A strange post...

[GSLS]

Does anyone else feel... Not down, but perhaps disheartened if you're really happy about your horses but don't get any support. Or see others getting comments and likes on facebook for IMO lesser things. A very pathetic, attention seeking, self-absorbed thing to say but just how I feel right now. I've been so happy and content lately (especially horsewise) and I thought the best thing about happiness was being able to share it. A brand new ferrari wouldn't be any good if you kept it in a garage and no one ever saw it. I know you own horses for yourself to enjoy and not others, but that's why I used to enjoy being on a livery yard (rather than having them at home). Because there was always the "how's Harry today?", "Are you going to jump Charlie?" "Oh really, I'll join you". Kind of thing. Feel like I've made particular and IMO (amazing) progress with one of my horses yet no one seems to care, but will say nice things about others / mutual friends who have veteran schoolmasters and hack once a week. - I see nothing wrong with this, but I just don't like feeling as though all my hard work with difficult/green/inexperienced horses goes unnoticed, especially as I don't do it as a job so don't have owners to say anything. My family are non-horsey / basically wholly uninvolved and I don't have an other half so just go it alone basically. What's the point of even taking a photo if you're never going to be able to show anyone. Unless it was something like documenting weight or an injuring healing etc. Obviously I love my horses because I love them, and actually wouldn't care if people said "oh, she's looking poor", or something negative/critical, it's just the fact that I get completely ignored by people that I know well. Wouldn't care if it was someone 200 miles away that I've spoken to once on twitter, but it's people that I've known for years that know me on a personal level. if these means they're not true friends, then I'm still no better off as I still don't have anyone to share my "happiness"/progress etc with. I've tried the whole 'turn to strangers on the internet thing' sooo many times before from so many angles and have ended up with several thousand twitter followers etc, but then I get more angry when only 2 people out of such a large number will interact with me. Whereas, if only two people out of 50 what I'd call "genuine" friends interact, it doesn't seem so bad. Strangers on the internet knowing personal facts about my horses and I hasn't fared well for me in the past, so I don't intend to go down that route again unless it's on a very generic level. I.e. I wouldn't mind saying, my irish draught has cracked heels at the moment, what can someone recommend etc. But I wouldn't want to be sharing things like what I'm up to with my youngsters or how many faults I've got at a show, as right or wrong, called for or uncalled for, someone always has something nasty to say. And as I don't really want a stranger who I've never met to personally ridicule my animals or get hold of personal info like venues I compete at or where I hack out etc (which they would get from photos), I don't share things like that. Hmm, I just feel rather conflicted in some sense. I used to be a very open person and have all my social media stuff on public and post hundreds of images / videos etc, and share what some would call, 'controversial' views, and not have a care in the world. Now I've gone the complete opposite and only let a very select few see things, unless like I say, it's generic or not too personal. But as a result, I've left myself so few people to get this "support", I want from. I don;t think it's good though, when these people get "internet famous" and have people who could be creepy or not have their best interests at heart know about their life.

Maybe this is a pointless selfish post, but I don't think it will cause anyone harm so here goes. I've tried talking to "close friends" and saying virtually the same as above but they more or less say it's up to me what I share/who I talk to. But once you've gone down the route of making it common knowledge what your horse is called, where you keep it etc, you can't take it back and that could end up causing trouble in the future if it got into the wrong hands. But at the same time I don't want to feel so secretive I feel like I can't even put a photo up of a new horse as my facebook profile picture in case someone who doesn't like me sees it and thinks "ooo she's got a new grey", "it looks so on the forehand", "it looks overweight". Or any other nasty and uninformed and possibly incorrect assumption someone could make.

Arg, people say I shouldn't care what others think but I don't like people having a bad opinion of me as it sticks, and people always see things and pass judgement. Like someone could put a photo up of a thin horse, people could say oh she doesn't feed her horses, little did they know, they rescued it the day before.

Sorry in advance for just being strange and possibly repetitive

 

[flaxen]

I know exactly how you feel because I am the same, its not just horses with me though. If I put any pics of my daughter on facebook doing stuff I get no replies not even off my own mother. I could win Olympic gold and she would still ignore me. My ex husband on the other hand is best buddies with my mother ( you'd think he was still family not me ) and she likes and comments everything he puts on facebook of our daughter.

