Agony aunt help needed.....

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Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear HHO agony aunts and uncles,
I need some advice.
I currently have my large oaf of a horse on livery at a very nice yard with lots of lovely posh horses. They gleam in the sunshine, are very quiet in their stables, don't make a mess and are generally so well behaved you don't know they are there.
My horse is different. He is mucky, hairy, molasses stained, nosey and the whole world knows when he's around.
Lately he has taken to throwing things at the nice polite horses and their nice polite owners as they pass his stable - this can be headcollars, leadropes or anything else in reach. This morning it was a food bucket that narrowly missed my YO. Oh and the twitch - which I had accidentally left there from lasts nights attempt to convince the great prancing poof that having cream put on the back of his knees doe not excuse him trying to launch me through the stable wall.
How do I try to overcome my horses social faux pars? Admit defeat and get an ASBO or attempt to persuade the nice polite people and their nice polite horses that my beast is not a total thug but is in fact a higly trained athlete training for the 2012 olympics? And will they swallow equestiran welly wanging as a new sport?

Yours harrassed of Lincolnshire
 
Hovis_and_SidsMum said:
Dear HHO agony aunts and uncles,
I need some advice.
I currently have my large oaf of a horse on livery at a very nice yard with lots of lovely posh horses. They gleam in the sunshine, are very quiet in their stables, don't make a mess and are generally so well behaved you don't know they are there.
My horse is different. He is mucky, hairy, molasses stained, nosey and the whole world knows when he's around.
Lately he has taken to throwing things at the nice polite horses and their nice polite owners as they pass his stable - this can be headcollars, leadropes or anything else in reach. This morning it was a food bucket that narrowly missed my YO. Oh and the twitch - which I had accidentally left there from lasts nights attempt to convince the great prancing poof that having cream put on the back of his knees doe not excuse him trying to launch me through the stable wall.
How do I try to overcome my horses social faux pars? Admit defeat and get an ASBO or attempt to persuade the nice polite people and their nice polite horses that my beast is not a total thug but is in fact a higly trained athlete training for the 2012 olympics? And will they swallow equestiran welly wanging as a new sport?

Yours harrassed of Lincolnshire
Click to expand...

Dear Harrassed, you will be relieved to know that it is your horse that is totally normal and the other, shiny and polite ones, that are not! I must be right because we have 13 that are pretty much the same, although some of them do shine and are clean they are still thuggish on occasion, but why waste his very obvious talent! I do think there is a case for equestrian welly wanging to be introduced into the olympics schedule, and in fact, think you should get down to some serious training rather than just messing with little things, how do you expect him to throw any of those things far enough to win, get him some seriously heavy wellies to work with. I think that once the 'prissy' owners realise that they are yarded with a star they will be in awe of both him and you, please let us know how you get on!
 
Dear Harrassed of Lincolnshire

I am afraid there is only one answer to this problem, send him immediately to me!!!

(Just thought I would get in there first before the Hovis fanclub read this and I loose my chance!!)
 
Dear Harrassed,

I think your oaf of a horse might be trying to tell you something. I think he's throwing his teddies out of the pram because he wasn't allowed access to the computer last Friday to write his weekly diary!

Please allow him to have more freedom with the PC and I'm sure the toy throwing will desist!
 
Dear Harrassed,

I think your delightfully intellegent equine friend is merely trying to teach you inferior human beings how to play 'fetch.' you seem to have picked it up well though as you are aware that he is throwing the things, and i assume you pick them up and put them back :P

having an asbo these days is nothing to be ashamed of : infact, many young hooligans now collect them as trophies!

Your boy is refusing to be another one of the impeccably behaved horses you have on your yard. he is daring to be different!
 
Dear Harrassed;
Clearly your oaf is normal. Any normal horse would play tricks and be noisy, its only natural... and the best all do it. Who'd want a clean shining quiet thing anyway. He is showing his talent like a pro.
Worry not.
 
''This morning it was a food bucket that narrowly missed my YO''

PMSL :D

Dear Harrassed

Please may we have video evidence of this behaviour?
 
... I always thought that was perfectly normal horse behaviour tbh. Clearly I've had Dylan for too long!

One of my friends had an exracer, his party trick was flinging brushes and buckets at people who walked by. And my friend's cob once peed in our other friend's wellies. So really Hovis is ENTIRELY socially acceptable. If you don't agree, I can swap you a TBX with a tendency to lick people he doesn't know.

Deal?
 
Just remember that come the summer he can look like this

Farra-Aug2010.jpg


Instead of something like this

yuk1.jpg


Farra is a real hippo - I scrape off the worst at the moment and just don't look at the rest.

She too has taken to throwing things at people, ropes, rugs, headcollars and I really don't want to get in the way of her feed bowl as she has the big rubber 20 litre ones and that will give one hell of a smack.

Must be a clydie thing, Cairo used to throw things too when he wanted grub and attention.

Come the summer, he will be sleek, clean and less bored - only another seven months to go.:)
 
I think the blame rest entirety with the owner.

I'll bet all those perfectly turned out, perfectly behaved horses have equally perfectly turned out, perfect riders that own them.

D'you know what I say: BORING

Hovis has Character and personality, these are good traits, even better he clearly has a sense of humour and a sense of timing (essential in any comedian).

Leave well alone Harassed, he sounds like he needs MORE carrots to me.
 
Character counts for a lot..

...alternatively sign him up for the circus or Britain's Got Talent...if he can lob a welly in Amanda Holden's face he's got my vote :D
 
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