Am I being Selfish ??????

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DressageDiva1962

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Over the last 3 years my health has deteriorated....and as a result we are having to move house, we have now sold our own land and stables as I was struggling to cope looking after 3 ponies on my own even though my boyfriend does more than his fair share in looking after them, he works full time so there is only so much help he can give me especially in the winter, so I will be moving one of my ponies onto a livery yard within walking distance of our new house....of my other two ponies, one has already gone out onto permanent grass livery, he's a veteran pony whose been with me for over 20 years but he needs to live out all year round and although this new yard is really nice they can't provide all year round turnout and the other one who is his companion is being returned to the rescue association who he belongs too in the next couple of weeks. I am keeping my mare as she has trust issues and we made the yard and home for her a priority over a new home for us....we found the yard and then the house !!

Its just such a horrible situation...I am absolutely heartbroken and I can't stop crying, I'm sleeping as much as possible so I don't have to acknowledge to myself that this is happening, but things couldnt continue as they were, I've struggled with my health over the last few years and 12 months ago I was rushed into hospital after I collapsed with exhaustion and although the ponies have been well looked after, its a continual strain on my health then I had a nervous breakdown 3 months ago as a result of all the worry and stress and constantly being exhausted trying to cope through the winter months, my life feels like one big uphill struggle....BUT I just feel so selfish that I'm splitting them up and taking them away from a loving home where they're happy, BUT not once through all this have they gone without love and the best care and attention.

My ponies are my life and I'll never stop loving them and its because I love them so much I feel this is the right thing to do, but I just want re-assurance that I am doing the right thing from people other than my friends and family.

I just wish it didnt hurt so much......thank you for reading.....xx
 
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Of course you are doing the right thing, far better to consider the needs of your ponies and deal with that before it becomes impossible for you to care for them through being overstretched and stressed. :)

They might be unsettled initially, but I'm sure once they are fed and have companionship they'll settle into their new homes with no issues.

Then hopefully you can start to enjoy horse owning more rather than being overwhelmed by it all. :)
 
You are doing what any responsible person would

We hear stories sometimes on here where owners health deteriorates or they get old, they struggle on, dont ask for help and things go very wrong

So well done for having their interests at heart
 
Horrible situation for you. I also think you are being harsh on yourself. You are not being selfish by doing the best that you can for your ponies given the situation that you find yourself in. You have catered for their needs in the best way that you possibly can and, whilst I understand that it must be heartbreaking for you, sadly there are times when we have to make really tough decisions. As someone else said, sometimes people soldier on and it all ends badly-you are providing for their future and I'm sure they will settle in their new homes given time. Sending very best wishes.
 
I feel for you, I really, really do. I have gone through the exact same recently for reasons of health, time and money. My health had become so bad due to stress that i as almost ended up being admitted to hospital (although the specialist agreed to let me stay at home as long as i went in daily for treatment - 5 months later I'm still under hospital care).

We have gone from four horses to one within the last year - we just couldn't do it any longer and were no longer enjoying our animals but struggling to keep them. I gave one horse to my friend for her birthday ( best experience ever - she thought she was having him on permanent loan until we delivered him with a huge bow), another went back to the friend we got him from (sadly we are now no longer in contact so i seem to have lost a friend as well as a much loved horse), I offered the third pony to a friend on loan (he's about 500 miles away but the home was handpicked and perfect for him), and i have kept my retired exracer, moving him from a yard with facilities to a field rented from another friend, at mate's rates.

I have shed bucket loads over letting my horses go, but honestly, although difficult I know it had to be done, for them and for us. The overwhelming sense of relief hit me once the tears stopped and i am now as able to concentrate on my health, and enjoy the animals i have left, instead of feeling guilt and having to worry in case i couldn't look after them properly.

You have done the right, and the best thing, and it will get easier. All the best for the future, i hope you can start enjoying life and the difficult times are coming to an end. Take care xx
 
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harrysmum said:
Horrible situation for you. I also think you are being harsh on yourself. You are not being selfish by doing the best that you can for your ponies given the situation that you find yourself in. You have catered for their needs in the best way that you possibly can and, whilst I understand that it must be heartbreaking for you, sadly there are times when we have to make really tough decisions. As someone else said, sometimes people soldier on and it all ends badly-you are providing for their future and I'm sure they will settle in their new homes given time. Sending very best wishes.
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This, very well said by Harrysmum. You are doing the best thing for all of you OP. Better this than you end up in hospital again, possibly for a long time. Hugs to you x
 
Not at all. In fact I think you are being very very sensible and have done the right thing. I admire and respect you for this. At the moment you can't see as as you are so stressed but in time you'll see it was the right decision.
I hope you feel better soon but as you can see there is lots of support available on here for you :)
 
I really sympathise, but you are being the opposite of selfish!
Even though it is painful , you are making sure of your ponies long term future. If every owner thought (and took action) like you are, there wouldn't be welfare issues. x
 
At a very difficult time, you have found the strength to do right by the animals you love.

My sympathy and great respect to you.
 
As everyone else has said, no you are not being selfish and you have done all you can to sort things the best way for your horses. But it must be an awful time for you, so try and be kind to yourself.
Hopefully when the sun starts shining properly, and it warms up for more than just an hour at a time,(snow here yesterday), just that might help you feel a little bit less worn out and wanting to sleep.
All I can offer is a bit of encouragement in that no, you sound the opposite of selfish, really caring and thoughtful and facing up to a stressful situation.
Take care.
 
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