Advice please

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luane1

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Sorry about this I am totally fed up. Some of you may have picked up that we own a Cavalier gelding aged 9, only got him in July, we have had problems with him in that he basically has been freaking and becoming totally stressed out, we have taken the opinion that we have to bring him back to basics and see if we can reharness the amazing jumping talent he has. Well yesterday my daughter asked our YO as a throw away question did he think we should use a stronger bit - well that sent him off on one, we were doing all the wrong things and this horse needed to be taken in hand and he wasn't going to give her any advice unless she used him on a weekly basis for lessons on this horse (we have a weekly lesson on one or other of our other two horses) and basically demoralised my daughter so badly that she was in tears when she came home and is dreading being up at the yard today she lacks confidence in herself anyway, is stressed with the amount of work for her A levels and is not used to this sort of behaviour. I cant go until tomorrow but I was thinking that I would have a meeting with him and my daughter and bring everything that is simmering out into the open, I really cant be bothered with attitude, behind back comments or snide remarks. I work long and hard to be able to afford these 3 horses, we really enjoy competing and having fun and yes I believe that everbody needs help from time to time if only to learn from someone with more knowledge but we also have the right to learn from our own mistakes. I have confidence that we are doing the right thing and yes my daughter does not believe that she is the greates rider ever but she competes successfully at 1.10 and will hopefully do more 1.20 this year, she went out 3 times pre-novice eventing last year and moved straight up to novice finishing on her dressage scores each time - then the poor horse went lame and is only just in work again (not the Cavalier). What would you do?
 
Seeing as I can't stand being lectured by anyone I would tell him to keep his advice to himself. Sounds to me as if he is only trying to bully you into spending more money with him. I'd seek the advice of a good instructor / trainer and take it from there. Noone ever got anything out of being demoralised or bullied.
 
My old YO did this to me, i lost loads of confidence and was even considering selling and giving up as i truely believed i was the cr*ppiest ridder to walk the earth. I used to go home crying all the time.

I moved yards and my confidence improved leaps and bounds as did my horses.

I would say look into getting another instructor if possible otherwise your daighters confidence is going to rapidly go down hill. With an attitude like that i am not sure i would want him near my horse anyway.
 
I would consider having a look around seeing what else is available.
If he has that attitude is there not anothr insturctor you can get?
 
I posted on your other thread about Cavalier horses. First thing I'd say is you are doing exactly the right thing going back to basics with him. That's what I did with mine, completely taking the pressure off him. I've always thought it was the way my horse was and the way he'd been treated, but from what you and others have said I think there is a lot of 'cavalier temperament' which has caused problems. Certainly with mine you cant tell him to do something or force him into it or he'll put you on the floor and then have a mini breakdown. The only way forward has been quiet consistent but firm handling.

I'd be looking at getting a sympathetic experienced trainer and if your YO doesnt like it moving may be your only option.

Hope my waffle is some help!
 
God these 'Cavalier Traits' sound soooooo familiar
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Well is ur YO qualied to give adive in that he knows what he is tlaking about and has experinced jumping to a high level? if so i wud take his advice- if not i wud work away as you are.
 
Thanks guys - I am always prepared to hear both sides of any situation but this YO is really pushing it I have respected him and we have bought our horses through him, we have 3 on full livery - but he really does seem to be picking on her at the moment I don't think she is always right and she would alays like a 2nd opinion in case she is wrong BUT........
Kelly - sorry you went through that - yes I dont want her believing that she is a c----y rider and I wont let that happen- we get enought disppointments with horses without that.
Moggy - Thanks for that I do really believe we are on the right track, I was so happy after theat post just to know that someone else out there has similar problems- this horse has serious talent and YO rode him when we first purchased him as he was napping and rearing badly then I got his back checked and ended that scenario as the horse was in pain.
I dont want to up sticks and leave as the yard has super facilities but I am not going to have daughter being totally demoralsied and bullied we dont work that way at home and I know that in life everyone is not thoughtful and nice but this just takes the biscuit!!
I hate confrontation but I want a happy daughter, happy horses and good fun not having to watch everything we say or do in case we offend or being bullied into something I dont agee with just to keep the peace, I will look around for another trainer but we have already had this horse out last October and managed very well at a 3 day show so this does not worry me.
 
YO is experienced in years of riding and having some success at a high local level ie Grand Prix circuit in Ireland but he is very much do things his way as they are the only way and sometimes I believe there are two ways to look at everything and I am also not proud to say if something I try doesnt work BUT I dont bully and demoralise anyone.
 
The one thing I've learnt with mine is that there are many ways around a problem. Keep trying different ways until it works. Have to say it sounds like at least some of my lads problems came from people like you YO .
 
If this is the one I'm thinking of (not sue if you are the person I'm thinking of?) and your YO is who I'm thinking of, I'm not surprised and he wouldn't be near a horse of mine riding wise but he is experienced at high levels, BUT (again!) I think you sound liek your taking it the right way with the horse so yeah...
good luck!
 
I think what you have said in your op was spot on ... Have a meeting with him and your daughter get everything out in the open ...Not gona go and repeat what others have said ... Just hope you get sorted for your sake, daughters and the horse as he is lovely . Acmissy is still mad about him by the way
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:P Good luck xx
 
TriplesandH- yes you do know who I am talking about, I am not questioning his experience in general but just that you don't demoralise and bully people particularly if they dont have confidence in their own ability.
I have made up my mind to meet with him tomorrow afternoon and get everthing out in the open and see where we go from there will also have to get daughter to lighten up and not take everything to heart - as they say life is too short!
Thanks everyone I hope I havent bored you all but it is nice to get support and that is what I enjoy about this forum you do get lots of different opinions - and you dont have to take them!!
Well Acmissy may meet him in person someday - I will be at Balmoral to see your yearling if I get the chance- usually do go up there most days to watch the jumping and see what is happening in the showing - some fab horses.
 
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