If you don’t say anything at the time, when they are caught red-handed so to speak, they are going to go through life carrying this same attitude that they are entitled to take and use what they want with impunity.

 

[Gloi]

Bye bye sharer!

Many years ago I took my stallion to run with a local man's mare. A couple of days later I was out in the car a couple of miles from there and met my pony trotting down the road in a trap. I just said that he wouldn't get her in foal like that.

 

[AmyMay]

If you don’t say anything at the time, when they are caught red-handed so to speak, they are going to go through life carrying this same attitude that they are entitled to take and use what they want with impunity.

I don’t agree. Whilst many of us would have had strong words there and then, words said in the heat of anger aren’t always the best.

However, words once the anger has subsided can often hit home far more effectively.


OP, this isn’t your first post about this sharer. Definitely time for a parting of the ways…

 

[Boughtabay]

Now that you’ve given yourself a chance to calm down I’d very clearly outline the reasons the share is ending with immediate effect. Don’t let her come to the yard again except to collect belongings under observation - if you don’t trust her she can’t be anywhere near your animals. I’m horrified, I’d be pretty mad if she’d just been handling the horse without permission let alone hopping on!!

 

[05jackd]

I don’t agree. Whilst many of us would have had strong words there and then, words said in the heat of anger aren’t always the best.

However, words once the anger has subsided can often hit home far more effectively.


OP, this isn’t your first post about this sharer. Definitely time for a parting of the ways…

Sadly this is a new one. The other one faded out as boys got more interesting.

I understand that I am making a rod for my own back in someways by considering under 18’s but I always think back to someone did it for me.
It also makes me feel incredibly grateful to that person!!

 

[scats]

Good grief, they wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near my horses if that had happened to me!
End the share and tell her exactly why. Make sure you are around if she needs to come and collect anything.

 

[ycbm]

Good grief! I’m not sure either of them would have escaped with their lives if it had been me…..and sharer would most certainly never set foot on my yard again.

This. They would have left with their ears burning. Outrageous behaviour.
.