RachelB
Well-Known Member
Am I wrong to be offended by this?
I am sharing a horse with a friend of mine (ok big mistake to start with, but there you go). Our horses were field buddies and once I found out I could no longer ride Maiden she offered me a couple of lessons on Cookie. Then in June she told me she had decided to advertise for a sharer to look after Cookie through the winter two or three days a week (including riding), but wanted to give me first refusal (I, of course, said yes). She told me she wanted someone to love Cookie like he were their own, and wanted the sharer to take him to competitions and have fun on him (even to take him out on their own, without her there). Three months down the line this sharing business has become more and more awkward and more and more hassle. We went to our first competition last month, just unaffiliated dressage, and Cookie's owner looked uncomfortable about it (although denied all accusations of not being happy, and became very offended that I might have thought she was "anything other than enthusiastic"). She has given me the impression that she would prefer it if I concentrated on the jumping (she gets a bad back if she jumps so prefers not to, but still wants Cookie to jump) and she did the dressage (she now does affiliated novice, after first thinking she'd always be a happy hacker). I've accepted that and we seemed to have come to an agreement that I could do a combined training competition next month (I love doing dressage and the opportunity to do both disciplines seemed the perfect answer). Owner is going away next weekend and I am responsible for Cookie for two consecutive days. I have told her that I intend to have a flatwork lesson very soon and try out some spurs with our instructor there, and I always jump him once a week - so I texted her today to ask if it would fit in with what she is doing this week if Cookie went in the school for two days in a row, as she doesn't like him to go in too often as he quickly becomes stale. The reply was that she doesn't want me to have a flatwork lesson as she wants Cookie going "her way", which is forward and "not stopping for a poo" (she has never told him off for this until now, and I only let him stop as I'm not going to be the one changing "mummy's" rules). She says that although I am a "better rider" (I don't consider myself to be "better" than anyone on my yard! Far from it!) she would prefer to do the flatwork and I can just jump him. My reply was that I don't understand, that as far as I can see I could do far more damage to him while jumping, I am capable of making him go forwards and ensuring he doesn't make any unscheduled pit stops, but as she is his owner I cannot argue and will go along with what she wants.
Ok, so am I being unreasonable? Owner always said she wanted a sharer to have a say in what Cookie did, and I feel I've been sidelined so much that all I am allowed to do now is jump and hack. Any thought of dressage is out of the question, including schooling on the flat (which I consider an essential part of being able to jump!). She doesn't want me to be offended, but I'm afraid I have been and I'm not sure I want the hassle of having to share with a friend - I don't want to lose a friend and she is so impossibly difficult to talk to sometimes for fear of offending her and consequentially my riding being more restricted than it is already. However I REALLY love riding Cookie, he is fantastic for my jumping as he's such a schoolmaster, and we both really enjoy every session we have together. Also I don't have a horse to "do" properly at the moment (only my fat broken nag dumped in a field over the winter) and I really, really miss being at the yard as it's like a second home to me, and I really get on with everyone there and just love being around the horses and the people.
Am I being unreasonable expecting to be able to have a flatwork lesson when I've agreed to be Cookie's "jump rider"?
I am so confused, any advice would be really appreciated (even if it is to tell me to shut up and appreciate being able to ride at all!)
Thanks
and sorry it's so long, I hope it makes sense and doesn't just sound like a long-winded whinge!
I am sharing a horse with a friend of mine (ok big mistake to start with, but there you go). Our horses were field buddies and once I found out I could no longer ride Maiden she offered me a couple of lessons on Cookie. Then in June she told me she had decided to advertise for a sharer to look after Cookie through the winter two or three days a week (including riding), but wanted to give me first refusal (I, of course, said yes). She told me she wanted someone to love Cookie like he were their own, and wanted the sharer to take him to competitions and have fun on him (even to take him out on their own, without her there). Three months down the line this sharing business has become more and more awkward and more and more hassle. We went to our first competition last month, just unaffiliated dressage, and Cookie's owner looked uncomfortable about it (although denied all accusations of not being happy, and became very offended that I might have thought she was "anything other than enthusiastic"). She has given me the impression that she would prefer it if I concentrated on the jumping (she gets a bad back if she jumps so prefers not to, but still wants Cookie to jump) and she did the dressage (she now does affiliated novice, after first thinking she'd always be a happy hacker). I've accepted that and we seemed to have come to an agreement that I could do a combined training competition next month (I love doing dressage and the opportunity to do both disciplines seemed the perfect answer). Owner is going away next weekend and I am responsible for Cookie for two consecutive days. I have told her that I intend to have a flatwork lesson very soon and try out some spurs with our instructor there, and I always jump him once a week - so I texted her today to ask if it would fit in with what she is doing this week if Cookie went in the school for two days in a row, as she doesn't like him to go in too often as he quickly becomes stale. The reply was that she doesn't want me to have a flatwork lesson as she wants Cookie going "her way", which is forward and "not stopping for a poo" (she has never told him off for this until now, and I only let him stop as I'm not going to be the one changing "mummy's" rules). She says that although I am a "better rider" (I don't consider myself to be "better" than anyone on my yard! Far from it!) she would prefer to do the flatwork and I can just jump him. My reply was that I don't understand, that as far as I can see I could do far more damage to him while jumping, I am capable of making him go forwards and ensuring he doesn't make any unscheduled pit stops, but as she is his owner I cannot argue and will go along with what she wants.
Ok, so am I being unreasonable? Owner always said she wanted a sharer to have a say in what Cookie did, and I feel I've been sidelined so much that all I am allowed to do now is jump and hack. Any thought of dressage is out of the question, including schooling on the flat (which I consider an essential part of being able to jump!). She doesn't want me to be offended, but I'm afraid I have been and I'm not sure I want the hassle of having to share with a friend - I don't want to lose a friend and she is so impossibly difficult to talk to sometimes for fear of offending her and consequentially my riding being more restricted than it is already. However I REALLY love riding Cookie, he is fantastic for my jumping as he's such a schoolmaster, and we both really enjoy every session we have together. Also I don't have a horse to "do" properly at the moment (only my fat broken nag dumped in a field over the winter) and I really, really miss being at the yard as it's like a second home to me, and I really get on with everyone there and just love being around the horses and the people.
Am I being unreasonable expecting to be able to have a flatwork lesson when I've agreed to be Cookie's "jump rider"?
Thanks
