Advert description translations - humour

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Clannad48

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Whilst on holiday I bought a book by Jane Brook called Horsey Wit - I thought I would share some of the comments regarding adverts to make you smile:

Hack Prospect - looks nice
Polo Prospect - short, fast and can go round corners
Home bred - mentally challenged
Nicely started - Looks good on a lunge but we'll leave it to you to see what he's like with a saddle on
Big boned - verging on bovine rather than equine
Elegant - would break in two in a strong wind
In Good Condition - who ate all the pies
Good doer - Until you want him to do
Bold - bolts
Forward going - bolts
Athletic - bolts
Needs experienced rider - needs rider with insurance
Quiet - lame in the front
Good in Traffic/Bombproof - Lame, blind, deaf and stupid
Well mannered - hasn't trodden on or biten anyone for a few days
Professionally trained - hasn't trodden on or bitten anyone for a few weeks
Easy to catch - older than your grandmother
To Good Home Only - It's quite expensive
To Show Home Only - It's very expensive

The book is full of some very funny quotes that kept me smiling on a very rainy day - my favourite is "I used to have money, now I have horses"

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A friend emailed me something similar the other week,

it's american though:

Big Trot: can't canter within a 2 mile straightaway

Nicely Started: we can lounge him, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet

Top Show Horse: won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane

Home Bred: knows nothing except being raised on the front porch

Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse

Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow

Doing Courses: when tranqualized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight before hand

Well Mannered: hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week

Professionally Trained: hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month

Should Mature 16 hands: currently 13h, dam is 14.3hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15h but this horse will definitely defy his DNA

To Good Home Only: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) allow current owner to tuck in beddy - bye every night, 3) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document

Bold: runaway

Athletic: He's a runaway, but he looks good doing it

Needs intermediate Rider: runaway

Needs Experienced Rider: "dead" runaway

Dead Quiet: just dead

Started O/F: Started overfeeding because we can't ride

No Vices: especially when he wears his muzzle

Light Cribber: we can't afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw

No Time For Him: he's lucky to be fed

Excellent Disposition: never been out of his stall

Clips, hauls, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him

Great Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains


Selling due to divorce: My spouse certaintly couldn't stand him...

Bomb Proof: So dumb you could set off a bomb under his tail and he wouldn't blink.

Good Mother: She's too dumb to do anything else.
He Can Do It All: bite, kick, buck, rear...
Flasy: nice looking... forget about him being rideable
Stunning: you'll be stunned at his kicking power
Very Brave: even a whip can't force him back
Slight Case Of Navicular: better buy him before he's too lame to walk
Proven Sire: The mare we bred him to had a baby
Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you migh be able to ride him
Great Bloodlines: He can't do anything, but that's okay becuase some horse 20 generations back did something
Already Broke: two fences, one arm, six buckets
Got Cow Sense: he'll attack any cattle within a 5-mile radius
Unregistered: probably stolen
Protective Mother: don't even think about going near the foal
Lady's Horse: Perfectly sweet with women, but will kill men
Good Disposition: The only good thing about him
Selling Due to Retirement: he's making us old
Started Good: we quit while we were ahead
Started: we quit while we were still alive
Loud Color: we spray painted him bright red
Really Broke: literally
Slight Nervouse Habit: he shakes and has muscles ticks anytime anyone asks him to think
Great Stud: breeding is the only thing he's good at
Anyone Can Ride: as long as they have the right protective gear, they will survive
Smooth: you won't notice he's bucking until you're on the ground!
Event Prospect: Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect: Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect: Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect: Short, Fast Horse
Camp Prospect: Fast Horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect: Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy: White Socks
Attractive: Bay
15.2hh: 14.3hh
16.2hh: 15.3hh
To Loving Home Only: Expensive
To Show Home Only: Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider: Potentially Lethal
Elegant: Thin
In Good Condition: Foundered
Free Moving: Bolts
Quiet: Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet: Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof): Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children: Kicks and Bites
Pony Type: Small and Hairy
Arab Type:Looks startled
TB Type: Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type: Chunky
Halter Horse Type: Fat
Warmblood Type: Big and Hairy
Draught Type: Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch: Very Old
Must Sell: Wife has left home and taking kids
All Offers Considered: I am in Traction for 6 months
Good Jumper prospect: Looks great jumping over the pasture fence, if you can ever catch'im, you might just have yourself a great jumper!


:D I think some of them are really funny, some i just dont get :D
 
dope on a rope = DEAD
leg in each corner = FAT
needs a confident rider = DANGEROUS
could go on to any sphere = havent found one it likes yet tho
real character = 1st class bast*rd
 
Looks after his/her rider - Looks back at rider on floor when galloping into distance

Bold Jump - jumps out of field

Scopey jump - jumps the gate out of field

Well manered - until you get to a show

For sale through no fault of its own - Livery Yard insists that it be sold

:p
 
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