Absolutely Terrible Day

[paddi22]

yeah i think it just wandered off your original post and off into its into its own debate on whether you can stick your head through someones door!

 

[Crystal-Rio]

All I want to do is make things right - not offer up excuses. There IS no excuse fir what my sharer did - I keep going over and over as to why I didn't go and knock on the door instead of her - because if I had got no answer I would have walked away. I wouldn't have thought in a million years to go inside someone's house I hardly knew in a million years. The only defence for er is that we were all panicking and she acted without thinking through what she was doing - again - no excuse.- yes some have said that if you can't manoeuvre a lorry then you shouldn't be driving one but this is not my business - a friend had given me a lift for which I am extremely grateful, having no transport if my own. Thanks for all your help.

 

[Pedantic]

Yes, of course you are right, how dare any yard manager take offense to a stranger wandering into their house, waking up their partner for a complete non emergency which was nothing to do with sleeping husband.

You wonder where horse people get this entitled reputation from?

1 not yard manager but yard owner, there is a big difference.
2 they weren't strangers they were paying customers, MASSIVE difference.
3 it was emergency to the customer in their mind, not everyone has a couldn't give a toss attitude the kin lorries stuck sod it it can stay there mentality.
4 no one knew anyone was asleep in the house as they ain't psychic.
5 it has everything to do with him as he owns and lives on a livery yard

If people don't want what goes with running a livery business, then do something else, don't take it out on the customer.

Maybe they should stop the livery business and just live and sleep there, then no annoying plebs ruining their peace and quiet.

 

[paddi22]

This isn't directed at op, its more a general debate about the above points!

But just because they are paying customers doesn't give them the right to act as they did. You are a paying customer to your hairdresser, would you walk into her house if you had an issue with your hair? or would you ring or text her and wait for her reply. I have paying customers but i still expect them to respect my privacy and my time, and trust i'l reply as soon as i can.

One of my horses is on a yard, and unless the yard owner is on the premises during her work hours I don't bother her. I don't text or ring her after 6. I don't even call into her house as it's her private space. If it was a life threatening emergency i would, but anything else i don't. I wait for her to get back to me.

An emergency is someone in danger or an injury, anyone with a sense of perspective would understand the difference between that, and someone who could easily wait a few minutes for someone else to help them out. If i was a yo i'd be tempted to get rid of a livery who considers that an emergency.

Just because he lives on a livery yard doesn't mean he is under obligation to get involved in it. He works elsewhere and has his own job elsewhere - he just lives in a house with someone who owns a livery yard. There's a big difference. He is not involved in the yard. He is under no obligation to be involved in it.

 

[Whoopit]

I wouldn't have been panicking about getting a vehicle stuck unless it was sinking or id hit something so hard it was about to collapse.

But I also wouldn't go mad if someone stepped into my house to shout, regardless of whether I was on nights or not.

In future they should make it blatantly clear that nobody knocks on at the house unless there is an emergency that they and only they can deal with.

 

[paddi22]

Do you do night shift work though?

I do shift work sometimes, and if you are on a heavy shift or coming off a run of hard days you would be a monster is someone woke you, especially over something trivial like that that wasn't my business to fix in the first place. There's a level of tiredness you get on some shift work and if you don't get a proper nights sleep before starting another one you are like the walking dead the next day. Also if you are sleeping and get woken you don't get back to sleep properly at all, so you're body is only on half the amount it needs. I am not surprised the husband was narky and annoyed, but in fairness he did come out and help.

 

[Crystal-Rio]

Just because he lives on a livery yard doesn't mean he is under obligation to get involved in it. He works elsewhere and has his own job elsewhere - he just lives in a house with someone who owns a livery yard. There's a big difference. He is not involved in the yard. He is under no obligation to be involved in it.

