Am I being taken advantage of?

P

pinkcatkin

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 November 2007
Messages
1,630
Location
East Anglia
Visit site
3 of us keep our horses together. I lend my trailer to "A" as I am not using it much as Rosie in foal. She pays half the insurance and half the upkeep. "B" goes places with "A" in my trailer and I believe pays her some petro money.

My mare is due to foal 10th May. I learnt from "B" this morning that she and "A" are planning to go to a pleasure ride on the 11th May some way away. Neither of them checked with me that the trailer was free.

"B" said oh she probably wont foal in the daytime so it will be fine and if you have a problem surely you can borrow a trailer off another friend - you had better check if she is around and the trailer is free! She said she had booked annual leave for this ride (i.e. so I am going!!!)

So, I think, so I might need to use MY trailer if I have an emergency (God forbid) and if that happens do I really want to be going to fetch a trailer from further away that belongs to somebody else when I could be using my own trailer.

We have all been friends for a long time, but "B" does tend to be a bit of a taker rather than a giver and I am so soft hearted and stupid that I normally get the lion's share of the work. I am the one who has made it possible for us to be at home from livery in 11 acres of fantastic land, it is I who have organised finding the stables (we share the cost of everything though). I am the pro-active one, she is the passive sharer.

Am I being a mug? Yes, it is unlikely that I will need my trailer during the day, but you never know, do you? I dont want to make it difficult for them to go to this ride, god I know how I would want to go if I had the chance, but this is rather an important event and I don't want anything to go wrong.

Sorry this is long, g & t for those that got this far.
 
I'm sorry but i think you have mug written across your forehead as far as A is concerned!!

Your mare is about to foal for chr**t sake, if she can't appreciate the fact that this doesn't happen very often then shes not a very good friend really, is she?

Put yourself first, if the worst did happen and you needed the trailer in an emergency situation, what would you do?? She can go on any fun ride, any time of year. It doesn't matter about her annual leave she can take it another day or even better she can borrow the trailer from your friend that lives further away.

I'm sorry but your mare and foal come first in this instance!!
 
Tricky, but I think that as soon as you allowed someone to pay half the upkeep and insurance, then it is no longer "your" trailer. It is unlikely that your horse will foal on that day, and to be honest, you could be on standby for 2 weeks - should that mean that the other girl should not be allowed to use the trailer for that period of time?

If it is useful for you to have a "passive sharer" who does as she is told and hands over the money whilst letting you make most of the decision, then you may need to have a think about how best to approach this. You don't want to end up with no trailer sharer and no one sharing your land costs over something that may never happen.

If you are that unhappy about the trailer being used, then the best thing is to hand back the remaining percentage of the money for insurance and upkeep, but you will probably lose a friend, and I don't think it is worth it.

If there is another trailer that could be used in an emergency, then go down that route.

Perhaps have a diary and then there will not be any more mix ups.

Good luck with the foal - I am sure that there will be no problems but will arrive middle of the night about 4 days late!!!
 
completely agree with masterbronze. you need everything to run as smoothly as possible and be completely prepared. its YOUR trailer and your precious horse thats giving birth. you dont need the stress. just tell them no. can they borrow the other trailer? at the end of the day it is only a pleasure ride, there will be lots more they can go to.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Does A usually ask you if it's convenient to borrow your trailer before planning something??

[/ QUOTE ]

"A" is very good normally at asking but is very overworked and has a very poor memory. Yes, she usually asks to book the trailer but has obviously forgotten to do so on this occasion.
 
I would say no they can not use the trailer as it is YOUR trailer and your horse may need it!! I can not stand people who take advantage of someones geneorsicity. Just tell them NO as you need it. Dont let them take advantage of you!!! Dont forget to take loads of pics of the foalie when it arrives!!
 
[ QUOTE ]
I can not stand people who take advantage of someones geneorsicity.

[/ QUOTE ]
Actually as pointed out in the OP person A is actually paying quite a contribution to the trailer - so has (I would say) every right to expect to be able to use it when she wants. Providing that the Pinkweazel doesn't have plans for it herself that weekend.

The problem is very easily solved by PW telling person A that the weekend of the 10 May is not great - as she would like it available just in case of problems with the mare foaling.

It really doesn't have to be an issue.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Tricky, but I think that as soon as you allowed someone to pay half the upkeep and insurance, then it is no longer "your" trailer. It is unlikely that your horse will foal on that day, and to be honest, you could be on standby for 2 weeks - should that mean that the other girl should not be allowed to use the trailer for that period of time?

If it is useful for you to have a "passive sharer" who does as she is told and hands over the money whilst letting you make most of the decision, then you may need to have a think about how best to approach this. You don't want to end up with no trailer sharer and no one sharing your land costs over something that may never happen.

If you are that unhappy about the trailer being used, then the best thing is to hand back the remaining percentage of the money for insurance and upkeep, but you will probably lose a friend, and I don't think it is worth it.