 

[GSLS]

This sounds exactly the same as me except I don't have children - does apply to my dogs though lol. Glad I'm not alone. Have you come to any conclusion as to what fuels this. Some have told me it's not intentional and that I read too much into it. But I refuse to believe that. Do you think it's an accident or nastily done? x x

I know exactly how you feel because I am the same, its not just horses with me though. If I put any pics of my daughter on facebook doing stuff I get no replies not even off my own mother. I could win Olympic gold and she would still ignore me. My ex husband on the other hand is best buddies with my mother ( you'd think he was still family not me ) and she likes and comments everything he puts on facebook of our daughter.

 

[NZJenny]

When you stop needing other peoples approval - then you will be happy. Until then - not a hope.

 

[GSLS]

Don't need anyone's approval as I don't want to be told whether what I'm doing is right or wrong, as I'm extremely content with myself and wouldn't want to be anyone else, or live anyone else's life or have anyone else's horses. And I wouldn't want Valegro gift wrapped or Megan Fox's body overnight. I'm so unbelievably content materialistically, and don't aspire to better myself in terms of wealth or possessions as this is not what I want. But as I said, part of happiness is sharing it. What on Earth would be the point in having a beautiful garden or a huge mansion or a lovely meadow to hack in if you had to do it all alone in secret without telling a soul...

When you stop needing other peoples approval - then you will be happy. Until then - not a hope.

 

[Leo Walker]

I added a load of people off another hoof related forum I go on as I used Facebook to post about my horses and vent/celebrate any hoof related nonsense and a lot of horsey people dont care about hooves :lol: I now get lots of interest and lots of interesting hoof stuff in my newsfeed so its a win win

 

[webble]

Yes very much so. Mine is currently in Leahurst recovering from an op and I am very very hurt that one friend in particular hasnt wished her good luck or asked how she is

Another friend summed it up well by saying that because its important to me it should be important to her too

 

[Sukistokes2]

Sorry you feel a bit down, I think you are right to be careful of what you put on social media, I am very careful. However I do not think it hurts to share some photos and stuff. I am happy if people comment and chilled when they don't. There are some people that just get attention no matter what, as a fat, middle aged woman I am used to being ignored. My close friends usually like some stuff, others I don't care about. If your close friends are not paying attention you need to speak to them, maybe they think you like your privacy , that comes across in your post. I hope it works out for you.

 

[flaxen]

This sounds exactly the same as me except I don't have children - does apply to my dogs though lol. Glad I'm not alone. Have you come to any conclusion as to what fuels this. Some have told me it's not intentional and that I read too much into it. But I refuse to believe that. Do you think it's an accident or nastily done? x x

Its very much done on purpose, to all extent and purposes I don't exist, they even talk about me, and make a point in pointing out how well behaved daughter was for them and that she ate all her food and went to sleep when told ( they know that she plays up no end for me and regularly refuses to eat any food or go to sleep ).

 

[martlin]

I think you just feel lonely, and it is quite common in the modern world of social media and distanced interaction.
I suppose if you want more people to interact with you and support you, you need to open up a bit and share more things about you. It's not easy, there is no easy answer and I sort of know how you feel, I get ignored quite a bit and do feel lonely on occasion.

 

[Kylara]

If you use FB, their new algorithm is evil. Unless you actively "engage" with peoples posts, they disappear off of your newsfeed. So it may just be that people aren't seeing your posts I don't post much on my personal page but I have this problem with my business page - you need engagement to get reach and reach for better chances of engagement! This is why people's newsfeeds are often full of the same sort of stuff - people like wedding and newborn pictures the most so that is what shows up on their newsfeeds - it is a very incorrect way of viewing people's lives.
There is a fabulous, if somewhat depressing video of how what people post isn't what they are actually doing/feeling, but people don't want to post or see negativity. The whole thing serves to make you unhappy - here is a link to the vid. Like I said it is kinda depressing. http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2014/06/25/video-depressing-reminds-us-facebook-statuses-can-lies/

