Advice please on new horse

[maxweg]

I'm neither a new rider nor a new owner but this horse is new to me and I'm at a loss
I've had her 5 months but don't have a connection with her, has anyone else experienced this?
I'm trying very hard and won't bore you with all the details but she's not the least bit interested in me, won't be caught or plants herself coming in from the field or even leaving her stable. She's so focused on other horses that I'm insignificant to her.
Does anyone have suggestions as I feel we are coming to the end , as I'm putting everything into her and not getting an ounce back

 

[Pearlsasinger]

It can take a long time for mares to settle into a new home.

What do you know of her history? Long time in her previous home? Or passed around a lot?

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I'm neither a new rider nor a new owner but this horse is new to me and I'm at a loss
I've had her 5 months but don't have a connection with her, has anyone else experienced this?
I'm trying very hard and won't bore you with all the details but she's not the least bit interested in me, won't be caught or plants herself coming in from the field or even leaving her stable. She's so focused on other horses that I'm insignificant to her.
Does anyone have suggestions as I feel we are coming to the end , as I'm putting everything into her and not getting an ounce back

5 months is not that long really, I am still bonding with my mare and had her 2 years. Don't push it it will come in time as you have to experience real life incidents and competitions and other things to gradually bond with the mare.

I still cannot say I have let my ID in through to my soft part - I still keep her at arms length but I know it will come.

Have you tried some join up or massaging her weak spots as it can help

 

[maxweg]

I suspect passed around, not due to her behaviour but circumstances . I've had mares before but I'm struggling with her. I'm unable to ride at the moment so doing ground work and although green it's her general attitude that bothers me, will do the least amount she can , pretty much ignores me . She gets extremely anxious if on her own without any of the other horses around
Your opinion/ suggestions ?

 

[maxweg]

I've had ground work lessons( I'm not able to ride at the moment) and to handle she's very good however very lazy and totally disinterested apart from the other horses.
I think I'm just struggling with any connection with her, I'm not looking for open arms in the morning but when she doesn't want to leave her stable then at night plants herself ( so have to lead her in circling to keep her feet moving) it all gets rather frustrating

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I would guess that she has got used to staying aloof from the people in her life, if they have changed frequently. She probably likes to make sure that the horses that she knows stay around her/where she can see them, too, for the same reason. 5 months really isn't long in the great scheme of things. It will take her time to understand that she is in her new home for the long-term - unless you prove otherwise and move her on yet again.
I suggest that you just carry on spending some time with her each day, doing something for her that she likes, even if that is just feeding her. She will relax and come round eventually.

 

[be positive]

I would guess that she has got used to staying aloof from the people in her life, if they have changed frequently. She probably likes to make sure that the horses that she knows stay around her/where she can see them, too, for the same reason. 5 months really isn't long in the great scheme of things. It will take her time to understand that she is in her new home for the long-term - unless you prove otherwise and move her on yet again.
I suggest that you just carry on spending some time with her each day, doing something for her that she likes, even if that is just feeding her. She will relax and come round eventually.

She has learnt to be detached from people and as yet has probably not found reason to be any different with you, there will probably be something that she will engage with you just haven't found it yet, I would avoid pushing this type with anything they don't enjoy, other than the obvious things they need to do such as come in and out, I would not do any ground work if she is not enjoying it and instead spend time grooming, doing stretches, going for aimless walks rather than anything too constructive.

I had a pony here for 3 years who rarely engaged with anything, he was not even that interested in other horses, his only real enjoyment in life was eating and jumping everything else was of no interest whatsoever, he was so easy to do but very dull most of the time.

 

[maxweg]

Thank you, your replies have made me feel a bit better. She's perfect for me in the sense she's very quiet and easy to handle. It just gets a bit soul destroying when I can't even get her in from the field without a real fuss and then when I groom her she's fidgety and stressed.
I should say when she first arrived she was very quiet but I think as she needed a bit of tlc and health care so it's probably that's she's feeling better now.
The vet in his vetting said she was in need of some proper care and there was a lot to like about her, she's now had a full makeover ,
I will take on board re the ground work and not force the issue as she's not bargy or rude.
i guess I should relax and be thankful I've found a horse that is suited to me ( after being sold a sedated one!) even though she doesn't quite love me yet !!
I won't be passing her on as I suspect she's not had a great life so far and maybe it's time for her to enjoy life

 

[Leo Walker]

In my experience nothing brings them round like clicker training. Its very easy for them to understand, no pressure and lots of rewards. You can do simple things like stand and back or you can teach them tricks like spanish walk.

