Any single mums around for advice on how you do it!!

[tye_bo]

My girl has been on loan for the last couple of years which has happily coincided with me having my baby daughter. The loaner is a fantastic lady who's loved and cherished her but she's just let me know that she's looking to buy her own horse. My first reaction was I'm gutted as the timing couldn't worse for me. My husband left me left year and I've just started working. Times are tough and money and time are scarce. Without going into boring details the financial side of the divorce hasn't been sorted and the situation really stressful.

I'm trying to see the positive side, I really miss my mare and miss being around her. I've been very depressed following the break up and isolated so I think it will be 'therapeutic' to get back on the horse again. Unfortunately she's developed a problem with one of back legs and her front legs have signs of arthritis so I think she'll be a happy hacker but that suits me. I have had her since she was a baby and she's now 19 so I would never part with her.

I'm just wondering on a practical note how you manage being a single parent and doing your horse justice. Do your children go with you to the stables? How do you manage to ride etc? My daughter will be 2 this summer so she's very young still and I'm just wondering how the heck I'm going to manage. If I have to turn out before work it will mean going up at 6am ish which is not fair to drag my a baby up at that time. As I say money is tight so paying for help is not an option, at best I'm hoping I can find a yard where the owners join together to help bringing in/letting out etc. Any practical advice would be great thanks.

 

[Bobby Boy]

Hiya, I would think your best bet is grass livery where your horse can live out 24/7 and maybe a sharer to help ride and look after her
Good luck

 

[murphysmummy]

Hi there, what a tricky situation.
I'm not a single mum myself but I have several friends who are and they do manage to combine it all. They mostly rely on friends in the mornings to turn their boys out and we'll quite happily watch/ entertain their little ones whilst they go for a quick hack. They seem to manage it and because they work part time they then do things for us like fill haynets or a bit of mucking out whilst having their kids there too.
YOu need to make sure you're based on a friendly yard that is as close as possible to your house - that way if you only have 5 mins to see to your mare it will only take 5 mins! Be prepared to buy some extra haynets and fill them on the days when you can get your little one looked after for an hour or so and that way when you take her with you there won't be quite as much to do.
I know you mentioned that you'll only be hacking but my friend used to time her riding to her little's boys nap time. She'd drive to the yard to send him to sleep - park next to the school, ride her boy for 45 mins and then be home before he woke up!

Good luck

murphysmummy
xx

 

[Littlelegs]

It is do-able. My best tips would be out as much as possible & as close to home as you can. If you go for a bigger yard its easier to find someone to share jobs with but easier to watch toddlers somewhere quiet. I've gone for the smaller place myself. It's just a case of being ott with organization. I'm lucky that in an emergency I have friends that would help. Mine was sleeping in a pram while I mucked out from being a few days old, & from running round a yard as a toddler I never had half the problems with bedtime & behavior many people have cos she's always been out in the fresh air so much. At 7 she's pony mad so much easier for me now. My friends little boy has grown up similar & although not horsey loves the whole play at yard thing. I also think its done so much for my daughter in so many ways. And don't forget you- as a single mum I know people that find the work/ lonely evenings & weekends so depressing, having a horse & friends at yard has probably saved my sanity & its a lot more do-able than a normal social life. Good luck.

 

[lady_annabelle]

I ride 3-4 times a week twice only for twenty mins so I can do a good muck out without my little boy, he comes with me and enjoys mucking out and helping Annie loves him and follows him round. We all help each other out at my yard I.e if I can't do mornings I'd do someone's evening for them or vice versa. Good luck Annie gets me through the tough times when I'm feeling lonely on my own

 

[tye_bo]

Thanks all. Grass livery isn't ideal as she hates being out in the winter and has always been stabled. There is a farm near me and next to my parents house. It's not a livery yard but they do have horses there if they know the people if you see what I mean. That might be my best bet although riding not great here - would mean short half hour hacks round the estate. To go any further and into the countryside would be a much longer ride and the road is terrible - narrow, winding country lane but with blind corners and a 6p0 mph speed limit. Madness.

