Am I being selfish

skewbaldmillie

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I have had my lovely mare for two years now and absolutely adore her. I know my riding is terrible and today after yet another elimination I feel like I am wasting her. She has the scope to clear huge courses but my confidence and utterly shocking riding is holding her back. We have has some wins but I rode terribly and she managed to still jump incredibly. As much as it hurts me to even contemplate it, should I sell her to someone who can make the most of her, I just don't think I am good enough to do her justice.
 

HashRouge

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Of course you're not, don't be silly! If you enjoy riding her then you should keep going, she sounds like a super girl and I'm sure she will help you improve and find your confidence :)
 

southerncomfort

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I have had my lovely mare for two years now and absolutely adore her. I know my riding is terrible and today after yet another elimination I feel like I am wasting her. She has the scope to clear huge courses but my confidence and utterly shocking riding is holding her back. We have has some wins but I rode terribly and she managed to still jump incredibly. As much as it hurts me to even contemplate it, should I sell her to someone who can make the most of her, I just don't think I am good enough to do her justice.

I think you are being incredibly hard on yourself. Do you honestly think she cares if you she wins a rosette or if she is eliminated? Of course not! All she cares about is that all her basic needs are met and that she has an owner who cares about her and puts her first, which clearly you are!

If you aren't having fun, why not try something else? Who says you have to jump if you don't enjoy it? I'm sure your horse would far rather do something that you both enjoy. :)
 

Red-1

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As far as whether or not you are wasting her, I am sorry but I doubt she has much ambition other than eat, sleep, poo! I don't ever think anyone is "wasting" a horse.

But, without seeing you ride I would not like to say to continue in your current vein, especially if you are getting eliminations and are apparently not enjoying your outings. She may not be enjoying her outings if ridden inconsistently. So, I would take a step back, have some lessons with a trainer who specialises in building confidence, and find what the issue is.

It may be a positional error, something as simple as that can stop you being effective and/or balanced. If you learn to hold a rhythm to a fence, and the horse is able, then you can go have a fab time. No need to see a stride, honest!

If she and you are then enjoying yourselves then I would see no reason to sell at all!
 

ShadowHunter

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I hate the phrase 'wasting a horse/horse is being wasted'. Horses don't know potential. She wouldn't care if you never rode her again. Just do what makes you happy, enjoy your mare, the years can fly by.
 

Overread

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Think of it the other way around - you are still learning and still improving and you have a horse that you know you won't grow out of any time soon. You can continue to improve at your speed to your max and your horse will take you there.


It is always better to have a working animal or gear or equipment or whatever that exceeds your capabilities rather than one which limits.



The only people who speak of a wasted horse are those who are jealous/envious.
 

Princess16

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Don't be so hard on yourself at the end of the day she is a horse - pure and simple - if you stuck her out on a field to graze all day I'm sure she wouldn't bat an eyelid :D

Enjoy her while you can and just do what you enjoy :)
 

Fidgety

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A trainer I respect enormously (when faced with a similar question from the person he was teaching :eek: ) said that the only ambition any horse had was to do slightly less work today than he did yesterday :).

I'm quite sure your pone doesn't dream of being on H Factor and being selected to be groomed for Goldmedaldom at the Olympics, so please take the pressure off yourself and just do what makes you happy. As said above, her only goals in life will be to eat sleep and be warm and comfortable, with as little time spent as possible earning that :).

Just enjoy the summer together, it's been a long winter! :)
 

Micropony

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Take a deep breath and smile! I completely agree with others that this whole idea of wasted horses is utter rubbish.

Both my horses have been far better than me. I bought my current horse as a youngster, knowing that if I didn't then in all probability he would go on to a life as a very serious or professional competition horse. With me, he will do a bit of schooling, a bit of hacking, a bit of low level local competition. There is no way he will ever get anywhere close to reaching his athletic potential. I thought about that very carefully before I bought him, decided it was hardly a welfare issue, and promptly booked the vetting.

He has a lovely life, with much less pressure than if his life had taken a different course. Of course I want to ride him as well as I possibly can, so I work hard and have plenty of lessons. And of course I get frustrated with myself when I ride badly. But I don't think of him as wasted : he has a job to do, i.e. being my leisure horse, he does it very well, and that's how he earns his living. There are worse options out there!

Cut yourself some slack and enjoy your lovely horse!
 

