Anyone stayed in close touch with previous owner while being inexperienced themselves? How did it work out for you?

paddy555

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23 December 2010
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You're all lovely, and I think the decision has now been made. I have a couple of yard viewings this weekend and if either seems suitable we'll be moving her ASAP. I was in tears yesterday over this and I really have too much stress in my life already for this to be adding to it. I don't want to burn bridges however due to friendships on this yard, so I suspect I'm going to need to suck up all the comments about what my horse "needs" and stick with the line that it's about practicalities and nothing else. That will be hard for me to do as I am completely straight down the line as a rule (hence finding it so hard on this forum not to spill out every single detail of this sorry situation!).

I hope your viewings go well. I expect under your contract you will have to give a month's notice, In your position once I had found a new place I would arrange the horse transporter who will easily be able to load the pony on their own and just give notice (along with a month's rent) the night before in writing and walk away. You don't need to suck up comments. You are the client and you have just terminated your contract.
Many people with little experience buy a horse or pony. Your pony is old so knows the ropes. She is not a youngster which could cause a lot more problems. Caring for a pony is not rocket science. You do need to make mistakes and you will do. That is how you learn.


Move to a new place, turn the pony out as much as possible, let your daughter lead her around, take her for walks, play with her and then have another look in a couple of weeks. Life could well seem very different.

horsey people always believe their way is the highway.(post 29)

very very very true. The horse world is not a pleasant one. Some lovely people (obviously all those on here) but for the most part they are not. They have opinions and those opinions are always right and everyone else's opinion is rubbish.
Whatever yard you move to I expect you will get lots of opinions and bitchiness from the other liveries. A case of toughening up and developing a hard skin I'm afraid.
 

bonnysmum

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5 July 2021
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143
Whatever yard you move to I expect you will get lots of opinions and bitchiness from the other liveries. A case of toughening up and developing a hard skin I'm afraid.
Yep, and that's the main thing that's been stopping me, along with having my confidence knocked. With the one obvious exception, all the liveries at this yard are lovely!
 

paddy555

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23 December 2010
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8,656
Yep, and that's the main thing that's been stopping me, along with having my confidence knocked. With the one obvious exception, all the liveries at this yard are lovely!
so you stay where you are and have your confidence knocked or you move and get it knocked.

you now have a good idea as to how things have paned out in your current yard and their agenda. Gloi's post no. 20 is probably a reasonable conclusion. That knowledge is power. You are not the new owner wondering all the time what is happening, you have a pretty good idea (like it or not) as to what has happened, how it is going to be in the future and probably how it will end.

so what would it take for you not to keep having your confidence knocked? I'm afraid a bully is always going to find a victim. Other people's opinions are generally no better or worse than yours unless they are a total expert in which case they probably won't be bothering you with an opinion unless you specifically ask.

look at how you phrase things, look at faking it a bit. If you look at a new yard don't say we are new to horse ownership etc. are going to need help etc etc etc. In fact we are complete noobs. (your word)

If it is a yard with supervision say' "my daughter has little experience in X aspect is help going to be available to show her"

ask about which instructors visit the yard and then interview them. Explain your daughter needs help with X, how would they be able to deal with it. You are in charge and going to be paying for a service. You are not at anyone's mercy.

if someone gives you their opinion ask them to explain, question them and then thank them and say you will give it some thought.
You are not a total beginner in horse ownership. You are a horse owner, you already know a reasonable amount and like every other horse owner even those who have kept horses for years you are still finding out info., evaluating it and deciding if you are going to act on it.

Please don't take offence at any of this. I feel that if your confidence could be built up it would be a lot easier for you to see the way forward.
 