This!!! He was in bed, asleep after working nights for heavens sake! I'm the OP and I know that there is a massive difference from being asleep in bed to someone knocking on your door, to being asleep in bed and then hearing a total stranger shouting in your kitchen!! My sharer was utterly in the wrong, and all that I was trying to do when putting up this thread was to ask if anyone had any advice as to how I could make it up to them. I understand obviously that as it is a public forum, then people can argue back and forth as to whether it is correct to go into someone's house or not - and I can see quite clearly that opinion is divided, but I came back from the yard on Saturday night very upset and wanted some advice from other Yard Owners/Liveries as to how I should deal with a crap situation that is effectively, by proxy, of my own making. The Yard Owner from the yard that I have just left is in Cyprus, so I couldn't ask her - I was desperate and looking for advice, that is all. I'm still none the wiser as to what I should to, to be honest, apart from what I have already done (left a bottle of wine and a few beers with a card apologising outside) - I guess honestly there is nothing apart from wait and see.

In 20 years of horse ownership I have never ever caused a livery yard owner a minutes trouble so to have this happen to me in the first hour on being at a new yard, to such a degree, when actually - it wasn't me that did the deed - has upset me more than I can put into words.

 

[paddi22]

yeah its a very frustrating situation for you. i would have done the bottle of wine and apology card as well. and then it is just a case of wait to see what their reaction is. Hope it works out for you!

 

[cobgoblin]

Honestly this is a storm in a teacup.
Yes, it would be annoying to be woken up if you are on nights....and maybe he's one of those people that wake up grumpy anyway...but he didn't have to come out of the house and he didn't have to sort the lorry out.
In hindsight your sharer probably shouldn't have stepped inside the house...but he could have locked the door if he really didn't want to be disturbed...after all, no house is very secure with just a sleeping occupant. It's not unusual around here for someone to open the door and give you a shout.
OP you have done everything you can to make this right, if the yard owner or her husband want to continue making an issue of it and can't see the funny side in the cold light of day...well you know exactly what you are dealing with and are better off moving even if another yard is not so ideal. Far better than staying and being made to feel permanently uncomfortable when you are the one handing over money.

 

[Bionic Boy]

yeah its a very frustrating situation for you. i would have done the bottle of wine and apology card as well. and then it is just a case of wait to see what their reaction is. Hope it works out for you!

This. You have done what you can so all you can do is keep your head down and hope it works out.

 

[Crystal-Rio]

Honestly this is a storm in a teacup.
.but he didn't have to come out of the house and he didn't have to sort the lorry out.

To be honest, I think he came out of the house because he was awake and was utterly incensed by the fact that a total stranger had been in his kitchen shouting! Completely understand that. Coupled with the fact that there was a huge lorry outside the house that had had its engine running for about 20 minutes with a load of women shouting, trying to back it up, make it go foward.... the entire situation must have been an utter nightmare for someone that had just done a 12 hour shift on nights.

But as you say - he got behind the wheel and got the lorry straight, which he didn't have to do, for which I am very grateful.

Every 5 minutes in my head, though, I am bloody kicking myself as to why we just didn't unload everything on the lane just outside the yard which has a massive lay-by - all this could have been so easily avoided.

Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda/ and all that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it???

 

[Michen]

I really feel for you! It's amazing how one simple thing can cause such utter stress and fall out. But.. No one died, no one is injured, in the grand scheme of things although it's utterly horrible and you obviously feel terrible.. It will work out in the end! Has the yard owner said whether you can stay or not? To be honest- I would probably go anyway as I think you'll just feel really awkward being there now and tip toeing around.

Try not to worry, what your sharer did really wasn't that bad and you aren't really responsible for her- she's an adult! Chin up xx

To be honest, I think he came out of the house because he was awake and was utterly incensed by the fact that a total stranger had been in his kitchen shouting! Completely understand that. Coupled with the fact that there was a huge lorry outside the house that had had its engine running for about 20 minutes with a load of women shouting, trying to back it up, make it go foward.... the entire situation must have been an utter nightmare for someone that had just done a 12 hour shift on nights.