Of course they'd be no social aspect but it's close and it's relatively cheap. I wondered if sometimes my parents would mind my daughter whilst I rode.

 

[Princess Jess]

Thanks all. Grass livery isn't ideal as she hates being out in the winter and has always been stabled. There is a farm near me and next to my parents house. It's not a livery yard but they do have horses there if they know the people if you see what I mean. That might be my best bet although riding not great here - would mean short half hour hacks round the estate. To go any further and into the countryside would be a much longer ride and the road is terrible - narrow, winding country lane but with blind corners and a 6p0 mph speed limit. Madness.

Of course they'd be no social aspect but it's close and it's relatively cheap. I wondered if sometimes my parents would mind my daughter whilst I rode.

That sounds like a good alternative, especially if your parents can have your daughter whilst you ride
You could also look at finding a sharer to help you out with duties and ride a couple of days a week...where abouts are you based?

 

[tye_bo]

Thanks PJ. They do so much for me already (they have my daughter whilst I work) so I don't want to put on them even more. I'm sure they'd not mind at times though. Maybe when she's a little older (shes 21 months) she'd like to come and 'help' me. It would also be lovely for her to grow up round horses and be confident around them.

I've such bad experiences with sharers/loaners that I've sworn never again. The only reason she's been out on loan this time is because I know the lady, we were stablemates for ages and I totally trusted her. I wouldn't do it for anyone else.

 

[Princess Jess]

Thanks PJ. They do so much for me already (they have my daughter whilst I work) so I don't want to put on them even more. I'm sure they'd not mind at times though. Maybe when she's a little older (shes 21 months) she'd like to come and 'help' me. It would also be lovely for her to grow up round horses and be confident around them.

I've such bad experiences with sharers/loaners that I've sworn never again. The only reason she's been out on loan this time is because I know the lady, we were stablemates for ages and I totally trusted her. I wouldn't do it for anyone else.

I totally get your reluctance to share/loan, there are some horror stories out there!
I hope you work something out, it sounds like you have great parents and all the stress now will be worth it in the long run...before you know it you and your daughter will be riding out together! Wishing you and your horsey all the best

 

[Abacus]

I'm not one but do have to manage during the week as my husband is at work for long hours. Perhaps it's a bit easier as I do pay for help at the yard but there are some options.

Look at forums like mumsnet or babycentre.co.uk as - amazingly - some have sections for horsy mums. If you're lucky you might find someone in your area who wants to swap babysitting.

When my boy was small enough he would sleep in his pushchair while I rode. At 21 months though, I would think that sadly your daughter is too old and would find this frustrating!

One note of caution - please don't just try to do your usual jobs while looking after a child. My friend did, until recently, mucking and turning out her horse while her 4 year old played at the yard. It was so dangerous - she was everywhere and had no sense of danger - one time she climbed up a jump I was just about to go over; I hadn't seen her run into the school. That time it was ok and my horse missed her but the following week she got kicked in the head by a horse. She was incredibly lucky and is fine, but please be safe.

Is there a local nursery you could use? Mine charges £5/hour and I can put him in for 2 hours at a time, so there is just enough time to ride, if that is affordable. Alternatively find a yard with teenagers willing to push a pushchair or babysit for some pocket money, it's coming up to summer so they might have time.

Doesn't your former husband look after your daugher at all, and can't you use time while he has her? Don't know your circumstances so this might not be relevant for you.

Otherwise... thank God for grandparents! Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[SouthWestWhippet]

Hi, I'm in a similar situation - have a 2 year old and am a single mum, plus my daughter's father works away a lot so doesn't have her regularly.

I initially kept my horse near to my parents so that they might watch my daughter whilst I rode. But, like you, I rely on them for a childcare whilst I work, and I just felt too guilty to ask them to look after her whilst I was riding as well. I ended up hardly ever riding plus resenting having to go up and see my horse everyday as I had to take the toddler along as well, it was a 20 minute drive, and there was no social scene.

