Any short Christmas jokes, anyone?

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Rose Folly

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Horses are done for the night, and I'm wrestling with the village magazine. I can't find any decent Christmas jokes this year. Have been trawling the internet for an hour, and they're all either too long, American-based (no disrespect but just not appropriate for an English village) or unfunny.

If anyone knows any 5-6 liners please will you share them. Fairly clean too please, as the rector reads the magazine!!! (though he's pretty broad-minded...)

Thank you!
 
Only one I can think of was first told about 2000 years ago!

What do you get if you eat too many christmas decorations? Tinselitis!


Feel free to shoot me!
 
One I got sent recently:

Last Christmas farmer Giles was very worried about his cows.
What with the bad snow he was unable to check on them.
Eventually after the storm he hunted them down but much to his dismay he found all of his cows frozen stiff.
Oh Christ Almighty, Jesus Christ this cannot be. I'll be ruined I'll have to sell the farm.
Please God help me out , I am but a poor farmer this will ruin me.
Show me a sign God, save me please.
Suddenly ...Out of nowhere a women starts to walk round the cattle.
Much to the farmers joy the cows start to moo and and walk around.
Lord God Jesus almighty be blessed shouts the farmer.
He runs up to the woman and asks " are you an angel sent from heaven"

"No" says the lady "I'm Thora Hird"
 
Thank you all. You have saved my bacon. Especially as I only found one on the internet that I liked:

"The Christmas sermon should be like a woman's skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep you interested!"
 
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