Am I a total bitch?

[JulesRules]

Just seen an acquaintance ( who is a fb friend) posting on FB. Not a particular friend, someone I used to be on a yard with in the past.

Gist of the post she had had a bit of a bad start to year, due to circumstances (loss of transport) she is unable to get to the field where her horses are for 9 days.

Horses are kept in a private field, just her horses there. Apparently the owner of the field can "help out a bit" but has her own committments. FB acquaintance is looking for someone who is bored in lockdown to help her out with horses.

I've basically replied saying that if she's in a field on her own she should have a backup plan in place in case she can't get down and that her horses are reliant on her.

Part of me is fuming because she's basically saying she can't get to her horses for 9 days unless she gets a taxi which she can't afford. Not a day or so...9 days! What was her plan if she caught COVID and had to self isolate?

Part of me feels like I'm a cow for knocking her when she's down.

Am I a horrible person, or would you all be thinking the same?

 

[Christmascinnamoncookie]

I‘d keep well out of it, tbh. She should have a back up plan, my OH is currently self-isolating and not being able to leave the house is extremely restrictive.

 

[Amun]

Personally I wouldn't say anything. The situation already happened and to "rub her nose" in it won't help her in any way. On the other hand, yes she should probably have a better plan if there is really nobody who would help in case of sickness or job loss (if money are tight). Horses are great responsibility.

 

[sarahmac77]

Just seen an acquaintance ( who is a fb friend) posting on FB. Not a particular friend, someone I used to be on a yard with in the past.

Gist of the post she had had a bit of a bad start to year, due to circumstances (loss of transport) she is unable to get to the field where her horses are for 9 days.

Horses are kept in a private field, just her horses there. Apparently the owner of the field can "help out a bit" but has her own committments. FB acquaintance is looking for someone who is bored in lockdown to help her out with horses.

I've basically replied saying that if she's in a field on her own she should have a backup plan in place in case she can't get down and that her horses are reliant on her.

Part of me is fuming because she's basically saying she can't get to her horses for 9 days unless she gets a taxi which she can't afford. Not a day or so...9 days! What was her plan if she caught COVID and had to self isolate?

Part of me feels like I'm a cow for knocking her when she's down.

Am I a horrible person, or would you all be thinking the same?

But she’s looking for someone to help and therefore addressing the issue?

 

[Red-1]

If you have no appetite to help her out yourself, I would keep well out of it.

It sounds like she was giving daily care herself until her circumstances changed. Many people's circumstances have changed this year. The world has changed very unexpectedly. She can't go for 9 days without incurring huge costs, she obviously knows this is not suitable care, and already the owner of the field is helping out, but that sounds like it can only be short term.

The girl is asking her FB friends for help.

I recently had a Covid contact when mum was dying. She had Covid. I visited her in the care home daily. The carers whens down with Covid, one by one. My horses are at home, so no need to worry about isolation, but with Mr Red and I being in our 50s, we had to worry that we would be struck down and physically not able to do horse care.

I too already have a short term backup plan. 3 sets of neighbours would help out in an emergency, but that doesn't mean that would expect them to do 9 days of full time horse care.

I used Facebook to ask for help.

Happily, I only have actual friends as facebook friends, so no one went onto Horse and Hound Online Forum to bitch about me, or tell me that I should have foreseen the issue.

I worried about using that word, but then, the title of the thread is, "Am I being a total bitch?" So, although I am usually very positive and polite, in this case I think it was appropriate to say you are, indeed, bitching about her!

Lives have changed, and fast. Her circumstances changed this year, you only wrote this on the 10th day of the year. Not like she isn't being responsive to her changing situation.

 

[AUB]

If I was to self isolate my plan would also be to get help from friends.

What would you do, OP?

 

[milliepops]

If you have no appetite to help her out yourself, I would keep well out of it.

