Am I being unfair?

Hullabaloo

Hullabaloo

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Ok, will try and explain this as briefly as I can.
Last year I was looking for a sharer for my horse who would make a contribution towards his costs. I really wanted an adult and was happy for them to do a bit of everything with him. Eventually someone on my yard introduced me to a girl who is now 17. She rode him quite nicely and got on well with him.
However, then we had all his problems which has resulted in lots of time in and out of work and lots of frustration. During this time she helped me with him occasionally, but I did not ask for any money. I also said to her I couldn't guarantee what the outcome would be and maybe she should look for something else.
The problem is, now he's back in work I don't want to share him and am having doubts about her riding him. As I say, she rides quite nicely, but has done a couple of silly things like taking another horse out on the roads when it was almost dark. I let her take him out for a long hack with her friend and found I worried about him the whole time, although to be fair they were fine and I have no reason to believe she was silly with him.
When I spoke to her about it she was unhappy as she said she helped me while he was off so wants to be able to have fun with him now. I do understand her point, but it doesn't change the way I feel.
At the moment I have compromised by saying she can ride him on the flat in the school. She offered me a contribution, but I suggested she put it towards lessons on him with my instructor.
She does also ride a couple of the ponies on the yard, so its not like she hasn't got anything to ride - she just prefers my horse.

She is a nice girl and I don't want to be unfair to her but
I was thinking of telling her that this was a temporary arrangement and she should look for something else.
Do you think this is fair?
 
I think you need to be honest with yourself and accept that you simply don't want to share - and are now finding reasons to justify this.

No doubt she is feeling a little hard done by, having stuck with you through the problems, but it is YOUR horse. Better to just tell her now than let it drag on and feel increasingly bitter about the situation.
 
I'd explain that, because of the problems with the horse, you are now only happy with riding him yourself. Frankly, if you don't need to let someone ride your horse I wouldn't take the risk. Just having someone riding who has different aids and feel will affect how well he goes for you. If you feel she is really owed something, how about just giving her some money? In your situation I'd happily shell out when you think how valuable he is, (and what an investment you already have in your horse).
 
Have you got another horse? Just wondering whether you could change to her riding under your supervision?

If you had 2 it always handy to have an extra body to exercise.
 
Thanks - I know you're both right.
I just feel I've mishandled the whole situation. I spoke to her about it a couple of weeks ago and was taken by surprise when she came back to me on Friday and said how upset she was. I came to a compromise with her which I thought was fair at the time, but have realised I'm still not happy with. It makes it worse going back to her again as we have now agreed something. Completely my own fault.
I'm not sure how she'd take to being offered money, but maybe I could buy her a present if there is something horsey she needs.
 
No, just the one. I could supervise her riding in the school which is what we've agreed for this week. It is partly a trust thing, but also just a case of wanting my horse to myself.
Its interesting what you learn about yourself - I've reaslised I'm a bit of a control freak where my horse is concerned and I don't do sharing very well.
 
At the end of the day its your horse and your decision,BUT its always good to have someone that is willing to help out in case you get stuck,so i would make a verbal agrement that she can hack him,i used to be happy with people hacking mine but nt to school,have a good think what you want to do,you might feel the way i do now,"if i cant ride my horses they can be off " BUt whatever decision you make it got to be right one for you and your horse ! Good Luck
 
Hacking's the bit that worries me most. Our hacking is on wide open spaces and we've had a few control issues in the past. I'm now very strict with him and (touch wood) he has improved a lot, but I don't want to risk undermining that. I've also put a lot of work into his jumping over the years.
That's why I went for the flat work - he's established in his work but never going to be a dressage star (well not with me anyway), so I figured it was the safest bet!
I did think if I needed her help in the future for yard work etc I could pay her instead of offering a ride.
 
I can totally see where your coming from. When I had my mare I didn't really let anyone else ride her (she was a young tb so part of that was not wanting to take responsibilty if anything happened) he's your horse, you have every right to say who rides him. It's a shame for this girl but you can't carry on if your not happy. You'll just have to be honest with her.
 
Go with your gut instinct.

This is not personal to you, obviously I don't know you! But, it makes me chuckle when people doubt eachothers abilities. Everyone has scope for improvement in their riding, even the bods on the olympic team are constantly trying to improve! I am sure that if someone could find faults in the way you ride your horse... it is concievable that there are people out there who could ridde you horse better than you do. if you are looking for a rider who you will not find fault with, it ain't gonna happen!

Sounds like you need to establish ground rules, like not riding at dusk, or wearing hi viz on the roads. If she truly wants to ride your horse then she will do these things.
 
I understand what you're saying and I don't think I'm looking for a perfect rider. I also accept that people can ride my horse better than me. At my old yard I used to quite regularly lend him to friends without a thought. I can't really explain why I feel different now.
 
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