Appreciation and happiness sharing is something everyone craves and enjoys - is there a local riding club you can join? Even finding a hacking buddy or an instructor might help - someone who is interested in how they are going and tells you so

 

[GSLS]

I agree with what the other friend said. What are your thoughts on what the person above said about needing approval?As I don't think that's what you or I are on about. And yes I agree, it's very normal for close friends to wish each other well with their horses or say it's sad if they're not doing so well. If I found out a friend's horse was injured or ill I would instantly comment. But when I'm down or moaning about what i moaned about at the start of this post I just get ignored. Some people suggested people don't respond to negativity / don't know what to say / don't want to make it worse etc. But what's negative about me posting positive photos of a young horse's progress, putting statuses saying how over the moon I am with her, how much we've gelled, how satisfied I am with her despite the fact she cost so little etc etc. It can't be jealousy as most things in my life aren't extravagant and the reasons I have my horses etc are only because I've gone out and got them, not being mummy and daddy have always let me have horses since a tot and have funded my competition career since day 1... Because that is so unbelievably the opposite and I make extreme sacrifices (once I'm happy to do) to have my lifestyle. So I don't see how it can be fuelled by jealously. I'm just confused as to other people's motives (good and bad). I don't comment if I don't like something, I have friends that race. I don't like racing, so I wouldn't like a photo of one of their racehorses. They upload many other photos such as ones with friends or dogs or other animals or other disciplines which I do like and will comment and enjoy looking at. Does this mean that people just hate every aspect of my life then? (Horses, dogs, work, home, things like garden, days out) etc etc.

Yes very much so. Mine is currently in Leahurst recovering from an op and I am very very hurt that one friend in particular hasnt wished her good luck or asked how she is

Another friend summed it up well by saying that because its important to me it should be important to her too

 

[Kylara]

If you don't post much then your posts are less likely to pop up on their feeds, and if they don't "like" or "comment" on it then they will gradually no longer see what you post.

I agree about the awful lack of appreciation that people dole out - I always try to show my appreciation for things people do and tell them they are doing fabulously with something. I have a sincere lack of that in my life so try to spread it out to other people in the hope it may come back.

People often find it difficult to respond to negative feelings/things they can't understand. The best way I have found to cope with this is to tell them that all they need to do is x/y/z (in my case for eg accept that phones are terrible evil things sometimes, or all of the time, or not at all - I have no control over it!) and tell you that yes you are doing a good job. Hell even to say I have no idea about horses but they look great and you seem happy when you are with them (this last one is frequently heard from my OH who doesn't really "do" horses - they are scary but he does want to learn how to ride eventually).

The fact that your family are non-horsey probably means you don't chat about horsey stuff with them. Maybe if you chatted a bit about them and how well you think they are coming along, they may jump in and chat with you? I end up chatting about architecture and teaching a lot with extended family - I don't know much about either, but their passion is always great and I feel proud of what little input I can put in, much like they do when I chat about horses with them. There is always a "good luck" or "well done" to be had - I know they don't understand the work involved, but the thought is there. Recently I have picked up a nasty tummy bug and I am phobic of being sick - so at a massive low point! My mother is usually very much disinterested, but she said as I was panicking about feeling like I was going to throw up, that she was impressed at how I was doing with my teaching business, and how well I was coping with it all and how much a friend was singing praises at a party we were all at over a month ago. She felt no need to tell me at the time, and I think she said it to cheer me up, but she is a super self confident woman who doesn't really think about the fact that not everyone else is and they do require praise and general positive comments.

I am always proud and impressed and glad that people spend time bringing on youngsters and always taken aback by some of the problems people overcome with them (I do the same - it still amazes me to think back to pre-backing and where they are now!) and often as you are so close to the situation, whilst you know they are doing well it is hard to realise how much you as a person have improved them since day 1 Pictures are good for reference even if no-one ever sees them but you, you get to see how they progress and can feel proud about it without feeling bad about feeling proud!

