Am i overreacting?

H

happyhacking:)

Well-Known Member
Joined
4 February 2011
Messages
366
Visit site
Sorry this is a little long

At present I keep my horse at a lovely quiet livery yard where an old mate of mine currently keeps her horses too. My mate has given me lots of help and support when things have gone pear shaped. A few months ago she asked me if it would be ok for her daughter to ride my horse. I said she could (I have seen her ride hundreds of times and she is probably a better rider than me).
About a week ago my mate rang me to ask whether she could ride my horse. having brought my horses bridle home the day previously I told her it wasn’t possible and explained why. The following day I noticed that there was a text message thanking me for allowing her to ride my horse and saying that she had made up another bridle for my horse. I was cross but as I was at work could not challenge her about it at the time. Then at the weekend one of the lads at the yard text me to ask me if he could ride my horse out with my mate. I text back and told him it wasn’t possible and explained why (my horses bridle was still at home) he then text back that ‘it was fine’. I thought no more of it until tonight another owner at the yard commented on how well my horse behaved when said lad rode at the weekend. I now discover that my mate told the lad that he could ride my horse that I had said no only because my horses bridle wasn’t there and that he could use the one she had made up for my horse and then taken him out for a ride.

Part of me wants to storm in all guns blazing but I’m not sure. My mate has helped me out so much in the past and I don’t really want to ruin our friendship over this. Do you think im overreacting?
 
I don't think your over-reacting but it's not a good idea to go in all guns blazing either. I wouldn't want everyone thinking they could ride my horse but by the same token, is it possible that they simply thought the only reason you said no was because you had your horses bridle at home and that if it had been at the yard, the answer would have been a yes?

I think you need to be polite, but firm and explain that you don't want them riding your horse - if you don't. You don't need to justify yourself.

Yes, you friend has helped you, and you have helped back by allowing said daughter to ride your horse. If she didn't want to help, then she could say no.
 
I think maybe you need to be clearer with her as to what exactly it means when you say her daughter can ride your horse. She needs to be aware that if you say no it means no, not "yes so long as you can find away around the problem". Also, I would tell her that you agreed to her daughter riding your horse, not all and sundry! Maybe say you would like to designate one day a week where her daughter rides and that otherwise he's off limits. It sounds to me like you agreed to let her daughter have the odd ride, thinking it would be every now and then, but that your friend seems to have got the idea that she has free use of your horse. You definitely need to set her straight :)
 
I don't think you are over-reacting at all - even though you gave a reason why they couldn't ride your horse they should have checked with you that if they found a bridle to fit then would it be ok to ride.

I think you just need to be a bit tactful about how you manage this if you want to keep your friendship - maybe say you hadn't realised after saying no because you had his bridle, that they would find tack elsewhere and ride him. And say that if anything happened to the horse, the rider, or the horse injured someone, caused damage to anyone's property whilst being ridden your insurance might not cover it as strictly speaking you hadn't given permission for them to ride your horse. So from this point of view could they always check with you first and keep you informed of your horse's whereabouts.
 
I know exactly how you feel. We keep our horses at a friends house down the road from us. Without her we wouldn't be able to have horses so we are so grateful to her. However one day I was on the bus to school and my friend remarked there was 2 people out hacking and how one looked so like FH. I looked out the window and sure enough it was FH. A rapid text to mum and she knew nothing about it. I was pretty :mad: that I she had not asked and it wasn't even her riding FH. It was a friend who doesn't really know how to ride and she hauled him around a junction, I was :( seeing this as he is so light mouthed
 
I would be furious, but take a few deep breaths and think through what you want to say so you can have a reasonable conversation about it with your friend rather than an arguement.

You need to have a chat with your friend and her daughter and agree some ground rules for when she can and can't ride. Am I right in thinking that you didn't want this lad to ride your horse and used the bridle as a convenient excuse? If you don't want someone to ride your horse in future just give them a straight "no" - you don't need a reason for not letting someone else ride your horse. Hopefully then there can be no misunderstanding.
 
Omg, why is it people feel they can do what they like with others horses, i has a girl riding my boy. We were still in process of getting him fit...
And she found my Pessoa... I specifically said not to use it until he was a bit fitter, bugger me next time i saw her lingo him she had sneaked it on under a rug so I wouldn't see it grr.

The final straw came when she asked she could get him a new bit... Niavely i thought she was just going to replace his bit... Oh no, she came back with a lloose ring snaffle and drop noseband... Don't get me wrong if trainer had advised a change I might of considered it.

