Another rant from me!

[ChestnutTinker]

Feel free to ignore

So basically, my best friend is selling her horse - i've known this horse since he was 6 months old (he's now 3) and he's grown into a magnificent beastie, really lovely horse, calm and she's just started backing him and he's behaved really well!

I originally wanted to stay out of it because of the best friend situation, even though I liked him - I didn't want to blow our friendship or fall out with her or something but mum has being bringing him up in conversations saying 'Yeah, but you know him, you've known him since he was a baby.' 'Yes, he'd suit you' and all this
We went out today and again she strikes up conversation about him and I say, 'Oh, well somebody else is interested'' (which they are) so she's all 'Really? Who?' and getting flustered about it So she goes 'Oh, why don't you send her a message'

So, I send a message to my best friend (who hasn't come online yet) and basically explain how i'm interested and so's mum and how I don't want her to feel it's awkward between us (if she turned me down) etc and I go to mum and tell her i've messaged her and read what i'd put which, surprise surprise, made her go in a huge flap and she walks out going 'DON'T BRING ME INTO THIS, NOTHING TO DO WITH ME'

So now, i've sent a message to my friend telling her i'm interested and that mum is to (as she was) and mum's completely flipped out and said she's having nothing to do with the situation.
So I either message my friend and tell her i'm not interested which looks like i'm messing her about and which will make mum have a go at me or try to see if she'll sell him to me

I'm seriously frustrated, by now I should know not to trust her and that she just makes up all these lies and messes about. Why do I keep falling for it? I'm really struggling with her

 

[soulfull]

Hugs. Sounds like you need them

The girl is your best friend so she probably knows what it's like for you. Go and see her (not text) and just explain what happened

Next time Anything like this happens just pretend you've sent the message and see what she does.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Im really starting to feel for you. At first I thought maybe your Mum was just worried about you riding etc. But now..well I dont know..?? She seems to be messing with your head.

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Hugs. Sounds like you need them

The girl is your best friend so she probably knows what it's like for you. Go and see her (not text) and just explain what happened

Next time Anything like this happens just pretend you've sent the message and see what she does.

This is the 3rd or 4th time now and it's driving me nutty.
She is my best friend and she knows how desperate I am for a horse but I can't get him without mum's help. It's like, she promised me, get a job and you can have a horse (I now have 2 jobs) get land you can have a horse (I get land) and now she's just messing everything up. She knows I can't do anything without her support

The thing is I don't want my best friend to read it and go 'sorry I don't want to sell him to you' because i've being debating whether to ask her for a few months but always got nervous and when mum told me to, I just did it. And now i'm terrified for the reply

Thank you for the hugs my darling xx

 

[flurryjuno]

My parents are the exact same! Same sort of story too, I knew a horse from 6 weeks old and was completely in love with him then one day he was up for sale?! AND I'd been saying for years that I would buy him if he ever went up for sale and my parents were all for it yet when it came to it, they acted as if they didn't even know the horse existed. Of course three days later he was gone and I haven't seen/heard of him since

Go to her and tell her the situation, I really wish I had, maybe you still have a chance!

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Im really starting to feel for you. At first I thought maybe your Mum was just worried about you riding etc. But now..well I dont know..?? She seems to be messing with your head.

The whole situation with Paddy is, she didn't like me going down to gypsies So refused to associate with them and then Paddy went to Scotland and she's all 'oh, i'm sorry' I just don't know what to do. I'm really struggling with her. We just argue and I end up in tears and it's just getting on my nerves.

 

[ChestnutTinker]

My parents are the exact same! Same sort of story too, I knew a horse from 6 weeks old and was completely in love with him then one day he was up for sale?! AND I'd been saying for years that I would buy him if he ever went up for sale and my parents were all for it yet when it came to it, they acted as if they didn't even know the horse existed. Of course three days later he was gone and I haven't seen/heard of him since

Go to her and tell her the situation, I really wish I had, maybe you still have a chance!