But as you say - he got behind the wheel and got the lorry straight, which he didn't have to do, for which I am very grateful.

Every 5 minutes in my head, though, I am bloody kicking myself as to why we just didn't unload everything on the lane just outside the yard which has a massive lay-by - all this could have been so easily avoided.

Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda/ and all that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it???

 

[CeeBee]

I hope it all blows over and you are allowed to stay. It's a shame the yard owner wasn't there to meet you and maybe this could all have been avoided. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you

 

[WelshD]

the situation hasn't been helped by the YO offering no words of support or comfort or even condemnation and not coming back quickly to say whether the OP needs to leave, its horrible to feel in limbo

Having said that I'd still keep your head down for now!

 

[tinycharlie]

I hope you get to stay op, obviously your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house but I do think its a major overreaction on the husbands part, all she did was step into the house and shout, if the yo had been there she probably would have helped and it wouldn't be a big deal . I'm always doing this as part of my homecare job lol

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

If you haven't been kicked off then just keep your head down and stay out of the way.

Chances are he has snapped at you and said something in haste and with hindsight he will calm down.

No your sharer shouldn't even have popped her head in the door, that to me is inexcusable but if you keep your nose clean and stay out of the way it may well blow over now that you have verbally apologised and gifted.

If that doesn't help then perhaps you're better off back at your old yard for now. Crap happens on yards and if you aren't temperamentally suited to random acts and surprises not matter what time of the day or night you went to bed then you shouldn't be running a yard from your house.

YO should however have been there for your arrival. I had to call my YO when we left the previous yard so that they knew I was on my way and I was greeted and everything sorted and explained with YO there.

 

[cobgoblin]

the situation hasn't been helped by the YO offering no words of support or comfort or even condemnation and not coming back quickly to say whether the OP needs to leave, its horrible to feel in limbo

Having said that I'd still keep your head down for now!

This is so true ^^^

I find it odd that the YO wasn't there to settle you into the yard. Even odder that she didn't immediately accept your apology and say something like ' don't worry about him...he's a grump and I'll sort it', which is what I would imagine most women would say.
There may be problems there that no amount of wine and beer can solve. As others have said , what happens if there is a major horsey emergency during his sleep time? Will it all turn into anger central?

 

[ycbm]

No your sharer shouldn't even have popped her head in the door, that to me is inexcusable

Seriously? Personally, I think walking in and beating up the husband perhaps, but this house was at a business premises. Surely it was an excusable mistake to think that someone who leaves the door open when there are loads of liveries and other visitors around wouldn't mind if you call out to see if anyone can help? If it was a parcel delivery and the parcel needed a signature or it would be returned to depot, would he have got equally angry? I'm hoping you only used that as a figure of speech.

OP I hope everything calms down tomorrow.

 

[gothdolly]

Wow. On our yard we are allowed to go in and make a cup of tea, use the downstairs loo and our yard owner would always come out to help in an emergency, even if it was only a perceived emergency.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

Thought someone had died from the title.

Round my way, no-one could just walk in, it's all Yale locks, so the door locks when it shuts. Thought this was pretty standard, even on older doors. Ruddy pain to have to turn a key or whatever to lock it every time.

Sharer was wrong (bit hysterical?) to go in, not something I would dream of. However, it's not a hanging offence, although strikes me as really odd.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

The yard is the business the house is a dwelling and to me deserves the same respect as my house and I wouldn't want some random stranger I don't know walking in shouting. My Ym lives on site and I have been there two years now and I would never just walk into her house and I'm on good terms with her, her husband who also works shifts including night shift and her kids.

So I stand by what i put above the yard is the business the house is private unless stated specifically otherwise by the YO.

 

[willhegofirst]

Crystal-Rio, how has your horse settled at the new yard? As others have said, keep your head down and wait for the YO to approach you. My husband used to work shifts, it does nothing for their temper, you have done all you can for now with the wine, beers and card. All the best hopefully things will settle down.

