Advice re: Livery

[SusieJane]

I have my horses at home. Two years ago I took on a livery. She had one horse on DIY and another on field livery. I explained my strict worming routine/poo picking/fence checking etc and she was very good. She is very clean and tidy, and we soon became friends.
In March of this year, she was offered free livery for her horse (she'd sold the grass livery one) in return for helping on the farm. So she upped sticks, and went to the farm. She was on her own there, the stable was mile from the field and she wasn't happy. I saw her 3 months later, and she was in the middle of a mental breakdown as she suffers from mental health issues.
My heart went out to her, and I told her to come back, I wouldn't charge her and I'd help her out.
So she hasn't paid any livery, she's had free hay up til now and she's back on her feet. I've just bought a load of hay, and asked her to go 50/50 on it, but she says she's taking next doors off their field as its free (but rank!). She bought the wrong wormer, and when I asked her to change it, argued that it didn't matter what wormer it was! Then took both back to shop and changed my one! She's let down my farrier, and my instructor. I just feel like she's taking me for granted.
Anyhoooo, the nub of the matter is this. I want to ask her to pay livery from next month, but as I'd invited her back, should I?
Also, what chores do you think she should do? She turned her horse out the other day and the electric fence was blown over, but she just left it for me to do, even though my horse doesn't go out in that paddock!
Advice/critisisms welcome. Thanks x

 

[henryhorn]

Write down a list of your grievances and ask her to a meeting.
Explain you are not really happy with the way things are working out and give her the option to either pay or go.
Make sure you listen to any complaints she has too but ultimately, it's your home and if she won't do it the way you want, it's best to ask her to leave, giving her a month's notice.
I find if I explain to my liveries what is upsetting me they then at least have the option to move or put up with my ways!
For instance one livery was found in the field at 8am one morning plus her instructor, trotting her retired for years horse to see if it was lame or not. I had told her four weeks previously it had been lame but was now sound. As she had driven 200 miles to do a sneaky check I was telling the truth I was upset, I had no problem with her bringing her instructor but felt common courtesy would have been to tell me about it. I wrote to her explaining this and saying I felt she was putting me in a postition of feeling not trusted, she apologised and agreed to at least tell us in future when she would be visiting. (we have a visit anytime policy but do appreciate a call saying someone is visiting, for a start, they may have trouble finding their horse on 100 odd acres!)
It's no good seething about your livery, tell her straight and you should get a resolution one way or the other..

 

[SusieJane]

Thank you.
You've made me laugh at the way you could tell I'm seething!
I'm going to sit and do this list now. I'll let you know how I get on.
Susie x

 

[Christmas_Kate]

It was really nice of you to say you'd take her back for free, and I think she's taken this literally, and doesnt intend on paying anything. It's a tricky one. If it were me I'd say that I'm having a little financial difficulty and that I'm sorry but need to ask for a little livery money. Even if it's only a fiver a week. Explain that you just need money towards electric / water etc.
Set out a few rules, and go through them with her over a cuppa, and then pin them up somewhere where they can be seen daily. That way she can't disagree if you've both had a chat over them. Also, write up a worming calendar and put it next to the list. Point out that all horses on the same yard need the same worming regime, and that this is the most effective way to combat worms.

Good luck

 

[wizzi901]

Whilst you did the heartfelt thing at the time, circumstances have changed and really she should be grateful, however as you asked her back you shouldnt drill that into her too much.

However, I would treat it as an employment contract of sorts! - as other poster said, put all your issues/greivances down in a list, invite her to a meeting, formal one. Have someone with you present to take notes. Also mention the consequences of not attending the meeting and possibility she could lose her place there.

I would lay out in no uncertain terms the new rates/rules etc, when they are applicable and ask her to sign a contract.

Its sad when people take the micky but unfortunately give people an inch.....

 

[evsj]

susie-jane, if you are anywhere near me in kent i will volunteer to take her place.....and i am a reliable, pay-my-way, muck-in and help kind of livery (who is just fed of paying through the nose for my current and exceedingly poor bhs approved yard)

 

[amandaco2]

good advice henryhorn.
hope it gets sorted-i wish i had mate like you!!!!

 

[filly190]

To be brutal I would get rid of her. There are plenty of good people out there that will comply and help!! Why put up with her?

 

[SusieJane]

Hi ~ sort of had chat this morning, and she thinks that £50 per month is too much at the moment.

Then had crying fit, about no money etc ~ but had previously said she'd spent £300 quid each on her kids!!

I'm not very good around fragile people ~ normally, I'd just up and say it.

She also said she hoped I don't push her back into a breakdown! This has really upset me!

 

[luckygirl]

SusieJane, I don't think you should just leave this but need to write her a letter. Nicely and politely restate the rules of your yard. State that you need £50 month (very reasonable IMO) but perhaps make it from January or February to give her time to sort herself out financially.

If she doesn't agree then I think you should ask her to leave. You have been an excellent friend, have helped her out during a bad time. However this help was not intended to be for ever.

Yes, it is sad that she is ill but it is really unreasonable for her to use this as a reason to avoid sorting things out with you.

Good luck and you have no reason to feel bad.

Kx

 

[TequilaMist]

Ditto what Henryhorn said.And don't let her lay a guilt trip on you to get you to back down,be firm but consistent(cynic in me says don't let her see you soften or she'll jump right in.Sorry if that sounds harsh).If she can manage to spend £300 on each kid she can manage £50.Doubt she'd get the same deal elsewhere.Good luck.

 

[TGM]

[ QUOTE ]
She also said she hoped I don't push her back into a breakdown! This has really upset me!

[/ QUOTE ] Sounds like emotional blackmail to me!

 

[ihatework]

She is completely out of order and taking the p*ss
I know she is your friend and you want to do all you can to help but she has to take some responsibility for her own horse.
I would stick to your guns, if you find it easier to put it in a letter then so be it, maybe include a livery agreement with the letter starting from January so that you are both clear where you stand.
But at the end of the day if she can't afford her horse perhaps it would be better if she put it on loan or sold it?

 

[TGM]

[ QUOTE ]
But at the end of the day if she can't afford her horse perhaps it would be better if she put it on loan or sold it?

[/ QUOTE ] I must say I was thinking the same. Obviously difficult if it is a retired or old horse - but if it is a useful animal and her financial problems are not just temporary then she has to face up to the fact that it needs a new home.

 

[SusieJane]

thank you so much for all your advice and support, it's been such a long time coming and I haven't found an outlet for it that would understand, until now!

I will be very firm tomorrow, and sod the consequences and its mainly due to this.... I got to thinking what Ben & Jerry said about affording her horse, and worked out what she does pay for...

As for paying anything, I've thought alot about that today whilst pottering about, and she doesn't have any buckets, haynets, chipping fork, broom. She uses mine. She gets free hay (that is gross, but free) I buy mine in. As we feed the same feed, we alternate feed buying, so she only has to pay out once a month (but so do i so....)
So basically she pays about £20 month. Well, add on £25 every 6 weeks shoes, and about say £12 every 12 weeks for wormer, thats about £120 per quarter, or £30 month!!!!

OMG ~ just worked that little lot out!! Right, I'm definetly going to have words tomorrow!! My water & electric bill for the yard is that, let alone poo removal and upkeep of place!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH ~

Suze xx