Am I making a mistake?

[rachk89]

Hi I am new to the forums, but needed some advice for other horsey people.

Last year, I was set to loan a lovely horse that I had ridden a few times and actually seemed lazy at times, but I thought he would help me build my confidence in jumping and I could train in dressage. However, one time before I got him on loan, I was getting onto him at the mounting block and just before I swung my leg over, he bolted. I went straight to the ground and broke my leg. Not badly, but badly enough that the doctors wouldn't let me on a horse.

3 months later, I was finally feeling ok to get onto a horse, although I was still using a crutch to get around (I know, this was probably stupid, but I was determined to not let my leg stop me and I wanted to get over my fear of getting on horses).

Unfortunately, we are now 4-5 months later and I am still nervous about getting on nearly any horse. Once I am on and have walked on a bit, I am fine and relax and can get on doing what I want, usually. I couldn't cope with the one that broke my leg and had to give him up. I can ride well, have been riding for over 20 years and have dealt with difficult horses in the past, but this has broken me (literally).

I am in a position to buy my own horse and have found a brilliant one, but I am still worried I am gonna ruin him. He is 6 years old, he is still learning obviously, but he is well behaved. His version of 'spooking' is a wide eyed look of horror and thats it. He might try to back away from whatever is spooking him, but you just keep your leg on and he gets over it quickly enough. He has the most amazing trot I've ever seen, he tracks up naturally in walk, trot and canter. His canter is a little dodgy with him disuniting, but that's due to his youth and balance issues, its fixable.

I just worry that because of my issues I am not the right person for him. I have time yet to back out of it if I want, but I know I will regret it if I do. I just wonder if I will regret it if I don't. I will have plenty of instructors at my disposal to help me, we have instructors that visit to do clinics as well in dressage and jumping so I am not lacking in help. But is this a wise choice given my current mental issues?

The strange thing is, I know that when I have trust of the horse, I am fine getting on it as I got onto three horses straight away at my old riding school that I went to for years, with no nerves or issues (and two of the horses I didnt even know). But I felt safe there. I just don't have this safe feeling at my current place, and I cant keep my horse at the old place.

Sorry for the long post, but what would you do in this situation? Get the horse and work on it, or work on it and find something else probably not as good? I mean either way I am gonna have to work on it, I cant be afraid of getting on a horse forever. Anyway, thanks for any advice.

 

[be positive]

Is the horse you are thinking of buying already based at the yard you are going to keep him on? if so I would be questioning whether he and the yard are right for you as you sound as if something is holding you back from trusting them, the horse is still young, sounds green, he may track up in all his paces but so do most sound horses, if I were you I would look around a bit more to see if there are other options of yards where you can be at livery with support and also at other, more experienced, horses that may be a little more established, possibly not quite so amazing but more suited to your current level.
Maybe a few more lessons at the old RS to get you really confident before taking the big step of buying your own horse, it seems to me that you are not quite ready and need to take a step back before buying a green youngster with all that is involved with bringing it on, if you do go ahead make sure you get it vetted to rule out an underlying reason for a 6 year old to be disuniting in canter, it may be fixable but it may well be a sign there is something wrong.

 

[JennBags]

Honestly, if you're not sure, you're not ready.

 

[rachk89]

No he isnt. I did try other horses too, but the first one was way too sensitive, I couldnt get her to relax at all. The second was a really slow plod, dead to the leg and just annoyed me. He was the perfect inbetween, not a plod, but not a 'i'm going to take off if you move' type either. I was totally fine at the yard before this accident, I was even jumping fences bigger than I've ever done before. Riding horses that I never thought I'd ride. I do feel that if this accident had happened at even the old riding school I would be exactly the same. I am getting over it, but its just taking longer than I thought as I am not the bravest person.

This yard gives a lot of support too, theres always experienced people around and they have been amazing with me so far in my issues with getting on horses. They arent even saying to not go ahead and buy one which I thought they would, but they arent.

The problem is too, yeah I could get a more experienced, older, probably slower horse, but once I'm over my issue, am I then gonna be bored with it? He has been vetted too, nothing wrong with him, that issue is just lack of muscle and balance issues.

 

[be positive]

You are fairly committed if you have had the horse vetted, the owners will be expecting you to finalise everything now so you do need to make your mind up, I always think if you are questioning whether the horse is right then it probably is not the right one and that you should walk away, I have bought, sold and advised on hundreds of horse purchases and most end up ok it is the ones with questions that arise, doubts that come in between trying and picking up that tend to go wrong, sometimes the niggles come to nothing other times they develop into something that is not possible to deal with and the horse needs to be moved on.

