Am I an awful person? Reassure me (or not!)

H

Holding

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Right, just got a serious *******ing and I'm very much afraid that I deserved it - so can I have your opinions? About a week ago, I arranged to have a horse on loan. Rode him once, and spoke to the owners a few times - I wasn't 100% convinced about him but thought I could make it work. Then a few days ago I put in a silly offer on a 3 yo, and amazingly the sale had fallen through so I was told I could have him. There being no space at the yard where Horse A was kept, I decided that having both wasn't going to work as a long term solution. I hadn't signed the loan contract yet, so I basically told his owner that as I didn't want to leave her in the lurch, I would still have him for a few months while they were finding a suitable new loaner (horse is staying on yard, so wouldn't have meant any change in routine, etc). At which point she started going on about how I'd let them down, what about the poor horse, I obviously wasn't responsible enough to look after him even for a few months, and even if I did I would clearly prefer my own horse so what was the point? Now, I did feel terrible about letting them down, which is why I tried to come up with a solution. But I'm still worrying that I was in the wrong, and it is upsetting me. So honest opinions here - should I be feeling guilty? Oh, and kudos if you actually got through all this!
 
I'm utterly failing to understand why you would even be looking for another horse when you had already agreed to take a horse on loan. I'd be pretty pissed off if I were Horse A's owner.
 
Life happens. I can understand why the owner of the loan horse is disappointed but in my opinion you have been reasonable and shouldn't be made to feel guilty if their dissappointment made them say some uneccesary and unkind things.
 
I would probably feel guilty but I don't think you've done anything wrong. Loans are loans because you don't want to commit to having the horse forever, you pulling out now is going to be much easier for the owner than if you had suddenly pulled out six weeks into the agreement or whatever.

These things happen and she will find another loaner.
 
IMO, no you didn't deserve it OP. Many people loan whilst saving to buy one, it happened quicker in your case than some others. You did what was best for you (how dare you ;) what with it being your life and everything). You did the decent thing by offering to take on the loan horse for a few months anyway so as not to leave the owners in the lurch. As you'd not signed a loan contract at this point I don't feel you had even a moral obligation to help them out. I really have no idea why either loaners or loanees think any loan agreement, even if signed, means didly squat. It's a piece of paper largely or wholely unenforceable by law. People back out of agreements all the time in all areas of life. It's called changing your mind.
 
Well you are at least not just chucking the horse back straight away. It's not great for the owner but well, you hadn't signed anything and even if you had it would be a month's notice surely?

You've got to do what's best for you in the end, no point having another horse you don't want out of guilt!
 
If you were just handing him back id say yes you deserve it, but imo you were being fair in offerring to keep him a few months to let them find someone else.
There reaction tells me theres not a que round the block for him so theyre lucky to even have that, the contract wasnt signed , i think theyre just pissed that its fell through and they know getting someone isnt going to be easy
 
Not a great situation for the owner of the loan horse but you've been as fair as you can be, and more than most would be. Ultimately you have to do what's right for you, and if you got your 3 year old for a really silly price then I'm sure that when they calm down they'll understand that.

If I were you I'd probably just step back from them to let them decide how they want to proceed now. They probably feel angry and disappointed but they'll move on.

Good luck with your youngster. :)
 
Thanks for everyone's input so far. Don't worry Dee, I do feel suitably bad. I honestly wasn't looking for a horse so quickly, but this one has fallen into my lap. And if I'm completely honest, I am relieved not to be having the loan horse. It all moved very quickly, and I was so desperate to have a horse to ride I was agreeing to all sorts of weird things - wasn't allowed to take him off the yard, wasn't allowed to jump, could only hack within a certain radius, couldn't turn out for more than 5 hours a day and not at all on weekends, etc, etc. I wish I hadn't had to let them down and I really hope they find somebody suitable, but I'm glad it isn't me. I think I have been very silly, and will just have to think more carefully before agreeing to things in the future. :rolleyes:
 
Ultimately you have to do what's right for you, and if you got your 3 year old for a really silly price then I'm sure that when they calm down they'll understand that.

If I were you I'd probably just step back from them to let them decide how they want to proceed now. They probably feel angry and disappointed but they'll move on.

Good luck with your youngster.
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Oh, I got him for an insane price. Fell in love with him, told the owner my (small) budget and I am picking him up Monday. I'm thrilled, and it's only marred by the fact that I feel as though I haven't played fair. But you're right - will let the dust settle, and if they are really stuck I will be more than happy to still take him on for a period of time.

And thanks!
 
I think you are being fair - sometimes life just happens when you don't expect!
Don't feel bad and good luck with your 3 yr old.
 
I think you sound like a very nice person, and offered a solution. I'm sure the owners are disappointed, but you have to look out for number one sometimes. Something I'm not very good at myself and probably would have done the same as you!
 
Sounds to me as though you have had a lucky escape, with all those conditions! Why shouldn't the horse be turned out at the weekend? How does it know what day it is anyway? Very strange! Best of luck with your new youngster :)
 
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