Pearlsasinger

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20 February 2009
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W. Yorks
so you stay where you are and have your confidence knocked or you move and get it knocked.

you now have a good idea as to how things have paned out in your current yard and their agenda. Gloi's post no. 20 is probably a reasonable conclusion. That knowledge is power. You are not the new owner wondering all the time what is happening, you have a pretty good idea (like it or not) as to what has happened, how it is going to be in the future and probably how it will end.

so what would it take for you not to keep having your confidence knocked? I'm afraid a bully is always going to find a victim. Other people's opinions are generally no better or worse than yours unless they are a total expert in which case they probably won't be bothering you with an opinion unless you specifically ask.

look at how you phrase things, look at faking it a bit. If you look at a new yard don't say we are new to horse ownership etc. are going to need help etc etc etc. In fact we are complete noobs. (your word)

If it is a yard with supervision say' "my daughter has little experience in X aspect is help going to be available to show her"

ask about which instructors visit the yard and then interview them. Explain your daughter needs help with X, how would they be able to deal with it. You are in charge and going to be paying for a service. You are not at anyone's mercy.

if someone gives you their opinion ask them to explain, question them and then thank them and say you will give it some thought.
You are not a total beginner in horse ownership. You are a horse owner, you already know a reasonable amount and like every other horse owner even those who have kept horses for years you are still finding out info., evaluating it and deciding if you are going to act on it.

Please don't take offence at any of this. I feel that if your confidence could be built up it would be a lot easier for you to see the way forward.

I think that is another pointer to taking the BHS Horseowner's course.
I was going to say something similar about not telling everyone on your new yard that you have only just bought this pony, don't tell fellow liveries your life story. Just get on with dealing with your child and your pony. If people offer unsolicited advice, don't immediately think they must be right. If you need advice, ask your independent friend unless you need immediate help and in that case just say something along the lines of 'My daughter needs some help to get her pony out of the field, could you help her, please?'
 

Arzada

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Joined
10 April 2012
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1,351
You're all lovely, and I think the decision has now been made. I have a couple of yard viewings this weekend and if either seems suitable we'll be moving her ASAP. I was in tears yesterday over this and I really have too much stress in my life already for this to be adding to it. I don't want to burn bridges however due to friendships on this yard, so I suspect I'm going to need to suck up all the comments about what my horse "needs" and stick with the line that it's about practicalities and nothing else. That will be hard for me to do as I am completely straight down the line as a rule (hence finding it so hard on this forum not to spill out every single detail of this sorry situation!).
Well done, great decision. Put on your professional face, have your reason for moving sorted and rehearsed, become a broken record if necessary and thank everyone for their invaluable support and help on this yard. And have in mind that this is worth doing for you, your daughter and your wonderful pony.
 

coblets

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Joined
29 July 2018
Messages
185
Yep, and that's the main thing that's been stopping me, along with having my confidence knocked. With the one obvious exception, all the liveries at this yard are lovely!
Tbf I've known a few yards (granted, not many) where everyone was lovely, supportive and knowledgeable but not overbearing. As some advice for when you're trying yards: a yard where the YM/YO is picky about the kind of people who join is less likely to have cliques. Also ime barefoot yards are vastly more pleasant - but, then again, it depends on who you are too.
 

SheriffTruman

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27 September 2020
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91
Yep, and that's the main thing that's been stopping me, along with having my confidence knocked. With the one obvious exception, all the liveries at this yard are lovely!
No, no, no! That is not necessarily true. I'm on a absolutely lovely yard with helpful people. I can ask my yard owner for advice anytime I need it. Sometimes she offers it unasked for, but in a friendly manner. I am not pressured to take the advice though. It's not the perfect yard, but I'm very happy to be there. They are out there!
 

Winters100

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18 April 2015
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1,951
Poor you, what a horrid situation, but well done for finding a new yard.

People move yards all the time, and you do not need to have any long discussion about it. Simply pick a reason, easiest if it can be something purely practical such as distance from home or daughter's school, and stick to that reason. If they try to persuade you to stay do not be put off, just smile and say that the decision is made.

Good luck with the move, and do not worry about the reaction to it, this is now your pony, and if the previous owner wanted it to live at a particular yard then they should not have sold it.
 

Caol Ila

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23 January 2012
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Location
Glasgow
Second Winter’s post. I’ve moved yards many times in my horse owning life. Sometimes it was purely practical, like moving cities/states/countries or a space opening at a yard closer to where I lived, and sometimes it was because my horse hated the yard, or the YO was driving me nuts. Even when the latter was the case, I told the YO a purely practical reason just to keep life easy.
 
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