More experienced, older does not mean boring and slow, it can mean established, confident, well educated with lots to offer the rider, possibly to be sold on after a few years to be replaced with, young, challenging and rewarding.
The horse sounds nice enough, if he is coming from a good home and has had a few years being well educated, you should be able to develop a good relationship with him with the help on the yard to support you, it sounded as if you were having doubts about everything and needed a few other ideas to think about before taking the next step.

 

[Natch]

Taking longer than you thought? Give yourself some credit here! 4-5 months after breaking your leg is no time at all. I broke mine (admittedly pretty badly), and it was 2 years before I wasn't afraid of twisting my ankle when walking on slightly uneven ground, and 2-3 icy winters before I could walk on icy paths without being convinced that I was going to fall and break it again! Whilst mine wasn't anything to do with a horse it did take my riding confidence too, so please be a bit more kind on yourself.

Why not focus on having some lessons at a good riding school for 6 months or so, focus on getting happier and more confident again? Maybe use the time to work towards your stages, progressive riding tests or horse owners certificate.

I would recommend an older, been there seen it done it type for you to buy. There's no shame in not wanting to wreck already fragile confidence and possibly cause problems to the young horse- it's called being responsible and sensible. Have fun on the more established horse, there is plenty of time for you to go back to youngsters if that's what you fancy down the line

 

[Barnacle]

I think it sounds like you've already decided to go ahead and buy. So just do it... He is young and you can sell him on if it doesn't work out. After all it doesn't sound like you are lacking ability or experienced support - just confidence.

It also sounds like your real confidence issue is very much linked to the accident and not an overall problem. I think you'll get over it easily but in the meantime, have you thought about just mounting from the ground? If a horse bolts when you're mounting from the ground, worst that'll happen is that you stumble a bit and topple over... I can't imagine breaking anything that way. It may not be ideal for the horse but just make sure you mount from both sides or get a leg up from someone to make it easier. At least psychologically, I imagine you'll get over your fear of mounting pretty quickly since it's so context-dependent.

 

[rachk89]

bepositive: Yeah I always thought the same, if you're having doubts there's a reason for it clearly. But my doubts are based upon getting onto him, and you know for a 6 year old he is so patient with me. Two times that I have gotten on him I have (stupidly I know) accidentally clipped his bum with my boot (unfortunately it was the right leg I broke and my hips are dead stiff really need to work on that). He didnt move an inch, not one inch. He only started getting restless once I was on as he loves working and just wanted to go, but I held him and although he danced slightly on the spot as I did my stirrups and that he didnt try to take off or anything. I just need to get past that barrier in my head.

Natch: I know I am being hard on myself, but just feel like I should be otherwise I am such a coward I would retreat into a dark corner.

Barnacle: Yeah I find it easier getting a leg up really onto horses than using a mounting block now. Just feel bad having to ask people to help me onto the horse all the time, although everyone is very understanding and nice about it.

The thing thats annoying me as well is that currently, he is/was being used in a riding school and had a 12 year old girl riding him. Makes me feel a bit pathetic that a girl half my age has no issues while I'm being silly haha.

 

[Barnacle]

Don't worry about that - it'll just take some time but we all have our little fears and worries and it's just a matter of facing them over and over until they aren't a big deal any more. Just like training a spooky horse! The only difference is that we can't force people do things - they have to force themselves. It sounds like this is a very safe horse and you'll be absolutely fine in time.

 

[rachk89]

I hope so, thanks Barnacle.

 

[gnubee]

I was on the fence til your last post. If you have already caught this horse twice whilst mounting, pull out now. It doesn't matter how good he is at the moment, young horse will not take a lot of knocks before he becomes fidgety to mount, starts walking off, shuffling around etc and with your confidence issues on top of that I can see it escalating quite fast. Get yourself something much more established to build your confidence or take lessons until you are confident enough and have regained the flexibility to do justice to the horse you want.
Having one that is not rock steady when mounting at this stage is not likely to help you fix your issues, and your confidence is not something I would gamble on this horse however nice he is.

 

[rachk89]

I can see what you mean gnubee, but I have decided that I will be way more upset and annoyed at myself for not at least trying with him, so I am getting him. I do have issues yes but I will work through them and will not ruin him, am determined on that as he is such a good horse that I will be an idiot if I manage to ruin him.

