Am I doing the rigt thing..?

[clairew]

I think I've come to the heartbreaking decision that Lily just isn't for me.

I've had her for four months now and I just don't think we gel, everything seems to be a battle. I thought she might just be taking a while to settle in but things don't seem to be getting better. She's not an easy horse to deal with - every time I try to put a rug on her she tries to kick or bite me, she's not an affectionate horse at all and will take chunks out of me when I try to groom her, and don't even get me started on tacking up....

She's a fantastically talented horse and in the right hands would be unstoppable (I've found out that with previous owners she has been hunted and evented), but I just want a happy hacker I can amble round the lanes with my husband on. I think she would be happier with somebody who can do these things with her - I feel like she's wasted on me, and maybe if I wanted to do something 'more' wit her that Icould put up with the negative bits of her. To be honest sometimes she just plain scares me sometimes! It hasn't helped that my hubbys' new horse has demonstrated just how affectionate and easy some horses can be.

My husband has been on the phone to the dealer who has a couple things that we could have a look at, hubby is fed up of me being in tears all the time. Am I doing the right thing looking for something else? I just want me and her to be happy and I'm anything but at the moment, but then again the thought of her going away and I start crying again...

She's my first horse and I just wanted it to work out. Has anyone been through anything similar?

 

[Dancing Queen]

Hi, Im sorry its not working out quite as you would wanted. I do wonder if she has picked up on your feelings (she scares you) and is playing that to her advantage?
What did her pervious owners say about her temperament? If she is not for you and she sounds like she maybe knocking your confidence then i would say sell her on - perhaps not to a dealer but to an experienced home. It could be that she has had a bad time of it and is doing this to protect/defend herself and may need a lot of time and love before she cant accept someone again. Having had stroppy mares in the past i have found that they do come right after a long time and patience and love, Geldings are much easier than mares without a doubt!
Good luck in your decision

 

[BBH]

I think you need to make one of two choices, you make your mind up to sell her and find a suitable home or you make your mind up that you'd like to keep her and with help and support she will / can be the horse you want.

Four months is not a huge amount of time for a horse to settle and bond with you. She may be testing her boundaries and if she's a 'character' anyway will be getting away with more than is good for her.

I think you need to decide if she's a keeper or a mover on and that will determine your next steps.

Horses should be fun though and if its not fun and you can't ever see her being fun move her on. Its no reflection on you but a shame the dealer wasn't advising on a more suitable horse.

Good luck its never easy.

 

[HollyWoozle]

I think that swapping her for a horse more suited to your needs would be a good idea. Perhaps she would be better in an environment where she is being worked more in the manner she is used to (hunting, eventing etc.) and you would enjoy yourself much more with an affectionate hacking horse. There is certainly no shame in realising that a horse doesn't suit you, I think it's rather admirable.

Having said that, I do agree that 4 months isn't that long for a horse to settle. I have had Belle for a year now and she is just about being sensible! Maybe the difference is that even when she was naughty, she did progress in other areas so I was inspired to carry on with her, that and the fact that she has a nice nature (most of the time!).

I think it sounds to me as if you have really made up your mind and that it might be the best one for both you and Lily. There is no rush to make a decision though, take your time with it.

 

[clairew]

Hi, Im sorry its not working out quite as you would wanted. I do wonder if she has picked up on your feelings (she scares you) and is playing that to her advantage?
What did her pervious owners say about her temperament? If she is not for you and she sounds like she maybe knocking your confidence then i would say sell her on - perhaps not to a dealer but to an experienced home. It could be that she has had a bad time of it and is doing this to protect/defend herself and may need a lot of time and love before she cant accept someone again. Having had stroppy mares in the past i have found that they do come right after a long time and patience and love, Geldings are much easier than mares without a doubt!
Good luck in your decision

I emailed one of her previous owners who had Lily 6 years ago and she told me that she can be 'tricky'..! She said that she had been contacted by a lady who had purchased Lily and been told that she was likely to kill her teenage daughter who used to ride her as well, although I think that's a bit far-fetched. I do think you could have a point about her previous treatment making her behave a certain way to protect herself, which I think is the bit that makes me feel guilty about letting her go because I want something easy. But as somebody else has said she probably picks up on me being nervous which I think could turn into a vicious circle - my confidence is never going to be built up dealing with her and surely her behaviour will get worse.