If there is another trailer that could be used in an emergency, then go down that route.

Perhaps have a diary and then there will not be any more mix ups.

Good luck with the foal - I am sure that there will be no problems but will arrive middle of the night about 4 days late!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

I am not at all unhappy about my trailer being used, I would much rather it was used than standing doing nothing for months on end.

It is great sharing with somebody who is like minded as far as horse care goes, but I do wish she was more of an active partner in the decisions and work really.

Yes, maybe a diary would be a good idea. This has never happened before and I don't want it to be an issue but I do think it is bad manners for them not to check with me first.

Thanks for your good wishes for my baby, I feel she will probably be late (it is her third) or on time, but not early.
 
Sit down with her over a cup of coffee and explain why you are worried about her using the trailer that weekend. I'm sure she will understand that you are concerned for your horse.
It is unlikely that you will need it, but if you want it to be available just in case that is your choice. Maybe offer not to take the insurance money from her for May as a show of goodwill.
 
Hi,
i am just like you i have the lions share at our yard as i love helping people, but people do take the mick probably without thinking and because you always say yes they dont think to ask half the time.
Your horse comes first an it don't matter what they pay towards the trailer its YOUR trailer.
Even though horses don't normaly foal in the day it could happen.
I know how you feel though i hate telling people no and it really annoys my husband as he knows how people take advantage of me. Good luck and let me know how you get on i am in a similar situation at my yard not with trailers but with turning out, fetching in etc.
 
What about offering to pay half of the cost to hire a trailer for a day? It is a tricky one, but this seems to the easiest way to compromise to me. Problem arose I think when you accepted half the upkeep and insurance. Or, is this friend with the 'emergency option' trailer willing to lend hers to person 'A'? Perhaps slip her twenty quid or a couple of bags of feed? That might be even better! Speak to your other friend with the second trailer.

Third option (I'm on a roll). Get the second trailer in situ for that day, 'just in case', then person 'A' can deliver it back when she's finished for the day after her pleasure ride, or the morning after.
 
Its simple - person B is not your problem so don't discuss it with her. Person A is the only person who things need to be discussed with. You need to just have a quick chat - and tell her that of course the trailer can't be used by her for that weekend - just in case your mare foals. You are supposedly sharing your trailer - but as you say you can't use it because your mare is in foal - and the likelihood is you won't be using it for another 6 months after the foal is born so she is getting more or less exclusive use.

Person B is just extremely lucky person A is paying towards its upkeep. As person B is not then it's not your problem if she has taken time off work to go on the pleasure ride.

If A is a normal human being she will definitely understand. You have the foal once - and pleasure rides are available most weekends at the moment.
 
But what if the foal arrives the following weekend (or even the one following that!) - this is the problem as the foal is not going to pop out on command! And chances (fingers crossed for you PW!) there will be no need for the trailer anyway.

Foals are notorious for not turning up when they should so how long do you think the half sharer should not use the trailer for?
 
[ QUOTE ]
Sit down with her over a cup of coffee and explain why you are worried about her using the trailer that weekend. I'm sure she will understand that you are concerned for your horse.
It is unlikely that you will need it, but if you want it to be available just in case that is your choice. Maybe offer not to take the insurance money from her for May as a show of goodwill.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Hullaballoo, sensible suggestion and I am sure she will understand.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Hi,
i am just like you i have the lions share at our yard as i love helping people, but people do take the mick probably without thinking and because you always say yes they dont think to ask half the time.
Your horse comes first an it don't matter what they pay towards the trailer its YOUR trailer.
Even though horses don't normaly foal in the day it could happen.
I know how you feel though i hate telling people no and it really annoys my husband as he knows how people take advantage of me. Good luck and let me know how you get on i am in a similar situation at my yard not with trailers but with turning out, fetching in etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Kath 49, thanks for reply. Do you think we have "Mug" written all over us??!!! I fear we do. The trouble is I can't understand why other people aren't as generous with their time and effort as me, it just seems normal and I am a very busy person, so it's not as if I am not working and just spending hours at the yard pootling around.

Hey ho, we are all different. I will let you know how I get on!!
tongue.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
Its simple - person B is not your problem so don't discuss it with her. Person A is the only person who things need to be discussed with. You need to just have a quick chat - and tell her that of course the trailer can't be used by her for that weekend - just in case your mare foals. You are supposedly sharing your trailer - but as you say you can't use it because your mare is in foal - and the likelihood is you won't be using it for another 6 months after the foal is born so she is getting more or less exclusive use.

Person B is just extremely lucky person A is paying towards its upkeep. As person B is not then it's not your problem if she has taken time off work to go on the pleasure ride.

If A is a normal human being she will definitely understand. You have the foal once - and pleasure rides are available most weekends at the moment.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are quite right, it is person A I should be talking to. Thanks for replying.
 
