Advice on a tricky situation... (and pic of new pony)

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E_Lister

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Warning, this is very long but there are pictures at the end as a reward!

I got my new loan horse today and although nothing could put a damper on this I would like to ask your advice on an issue:

I have got this horse after sharing another horse on the same yard for almost 3 years. Although I loved the horse, the owner ("A") and I never saw eye to eye (but we could generally get along fine), the problem was A saw me as a dopey idiot and although this is not the case I was treated as such for the entire duration of me sharing her horse.

A was at the yard when the new horse arrived, (she was only a few miles away so I had ridden her down). I talked to A as I untacked the horse and groomed her. I then put her in the field, checking all the fencing was secure and adjusting the tension of the electric fencing so there was no risks of it getting tangled between her legs etc.

When I got back, I crossed A going to feed her horse, but instead of taking 5 minutes like she normally did it was more like 20. It turned out that she had gone into the field with my new horse and had changed about all my fencing arrangements.
Her explanation was that it had been too loose and the horse would have gotten caught up in it.

Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill but it upset me because firstly: she went into the field with MY horse, that she knew absolutely nothing about without my permission.
Secondly: She didn't come back, point out my "mistake" to me and let me sort it myself or help me with it. I know she was trying to help but it makes me feel stupid when I know it was fine (how many people put a horse they have had for less than 20 mins in an unsafe field?)
Thirdly: the reason I decided to get the loan horse in the first place was because I was fed up of her constantly making me feel small and useless all the time so this is really difficult for me when it appears it hasn't stopped.

Am I making a fuss over nothing, and if not, how can I avoid this kind of situation again? (I am not prepared to move yards)

Ok Thanks for reading and (hopefully) offering advice! Now for a fun part, may I introduce Misty, Sorry there is only one picture, my phone died on me!:
PICT0660.jpg

She is a little overweight at the moment, but her exercise routine will be upped considerably with me so as we get fitter that will drop away.
 
Ooh, is this the same one that was posted about a few days ago, about "How much for?"

If so - Yay! So glad she's gone to a home where her weight will be watched more carefully.

Also , with regards to A , I would try your hardest to ignore her. I've suffered the exact same thing for a year and a half now, and it gets easier/ less frequent with time!
 
Every time I read a story like this I am so grateful I have my own horse and keep him on a private yard where there are no interfering busybodies! I'm not sure I could cope on livery!

She looks lovely, hope you have a lot of fun together!
 
She is very nice, what are your plans for her? and i can understand your frustration with the situation. I think you just need to remind A that you have your own horse now to deal with so you can both go your seperate ways with your own horses. Afterall you have a new horse and might feel like ' ok this is my horse now and its not like before where we share it so back of' kind of. i think it was proberly a friendly gesture but she could easily of just told you her opinion instead of just going to do it herself.
 
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Ooh, is this the same one that was posted about a few days ago, about "How much for?"

If so - Yay! So glad she's gone to a home where her weight will be watched more carefully.


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Nope, she has never been for sale so it must have been a different horse?
She has a fabulous, loving and really experienced owner who I couldn't rate highly enough, her weight is just unfortunate. She has ballooned recently due to the rich grass and a drop in exercise as her owner didn't have time to look after and exercise 3 after her desicion to show one of the others at a higher level (which is why she loaned out Misty).
 
Ooh, sorry. I knew the one from before was black and a bit overweight so I jumped tehe ! Needless to say, I hope you have lots of fun!
 
I know that she is doing it with the best will in the world. She just tends to overstep the mark a bit.
She is trying to help but I need a diplomatic way of asking her to keep back unless I ask for help?
 
Don't be sorry, it was an easy mistake to make, sorry if it seemed I was a bit harsh in my reply, I just don't want her owner to come out in any bad light at all... she is great
smile.gif
 
Perhaps just keep things short and sweet. If she really is just interfering I maybe would have said thank you so much for doing that for me, it was very kind of you but really quite unnecessary and why didn't you call me. Don't worry in the future, I have XYZ on the yard looking out for her in case of any problems and they will contact me and I do the same for them. Mind you, if the tape did become a hazard, mine sometimes slackens and falls out of its posts, she was doing you a favour . Hopefully, she will get fed up of interfering and leave you alone. Good luck, she looks lovely. xxx
 
Maybe keep up a running commentary to her as to what you've done/are doing. She may well have not noticed you adjust the fencing and had known it was loose hence her being helpfully controlling in adjusting it for you.....whereas if you'd commented 'gosh the fence was loose just had to spend 20 mins adjusting it' she'd have looked a right prat to go back out and adjust it for 20 mins.

I expect the next comment will be weight/lamminitis so maybe think up your comment in preparation to get in first!
 
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She is very nice, what are your plans for her?

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Hacking and schooling, maybe even some dressage when I catch up with her standards! SIn the loan contract I have agreed not to jump her though which dosn't bother me because I get so nervous and agitated about jumping anything!
 
And I love that idea Dubsie! A running commentary may be what is needed, that way she can "monitor" me without interfering (unless truly needed).

Archiesmummy I think if this kind of thing happens again I will try that but I can't really do that in regards to this one :S I also like the idea of saying someone else on the yard is watching my back but unfortunately the yard is only very small and I would struggle to think of who might do that for me.
 
If it happens again, I would thank her for her help then say that you are looking forward to being more independent with your new horse, so if she has concerns in future you would be grateful if she let you know so you can fix them yourself rather than doing it for you. This will also let you see the problem so you will be able to tell whether she is being genuinely helpful or just interfering (in which case you can feel free to thank her for her input but that you prefer it this way because...)
 
Also if she really gets stuck in with interfering and does something to your pony she shouldn't have eg fed her, turned her out w/o asking you say something along the lines of

'Thank you for doing xxxx but I am under strict instructions with regard to xxxx from the owner, so in future although I know you're only trying to help I'd really appreciate if you could refrain from doing xxxx without checking with me first.
 
Chill out.She means well, and though it may be a bit annoying, give a little slack.often the people who most seem like complete pains in the a+++ turn out to be the people who help us through the realy difficult parts of caring for a horse.
 
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Chill out.She means well, and though it may be a bit annoying, give a little slack.often the people who most seem like complete pains in the a+++ turn out to be the people who help us through the realy difficult parts of caring for a horse.

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Sorry dont agree, if someone was interfearing with your horses would you sit back and let them do it? I would say thanks but she is my horse, if you see a problem with the fencing please let me know and I will deal with it, dont let her take over.
 
i didnt really expect people to agree. having seen the amount of backstabbing and bitching that goes on amongst women with horses I am under no illusions.
however, as a mere man and unable to multitask(but able to see the bigger picture)I say dont make enemys .
 
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If it happens again, I would thank her for her help then say that you are looking forward to being more independent with your new horse, so if she has concerns in future you would be grateful if she let you know so you can fix them yourself rather than doing it for you. This will also let you see the problem so you will be able to tell whether she is being genuinely helpful or just interfering (in which case you can feel free to thank her for her input but that you prefer it this way because...)

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Ditto this.

Good luck with your new horse - I hope you have lots of fun together.
 
As you were previously sharing her horse she would have been the one in charge,sounds to me like she likes lording it over you & wants to continue.
I agree with what imafluffybunny suggested, just thank her for her help (through gritted teeth) but tell her that you'll deal with any issued yourself from now on.
 
Misty looks lovely, hope you both have lots of good times together
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I am suprised "A" can manage to walk up to the field to "interfere" with someone elses equipment with her head so far up her own arse
smirk.gif
must make communication difficult as she must sound rather muffled.
 
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