I'm now moving my horse to a yard just down the road from my house - where I also teach freelance a couple of days a week. It is a busy riding school and I'm hoping to put my boy on a restricted working livery arrangement (he'll be used for hacking and jumping but not flatwork as he is too sensitive and I don't want him pulled around). This means it is affordable to me (just!), my pony is looked after when I'm busy with my daughter plus there is a big social scene and lots going on to keep me motivated even when it is tricky to ride.

I'm mostly into schooling myself - although I enjoy hacking - so my plan is to download a couple of Bob-the-Builder DVDs onto my laptop and take it up to the yard. My daughter will hopefully then be happy to watch them, sitting in the viewing gallery, whilst I ride for half an hour in the indoor school. As she is not really allowed to watch TV at home, I'm thinking this will be a bit of a treat and will keep her occupied. I'll be able to keep an eye on her as well. She loves being outside and around horses so I think she'll really enjoy the mucking out/grooming side - and getting the odd ride as well! Will save hacking for when she is with her father.

I'm hoping this will work for me as I really miss riding but I struggle with the guilt of spending any time away from my daughter that isn't to work IYKWIM. Plus I hate asking my parents as, even though they are wonderfully generous and adore my daughter, they both still work full time and need chance to catch up on their own stuff at the weekend.

 

[flying solo]

I'm not exactly a single mum but OH will not watch my little girl so had to improvise! When I got the pony she was 2, I used to stick her in a corner of the school with bucket and spade whist I lunged etc mucking out would be fun and she'd help hunt for poo (not ideal but we made ways to make everything fun!) I never had anyone to look after her so had to be imaginative and include her in stuff as much as possible. Aged 3 she got a pony and now I watch her ride and can only ride when she's at playgroup and nursery haha every other minute is spent with her and her pony, or she's riding mines to and from the school haha good luck it's easier than you think x

 

[Avonbrook]

They do so much for me already (they have my daughter whilst I work) so I don't want to put on them even more.

Talk it through with them. It sounds from what you have said that they will absolutely understand that you need a way of keeping your sanity. Perhaps discuss a structure so that you all know where you are? My parents were and still are wonderfully helpful within their limitations and I really think that the kids have benefitted from that stability of knowing that all three of us are providing a support system for them and for eachother.

Hang on to the idea that it does get easier. Mine were 5 and 3. At 14 and 12 now they are downright useful!! Not least for putting on any youngsters that look a little lively for my taste

 

[scewal]

Hi, i am a single mum. Was in your situation last summer. My mare had been on loan for the last 3 years. Loaner was pregnant and my mare got laminitis so couldn't cope. So last summer i got my mare back, managed to rent a field in my village. My son also turned 4 last summer.
I had a very happy 8 weeks with my mare before i lost her to colic. But in October i bought my current 4 year old mare. Also have a pony for my son now too. I also don't drive and work part time.
Actually riding is hard as my sons dad has chosen not to see him since he was 18 months old. But my son started school January so sometimes get a chane to ride while he is at school.

 

[tye_bo]

Thanks all. I'll see if I can move to the yard up the road/next to my parents and if so I can see how it goes. Noted about not letting her run round whilst I do jobs. There's only my two friends horses there so not a big yard. I don't think the nursey thing would work - it's first thing in a morning/evening that is going to be the main times I guess. Not into schooling I'm afraid, I'm a hacker!! Sorry to hear your sad news scewal. Thanks for the ideas everyone X

 

[Achinghips]

I think you should put her out to grass 24/7. She'll learn to cope with a new regime and you haven't got time - and with her arthritis it'll do her good - and summers coming.

In my experience, good sharers for a horse like you describe are like gold dust - impossible to find as most want a horse they can compete with or do rc with.

In an ideal world you'd sell, given the way you describe your finances and time - but it would be almost impossible to sell a horse that age with arthritis, so you're stuck with no other option.

 

[Tank_08]

as tips for keeping little one entertained around the yard, get a pink mini wheelbarrow, shavings fork etc so she can 'help' mummy, mixing feeds is my little sisters fav job, she's 4, if you're on a smaller yard, she can run around a bit more and make mud pies and whatever without disturbing too many people, find a yard that isn't too far from home, and if possible try to befriend the YO so when it's cold and raining YO might offer to take little one in the house while you do your horse.
Otherwise a local nursery, or some teenagers willing to babysit for some pocket money would be good...then there are always grandparents!!