[ QUOTE ]
But what if the foal arrives the following weekend (or even the one following that!) - this is the problem as the foal is not going to pop out on command! And chances (fingers crossed for you PW!) there will be no need for the trailer anyway.

Foals are notorious for not turning up when they should so how long do you think the half sharer should not use the trailer for?

[/ QUOTE ]


FMM, I know am doing a "Myjack" by quoting everybody but it seems easiest to answer each in order!!!

I see your point, but I think the important thing here is that that weekend is D day weekend and obviously rather an important date on the calendar. If the foal is late then it is not likely to be more than 2 weeks late ish, so they will just have to bear with me until the birth is safely over (I think!).
 
If its your trailer and your horse could be in foal then dont let them take it, tell them to find someone elses to use or hire one. Whats wrong with them finding another trailer, then they still can go.
 
Actually then tell her the trailer is not to be used for a month - then you are covered in theory. You Own the trailer - you bought it. It is yours - she pays half towards the insurance and the upkeep - but it is YOUR trailer. It is not the same as buying a lorry together, where you both part own.

You don't have to be confrontational, just say you are really sorry BUT you need to have the trailer available to you for a short while just in case there is a problem with your mare foaling. If you know someone else who has a trailer then tell her about it - but I see no reason whatsoever why you should have to hire another trailer on the offchance you may need it. She knows she wants to go on the pleasure ride with B - therefore B and A can hire one between them for the day. They can collect it in the morning and return it in the evening. You should not have to go and collect a trailer - if you are worried about your mare you need to be there - not traipsing round all over the place collecting a trailer.
 
Not too much to add apart from all the sensible replies above, apart from - It is pinkweasel's trailer, she owns it and is still paying half of the insurance and upkeep whilst her trailer is going out and getting wear and tear/ageing/depreciating without her using it at all. Person A has had all the joys of using the trailer pretty much unlimited for half the running costs as it were, so its about time PW had her half of the use of the trailer - she is still paying half of the upkeep & insurance and it is still hers after all! Doesn't matter if foal arrives on time/early/late, it is what, a month MAX out of the year the OP can't use it. Person B has been a bit silly in not thinking to ask PW and yes she hopefully won't need it but I really don't think it is asking too much or going to ruin any friendships if PW sits down with A and puts it across properly. If B has a hissy fit then, hello! its not her PW has an agreement with. If they will both be massively inconvenienced on the 11th May, then they can always hire a trailer from a hire company for the day. If you want to not take May's money as a goodwill gesture in that case then ok, and I suspect A will not let anyone fall out with you - she is gettign very good value for money out of your trailer!
wink.gif


Why should you have to use somebody else's trailer when you have your own!?
confused.gif
if it was a horse and A was paying half the costs of keeping it, chances are it would be on "share" and the owner would ride it half the time, not on full loan, if you get my dodgy comparison
wink.gif
 
Rather than stew over it all, why don't you have a friendly chat with person 'A'. Explain your worries and the fact that you may need your trailer (hopefully not). You have said she has a bad memory, over worked - she might have just not given it thought and rather than get yourself worked up over it all - just chat and sort it!
 
To be honest, I'd simply sit down and give A a bit of warning that she may not be able to use the trailer that weekend. You will know if your mare is about to foal the day before they go on their ride, therefore if you say to her to make other pencilled-in arrangements just incase you need the trailer ... mind you I can't see why you would need the trailer?

I don't think you are being taken for a mug at all. She is sharing the cost of using the trailer therefore you are getting something out of it too.
 
I share my friend's trailer and would never dream of even asking to borrow it in this situation.

It is a tricky situation but if my horse was due to give birth I would want the piece of mind of transport.
 
Once you start taking a regular amount of money off someone, they are going to start thinking the trailer is half theirs. If you don't want to let them have "half your trailer", you need to stop taking the money and start all over again.

If they want to use the trailer, they need to ask you and maybe pay an one time flat fee. That should solve your problem. Put up a calendar to log who wants it and when.
 
[ QUOTE ]
mind you I can't see why you would need the trailer?



[/ QUOTE ]

Well that's what I was wondering, if god forbid things go wrong then I would have thought they would need to be dealt with very quickly and in situ?
 
I would absolutey NOT allow 'A' to take that trailer anywhere on and around the 10th of may.

Sorry, but the welfare of your mare and foal MUST come first -and if 'A' does not understand this, then so be it - she'd either have to like it or lump it.....and to be honest, she would irrate the crap out of me for being selfish and putting her day out before the welfare of your mare and foal.
mad.gif


On the other hand - it may have slipped her mind that your mare is due on the 10th. - if that be the case then all would be forgiven.(she still wouldn't get the trailer though
tongue.gif
)

I know this sounds cold and blunt but I'm afraid you must take your stand and deny her access to the trailer - you'd never forgive yourself if (God forbid) you did need it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top