It sounds like she was giving daily care herself until her circumstances changed. Many people's circumstances have changed this year. The world has changed very unexpectedly. She can't go for 9 days without incurring huge costs, she obviously knows this is not suitable care, and already the owner of the field is helping out, but that sounds like it can only be short term.

The girl is asking her FB friends for help.

I recently had a Covid contact when mum was dying. She had Covid. I visited her in the care home daily. The carers whens down with Covid, one by one. My horses are at home, so no need to worry about isolation, but with Mr Red and I being in our 50s, we had to worry that we would be struck down and physically not able to do horse care.

I too already have a short term backup plan. 3 sets of neighbours would help out in an emergency, but that doesn't mean that would expect them to do 9 days of full time horse care.

I used Facebook to ask for help.

Happily, I only have actual friends as facebook friends, so no one went onto Horse and Hound Online Forum to bitch about me, or tell me that I should have foreseen the issue.

I worried about using that word, but then, the title of the thread is, "Am I being a total bitch?" So, although I am usually very positive and polite, in this case I think it was appropriate to say you are, indeed, bitching about her!

Lives have changed, and fast. Her circumstances changed this year, you only wrote this on the 10th day of the year. Not like she isn't being responsive to her changing situation.

All of this.
Plus, whats done is done. Yes, ideally she would have thought ahead. But she can't go back in time now, just telling her how she has failed as a human doesn't exactly help right now and it's likely to either escalate or alienate her.

 

[Sandstone1]

It is a very difficult time for a lot of people. Yes she should have a plan but sometimes things go wrong. Can you help?

 

[AmyMay]

What help are you able to offer op?

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

I think it’s quite hard to plan for every eventuality. I live alone and no family nearby. I’ve got people I pay to do my horses and look after my dog if I’m away for work but at £50 a day I’d struggle to pay that longer term. That’s £500 for 10 days God forbid I got it bad and needed hospitalisation.

I’d hope that kind people would help me out and I hope that if I could I’d do the same to help my friends. I’d do it for the horses sake if nothing else.

 

[andytiger]

Hi in theses unprecedented times the horse community should be pulling together.
perhaps she did have a back up plan but something has happened.
instead of calling her out perhaps you should offer to help.

 

[TheMule]

She's not swanning off on a Caribbean holiday and expecting free help, it sounds like she's genuinely going through a difficult time and trying to solve that by calling on friends. To me, that's what friends do for each other, I would have no problem helping someone in this situation

 

[cauda equina]

This thread makes a mockery of the whole concept of FB 'friends'

 

[Auslander]

In the immortal words of Thumper "If you can't say nuffin nice, dont say nuffin at all"
I don't hold back from being honest, if I feel it's in a horses best interest, and the owner needs a reality check, but in this situation, you didn't offer anything constructive, and probably made her feel awful about a situation that is out of her control, and that she's trying to resolve

 

[scats]

She’s had a bad start to the year and she’s asking for help. Better this than just abandon her horses.

 

[Winters100]

Personally I would simply offer to help her in any way I could, and if I was not able to help then I would stay silent. It sounds like she has a back up plan, the plan being that the field owner is able to offer basic care, but she would welcome a little help to take the pressure off them, and maybe do some 'extras' over and above basic care.

Mine are on part livery (full care except for exercise) so when I could not go for some time earlier in the year I knew that they would have food, water, daily turnout and checks, but I was absolutely delighted that others offered to do the little extra things that I usually do myself.

Many people are having a really tough time right now, and being temporarily short of money does not make them bad or irresponsible owners. I hope that this lady has some kind friends who are able to offer her some help.

 

[Michen]

Yes.

These are not normal times we are living in.

 

[Shilasdair]

If you can be anything, be kind*.


* Unless you are daemonic, obviously.

 

[Annagain]

I think she's already aware she should have a back up plan. I suspect the back up plan was the field owner but she never envisaged needing back up for this long. Maybe you need to think about it in terms of how you can help her out of a sticky situation?