Plus I have to admit my flexibility has never been good, family issue with hips and has always been there, but will still keep trying to work through it. I am still working through my knee pain at times from breaking it so if I can work through that, I can help my hips even a tiny bit haha.

 

[wyrdsister]

Okay, different perspective since you've bought him. If you've got the funds, get yourself to a physio/osteo, find a yoga or Pilates class, & book the odd lesson at your old riding school. You want to make sure your mobility is as good as possible to make things easier with mounting & erase the potential for a problem to occur. If you're braver getting a leg up, do that. Work on you block phobia when the partnership is established. Also, make sure you can boost your nerve on in a place & on a horse you already know you're fine on rather than just trying to restore your faith in yourself & get it together with a new, green animal. I had my confidence wrecked as a teenager & find it much easier to cope with a challenge if I keep my nerve topped up by hopping on my old mostly retired mare from time to time & by staying fit & flexible. It's been a godsend for me while I reback my current youngster, who sends me shopping for new brave pants on a regular basis! Enjoy your new horse

 

[stormclouds]

I bought a horse at the beginning of the year, who completely destroyed my confidence - I wouldn't even ride my YO's 22 yr old been there done that schoolmaster. I sold him, and two days later bought a new horse.

I was very on the fence the whole time about it - wasn't sure if I did want another one, whether I even found it fun anymore, whether I should just give up. The new horse was the same age (give or take 6 months, both were 6) as the old horse, but had a completely different attitude to life.

New horse arrived, with me still doubting massively whether I wanted him or not. Three hours later, and I was (and still am) head over heels in love, and not regretting my decision at all. He's built up my confidence, and we're already going for gallops through the fields near us, with a host of competitions in the diary.

If you think he's the right one, you've had someone who knows you look over him/at the situation too (I was lucky to have a very brilliant YO help me out), then go for it. As others have said, you can always sell.

Regarding getting on and catching him - you should try to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. He may be fine with it now, but not forever. Try a bigger mounting block - this might help you get your leg over! Also second pilates/yoga and seeing a chiro or osteo.

 

[LHIS]

Just my two cents re. your comments about catching his bottom with your boot when you mount him. I do this too, my previous pony wasn't bothered so I never thought of addressing my issue, but my new pony is a little bothered and as he's only a baby I'm keen to iron this out. I've been recommended to take up Pilates by my instructor which she has said will help massively. She also made me re-learn how to mount from a block, and taught me to put all my weight in my right hand which is on the far side of the saddle. The last few times I've got on him I've not caught his bottom using this technique (I used to just swing a leg over and off I went!)

 

[rachk89]

Cheers for that stormclouds. I have been feeling better about it lately. Think I have just been a bit scared because I've never owned a horse before although I've loaned and just thinking am I ready for it, but god if after 21 years and working on several yards I dont know what I'm doing, I'm an idiot.

LHIS, yeah I know that way to get on, but because he was a new horse to me I was more nervous and just plain forgot. I will be doing my best to never do it again to him, but the fact that he didnt react to me says a lot. He is a sweet horse and didnt even react to scary things in the woods which you would usually find a 6 year old would have freaked out in his situation, but he behaved well. My instructor taught me that way too, as no one had ever taught me that way before (ridiculous I know after so many years no one bothered).

 

[oldie48]

I have issues mounting, because of a damaged achilles tendon I can't spring up from my right leg once my left foot is in the stirrup. I find a decent height mounting block and a neck strap is really helpful and I have quite a big horse. It does help that he is well trained and stands beautifully until I am on board, however, if I kicked his backside I think he would move, so I think you need to address this.

 

[Sukistokes2]

I have terrible knees, I find getting up on the correct side difficult, I generally, hop up on the wrong side unless I am at a show or something, as I have found it upsets some horsey people. Both of my horses, even my youngster are very patient with my problem. Its just a matter of training. You really teach the horse to do or put up with what you want from it. With my older lad I could do Riverdance on his rump and he would not move until I asked him too. My six year old would be less patient but he is a work in progress. I would enlist some help and spend time working on the mounting issue. He is young, teach him to be how you want him to be, if he is as nice as you say under saddle he will adapt to you. As you progress you will learn to trust him and your confidence will grow and you will thrive together, just do not try to do it on your own. Just to let you know how it can be, I use a five bar gate to get on at the bottom of this steep hill I walk my older lad down. One day I slipped at I was climbing up, not only did he not move a step, he caught me with his head and neck and pushed me up the gate so i could continue mounting. ( all the while heaving a huge sigh at me )