Am I being unfair?

Slightly Foxed

Slightly Foxed

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A while ago, when I was on holiday ( a rare occurrence!) my sister installed her friend and horse on my yard - my yard, not a family heirloom.

Dear Sister hadn't talked about rent and was expecting friend to be able to stay for free.

So, I asked for £20 a week, Friend to provide their own hay/haylage, hard feed and bedding.

Now, Friend uses all my gear, feed bins, buckets, grooming kit, yard tools, but, hey ho, she's a nice girl. She also gets free lessons from Sister and free transport to shows.

Well, it's a **** winter, we're on heavy clay and I have no grass. It's costing me £90 a week in haylage for my horses. Friend is getting through a large bale of haylage a week at £30.

Now Friend's BF and Brother are complaining that I'm ripping her off! Err, am I?

Didn't want the extra horse here in the first place and now I'm feeling bad...
 
No, you are not ripping her off at all and if that is their attitude, I would ask them to leave asap.

Really feel for you because it is a horrid position to be in, especially when it is your own private yard.
 
Tell her you're giving her the best deal you can under the circumstance and if it's not working for her then perhaps she should look for an alternative arrangement. You could do with the extra grass/potential(ha!) for grass, by the sounds of it.
I'd also be rather peeved with your sister.
YANBU.
 
I am amazed you are so understanding about the situation. Owner should pay full cost of her horse and whatever extra costs you incur through her being there. They can always choose to find somewhere else if they are not happy.

Is it too late to draw up a contract so all understand your basis for charging.
 
I know you're right about a contract but it was Dear Sister's informal arrangement. I'll have a chat with Friend and stop whinging! It's not her that's the problem but her relations who are telling her that owning a horse is too expensive and too dangerous.
This is her first horse, she has it on loan only because the owners know my sister and know the yard she is on.

So, I'll shut up moaning and get on with getting on with Friend!
 
Have a face to face conversation about costs all costs land management bedding electricity muck heap removal haylage etc etc explain you can't have the horse on the yard costing you money .
Explain you dont want her to use the things like grooming kits that matter ( personally tools and things would bother lass than the clutter of having other stuff about .
And take no **** from the BF and brother tell them straight how it and if they still cause trouble tell they are not welcome on the yard .
And beat your sister about the head with a wet haddock.
Do allow your self to feel irritated or uncomfortable on your own yard.
 
I had a friend's horse at my house for a while, I had to charge her what it cost me to have the horse here but no extra for my time extra when I fed and hayed it and moved it from the starvation pen to the field and back. I had no problem with the arrangement until she started saying how much the pony was costing and generally moaning about money. This made me feel really uncomfortable so I can sympathise fully with how you are feeling. If you like the friend then stick with it but tell her how much everything costs like field maintenance, muck removal, public liability insurance, water rates etc etc and explain that although you are happy with her being there you are not comfortable with the comments from her relatives. If they continue I would ban them from the yard and if you are still not happy ask her to leave. It's a shame if you get on with her that others are making it unpleasant for you.
 
If you can calculate the costs to yourself, do so and present them to your sister and friend.
You should at least not be out of pocket.
I sympathise too.
 
You're better than me. I would be telling them that it wasn't working out and if they think that you are ripping them off then its the ideal time to move to another yard, which would be fine with you!

I would also be billing sister-darling for all the stuff she has used and/or you are out of pocket for! And arranging for a lodger in her house next time she is away on holiday!!
 
i struggle to understand how people can do/pay so little and still complain about it! granted i used to keep my horse at my aunts stables. it was only ment to be for a few months while the paddock at my usual yard was rested and she only asked for £1 a day. this was with stables and field. we had an outdoor school and really good hacking straight onto the hills. i felt so bad only paying £1 a day but they wouldnt except any more payment so i made a deal with them that as well as the pitiful amount of money, i would pay for the hay for her mare and also the feed that both horses had (they were on different except for sugar beet and chaff so this is what i bought to share) i also used to help out with the turkeys/chickens and sort her mare out whenever needed, normally at least once a day. i still thought i was getting the better deal as they done all the maintenence, water/electric bills etc. although was only ment to be for a few months i ended up staying there for 3 years and only left as i got another horse and their wasnt enough land for all year turnout.

personally i would ask her why she feels you are charging so much, maybe she doesnt understand the cost of what goes in to proper maitenence and sitting her down and sorting through all the costs. if she or her family still arent happy then ask her to leave as it would be making you out of pocket. it is her first horse after all and although she should have done her research first, it may be that she doesnt realise what goes into keeping and caring for a horse properly.
 
TBH you should not have to feel bad about anything. It's your yard and your sister is clearly being very unfair by putting you in this situation. People need to take responsibility for themselves and their animals but some people just find this far to difficult. Just imagine how much easier it would be without that person on your yard. It would not be tolerated at a livery yard so you should not have to tolerate it at your own private yard. Do not let yourself be bullied by these people, as you said, you didnt want the extra horse in the first place.
Perhaps get a contract drawn up with some proper livery fees in there and proper consequences, that should make them buck up their ideas or get out.
Good Luck!
 
