Advert help

[Skhosu]

Ok, so I'm struggling to think of how to write an advert for the BL
So was wondering if any of you bods good with words could help?
17hh tbx 12yr old gelding. Done Pre-novice and Novice eventing, one novice with me. EI record shows 9 xc clears out of 9, 8 pre-novice and one novice. He's done all PC teams, although I did fall off in the senior eventing as he refused to go over one jump, never had any other problems xc, ever.
He is a snaffle mouth, although strong and not a novice ride. Never bucks or rears. Fairly sensitive. Has 1 BE eventing point. His flatwork is lovely, but tense in competitions which is my fault but still.
Has 3 SJAI points and is currently jumping 1.10 unaffiliated as our level (have only done 2/3 so far though) well. Jumped 140 on the lunge. He does weave. He doesn't have clean legs. And, this is the most difficult bit, he has an enlarged ethmoid which makes his nose run but doesn't affect him but will be marked down on a vetting.
He is good to box/shoe/hack. A little funny clipping but done with no sedation. Not good with vets.
He passed a 5 stage for us when we bought him 2yrs ago. Has hunted once, a tad suicidal so don't think it's worht putting that in?
My thoughts would be (for a paper ad)

17hh 12yr old bay gelding. Honest, willing ride. Evented up to Novice level with teenage girl.

This is as far as I got!
If you want to see his record for a better idea, pm me.

 

[JAK]

[ QUOTE ]
17hh tbx bay 12yr old gelding. Competing pre-novice and Novice eventing, with EI record showing an excellent result of 9 xc clears out of 9. Evented by teenage girl, inc. PC teams, 1 BE eventing point.
Snaffle mouth but not a novice ride. Lovely flatwork.
Has 3 SJAI points, currently jumping 1.10 unaffiliated, jumping 140 on the lunge.
Good to box, shoe, hack out.
Will be marked down on vetting on 1 or 2 points which are not affecting his ability to compete, hence price. Fit & raring to go, ideal teenager's horse.

[/ QUOTE ]

A first draft, anyone else care to take up the cause?
You have to mention the vetting problems I think but no need to go into gory details, tell them the rest if & when they phone!
You have a tendency to be frightfully negative, so what if you ****ed it up once & fell off, just leave it at the 9 clears & such! lol
He may just appeal to someone without a huge amount of cash to spend, so focus on his good points, which are quite a few it would seem!

p.s. Please excuse any gobbledegook, my eyesight is pretty bad now & I have to peer at the screen from 2 inches away! lol

 

[Skhosu]

lol, yup, that's my problem, I am incredibly self critical of my eventing/riding. that's good but still to me I would be put off by the vetting if buying, but can I leave that off an advert?
lol, we're trying to appeal to someone to spend a semi-reasonable amount on him based on the fact he is not affected by his nose, although obviously it will knock a bit off the price!

That's a good start though!

 

[bex1984]

Agree with above, take out a few of the negative bits as people may assume you're making it sound better than it is, rather than just being honest. So take out:

although I did fall off in the senior eventing as he refused to go over one jump


but tense in competitions which is my fault but still

If you feel you need to say these things then tell people once they've called about him. Perhaps from the fact that you say he's sensitive and can get tense you should take those out and say "Is best with a quiet, confident rider". One more thing: in the long ad you don't mention his colour.

 

[JAK]

He IS a particularly difficult one! I didn't read the whole thing before I replied & it was rather a case of 'Oh!', 'Ah!', 'Hhmm!' the further I went down the advert!
However, don't forget the power of word of mouth! If he is well-known locally, tell everybody & anybody you've ever met that he's for sale! Adverts on trailer/lorry farrier's van, the lot!

I have little experience in selling this calibre of horse & the vetting issue would indeed probably put me off. The only way you could really bypass it is by leaving it off & advertising him at a price that arouses 'suspicion' if you like & hope that it will attract the 'chancers'!
Gawd, now I sound as negative as you but I think you know what I mean! lol

Take this as a free bump, hopefully somebody else will have the perfect answer!

 

[Skhosu]

lol. yes, he is awkward!! He has bumpy legs too...and a dipped back.
A wonderful animal, in my eyes!!
Word of mouth is good hopefully! See, in our local paper there are rarely prices on so it will probably be a no price advert to see what sort of a response we get. Am hoping that the fact he is a consistantly clear xc horse (save one blip) will help in selling!
Thanks for replying though!