I would understand if she had worries but she doesn't, she was all for it this morning. I even got 2 jobs and found land myself all so I could finally get a horse and this happens

I just feel like, I should quit the jobs and sit at home and say 'well, I worked and you wouldn't let me get a horse. Now I have no need for a job' but I have to pay rent and would struggle to find a job again

 

[FestiveFuzz]

Just to be clear has she now turned round and said she doesn't support you buying him or is it just that she didn't like being mentioned in the message? I'm just wondering if it's a case of her not being ready to be involved with another horse (assuming I recall your previous post correctly!) but still supports you buying your friend's horse?

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Just to be clear has she now turned round and said she doesn't support you buying him or is it just that she didn't like being mentioned in the message? I'm just wondering if it's a case of her not being ready to be involved with another horse (assuming I recall your previous post correctly!) but still supports you buying your friend's horse?

The whole thing, she's met him tonnes of times and every time comes away and says 'Oh he's nice, he'd suit you.' In the message I mentioned her once, I said 'Mum likes him to' but the rest of it was about me and asking questions about him. I just don't know what's going through her head.

I'm waiting on a reply from my friend but I don't know what to do anymore, because I know I can't get him without her support and I don't want to upset her if mum is still against it, if that makes sense?

 

[FestiveFuzz]

Hmm odd I think you need to have it out with her once and for all and find out what the actual issue is before you really begin to resent her behavior.

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Hmm odd I think you need to have it out with her once and for all and find out what the actual issue is before you really begin to resent her behavior.

I've tried but I can't get through to her, if I mention any horse she walks out the room yet if I mention him she listens. But now she's ignoring me and i'm just sat here wondering what situation i've now got myself in to.

I'm just going to learn from my mistakes and move on, just won't trust her again
Thanks for your replies xx

 

[ester]

I'm not sure how old you are OP and therefore what sort of support you need from your mum to have one? Financial on top of jobs? If so I suspect you might just have to wait (-it's worth it though )

 

[ChestnutTinker]

I'm not sure how old you are OP and therefore what sort of support you need from your mum to have one? Financial on top of jobs? If so I suspect you might just have to wait (-it's worth it though )

17 on Tuesday
I just need her to be there for me, I can't do it if she's not interested but I should have known it was too good to be true, it's like this with everything she says to me

I know it'll be worth the wait - I also know i'll be extremely upset and frustrated if my friend offers him to me and mum says no.

 

[FestiveFuzz]

I've tried but I can't get through to her, if I mention any horse she walks out the room yet if I mention him she listens. But now she's ignoring me and i'm just sat here wondering what situation i've now got myself in to.

I'm just going to learn from my mistakes and move on, just won't trust her again
Thanks for your replies xx

You say she listens if you mention him. Is it worth saying you need to know one way or another about him else he's going to sold to someone else? Or write her a letter explaining how you feel about the way she's behaving, that way she can take everything on-board in her own time. I really feel for you hun xx

 

[ChestnutTinker]

You say she listens if you mention him. Is it worth saying you need to know one way or another about him else he's going to sold to someone else? Or write her a letter explaining how you feel about the way she's behaving, that way she can take everything on-board in her own time. I really feel for you hun xx

I know it seems like i'm knocking your ideas down but It's not intentional
Multiple times i've left her notes to which she'll shout up the stairs to me 'stop leaving me notes' I don't know if i'm thinking into it too much but I hope it's not some sort of game she's got going on because I sure as hell am sick of it
We're currently not on speaking terms so i'm just going to forget it and hope my friend turns me down, at least that way I won't feel like i'm time wasting. xx

 

[Equilibrium Ireland]

First I'm very sorry you're going through this.

Secondly, why do you need to own you're own horse now? Why not make you're goal independant from parents. Get on with life a bit and then buy a horse?