 

[GSLS]

Yes was thinking of that, feel really great when I go to shows. But sadly can't do that everyday. People usually like my horses at shows too as they're all really well behaved lol. Lovely comments like "wish I could take that horse home" etc. But yeah, haven't watched video yet but I'm a very very realistic/truthful person so I just say it how it is. If I've had a great ride and come in beaming, I'll say that. If a horse has dumped me, then knocked a saddle off the door, then broken some fencing, then I come in to find a load of bills have come through the door, then the washing machine packs up, I'll post that I'm fed up and need a bloody good drink. LOL.

If you use FB, their new algorithm is evil. Unless you actively "engage" with peoples posts, they disappear off of your newsfeed. So it may just be that people aren't seeing your posts I don't post much on my personal page but I have this problem with my business page - you need engagement to get reach and reach for better chances of engagement! This is why people's newsfeeds are often full of the same sort of stuff - people like wedding and newborn pictures the most so that is what shows up on their newsfeeds - it is a very incorrect way of viewing people's lives.
There is a fabulous, if somewhat depressing video of how what people post isn't what they are actually doing/feeling, but people don't want to post or see negativity. The whole thing serves to make you unhappy - here is a link to the vid. Like I said it is kinda depressing. http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2014/06/25/video-depressing-reminds-us-facebook-statuses-can-lies/

Appreciation and happiness sharing is something everyone craves and enjoys - is there a local riding club you can join? Even finding a hacking buddy or an instructor might help - someone who is interested in how they are going and tells you so

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

I think you just feel lonely, and it is quite common in the modern world of social media and distanced interaction.
I suppose if you want more people to interact with you and support you, you need to open up a bit and share more things about you. It's not easy, there is no easy answer and I sort of know how you feel, I get ignored quite a bit and do feel lonely on occasion.

This. I find most people have little interest in being genuine real life friends with anyone, they seem to mostly prefer to be flaky acquaintences and live largely online lives.

I have theoretically a wonderful brother, who is a lovely person and who always says how much he's missed me whenever we meet, which is rarely as he lives miles away. I have no doubt he is sincere and not just saying it. Yet he won't take time to stay in touch. I've tried, but my efforts at contact are ignored usually. He has time to post numerous updates per day on facebook though.

OP I'm like you about sharing personal stuff on the internet. It's not something I want to do. Getting "likes" etc doesn't make me happy anyway, I want conversations with people in person. Proper human interaction with decent people who I like. I've come to the conclusion that if having a virtual life is what most others want and if by not wanting that I'm in the minority, then I guess I'm just not going to have many friends. It makes me sad though.

 

[Burmilla]

What an interesting topic, GSLS. Thanks for posting. My experience is similar; i grew up in the middle of rural nowhere, and was used to my own company, and that of animals, from a very early age. I prefer the company of animals to that of almost all the humans I know. I have about five close friends, only two of them are horse persons. I find that expecting anything from anyone, other than what is on their minds, is fruitless. I usually get my approval from my animals, who are very good at communicating this in spades! Cyberspace can be a useful thing, but it can be a toxic unreality.
My English teacher used to say "those who expect nothing are rarely disappointed".

 

[webble]

I agree with what the other friend said. What are your thoughts on what the person above said about needing approval?As I don't think that's what you or I are on about. And yes I agree, it's very normal for close friends to wish each other well with their horses or say it's sad if they're not doing so well. If I found out a friend's horse was injured or ill I would instantly comment. But when I'm down or moaning about what i moaned about at the start of this post I just get ignored. Some people suggested people don't respond to negativity / don't know what to say / don't want to make it worse etc. But what's negative about me posting positive photos of a young horse's progress, putting statuses saying how over the moon I am with her, how much we've gelled, how satisfied I am with her despite the fact she cost so little etc etc. It can't be jealousy as most things in my life aren't extravagant and the reasons I have my horses etc are only because I've gone out and got them, not being mummy and daddy have always let me have horses since a tot and have funded my competition career since day 1... Because that is so unbelievably the opposite and I make extreme sacrifices (once I'm happy to do) to have my lifestyle. So I don't see how it can be fuelled by jealously. I'm just confused as to other people's motives (good and bad). I don't comment if I don't like something, I have friends that race. I don't like racing, so I wouldn't like a photo of one of their racehorses. They upload many other photos such as ones with friends or dogs or other animals or other disciplines which I do like and will comment and enjoy looking at. Does this mean that people just hate every aspect of my life then? (Horses, dogs, work, home, things like garden, days out) etc etc.

