Am I being mean? (Whinge)

lisan

lisan

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Joined
17 September 2003
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Location
Fylde Coast, Lancs
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One of the 15yr olds from the yard has been to my last two dressage's with me and been very helpful, reading tests, supplying polos, holding horse etc so we booked her in for tomm eve and I said I would take her and her horse as a thank you.

Had a txt yesterday, saying can she take her 13.2 to the evening jumping instead as her horse is'nt ready to do a comp yet, and also can we take her friends 14.2 and her friend!

Did'nt reply, got back to the yard and explained I did'nt want to take both as it was a faff putting the partition back in, I only have 600kg of carrying capacity, so with two, tack and people would be pushing it, jumping finishes later and I want the box all sorted and cleaned ready for my dressage comp on Wed eve! And I know very well they would not bother to take the partion out and put it away, take all their stuff and muck out ready for me the next day even though they promised they would!

Another problem with being on a big yard, I get asked weekly to take other people out or they want to borrow the box
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Feel mean, but with working full time days, part time in the pub and compete and take my own horse out, really don't have enough energy left to do much else!
 
I would simply say I am only taking yourself as a thank you for helping me out at the show. I am sorry but I can not take your friend as I need to get on and I have not got the time to hang around waiting and do not want to be lumbered cleaning my lorry out etc after. Kids will always try it on but tell them honestly and they are normally ok about it
 
No, but I would make it clear that the offer is dressage or the next thing you are going to go to yourself. If you give in this time it is going to be harder to say no next time. Our old YO used to expect me to take her kids everywhere I took Jenny, they never mucked out the box or helped me or Jenny,so in the end I said I wasnt going to take them anymore, it caused a lot of upset which ultimately resulted in us leaving the yard. And I know that the same thing has just happened with the next renter? they had.
Dont feel bad, its your box, you work long and hard for it!
 
No not mean at all.

I lend my Box to very good trustworthy friends and that is about it. (If someone had an emergency then yes that too)!

It doesn't take people long to take the P***. Fortunately the people who I lend my box to always clean it out beautifully and leave it ready for me to use.
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Your not being mean at all!
I think i am mean when i refuse to give lifts, but at the end of the day, i have worked hard to be able to buy a trailer and suitable towing vehicle. These are my pride and joy and i am very selective over who borrows/uses them. There are only several people i happliy lend it too and thats how it will stay!
 
I think due to the age of the girls, they just dont realise whats involved for you. They dont realise how difficult full time work is and all your other commitments - its an alien world for them.

I would just explain to her, that you are doing this, as a thank you to her for her help and that does not involve her friend. Explain that if her friend had helped you, of course she would receive the same treat, but as she has'nt it is her treat only.

Now as for people asking for lifts and loan of your box, my opinion is this. Could they afford to repair or replace your box? usually the answer would be no. So to my mind, you dont go lending an expensive car, so you would not be loaning your box.

I would be saying no to people in a nice way and making it clear that you have worked hard for your equipment and if it were to be broken or damaged by yourself, fair enough, but another person, it would not be acceptable as it leaves a question mark hanging in the air of how these expenses would be met.

I personally am happy to offer lifts and do an emergency vet run for others, but its always on my own terms.
 
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I think due to the age of the girls, they just dont realise whats involved for you. They dont realise how difficult full time work is and all your other commitments - its an alien world for them.

I would just explain to her, that you are doing this, as a thank you to her for her help and that does not involve her friend. Explain that if her friend had helped you, of course she would receive the same treat, but as she has'nt it is her treat only.



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I like this!!
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I think due to the age of the girls, they just dont realise whats involved for you. They dont realise how difficult full time work is and all your other commitments - its an alien world for them.

I would just explain to her, that you are doing this, as a thank you to her for her help and that does not involve her friend. Explain that if her friend had helped you, of course she would receive the same treat, but as she has'nt it is her treat only.



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I like this!!
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I did say that last night, as she then asked if they could take the other girls 14.2 and both jump round on it! The whole point was to get her and Polly out doing some dressage!

I just printed out some horsebox hire leaflets to pin up at the yard - they start at £99 per day!
 
not mean at all IMO. People constantly ask if they can be 3rd in my lorry but will Pidge and Sunny on plus tack etc we are up to weight and if we had a 3rd on board then we would be overweight. If it's awkward I would use the weight limit as the reason you can't take her friend, but then I'm a woos with things like this
 
I would have said yes to taking her pony jumping, but not the friend.

Takes two mins to put a partion in. And she could have cleaned the box afterwards. She sounds as if she's been very helpful to have around when you've gone out competing - so it would have been nice to return the favour, whatever she'd wanted to do (within reason).