Will you feel left out? Why on earth would you want a 3yo anyway? I was 32 when I got my first horse and they were resales! I was 36 turning 37 when my dream filly was born. But I've ridden more horses than most posters will in a lifetime. Relax, your young. Seriously my first goal would be supporting myself and a vehicle for freedom in caring for my horse without depending on anyone. There is a reason I didn't have a horse til I was 32. I couldn't afford it and life. But my vehicle took me everywhere I needed to be to work. I chose work with horses. Can't afford one then I will work with them. Not saying that's a wise plan really but I needed to live life a little before being tied into all horse ownership entails. Chief importance was being independant!

Try and relax. It will happen but all this frustration and not having your parents really on board may not work. Plus with this field, will your horse bw the only one? What about on snowy short winter days when all is frozen, who will make sure you get there?

Terri

 

[ChestnutTinker]

First I'm very sorry you're going through this.

Secondly, why do you need to own you're own horse now? Why not make you're goal independant from parents. Get on with life a bit and then buy a horse?

Will you feel left out? Why on earth would you want a 3yo anyway? I was 32 when I got my first horse and they were resales! I was 36 turning 37 when my dream filly was born. But I've ridden more horses than most posters will in a lifetime. Relax, your young. Seriously my first goal would be supporting myself and a vehicle for freedom in caring for my horse without depending on anyone. There is a reason I didn't have a horse til I was 32. I couldn't afford it and life. But my vehicle took me everywhere I needed to be to work. I chose work with horses. Can't afford one then I will work with them. Not saying that's a wise plan really but I needed to live life a little before being tied into all horse ownership entails. Chief importance was being independant!

Try and relax. It will happen but all this frustration and not having your parents really on board may not work. Plus with this field, will your horse bw the only one? What about on snowy short winter days when all is frozen, who will make sure you get there?

Terri

Brilliant advice, I didn't think it through properly I'm not getting the horse and will be messaging my friend and telling her i've changed my mind, thank you for replying. xx

 

[tessybear]

Bless you

Can you have a quiet word with your friend if your close im sure she would understand if she knows how your mum can be ?

 

[ester]

Yup I would carry on working your two jobs, save as much as I could, then move out and get a pony .

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Bless you

Can you have a quiet word with your friend if your close im sure she would understand if she knows how your mum can be ?

Yup I would carry on working your two jobs, save as much as I could, then move out and get a pony .

She knows how my mum is and truth be told is a little scared of her
But it's okay, she'll understand. I'll explain that i'm not ready - but i'm calling her tonight when she's home from work. Hopefully she'll take it better that way xx

I will, Ester xx

 

[tessybear]

She knows how my mum is and truth be told is a little scared of her
But it's okay, she'll understand. I'll explain that i'm not ready - but i'm calling her tonight when she's home from work. Hopefully she'll take it better that way xx

I will, Ester xx

I really do feel for you so dedicated and missing out, if only you lived closer ! a friend has a TB that once over an injury will need working its basically a share without the money etc. And you would be more than welcome to ride Tessy ! Really hope you find something else to ride soon chuck x

 

[ChestnutTinker]

I really do feel for you so dedicated and missing out, if only you lived closer ! a friend has a TB that once over an injury will need working its basically a share without the money etc. And you would be more than welcome to ride Tessy ! Really hope you find something else to ride soon chuck x

Aw thank you lovely, I really appreciate that I'll be okay, it'll happen when it happens that's fate. I've just learnt not to trust my mother but i'll be okay Time to forget it and just move on
xx

 

[Hetsmum]

Just sending a Hug {{}} I know how it is having a difficult parent. EI has brilliant advise. Wait to get your own horse until you are financially independant and independantly mobile. You have the Tinkers to keep you busy until then.... If you lived nearer me I have one you could share but its a few hundred miles south! All good things come to those that wait and work hard xxx

