Advice needed on barking/trouble with other dog

Laafet

Laafet

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Suffolk
adventuresinblackandwhite.co.uk
I have a long background story so please bear with me. I got my dog, a miniature poodle when he was 18 months old. He’d been bought for an old lady but her new boyfriend didn’t get on with him so they got rid of the dog. He came to me very thin and untrusting. I got his trust and even mastered his non existent recall. He was initially very quiet but suffered from Tourette’s as we call it, random high pitched barks. Anyway that settled too, he has had issues with vomiting when stressed etc but again managed that. The only time he got stressed with me was when I was going out out at night. Going out to do my horse was fine but if I had a shower and got dressed up he would bark most of the time I am out. Not a massive problem as upto 6 months ago I lived on a stud with no neighbours.
Then I got an office job and had to rent. With a dog no allowed so my Mum kindly said she’d take him on. She has a working cocker, Toby has known him since he was a pup and they have liked each other and when I have gone away he had lived at hers for upto a month at a time.
But this time it doesn’t seem to be working. My mum is a carer for my grand parents who live 2 hours away so she spends a week down there and a week at hers. Not ideal for Toby as he likes routine. His barking has got worse. When she goes out during the day he barks constantly and it is upsetting the other dog who I have observed to have some seperation anxiety issues in that he paces. Toby also has taken to start barking from 6.30 in the morning waking her up. Now he has never done that with me. If I walked him at 11 at night I could sleep in until 10 and he wouldn’t get up until I got dressed.
She comments on how her dog looks like he is fed up with Toby, he always has been a bit of a only child and they both compete for her attention. Barley even steals Toby’s toys and hides them or pushes him off the sofa. He’s 20kgs and Toby is only 7kg.
So I feel a bit at a loss, mum has a lot going on and Toby is an emo hawk. She has tried an adaptil plug in and has a shaker to stop barking when she is in and he starts barking but that upsets Barley.
I have said if it isn’t working and after 6 months I was hoping it would, we would have to look at other options. Poor Toby is 7 years old now and had a fairly stressful life. I feel awful for my change in circumstances as he was happy apart from when I went out at night which wasn’t often.
I have given her the number if the Dogs Trust trainers in her area as they have a behaviourist. But I fear they will tell her that neither dog is happy in a multiple dog household and her lifestyle of being a carer isn’t helping. My gran has dementia and Mum has caught her hitting him when he barks.
I feel like I have failed him. Mum is determined to keep him but in tonight’s phone call she sounded really down like it was all her fault.
 
I tried for 2 months but I ran out of time. On a tight budget I was limited and there are few rentals in this area that take dogs. The one I did find was too far from work to get home at lunch. I didn’t want to give him up and put him in that situation. A friend who works on a stud and had known him since I have had him had offered to take him on but at that point my mum was determined no one else would be good enough to look after him and then I got injured in my old job so things just got out of my control.
 
The reason you probably haven't got much of a response, is that you won't change much in a seven year old dog with ingrained issues and none of us can help you train it over the internet without seeing the dog or knowing exactly what is going on when you are not there.
Changing the dog's location is the best thing for everyone, including him.
 
I would encourage your mum to re-home him. The friend on the stud sounds ideal, or there must be a poodle rescue. There must be lots of older people who are nearly always at home who would like such a dog.
It is not just all about you or your mum. The dog must be thoroughly stressed and miserable and you owe it to him to make his life better. Sorry last but sounds harsh, I know you want to do the best for him.
 
Clodagh said:
I would encourage your mum to re-home him. The friend on the stud sounds ideal, or there must be a poodle rescue. There must be lots of older people who are nearly always at home who would like such a dog.
It is not just all about you or your mum. The dog must be thoroughly stressed and miserable and you owe it to him to make his life better. Sorry last but sounds harsh, I know you want to do the best for him.
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Thing is this is how I have felt from the start that he enjoyed it when I lived at work so was around all the time and my mum was meant to be in a similar but the wretched caring thing which I think is way more stressful than she lets on has ruined what would have been an ideal situation. Thing is she is the sort of person who won't give up, she said it wasn't fair to rehome him when we were talking last night but her situation is not what he needs and no matter how much I tell her that, she refuses to have it that anyone else will do better. I stupidly mentioned that my step mum also said that she would have him, again quiet home, no other dogs, hardly ever go out, but that suggestion led to the phone being slammed down on me.
 
With the best will in the world, the 'wretched caring thing' for your two grandparents takes priority over the dog, it hasn't 'ruined' anything, it's just something that happens in families and your mum is being intransigent.
If she won't budge then there is nothing anyone on here can do to help and short of going there yourself and taking him back and handing him over to someone else, I am not sure what to suggest.
 
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