The first piece of advice my friend gave me when I got NAS was don't let everyone ride him.. I should of listened

As for OP I would be well cross you specifically said no, and they should respect that. Its one of those situations where you don't want to be too grr but then not a push over either.

If your bridle had of been at yard would you of let them ride? Or are you taking it home purposely so they can't... (sort of thing I would do) to avoid an argument.
 
I would be hopping to be honest. But the simple solution is to take your horses saddle home every night and forbid anyone to ride the horse in any other saddle. That way you regain control without ever having to have 'words'
 
mishaspey said:
I don't think your over-reacting but it's not a good idea to go in all guns blazing either. I wouldn't want everyone thinking they could ride my horse but by the same token, is it possible that they simply thought the only reason you said no was because you had your horses bridle at home and that if it had been at the yard, the answer would have been a yes?

I think you need to be polite, but firm and explain that you don't want them riding your horse - if you don't. You don't need to justify yourself.

Yes, you friend has helped you, and you have helped back by allowing said daughter to ride your horse. If she didn't want to help, then she could say no.
Click to expand...

Totally second this sound advice. I would be annoyed as it seems like you are being taken advantage of in a way. Best way is to go in firm but fair. I would be annoyed at said lad riding and ask him politely not to do it again

0ldmare said:
I would be hopping to be honest. But the simple solution is to take your horses saddle home every night and forbid anyone to ride the horse in any other saddle. That way you regain control without ever having to have 'words'
Click to expand...

And this is a darn good idea /\/\
 
Last edited:
I would explode!! NO ONE rides my horses unless I'm there (except occassionally sharer but she has her own now)

Agree you need to tone down temper so as not to fall out with your mate but I don't think you are wrong to be cross.
 
No wouldn't go mad at her. I would explain truthfully how the 'misunderstanding' made you feel. It MAY be a misunderstanding. If your only objection was the bridle not being available then why shouldn't a friend assume that WAS your only objection, and one which she solved. You need to have a heart to heart about it and explain that your were upset that your horse was taken out without your knowledge, but say that you can understand how your wires may have been crossed.
 
i think im gonna remove all my horses tack for the time being and hope my mate gets the hint. unfortunatly her horses are all similar in terms of tack (all our horses are the same breed). i might have a quiet word with the lad at the yard as well.

i think i would have probabaly let my mate ride if the bridle had been there when she rang but im sure i wouldnt have let the lad at the yard. i have only let him ride my horse a coulple of times and each time i have been there to supervise and i certainly wouldnt have let him out on the roads. my horse is pretty good on the roads but every now and again she does get upset over something and the lads not really been riding that long.
 
You're not over-reacting but you definitely need to be calm about this to avoid an argument. If you're happy with your friend and her daughter riding your horse, could you talk to them about when they can ride? RE the lad - if he asks again, say that you don't want your horse being worked too much by so many people. Explain to your friend who you don't want riding your horse - I'm sure she'll understand.
 
well sounds like you are dealing with it well could be genuine misunderstanding and always better to act innocent then be pulled up short having dug a hole!! But serious situation especially on roads where you are liable for anything and even with a good rider horses and drivers are unpredictable! definitely worth saying something...
 
I think you need to stop hoping that your mate gets the hint and tell her straight. You should have just said no instead of making up excuses. And if you didn't challenge her the next time then i'm not surprised it happened again.

Tell her clearly but politely when she can and cannot use your horse.

To be fair i would be mad too, she should have took the hint and should not have rode your horse or encouraged others to do so without your express permission. But she may have misunderstood so don't go in all guns blazing.
 
Situations like this make me really glad my lad will buck the majority of people into next week!!!

be more clear in your yes and nos- at the end if the day, if u dont want someone to ride your horse, that is your right- sod em!!!

Taking the tack home is a good idea though.
 
i missed my mate at the yard today but will probs have a word when i next see her but in the mean time all of my tack is now in the back of my car so they cant do anything behind my back in the meantime. thanks for the advice everyone
 
Not a situation I would be remotely happy about Happy Hacking. Although if the bridle had been there I'm guessing you wouldn't have minded as much? It is the fact that she sorted out other tack and also gave that lad the ride on your horse as well despite you saying no that must be bothering you.

Bottom line is this is your horse and your wishes should be respected at all times when it comes to who can and cannot ride him and when. Hope that you can sit down together and sort it out without any animosity.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top