Speak to her and say you need to at least cover your cost, even if not actually making a profit, so as of
1st February rent will be going up.

If she doesnt like it she can leave, she must know she is getting a good deal.
She checked the livery rates in the area to prove it, and tell them to the boyfriend and brother too!
 
I agree with the person further up who said to go over costs from field maintainance, cost of supplies etc to removal of dung heap and then tell her its £25 a week youre not keepng her horse for free and that if theres any more ill feeling or her family talking of you ripping her off you will be asking her to leave immediately on a weeks notice ..... Im assuming theres no contract in place due to the nature of her arrival or she'd be aware of costs etc already.
 
Slightly Foxed said:
A while ago, when I was on holiday ( a rare occurrence!) my sister installed her friend and horse on my yard - my yard, not a family heirloom.

Dear Sister hadn't talked about rent and was expecting friend to be able to stay for free.

So, I asked for £20 a week, Friend to provide their own hay/haylage, hard feed and bedding.

Now, Friend uses all my gear, feed bins, buckets, grooming kit, yard tools, but, hey ho, she's a nice girl. She also gets free lessons from Sister and free transport to shows.

Well, it's a **** winter, we're on heavy clay and I have no grass. It's costing me £90 a week in haylage for my horses. Friend is getting through a large bale of haylage a week at £30.

Now Friend's BF and Brother are complaining that I'm ripping her off! Err, am I?

Didn't want the extra horse here in the first place and now I'm feeling bad...
Click to expand...

Erm mum hate to break it to you but a 'nice girl' would not be taking advantage of you in this way. It would have come to fisticuffs long ago if I was in your position! But then that's the thing, I would never allow this situation to arise in the first place. I suggest you ask her to leave and don't worry abot doing it politely!
 
You could be totally honest and say, your sister arranged it without your knowledge, you were ok with that but, now you have become aware her bf is unhappy about the arrangement, you would rather end it than let things get uncomfortable. You are already OOP with the current arrangement, you cannot subsidise her keeping a horse. That will allow you to organise a new arrangement or get rid of her.
 
Its ridiculous, though some non horsey people are totally unrealistic: I kept a mare [paid for] and yearling foal [not yet paid for], at cost for nearly three months till the new owner was finding stabling, and this was winter [stabled during night], all the work [and some schooling] was done for free.
One night, the woman's sister[!] on the phone wanting to buy the yearling, but for less money than agreed ..... and went on to say ... "but you have been charging for keeping them!" Three months full livery for two for three months, total cost£45 per week!!!!!! The new owner had thought that it would cost her £25.00 per week to keep both! ........ she had no idea at all that there was more to it than renting a field.
Needless to say I never got the money for the yearling.
 
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Why don't you suggest that the BF phones up some local yards and find out what they charge for similar facilities and services.....they will have a bit of a shock!!. If they find something cheaper then they are free to move!
 
i also agree with blackwijet- get them to look at the cost of other yards and they will be shocked! people do not realize how much horses cost, especially in the wet winter
 
jeeve said:
You could be totally honest and say, your sister arranged it without your knowledge, you were ok with that but, now you have become aware her bf is unhappy about the arrangement, you would rather end it than let things get uncomfortable. You are already OOP with the current arrangement, you cannot subsidise her keeping a horse. That will allow you to organise a new arrangement or get rid of her.
Click to expand...

^^This^^
 
Tell her pay or move...
At the end of the day i wouldn't be comfortable with someone moving on to my property without my permission and then going on to use all my equipment!!! (don't own anything, just theoretical)

But its your yard, meaning your decision :)
 
Yes, you are being unfair....to yourself and YOUR horses.

Take a step back and think what you would advise someone else to do if you read that they were in your situation. I'm pretty sure you'd advise them much the same that Jeeve and many others have.

It's your yard. Yours. You make the decisions and you DO NOT need to justify them to anyone. If your sister or anyone has a problem with it, spell it out that that was the risk they took arranging it without your consent in the first place, you are not a doormat and you will not compromise on the quality of grazing your horses get.
 
If my sister did that I would screen at her until her ears bled. The girl needs to understand your feelings fast and choose to pay or relocate. Your sister needs to understand that she was totally in the wrong and can ship out too if she gets huffy about it.
 
OP if you decide to add up what it costs you, remember to include the extra hay cost for your horses now that her horse is eating some of the grass and contributing to churning up the field, leading to reduced turnout.

I do think if you're going to allow her to stay then she should be covering all her costs, buying her own tack, equipment and tools, and that there should be absolutely no bad atmosphere or mean comments from anyone. If you're not making a profit why should you tolerate any hassle?
 
Thanks everyone for your comments, I know I need to Woman Up and get it sorted. Trouble is my sister has had some health issues and Friend has been very supportive to her so I don't want to upset anyone.
As for the horse eating my grass, that made me chuckle, I don't have any in the winter paddocks!

Oh we,, off I go to put the horses in, can someone pass me my snorkel and flippers please?
 
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