Anyone else sick of being the crap one? Mild rant...!

[Switchthehorse]

ARRRGGHHHH!!!

Another frustrating weekend with the horse (that I am ruining as per recent posts), having been on a high after our double clear a few weeks ago and a couple of great lessons after that both flat and jump I really thought things were coming together!!

Took her to a local PC jumping comp (average age of competitor 7, average height of horse 12.2 = My age 34, my horse 17hh plus!) and another disastrous day with D. She was a complete mare, spooked at fillers she has seen 1000 times, i fell off when she refused second part of double (basically leapt right as landing after first half) only person to fall off the whole day i think??? She stuck her nose down low and cat leapt everything (even when doing the same course HC) wouldn't come back to me at all, had serious steering failure EUCH the whole thing was a disaster.

But the bit that gets me and i KNOW you find it everywhere is how everyone thinks it is ME thats crap!!! And she is 'clearly an angel' - goes back to the whole 'me ruining her' scenario on here i guess as well!? Anyway she is a deceptive beast, she looks easy but she really really isnt, taken me 4 years to get where we are today (ie going backwards!!) been through SO much with her. I am no mary king don't get me wrong but I can ride to an extent and have done for 30 years. She is a pretty mare and endless people basically offer to buy her, tell me they love her and offer to 'take her off my hands' when i have a bad round because I assume they think they can do better? I am ALWAYS the one making a fool of myself (or she is making a fool of me as well). I get endless 'you need to be more confident' comments - i AM confident, 100%, not worried in the SLIGHTEST. I am tired of the condescending comments and the muttering under peoples breath. even the commentator on sunday didnt even tell me how many faults I got just said in a snotty voice 'quite a lot of faults but not as many as the last round'. I could have cried!! I don't even want to win... I just don't want to stand out as the hopeless one!!

Aaarrggghhh!!! Tell me I am not alone!! Sorry for the rant, been building up the last couple of days!!!

 

[sophiebailey]

I was in the same boat as you for a while - brought my first horse who turned out to be a repeat offender when it came to napping! had many many people tell me I wasn't experienced/confident/good enough to sort him out and I should sell him/loan him out/pay for someone to ride him ..... A year later we hack out every weekend on our own for a few hours because I didn't listen to them and I didn't give up!

I do dislike the people who's answer to everything is "it's jockey error." Of course I agree that in some instances accidents/bad SJ rounds etc are the result of rider error but don't people stop to realise that horses (no matter how old/well educated) are still essentially wild animals?! They live/breathe/feel and have emotions/mood swings and cannot comprehend as we can that the big scary sharp teeth filler in front of them is not going to eat them. Sometimes, it IS a cheeky/naughty horse with a rider doing their darndest to keep their cool! So i empathise completley and it sounds as though you're as resilliant as me and will keep on going until you've ironed out her creases chin up hun, xxxxx

 

[jendie]

Aww don't be so hard on yourself!! Remember, your struggles are doing others a service. They look at you and think 'Well, thank goodness that isn't my horse and that isn't me'. Without you their confidence would take a nose dive and they'd fall off.

As for always being the crap one, well you should ride with me sometime. I know my place and it is at the very bottom of the heap.

When I leave the house to ride my parrot shouts 'Bye Bye. Don't fall off'. I kid you not, he has copied my husband.

 

[Tilda]

Oh no poor you I had a very similar melt down last Friday when after 40 minutes of perfect behaviour my mare went back to her spinning,spooky stubborn self. Except in my case it's me that puts myself down and thinks I will never get anywhere with her my instructor and everyone at the yard remind me how far we've come.

As people said to me when I posted on here about potentially loaning Tilly out give yourself a break you have come so far recently in a fairly short space of time. My instructor says bad behaviour comes in cycles you fix it, it comes back but each time it comes back it becomes less and less until eventually it either disappears or barely happens.

So chin up chick think of all the progress you have made and try not to think about your doubters (easier said than done I know) x

 

[flyingfeet]

My advice quit normal sports and take up tent pegging!

Everyone friendly and chatty - all your horse has to do is gallop in a straight line (and pref. stop)

This bay horse is a classic 4faulter!

 

[indiat]

When I leave the house to ride my parrot shouts 'Bye Bye. Don't fall off'. I kid you not, he has copied my husband.

Spat my dummy out over that one!

And OP, if its any consoaltion, you are doing stuff I wouldn't dare do, so I am crapper than thou! It takes real guts to go out and compete on an animal that is less than a push button ride, so bloody well done!

 

[SpottedCat]

I used to feel the same way. Could barely get the mare round a prelim test, or a course of tiny fences. Eventually, sick of the sight of her, I stuck her in a field, and then rehomed her. Bought a lovely horse, went Novice BE in two seasons on him, having never done BE before (me or him).