No I dont want approval just for her to care. If it was the other way around I would have text the day she went in the day of the op and every day after and offered to go with too

 

[GSLS]

I prefer the company of animals to that of almost all the humans I know. I usually get my approval from my animals, who are very good at communicating this in spades!

Animals are just unreal, like. I seriously can't believe how happy my horses, dogs and cats make me. I always say I wish everyone was like my dogs. Animals are way up there above humans for me, I've got serious respect and appreciation for them. All the qualities humans lack they have, they're so nonjudgmental and provide a best friend who always listens and loves you unconditionally for the sincerest reasons. Amazing. Some times I look at my dogs and can't believe they're real, they are so perfect. There's always something a human does that isn't quite right and I know for sure my dogs could never ever make me feel like I've written here.

ETA: They can't hold a deep conversation, give you advice or possess the dexterity to take photos of you and your horses though haha.

 

[Undecided]

I know exactly how you feel. I've had mine since a 3yo whom I backed and did everything myself and was doing fairly well out competing so am absolutely gutted to have to retire him at 8 (lame). Yet there's teens who have had ready made show horses bought for them by mummy and daddy who go out an win and have everyone telling them that they're a great partnership and have worked so hard for it. I really dont mind and I'm happy for them but I guess I'm just feeling a bit bitter that I will no longer have that as I can't afford another so my riding days are over for the next few years.

 

[Regandal]

"Toxic unreality" - that is a very good description of FB, Burmilla. I post very little on there, and I honestly do not recognise the "lives" some of my acquaintances purport to live. I know the reality. Are they just deluded?

 

[Fides]

I know what you mean. I have a friend who competes successfully and I would love for her just once to say something nice on Facebook about my horses (she does to my face) but seems that she would rather comment on the mundane

 

[Char0901]

"Toxic unreality" - that is a very good description of FB, Burmilla. I post very little on there, and I honestly do not recognise the "lives" some of my acquaintances purport to live. I know the reality. Are they just deluded?

Completely agree with this! I have friends of mine that post things and I'm like "what?! Yeah you're really happy in your relationship when I know your OH cheated and you know it too!" Etc etc. What do people try and prove? They paint a perfect life for god knows who yet us real friends know the truth. Its sad really. Maybe they're trying to believe it themselves.

Back to original post. I post a few pics of my youngster because he's changing all the time and I'm really proud of how he's doing and to be honest how well I'm doing with him. I know that there are people on my 'friends' list who, no matter what, will never ever 'like' one of my photos or a status etc just because its me, if that makes sense. Most of my friends are non-horsey but will still 'like' my photos of him because they know how much he means to me.
Everything with a pinch of salt in the virtual world. I have, on the other hand, had people 'like' photos and I've thought why the hell have you liked this?!

 

[Goldenstar]

Don't need anyone's approval as I don't want to be told whether what I'm doing is right or wrong, as I'm extremely content with myself and wouldn't want to be anyone else, or live anyone else's life or have anyone else's horses. And I wouldn't want Valegro gift wrapped or Megan Fox's body overnight. I'm so unbelievably content materialistically, and don't aspire to better myself in terms of wealth or possessions as this is not what I want. But as I said, part of happiness is sharing it. What on Earth would be the point in having a beautiful garden or a huge mansion or a lovely meadow to hack in if you had to do it all alone in secret without telling a soul...

You don't sound happy and content.
You sound angry .
I have a lovely home all the things I want out of life ( ok almost everything I would like the body and skin I had at 25 )
I don't understand what you are worried about you don't share your life and home through FB you do it in real time in RL with your family and friends you don't need to do FB at all to share a happy life with friends and family .
Just stop 'doing ' FB if it's not enhancing your life .

 

[GSLS]

Doesn't that bother you? How do you deal with it? It makes me feel like I don't want to put anything up as people who blatantly see and ignore don't deserve to see it at all....

Completely agree with this! I have friends of mine that post things and I'm like "what?! Yeah you're really happy in your relationship when I know your OH cheated and you know it too!" Etc etc. What do people try and prove? They paint a perfect life for god knows who yet us real friends know the truth. Its sad really. Maybe they're trying to believe it themselves.

