A confidence question

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peaceandquiet1

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I am in my forties with many years of horse and pony experience, currently own seven and have backed and competed horses of my own. Now my children ride but I am becoming much too nervy. I seem to have a low tolerance for any "difficult" behaviour and I worry constantly about things going horribly wrong. have given up hacking due to fear of falling and the horse running off. Have a young pony here now, he is a rehome from a welfare organisation, and the poor chap hasn't really done anything wrong apart from squeal when i turned him out and being a bit strong to lead, yet he phases me. I seem to have lost all sense of proportion about what is safe and acceptable behaviour from a horse or pony. The other PC parents never seem to bat an eyelid when their little darlings career past totally out of control but i can't stand it at all. I used to have an unshakable confidence when i was younger but my worries are even taking over with loading and travelling etc. Is it just an age thing? I am not scared of my own horse at all but I know and trust her. Sorry for the long winded story and coffee and cakes to anyone who got this far x
 
Oh I know how you feel. I need to sit down when my daughter goes cross country I shake so much. I have been actually sick with nerves. I was the same when she was smaller as well so it doesn't matter the level she is at, she is 15 now. It's not just xc that panics me ......
And yet when I was a kid I used to hunt all day, go off with my friends over the moors no phone etc. Had horrors of ponies who bucked, reared, bolted and never thought twice about it.
I think it is because essentially when your child is riding it is much harder to control the situation and a mothers natural instinct is to protect your young.
 
I no what u mean, I used to be fearless but now I'm too scared to do anything than go round the school. My daughters pony is a good lad but after having a few issues around Xmas time with him, I feel a bag of nerves every time I watch them now. It's really strange because I always think the worst now and I was never like this, seems to have happened as I got into my thirties.
 
I am not alone then, though it feels that way when the other mums are so laid back and never seem to worry. Actually wish we had never joined PC as we were quite happy doing our own thing and now we are beholden to mounted games teams and rallies and pressure. it's also the financial aspect. i never used to think "what if" but now I seem to think it all the time!
 
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Im exactly the same, worse since I had children, They are not riders nor are they interested in ponies but I hadnt ridden for about 5 years as my old girl was very unrideable due to age, she was a tb ex racer and very tall and not a novice ride but I used to ride her no probs, then I bought a youngster, despite my rust sucked it up, trained him backed him all on my own, hacked him and have turned him away now after some pro schooling as I admit my own limits, the thought of bringing him back into work fills me with dread to the point I lie awake thinking of all the possible scenerios for accidents on hacks or possible bronking bucking fits from the trot to canter transition.

Seriously he has never been anything but a willing pleasure, but I find myself expecting him to grow into a demon. I feel sick when I think about it even though I tacked him up two weeks ago to try on a saddle and walked and trotted him and he was just the same as he was before he was turned away.

What is wrong with me???!!!! LOL Its somewhat irrational and embarrassing but I cant get a grip!
 
horsemadmum1 said:
I am not alone then, though it feels that way when the other mums are so laid back and never seem to worry. Actually wish we had never joined PC as we were quite happy doing our own thing and now we are beholden to mounted games teams and rallies and pressure. it's also the financial aspect. i never used to think "what if" but now I seem to think it all the time!
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I never liked competitions myself, but my daughter loves them she's up for cross Country, jumping and sponsored rides. I seem to watch holding my breath, I wish I was brave lol.
 
I used to exercise my pony on the hill bareback when I was a kid, also got called upon to ride 'nightmares' which I happily would. Now I wont go near anyone elses problem horses cos I don't think I will bounce back so quick!! I think, with age, comes a sense of self preservation!
 
At present my 5 year old son is not all that bothered about riding, he occasionally has a potter round on the lead rein but once a month at most. Whilst part of me would love him to share my hobby a bigger part of me hopes he won't because he has no fear and I know I would spend my life petrified on his behalf!
 
With age comes the certain knowledge that you can break ! I've had three fractures in the past couple of years and one of them triggered a clot that caused a pulmonary embolus that could have killed me. I'm now on warfarin and too afraid to ride in case I fall off and cause a bleed. Years ago, in the dim distant past, I used to bounce when I fell off and never, ever, did any serious damage.
 
Can I say that it is not only Mums, when I watch my sister do BE, my heart is in my mouth. Yet i have no worries about me riding. I think it is natural, we just must not show that fear to the children in case it is passed on and makes them nervous.
 
Just wanted to say, as a nervous rider myself, I also used to be the one they'd stick on the untried horses and the nutters, and the crazier my own acted, the more I'd love it.

It seems to be a common theme, and people who were sensible riders on sensible horses as kids seem to have kept their confidence. Maybe we just think back to what we did and think "Ermagerd!" It's certainly not having kids that did for me; I was still hacking, schooling and jumping at the riding school with my lad up to the age when he discovered skateboards and girls and gave up riding.
 
OP next time you are at a PC rally or comp watch the other mums closely, they are very chatty and smiley until their child's turn comes then they go quiet, can't hear you and one of their legs lifts each time their child goes over a jump!
They smile and look relaxed when the kid is carted past them by naughty pony not because they aren't scared but because they are !!


When we have kids it seems that our protective side kicks in and we see monsters everywhere. I too have to really think about turning 2 of my 5, not because they actually do anything but they might then who is going to look after the horses, dogs, cat, kids and hubby. :D
 
I to am a nervous wreck when I watch my kids ride. Not to good when I ride myself either. Am slightly dreading riding older daughters pony (as she fell off and broke her arm just before Christmas!!!) this afternoon plus younger daughter riding as ponies haven't been ridden for 2 weeks cause of the snow. I try very hard to look and sound relaxed at pc but am definitely not. You are not alone op. also I am one that rode and did anything when I was young, loved tearing round xc courses etc. sometimes I do wonder why I'm doing this??:)
 
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