 

[tye_bo]

She'll be out 24/7 in summer but I won't keep her out in Winter, she hates it. She likes her comforts lol. I wouldn't have a sharer (unless it was someone I knew very well) but even ten years ago when she was fit and able to do anything the stories I could tell you would make your hair curl!! As I say I'd never ever sell her, not an option even if she didn't have arthritis.

Thanks for the tips that's great - loving the mini wheelbarrow/tools! If I get the yard I want then I'd be the only one there as they do a rota I think so one lets out, the other brings in.

 

[kippen64]

I confess that when my daughter was little, I just used child care so I could go see the pony. It was subsidised child care because I am in Australia. Maybe there is an affordable child care program near you?

 

[Jazzy B]

My husband left when my daughter was 2, at the point I was on grass livery at a yard 15 mins from my house, at this point I stuck my daughter in the car at sleep time drive to the yard, park by outdoor school, dragged horse in from field and rode until she woke up (so approximately between a 25 and 30 minute ride) then every other weekend when she was with her dad! When she got bigger and the sleeps stopped I would take her to the stables at tea time and she would eat her tea by the side of the school why I rode I also had a couple of mates that would "entertain" her whilst I went in the school for a bit. Now she's 5 and at school much easier have 2.5 hours between work and school collecting and on a yard which his 2 mins from her school! Always give them jobs to do! My daughter is a pro at making up feeds and feeling water buckets!!!

 

[Jazzy B]

sorry about the amount of typo's in my post was tired!

 

[Peachescream]

My husband left in october after 10 years. I have a 10 year old and 3 year old daughter. I got back into horses after a 6 year gap when my youngest daughter was 6 weeks old. Used to time her naps every day one day ride next day clean and make up loads of haynets do water etc. As i said my youngest is now 3 she has her own mini shetty and she loves doing the poos filling water and making up their dinners . There has been times in the last 6 months where i thought it was all a bit much. But the only time i am totally at peace is when im with the horses. I think its very important for children to grow up knowing the value of having to work. But its also important your daughter see's you make time for yourself too hopefully she will grow up knowing its important for her to always take timeout for herself. I dont drive and field is 1/4 mile away and its only my horses that are there so i know i need to be there. In the summer my youngest loved having lots of different sized tubs and playing in the water trough she makes nests out of hay and pinecones and has a fab imagination and sleeps great at night time. In the winter when the snow is bad we go in the sledge and she makes snow angels and snow men. Its easier than you think and when you find your own routine you will be fine. My daughter has started nursery now too so on the days im not working that gives me an extra 2.5 hours to get stuff done. I hope you

get on ok, you know there is lots of others in the same boat. Where there is will theres a way lol. Good Luck. heres a pic of my little girl with her pony

 

[dotty1]

When my son was small I worked shifts, my mum would take him to nursery in the morining and when I picked him up at 230 he was always so tired he would fall asleep in the car, so I would drive to the stables, park next to the arena and ride so I could see him!! It was hard and did get a bit better when he started school.
As you work, hope you have your tax/working tax credits sorted and depending on how much you earn you will also get help with nursery care, which may free up your parents a bit more.
I have nearly always kept my horses out, but they do have access to stables if they want them, couldn't have managed mucking out every day!!

 

[Prawnsize]

There's a great site for getting help that might suit you...

workaway.info

People come and do 4-6 hours work a day for you in return for food and bed.

I often have a workawayer here and have had nothing but good experiences.

Best of luck to you

Em

 

[Littlelegs]

Also forgot to say let it be known you are in the market for a competent helper eg jobs in exchange for rides. Even if you aren't keen on sharing if you advertise by word of mouth & aren't in a rush to find someone you are likely to get somebody decent. I ended up with the best friend of a teenager I knew very well who got

 

[Littlelegs]

Phone is stupid. She got to ride when she liked & I got jobs done when it suited me. She helped from daughter being 1-2 until she got her own.