It costs as much to keep one that does what you want as one you doesn't, and the one that does is a darn sight more fun!

 

[blood_magik]

join the club

at least it can't get any worse

 

[GypsyGirl]

Im also in a similar situation to you, basically a year and half ago I bought a very thin very green 5year old tb .. she raced as a 2/3year old then done nothing until I bought her.. When I got her I had to build her up so much I couldnt ride .. then this year really I have been working with her .. she could never trot in circles or canter in a circle .. now shes doing great .. she had never jumped before never seen jumps and I taught her to jump .. she will now happily take you round a 2ft3/2ft6 course and at home she is jumping 3ft/3ft3 because she is no longer respecting anything smaller ..

Anyway a while ago I had a fall .. she put me into the jump wings twice in 5mins and lost a bit of confidence .. then I took her to a show two weeks after I was wanting to do the RoR .. anyway thought id go into the 2ft clear round .. then she decides she doesnt want to jump she refuses (this was my fault because I had lost my confidence and she needs it being young etc) and I came off yet again ..

So i got a friend of mine called jodie to take her round the course to give maisie confidence for the next time she jumps .. on the way home I was told that I shouldnt be riding my horse, that I pull her around in the mouth and basically hurt her and do more damage then good ..and if i want then she can take maisie out jumping for me .. urgh yeah right!

This has put me off jumping .. ive jumped her once since then and this was in october .. since then I have my YM jumping her for me because maisie loves it untill I manage to pick myself up again and do it ..

now maisies getting fitter bucking and getting faster .. doesnt respond to my seat every time i take to sitting trot she tries to fly off even if its for 2seconds so i can change diagonal .. then tonight she bucks about 4/5ft in the air (and i managed to sit to it) because shes so fit and fresh atm .. but people that saw me deffinatly would have thought i was hurting her because she was trying to fight me .. wouldnt listen .. makes me feel like crap so tomorrow were going back on the lunge ..

now I just think u no what .. my horse i do what I want .. dont like it dont even bother trying to get invloved with it because I havnt done her wrong before shes coming on every day .. im sick to death of people trying to put others down! Sorry im having a rant on your post now lol!

 

[debsey1]

When I leave the house to ride my parrot shouts 'Bye Bye. Don't fall off'. I kid you not, he has copied my husband.

Like!!

 

[Bernster]

Agree with all previous posters. Definately do not be too hard on yourself. We are our own worst enemies and our own harshest critics I think.

You are doing really well and putting in the time and effort which a lot of people wouldn't bother to do. But animals are unpredictable so there will always be good and bad days. Think how far you've come, think about the stuff you enjoy doing, think about how successful you've been. All to easy to focus on the negatives even though they tend to be far less common than all the good stuff we do!

 

[SamanthaUK]

Aww sweetheart, Don't feel bad. I know how it feels having people slag you off to your face and under their breath. You feel crap.

My advice, Chin up and don't let haters bring you down!!

 

[Ranyhyn]

I used to feel the same way. Could barely get the mare round a prelim test, or a course of tiny fences. Eventually, sick of the sight of her, I stuck her in a field, and then rehomed her. Bought a lovely horse, went Novice BE in two seasons on him, having never done BE before (me or him).

It costs as much to keep one that does what you want as one you doesn't, and the one that does is a darn sight more fun!

Advice of the day

 

[ChesnutsRoasting]

Anyone, who has ever ridden a quirky/difficult (insert your own adjective) horse,knows exactly how you feel, including me! I truly believe the real riders out there are the ones that have persevered with the tricky ones and come out the other end. Don't give up, take any accomplishment, however small, with a big pat on the back.

 

[ChesnutsRoasting]

My advice quit normal sports and take up tent pegging!

Everyone friendly and chatty - all your horse has to do is gallop in a straight line (and pref. stop)

This bay horse is a classic 4faulter!

Oooh, tell me more, please

 

[Ibblebibble]

i have to say i don't know why you do it!! riding is supposed to be enjoyable and although we all have days or even weeks when everything seems to go backwards not forwards there are the good times in between to boost us up
when the bad days outweigh the good perhaps it's time to take stock and ask if the partnership is ever going to go anywhere?
of course if you actually enjoy the challenge and it's only the odd day when the mardy mare gets you down then the above doesn't apply and we are all allowed to have days where we need people to tell us how good we are and how far we've come You have come a really long way lol and from the vids i've seen you are pretty damn good

 

[Shavings]

have not read all the replies (sorry!)
but read the original posts and your previous ones on your mare.
she is yes a handful!
i know i wouldn't have stuck to her as you do and i probably would have given up a LONG time ago!
but you are one of the people i admire who no matter what continues to push with that mare, i was so happy for you when i was the video of you jumping a clear round (some were not sure were)
ok so this weekend didn't go well, but doesn't make you any less of a person, and even if people do think you are "crap" i wouldn't take because you really have proved that no matter how difficult the horse no one should give up!
ok so the road is not smooth and this weekend proved that, but it just takes time, i know its not easy and no one ever said it would be, but you have really worked amazing things like that make and I'm sure as time goes on the good behaviour will become more consistent
Chin up, don't worry!
hope your ok after your fall!!