So - yep, think you've been a bit mean
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I'd have taken both to be honest.....but then I am a complete suck when it comes to my girls on my yard!
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And don't they know it, LOL!!

However I think you have every right to stand your ground - it is your box after all. You have to remember what it is like to be a teenager.....they always try to push to the limit and they do like to have their friends around.....makes it much more fun, so I can understand why she asked this of you.
 
Tricky one. When Troggy had a pony on loan at a local riding school we relied on lifts from some of the kinder liveries, so I do know what it is like to be without transport. I don't think the girl was rude to ask, nor do I think you were wrong to refuse. I would get fed up with constant requests for lifts if I was in your position, but I do know what it is like to be without transport and have to rely on others. Is yours a lorry or a trailer? You have to watch your insurance when transporting other peoples' horses.
 
I think you should just take whoever you want as it's your box
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However it's a bit strange to get annoyed that she wanted to jump instead of doing dressage...
lets be honest most 15 yo's prefer jumping and surely it's up to her what she would rather do.

And again they're just 15, they probably just got carried away planning and talking about it!

You should just set them straight and I'm sure they won't ask again
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As long as they pay petrol money I don't see a problem in taking them, but as it's your horsebox it's your decision - they should respect that.
 
i personally wouldnt take either of them..

what would happen if you or they needed to claim for insurance?
would you or they be adequately covered?
these things can get tricky, so putting up horsebox hire is very wise...
 
I don't think you're being mean about not taking her friend, its her treat as a thank you for her help, nothing to do with her friend.
 
Gosh u do put up with a lot!! I feel bad just when someone takes my horse in as a favour as I know they have to go out of their way to do it. I couldnt imaging askin to borrow someones trailer!

U sound like tu deserve a medal for patience so far.

You j ust need to tell them that you dont have the time or energy at the moment and that you want to spend time with YOUR horse and not theirs and by always doing stuff for them your not getting to.
 
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I think you should just take whoever you want as it's your box
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However it's a bit strange to get annoyed that she wanted to jump instead of doing dressage...
lets be honest most 15 yo's prefer jumping and surely it's up to her what she would rather do.

And again they're just 15, they probably just got carried away planning and talking about it!

You should just set them straight and I'm sure they won't ask again
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I'm not annoyed, and am taking her jumping tommorrow! (just not both of them!) Jumping is on later so we won't get back to the yard gone 10pm, then if it is to be cleaned out, and the partion carried back across the yard and locked in my tackroom, its a faff I can do without after a long day. If I was off, or not doing dressage the following evening I probably would have - cos I'm soft anyway!
 
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i personally wouldnt take either of them..

what would happen if you or they needed to claim for insurance?
would you or they be adequately covered?
these things can get tricky, so putting up horsebox hire is very wise...

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This was the whole point of taking 'C' for free and no diesel money, so I'm not doing anything illegal!
 
I don't think you're being mean. It's your box....

Only 3 people up my yard have transport and I get really cross at people hinting that they'd like to go out (I think they already know the answer, so they don't ask outright), or I hear people, who could easily afford it say, "your so lucky to have transport", or "the problem is we don't have transport". I feel like saying, I go without other things to have mine, so why don't you do the same! It's the way people think you "should" take them just because..... At the end of the day, I do take people out with me, sometimes, because I'm just like that. But I pay for my trailer and car and maintain it so why do people feel they have the right to ask to borrow it? (This is a badly written post, I'm not as mean as I make out! All talk and no action! I'm a softie! Just letting off steam!
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I'm not annoyed, and am taking her jumping tommorrow! (just not both of them!) Jumping is on later so we won't get back to the yard gone 10pm, then if it is to be cleaned out, and the partion carried back across the yard and locked in my tackroom, its a faff I can do without after a long day. If I was off, or not doing dressage the following evening I probably would have - cos I'm soft anyway!

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Sounds like a really nice thoughtful thing to do to say thank you. If the jumping was really inconvenient but that is what she wanted to do I guess you could have offered to take her a different day instead?

I hope you both have fun, I love watching ponies jump
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No youre not being mean. People dont realise how much a box costs to run, insure tax and maintain. I dont know what it is about todays kids in particular. I didnt even have a horse til 25 let alone compete!

I get some of this on our yard (from a 15yr old) and am made to feel mean, yet I do work damn hard at a job thats stressful, antisocial and difficult but is well paid in order to finance my hobby.

It's your box, youve earned the money to run it so enjoy it and dont feel guilty!
 
No, bl**dy, f***king stupid car, gearbox went about 4 miles down the road, so had to abandon the journey.
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Not impressed after spending the week practising our showjumping in the peeing down rain. I have dressage champs at Warren Farm next weekend and then back to showjumping, have just sent off entries for Kelsall2 and Bradwall. So fingers crossed that by then the car will be fixed.
 
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