Back to original post. I post a few pics of my youngster because he's changing all the time and I'm really proud of how he's doing and to be honest how well I'm doing with him. I know that there are people on my 'friends' list who, no matter what, will never ever 'like' one of my photos or a status etc just because its me, if that makes sense. Most of my friends are non-horsey but will still 'like' my photos of him because they know how much he means to me.
Everything with a pinch of salt in the virtual world. I have, on the other hand, had people 'like' photos and I've thought why the hell have you liked this?!

 

[Fides]

Doesn't that bother you? How do you deal with it? It makes me feel like I don't want to put anything up as people who blatantly see and ignore don't deserve to see it at all....

I don't see every post my friends put up - Fb doesn't show everything any more. If you don't believe me check out your friends' walls and see how many posts that Fb hasn't alerted you to.

The problem I have is that I have a lot of friends who are obsessed with FB games and sent incessant invites so I have the settings set to 'show important updates only'. This does mean I don't see the odd thing (so can't comment) but it means my wall isn't spammed with game adverts...

Eta - it comes across like you are reading things into things that aren't there and it is making you bitter. Why not just say to your friends that it would be lovely, and you would really appreciate it, if they would give you some constructive criticism occasionally as it would help you. You may find 'likes' flow from that...

Maybe I should say that to my friends too lol

 

[el_Snowflakes]

It sounds to me like there are underlying issues here. Correct me if I'm wrong OP. I have millions of pics of my horse but I take them for me, I don't need anyone else's approval.

There could be several things going I here:

Perhaps your 'friends' on social media aren't interested in horses so skip past tour pics/don't appreciate your hard work.

Sometimes I 'like' pics without actually hitting the like button! Some people especially the older generation aren't so 'up' on social media etiquette! 😝

Perhaps there is a bit of jealousy involved? Being proud of your achievements is great but there is Definitly a thin line between this and what is perceived as boasting & sometimes the lines appear blurred on social media sites.

Why not share your pics in here instead where you can be sure the audience would like to see & give you 'constructive' comments?

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

I think we all feel like this from time to time. I'm feeling a bit down myself at the moment, nothing that anyone has done really, I'm just taking everything to heart a bit. My yard is really friendly, but the others don't work or work part-time whereas I work ridiculous, crazy hours - I feel a bit 'out of the loop' a lot of the time and miss out on the social interaction they have. They don't leave me out of anything, my situation does that.

The FB thing is difficult. I think maybe you need to look at it on a more superficial level, as a way of keeping in touch with people rather than a noticeboard for achievements or a means of getting recognition for them. I'm a bit of a dinosaur, so don't really understand the workings of FB, but I enjoy going on there to see what friends are up to. I take most of what I read on there with a pinch of salt. Enjoy your successes, post them on FB, post them on here - just don't get hung up on what comes back.

 

[millikins]

FB is lightweight and gossipy, it's really just the 21st C version of clubs/coffee bars etc. Largely harmless and often good fun but occasionally malicious, same as human social interaction has always been. People who want to ask deeper questions or challenge assumptions often don't fit easily into social groups which is perhaps what you are experiencing? I own a rare breed pony, I am very proud that my daughter and I, as complete novices but with good instruction turned an 8yr old brood mare into a great PC/hunting pony. We belong to a FB breed page where endless pics of fat, badly ridden or doing nothing ponies get up to 30 likes, I put a pic of her drag hunting and get 3 (1 from daughter!) I try and view it that 1 'like' from a person whose opinion you value is worth any number from those that you don't.

 

[Char0901]

Doesn't that bother you? How do you deal with it? It makes me feel like I don't want to put anything up as people who blatantly see and ignore don't deserve to see it at all....

No it doesn't bother me really. Just be the bigger person. If they post something that I like I'll press the 'like' button regardless of who they are. Its only FB. Doesn't mean we're best buds in 'real life'.
I share my photos because I'm proud but I'm not interested in who likes it or not.
I do think a few people do it to make a point. Who knows what goes through peoples heads?
It is worrying how having 'hundreds' of 'friends' can make someone feel so incredibly alone.