 

[ridefast]

Your horse, your life, I spent my pony club years on the "naughty" pony whilst everyone else was winning (also used to have people say he was too much for me and was a boys pony) - after I think 5 years we got our first rosette, will never forget that feeling because it was all ME. I did it, all the work, it was all me. Don't listen to people, if you're still enjoying her then carry on and forget the rest

 

[kizzywiz]

The last mare I had was really tricky, we got there in the end but it was hard work, scary at times, but once we got the right help we did really well, she then tore her DDFT & didn't come sound so she is now retired in the field, from my experience with her I would say that the right coach to help you is absolutely vital, we wasted so much time & money with the wrong people!

I then bought a nice straightforward 5 year old to show jump, we progressed quite quickly & apart from having a friend jump her round some bigger classes at a few shows all was good. I had had her about 18 months then about 6 weeks ago we both lost confidence completely, I missed her & she banged her stifles when she tried for me, slammed the brakes on at the next fence & I had a really nasty fall & she got all tangled up in the fence. At the next show she reared up & fell over in the warm up & then got eliminated at the first fence. On the advice of my coach I had a local pro ride her 3 times a week for a couple of weeks, then he started letting me back on after he had ridden her, then I rode her with him on the ground. This weekend I took her to a show by myself & jumped a double clear, so maybe you should consider having a pro ride her for a bit where you can be closely involved & gradually take her back over, a pro will give you an honest assessment of what is happening & how to fix it, I could probably have got back on track myself, but lacked the experience & quicker reactions of a pro. Good luck.

 

[Switchthehorse]

Thanks everyone! And I love the parrot story I guess I should quit moaning as I can't and won't give up on her!! She's a complex mare and often seen as a 'mans horse' but I know from experience she doesn't get on with men and it would be the end for her she would just be passed from pillar to post and heaven knows where she would end up! I am determined to get there and can't wait for that feeling when we do! I think I am having one of many minor meltdowns!! Ruddy horses sooooo frustrating!!! But good to know I am not alone! I will soldier on because she deserves to have the faith kept in her! AND she was good schooling this eve despite the rather aggro 'screw you I will canter but I hate it so going to put my ears back and gnash my teeth' canter transitions thank you x

 

[Trish C]

OP, I think you're doing great work with her, from what I've seen of your vids I think you ride her very nicely.

I tend to be the crap one as well because every time Monty Knobberts and I make some progress towards actually acheiving something, we have to take enforced time out (injuries, weather, lost shoes etc) and then we go back about a million steps.

Recently a girl in the local RC was making snide comments about me, my riding, and my lack of acheivement (in the whole 9 months I've owned horseface). So I merely pointed out that, no, whilst I haven't gone out and won a WEG medal, I kick her backside in so many other ways and have acheived so many other things, that I'm allowed to be a crap rider

 

[Holly Hocks]

When the others say that it's your error, not the horses, jump off, hand them the reins and tell them to get on with it - the accusations might well soon stop!

 

[wattamus]

Just wait! what happens when you do progress is someone turning round and saying that your horse is a schoolmaster! tbh i don't take much notice of horsey folk anymore- not unless they are more experienced than myself. Unfortunatly it is quite a snobby "know it all" crowd that owns horses. (present company excepted ) Having said that it's like that in any area of sports and life for that matter. Just leave them to it, and if they are really bugging you- let them get on and try themselves, you'll get more entertainment!

 

[Jazzy B]

It takes real guts to go out and compete on an animal that is less than a push button ride, so bloody well done![/QUOTE]

Ditto, don't give up!!!! Loved your video the other week real inspiration!!!

 

[padderpaws]

OK if it makes you all feel better I feel I might be up for first prize for being the c***iest. so much so It has made me feel suicidal sometimes. I daren't ride on my own anymore, cann't turn my horse out cause he is a s*** . I have to rely on other liveries or YO to ride out with. I don't know if I am coming or going. Advice so far... I am too nervious, too soft. Then I am too harsh and don't cuddle him enough always pushing him away. It's all me the horse is lovely etc etc BUT YO has to turn out in a stallion chain, no one else offers to get on and show me how it's done. But I do think it makes them all feel a lot better smug about their abilities. Good for them. So OP at least you are getting out there and doing something with your horse. Chin up the darkest hour is always before dawn.