 

[meleeka]

I don’t recommend this as a solution but my boy was just like this for a few years. Our turning point was when he had an op followed by box rest. I think he had learnt to be aloof with everyone he met and finally learnt to trust me after all that. I spent a long time just being with him in his stable and I really think that created a bond. I feel that I know him now and that he trusts me totally.

Can I ask, did you have your previous horse for a long time? I think I expected that bond again without realising that it takes time to build.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Thank you, your replies have made me feel a bit better. She's perfect for me in the sense she's very quiet and easy to handle. It just gets a bit soul destroying when I can't even get her in from the field without a real fuss and then when I groom her she's fidgety and stressed.
I should say when she first arrived she was very quiet but I think as she needed a bit of tlc and health care so it's probably that's she's feeling better now.
The vet in his vetting said she was in need of some proper care and there was a lot to like about her, she's now had a full makeover ,
I will take on board re the ground work and not force the issue as she's not bargy or rude.
i guess I should relax and be thankful I've found a horse that is suited to me ( after being sold a sedated one!) even though she doesn't quite love me yet !!
I won't be passing her on as I suspect she's not had a great life so far and maybe it's time for her to enjoy life

She sounds as if she will be lovely when she has relaxed with you. I would put her on an ulcer-friendly diet with Aloe Vera juice for her stomach and see if that helps with her fidgeting and fussing when you are grooming her.
MY Draft mare, who is the biggest, softest thing you have ever met, was withdrawn when I first met her. The previous owner, who had only had her 8 months, told me that they didn't get on and that the mare bit. Well, I sorted the biting by making sure that her tack fitted but it still took her a while to relax. I wondered if she had ulcers because she didn't like being groomed/rugged/tacked up and saw a tip on here about feeding Aloe Vera juice. It worked really well. She still has it but it doesn't matter now if we run out occasionally, which it used to do - she reverted to grumpy very easily.

 

[maxweg]

I think your right I've expected an instant bond and it is very early days. I've had horses for 40 plus years( yes I know I'm old! Lol) so young ,old , mares , geldings however my horses are with me for life, yes they are all different but I've never had one so aloof however at my stage in life I think she probably is perfect for me

 

[SEL]

It took probably a year for my little draft to realise he was mine & not going anywhere. He has awful anxiety issues and even 2 years in can get quite withdrawn if he's worrying about something.

It actually makes me smile when he does something naughty now - a 30 second protest over being caught is a sign of his cheeky personality. (the galloping & bucking in the wind was a bit tiring & 30 secs was enough!)

 

[claret09]

not everyone will agree but lots of treats give her a reason to want to spend time with you. I am sure that will help. she clearly doesn't really trust people so you need to give her a reason to believe in you.

 

[meesha]

Are you able to walk her either out or round yard fields for some in hand grazing?

 

[scats]

I think some horses are just, by nature (or nurture, who knows?) a bit aloof with people. Not saying yours is, but it does happen.

My mares are totally different. Diva is an in your face type, not got a grumpy bone in her, enjoys fuss and people in her stable grooming her etc. I've had her three years but to be honest, within 3 minutes I was completely head over heels in love with her and it's one of the strongest bonds I've ever felt with any animal.

Polly is a strange one, she very much likes to be left alone. She doesn't particularly like being groomed or touched, she allows it obviously, but it's easy to see she would prefer to be left alone. She will try to just circle the stable while you try to do something, or back up, or lift a hind leg (for which she gets a roar and then she very sweetly puts it back down!). She is very opinionated. We are only 3 months in to our partnership so it's very early days. Sometimes I think that I irritate the hell out of her because I insist on things being done, but then every now and then I catch her looking at me or she'll come and give my hair a snuffle and I realise that in her own way, I think she quite likes her human, or is at least starting to.

I wouldn't worry about it too much right now, I'd just let the relationship happen on its own. Some of the best friendships in life don't begin instantly, but grow over shared time and understanding.

 

[tallyho!]

5 months?

That's nothing... I've had my mare all her life since weaning and she does her job and would like to be put out to socialise and eat afterwards thanks very much. She's polite and obedient but if you want cuddles, go see the gelding