 

[Dave's Mam]

Hope she's not on here.

 

[Polos Mum]

I do have a contrary view. Anyone not on a yard without services really should have a couple of numbers of people to call for help (neighbour for the odd emergency and local freelance groom for maybe longer holiday cover) - irrelevant of covid life does get in the way some times and Covid has been here for 10 months so refreshing back up plans is something we should all have done.

FB messaging a handful of people you know and asking for help is not the same as posting to anyone - what if strangers offer to help and give each of the horses a big bag of apples as a 'treat' or forget to shut the gate or forgot to undo leg straps on a rug and were kicked sorting out the tangle or 1 million other things well intentioned but in experienced well wishers should do.

A local groom (insured) would typically be £10 an hour (assuming not central London) so 9 days would be say £100-£150. If you have several horses then having cash contingency of that level is really a minimum. It's not fair on the horses if you don't have at least something to fall back on.

I wouldn't personally get involved in the debate (if she was round the corner I'd probably offer to do them but I am a mug and get dumped on a lot!) but OP I can see your side of the story too.

Leaving care of horses to well intentioned strangers on the internet isn't really a back up plan - IMHO.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

She is trying at least to get some help I would quite happily check on or feed someone's horses if I could if they had trouble getting there, shit happens and I would like to think if I was in a similar situation someone would help me.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

OP, I understand your inner reaction but she may have been let down by someone that she thought she could rely on - I'm sure you know the saying 'It never rains but it pours'.

What I don't understand is why you replied on FB. I'm not on FB but if I were her, or indeed any of the other friends who could see your reply, you would be blocked from my account now.

So to answer your question - 'yes'.

 

[ihatework]

Sounds pretty uncalled for.
Maybe a private message to apologise is in order? You have no idea what is going on in that persons life right now.

 

[ester]

FB messaging a handful of people you know and asking for help is not the same as posting to anyone - what if strangers offer to help and give each of the horses a big bag of apples as a 'treat' or forget to shut the gate or forgot to undo leg straps on a rug and were kicked sorting out the tangle or 1 million other things well intentioned but in experienced well wishers should do.

I don't have strangers on my facebook. The advantage of not messaging and putting something on your fb wall is that it removes the pressure on the person you message to help, it becomes more of a 'who's available' thing and others can see the conversation.

 

[Polos Mum]

I don't have strangers on my facebook. The advantage of not messaging and putting something on your fb wall is that it removes the pressure on the person you message to help, it becomes more of a 'who's available' thing and others can see the conversation.

I clearly don't understand how it works - I seem to see everything from everyone (a million tonnes of stuff from strangers) and anything I post is seen by anyone who chooses to look. Apologies FB not my area

 

[ester]

you can set who sees a post, or who cannot see it even by individual names if you want to.

 

[Gloi]

In a word Yes.

 

[stormox]

Just seen an acquaintance ( who is a fb friend) posting on FB. Not a particular friend, someone I used to be on a yard with in the past.

Gist of the post she had had a bit of a bad start to year, due to circumstances (loss of transport) she is unable to get to the field where her horses are for 9 days.

Horses are kept in a private field, just her horses there. Apparently the owner of the field can "help out a bit" but has her own committments. FB acquaintance is looking for someone who is bored in lockdown to help her out with

Am I a horrible person, or would you all be thinking the same?

I think her business is her business, maybe she is trying to sort a back up plan. You are being un necessarily nasty - if you cant say something constructive dont comment. It helps no one and could well really upset the writer.

 

[Merrymoles]

I might post similar on FB if I was really stuck, with the idea of allowing friends to "volunteer" rather than making those I approached directly feel it was down to them to "step up". Not all of my FB friends are horsey but I can think of at least ten who would help if necessary.

I do have a back-up plan in place but if we were all struck down with Covid or there were serious weather issues or similar, I might need help from elsewhere.