 

[DragonSlayer]

This is one of the craziest threads I've read in ages!

 

[cobgoblin]

This is one of the craziest threads I've read in ages!

That cat is obese! Stop feeding it popcorn at once.

 

[ycbm]

That cat is obese! Stop feeding it popcorn at once.

That cat looks like it's been stuffed. And I don't mean with popcorn

 

[J&S]

I feel that the YO is very much to blame for the situation. a) she should have been there to welcome you and give all relevant info regarding rules and regs. or b) the rules and regs and best place to park/unload etc should have been clearly explained to you in advance if she was unable to be present. Either of these scenarios would just be plain common sense and politeness to a new client.
Do you think her lack of communication now, after the event, is perhaps a certain amount of embarrassment on her part? TBH I would be worrying about what else she hasn't "quite explained"!

 

[rowan666]

Well, if I were running a livery yard and if I hadn't specifically told my clients not to open my back door, I really wouldn't have a problem with people popping their head in and shouting or stepping in and calling me. If I'm not in, the door is locked if I'm in, it's open and frankly I don't always hear the bell. The husband sounds like a rude bullying type and frankly I don't think OP sounds overly hysterical either. All a bit of a storm in a teacup. If I were the YO I'd feel really embarrassed about what happened and why wasn't she there to meet the new client, bad show all round IMO. Frankly I'd be expecting an apology but then again, when I pay for something I expect a professional service ie YO there to meet me, take me through what they provide and don't provide and if necessary, to be told OH works nights and gets rather irate if disturbed!

I feel that the YO is very much to blame for the situation. a) she should have been there to welcome you and give all relevant info regarding rules and regs. or b) the rules and regs and best place to park/unload etc should have been clearly explained to you in advance if she was unable to be present. Either of these scenarios would just be plain common sense and politeness to a new client.
Do you think her lack of communication now, after the event, is perhaps a certain amount of embarrassment on her part? TBH I would be worrying about what else she hasn't "quite explained"!

Totally agree with the above statements, I think OP you have done all you can despite the fact that actually none of it was remotely your fault! you weren't driving, you didn't go in the house to call for YO (which I also don't see a problem with), you weren't the man going crazy at women and you weren't the YO that neglected your duties. At the end of the day YO should have been there or at least talked you through a list of rules and where best to unload safely. I think both YO and husband have been unfair and unprofessional especially keeping you in limbo for something that wasn't your fault and TBH I would be looking to move ASAP regardless of facilities. Also if you think your feeling bad OP just imagine how much worse your loaner will be feeling and good loaners are even harder to come by than good yards. Hope it all works out for you, keep us posted

 

[pepsimaxrock]

Sorry I think he is a total t***. I worked nights for eighteen years and the number of times I have been woken up by other people and my children, if I went off the deep end every time, well! When you go to bed you lock the doors, if you have not locked the doors you just a bit stupid.
I might be a bit grumpy when I am first woken up, but I would rather sort out a problem than leave someone in a mess and how were you to know he was on nights? To be honest I think its the YO fault for not being there when you arrived to help.
I hope it all settles down but honestly I do not think I would want be near someone with so little understanding.

This. Without knobs on. He's got plenty already x

 

[EmmasMummy]

He was asleep...with the door open. If you don't want to risk anyone coming in ..........LOCK the door!

 

[Achinghips]

He sounds over-emotional and scarey, wouldn't enter a yard with someone like that living there, capable of over reacting out of proportion to a perceived "crime". Imagine the reaction you would get if you asked him to move his car for a hay delivery or if you accidentally left a light on or if your horse kicked the wall and damaged it. Get out of there before you leave a grooming brush on the floor or a plaiting band on the gravel. Spend your money with people who can exercise some self control and explain boundaries without exhibiting threatening behaviour. If you run a business at home, expect interference from your business.