Advert critique please?

J

JJ2

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Have had my horse advertised for a week now and wondered what people thought of my advert? I have had four viewings one arranged a vetting, deposits etc but then turned out to be a timewaster!

Can someone have a look at my ad and tell me if it seems ok?
I think it is just the time of year which is making it slow going but i need a quick sale now and he is a lovely horse!

Advert: http://www.horsemart.co.uk/AdvertRef/HM7339H31/Web/displayhorsedetail.asp
Thanks
 
Obviously a lovely horse, but the photos don't do him justice. The top two are blurred and the one of him on the beach makes him look bad tempered with his ears back. I think you definitely need better pictures. Also "re-advertised due to timewasters" no matter how truthful, can put people off. I would say he very fairly priced.
 
The ad sounds good to me, I'm no expert tho, If I was looking for a horse I would buy him he looks gorgeous!
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He sounds nice but I agree photos are terrible!

Also this line:
'He has always jumped clear and been placed in his first outing.'
Sounds a bit dodgy, like he has only had one outing so how can you say he always goes clear?
 
please take the 'readvertised due to timewasters off'! it makes you sound a bit scary! Other than that he sounds very nice. I might add something like 'unfortunately quick sale is needed hence price'.
 
i just think it's a bit too... solid. can you put in a sentence, then do a return.
Like this.
Just to break up the text, give "bullet point" kind of presentation.
have the best bits at the top, his best features, and the normal stuff like "good in every way" or whatever, at the bottom.
that's how i'd do it, anyway. hope that helps.
do you know the names of his sire and dam's sire? might be useful too.
 
the pics are terrible and i wouldnt want to travel to see a horse on looking at those pictures,

i agree remove the readvertised due to timewasters,

the content generally of your advert is good but you do waffle on abit, edit the advert being more straight to the point

i got bored reading the advert as it goes on and on, break the advert up abit using lines as spaces between different subjects

finally you may just need to advertise him so where else i know of a few ppl who dont have any success with that website
 
[ QUOTE ]
i just think it's a bit too... solid. can you put in a sentence, then do a return.
Like this.
Just to break up the text, give "bullet point" kind of presentation.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can't format it like that on horsemart unfortunately (or you couldn't the last time I advertised on it), it sticks it all in one paragraph regardless.

Re the ad- 4 viewings in one week isn't a bad response at all I don't think? Clearer photos would be useful and I agree re removing the timewasters bit.
 
Much, much better. First picture - what is the white splodge? If I were you, I would edit it out. The second picture is still terrible, but the the third one is much better - he looks bright, alert and calm and the rider looks happy and relaxed. As for the wording - the bit about would make ideal lady's hunter as well mannered - is good. I would leave out the bit about him being "bold" as you have put this elsewhere.

Good luck.
 
I dont know what the splodge was might be where the camera lense was wet, dont have any facilities to take the splodge off so it will havew to stay sadly...adds character!
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That is the only picture i have of him jumping which isnt really blurred!
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so i want to keep that one on the but i think that the ad reads better now.

Thanks for the help
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Think this exercise has convinced me i need a digital camera!
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