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Just sending a Hug {{}} I know how it is having a difficult parent. EI has brilliant advise. Wait to get your own horse until you are financially independant and independantly mobile. You have the Tinkers to keep you busy until then.... If you lived nearer me I have one you could share but its a few hundred miles south! All good things come to those that wait and work hard xxx

I know I still have the ponies and I am so grateful but i'll admit, I seriously miss riding I'll just wait it's okay xxx

 

[pip6]

Got very good friend, who gets me to enquire about all sorts, saying how interested she is but can't contact them , you know them better etc. So I go to the trouble of sorting things out, for her to change her mind at the last minute. Makes me look like knob to person I've contacted. Has been times when it's actually cost me money. I keep falling for it though because 99% time she is very good friend.

 

[ChestnutTinker]

Got very good friend, who gets me to enquire about all sorts, saying how interested she is but can't contact them , you know them better etc. So I go to the trouble of sorting things out, for her to change her mind at the last minute. Makes me look like knob to person I've contacted. Has been times when it's actually cost me money. I keep falling for it though because 99% time she is very good friend.

I'm sorry to hear that xx

 

[Holding]

I know exactly how you feel! My mum is my favourite person in the whole world, but trying to get her to commit to a horse is ridiculous. I have mine, so this would be for her to have with my help, and she is always going on about how much she wants one, how she misses riding, how she would love to be able to hack out with me, etc, etc. And then I'll see something that looks ideal, show her and she'll be really positive and excited, so I will send an e-mail/make a phone call and tell her and instantly it's like "oh god, I don't want a horse, why did you do that?!" So much as I would love to have another one for her to ride (and, if I'm being honest, I would very much like something safe enough to hunt) I have come to the conclusion that she likes the idea, but doesn't really want a horse, and nothing I can say or do will change that, and I have stopped talking about it.

I know it's a bit different to your situation, but it sounds as though your best bet is to leave your mum out of it and work on saving up to buy your own. You'll be 18 soon, and she won't be able to stop you! In the meantime, put money aside, and know that it will be worth the wait.

 

[ChestnutTinker]

I know exactly how you feel! My mum is my favourite person in the whole world, but trying to get her to commit to a horse is ridiculous. I have mine, so this would be for her to have with my help, and she is always going on about how much she wants one, how she misses riding, how she would love to be able to hack out with me, etc, etc. And then I'll see something that looks ideal, show her and she'll be really positive and excited, so I will send an e-mail/make a phone call and tell her and instantly it's like "oh god, I don't want a horse, why did you do that?!" So much as I would love to have another one for her to ride (and, if I'm being honest, I would very much like something safe enough to hunt) I have come to the conclusion that she likes the idea, but doesn't really want a horse, and nothing I can say or do will change that, and I have stopped talking about it.

I know it's a bit different to your situation, but it sounds as though your best bet is to leave your mum out of it and work on saving up to buy your own. You'll be 18 soon, and she won't be able to stop you! In the meantime, put money aside, and know that it will be worth the wait.

I think she may be doing the same thing, so I'm just not mentioning it. The thing is, I could go out, get him today and say 'mum, I bought him' and she'd be all 'wow, oh my god, let's go see him' and be interested, I don't know what she wants anymore

 

[TuscanBunnyGirl]

My friends mum did this even though my friend had all the money saved up (inc livery etc) and still said she couldn't have a horse (she's 20 now) but she went and got one and keeps it with mine on free grass livery at my house...her mum is still none the wiser but just has a happier daughter Really hope you get this situation sorted OP it sounds very unfair on you
Are you earning enough to cover costs?

 

[soulfull]

EL has given you excellent advice. I know at your age it's going to seem like it will never happen. But you do need to save save save. Get your own house/flat and car and then look at getting a horse. Or at least get a car and look for a share horse.
That way you are not dependant on your parents
I'm so sorry your mom is like this with you, it's so not nice and totally unnecessary. I lost my teenage daughter and so it really upsets me when other
Moms don't treat theirs nicely
X x