LHIS

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Horses have no expectations of what they 'should' be doing. They wont wake up wondering if they're going to Badminton.

Enjoy your horse and grow together, and don't compare yourself to others either. Be happy xx
 

MDB

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Goodness. Why would you ever think of selling her? You obviously adore her. She is obviously a star. Do the things that make you happy. Take the pressure off yourself. She doesn't care what colour rosette you get, but it understandably concerns you. So maybe have some lessons from a good instructor who will help technically as well as boost your confidence. And then relax and enjoy your lovely horse :)

Just to add.. I don't know the history of both my mares. But one of them has clearly been trained to a very high level. She is mostly a field ornament, family pet and occasional happy hacker. Never once has she told me that she deserves a 'better' owner and is being wasted ;)
 
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Overread

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To all those saying a horse dreams of doing nothing; what's up with this horse then?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAUdHjYB1U

;)



Although in truth going back to the subject of competition and hobbies - a lot of hobbies thrive/survive on competitive events. It can thus get to a point where most involved are competing or aiming to compete and it can often start to seem that the natural progression is to compete and that to not compete is abormal. This is not true; its easy to end up thinking or acting that way; but its not the only way. Horse riding can purely be a passtime and there are many groups that can enjoy it and you can work/ride with who don't want to compete at all; or who only compete just for fun no matter what score they get.


You have to find what brings you happyness; and sometimes that will change. Sometimes you might just want to take a step back from challenging yourself to compete and just enjoy things.
 

wench

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Do you enjoy riding your horse when you aren't at competitions? What competitions do you want to do?

Do you have lessons at home?
 

Clannad48

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We have a DWB who comes from exceptional bloodlines, bred for dressage who thinks the white boards are for standing on, who believes jumps are for jumping over with a foot to spare in the warm up, but for knocking down in the actual arena, and who despite all things to the contrary excels at endurance alongside all the Arab ponies who are bred for the job. She enjoys nothing more than mooching around the field, staying in when it is wet and generally living the life of Riley. No horse or pony who is well loved and cared for is ever wasted. Stop giving yourself a hard time and spend your time enjoying your obviously much loved horse.
 

laura_nash

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As everyone says you are not "wasting" her, that is just human nonsense and not at all how horses think.

On the other hand if you are struggling with your confidence and getting repeated eliminations etc then it is likely she's not really enjoying your outings either, so whilst you absolutely don't need to sell her you do probably want to change something. Whether that is having more lessons / training, stopping competing for a bit, stopping jumping altogether, whatever you choose.

I have a cob who very definitely dreams of spending all day in the field eating. I basically do nothing with him all winter these days, as I have him at home with no facilities and have become a fair weather rider. I find it quite amusing when people say he is wasted, or I shouldn't have him. So what if he is basically just a big pet, its my time and money.
 

SatansLittleHelper

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YOU think you are "wasting" her...SHE probably wonders what time breakfast will be :p
Please try to relax and just enjoy her. You clearly love her and her needs are being met, why pressure yourself into doing things you don't enjoy?
 

Fidgety

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Some horses do love their work. One livery yard I was at had an eventer who used to jump the cross-country fences in the field boundaries for fun, he never tried to escape and always went back to his original field at the end.

Oh I agree - I had a horse join in on a field lesson once when I was on holiday - he followed everybody round from jump to jump and joined in on the 20m circles :eek: - and another who quivered with excitement in the yard as we were about to head out on our first hack after my 2 week holiday. But that's different to them feeling that, if only they had a different owner, they could be mentioned in H&H and have their picture taken :)
 

Deltaflyer

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I think if you really want to jump and your horse wasn't keen on jumping. You that would when to consider a change of horse. You though have a horse that loves her job.

I agree with what Red-1 said. Have some lessons/clinics with a good trainer and it could make all the difference. In the meantime, you horse doesn't care if you only want to jump small stuff.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
 

Wagtail

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Absolutely not! You love her and care for and it would be more selfish to sell her to some stranger who may not look after her or love her like you do. I am in a similar situation with my rising five year old mare. I lightly backed her last year but then I've had some quite severe health problems and I started to wonder if I should send her away to start her ridden career. She moves like a dream and part of me wants to see her out competing. But then I thought no, I want to do her completely by myself, and if that means she won't be properly backed until my health improves, then so be it. At the moment, I am still hoping I should improve and can do her justice. I don't care if that takes another year or two although I really hope it will be more like months.
 
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