Anyone stayed in close touch with previous owner while being inexperienced themselves? How did it work out for you?

[bonnysmum]

For me, I have my horse on the same livery yard as the person who used to own her. I'm struggling at the moment feeling like I'm being judged all the time and found wanting, and feeling unable to try different things. I've kept her in the same place and a similar routine and intended to do so for at least the first few months to help ease her into having a new owner, but aspects of her previous care make me worried and there are things I'd like to change up a bit. That's been firmly knocked back by the YO who is quite close to the previous owner, and I'm left feeling like a naughty schoolgirl.

I'm not looking for advice on the present situation really, I've had plenty of that and I have my own thoughts on the way forward. I'm interested to know if anyone is in a similar position and how it's working out for you (or how did it work out in the end?)

 

[MuddyMonster]

I really don't think I would want to keep a horse at the same yard as the previous owner - not for the first few years at all - and particularly not if the YO is good friends with her.

Ultimately, you do own her now though and not the old owner.

Is she on DIY or part/full livery? And what sort of things are you wanting to change? That might help us to understand a bit better.

 

[paddi22]

What an awkward situation. If the old owner had no issues with the horse, and the management worked at that time for the two of them, then I can kind of see why the YO might be reluctant to change. as Muddy said, it really depends on what you want to change?

 

[bonnysmum]

Well not definitely anything really, I'm just questioning certain things (type of clip for example) and being told that categorically this is what she needs and that is that. As I am a noob who am I to argue? Like I say I'm more interested here in hearing about how other people have managed a similar situation. She's on grass livery and I'm never quite sure if that's totally DIY or a bit assisted, contract is very vague. It's temporarily working livery as that's what she was on previously, so I suppose that has an impact (and is being thought about very hard!).

Horse does have some issues (as advised by external professionals), but it feels like it's all now being put down to my inexperience rather than anything needing tweaking. Again can't give precise examples because I'm paranoid someone I know is on this forum.

 

[shortstuff99]

It seems to me they think it is still pretty much their horse but they have just found someone to pay them for it (and keep paying)! I would move ASAP.

 

[bonnysmum]

It seems to me they think it is still pretty much their horse but they have just found someone to pay them for it (and keep paying)! I would move ASAP.

And yet I'm worried about moving precisely because I'm inexperienced and now feel like I can't trust my own judgement. Would another livery yard even want to take on someone that high maintenance who will keep needing advice? One thought I did have is to move her to another yard on full/assisted livery just to begin with (but living out) so the yard staff can get to know her a bit and then I gradually take over the reins (so to speak) and move back to DIY?

 

[Red-1]

I helped a client in this situation. She did a lot better after moving. I am sure the old owners meant well, but it was undermining her confidence. They even gave a shot about how she would never get the horse loaded.

I recommended the YO from the new yard came and picked up, as they did that sort of thing too. It went smoothly, yay. The rider went from strength to strength, with better facilities and off road riding.

 

[paddi22]

And yet I'm worried about moving precisely because I'm inexperienced and now feel like I can't trust my own judgement. Would another livery yard even want to take on someone that high maintenance who will keep needing advice? One thought I did have is to move her to another yard on full/assisted livery just to begin with (but living out) so the yard staff can get to know her a bit and then I gradually take over the reins (so to speak) and move back to DIY?

that sounds like a great plan! that situation you are in doesn't sound good. you would have a fresh start, plus support doing it this way.

 

[bonnysmum]

I helped a client in this situation. She did a lot better after moving. I am sure the old owners meant well, but it was undermining her confidence. They even gave a shot about how she would never get the horse loaded..

Yes, I'm afraid of this too. I can already imagine how the conversation will go, just as I could imagine how the conversation was going to go about something else recently (and was spot on). I basically feel like they think me & my daughter (the main rider) are just not good enough for this horse that they encouraged me to buy. I know I need to do something but I'm so awful at any kind of awkward conversation that could lead to confrontation, I'll probably end up in tears which is the last thing I need!

 

[FireCracker238]

Yes, I'm afraid of this too. I can already imagine how the conversation will go, just as I could imagine how the conversation was going to go about something else recently (and was spot on). I basically feel like they think me & my daughter (the main rider) are just not good enough for this horse that they encouraged me to buy. I know I need to do something but I'm so awful at any kind of awkward conversation that could lead to confrontation, I'll probably end up in tears which is the last thing I need!

Do you think your daughter feels the same as you?

 

[Red-1]

Yes, I'm afraid of this too. I can already imagine how the conversation will go, just as I could imagine how the conversation was going to go about something else recently (and was spot on). I basically feel like they think me & my daughter (the main rider) are just not good enough for this horse that they encouraged me to buy. I know I need to do something but I'm so awful at any kind of awkward conversation that could lead to confrontation, I'll probably end up in tears which is the last thing I need!

In that case, I would find the new yard first. But, judging by your posts, you are not happy where you are, so I WOULD find somewhere else. The right yard is key, so take your time until you find the right setup, one where you can have support. There are plenty of professional transporters, who will be great at loading and travelling. No need for you to be under pressure under their gaze.

Yes, I would go for part livery to start with, and have lessons.

Imagining bad conversations with unsupportive people is simply confidence sapping and emotionally exhausting.

 

[bonnysmum]

Do you think your daughter feels the same as you?

I know she does, but it's tough because she has also made friends at this yard (as have I) so we both have mixed feelings.

 

[Meredith]

just as I could imagine how the conversation was going to go about something else recently (and was spot on). I basically feel like they think me & my daughter (the main rider) are just not good enough for this horse that they encouraged me to buy.

I think you need to be free from this undermining interference.

Have you an unbiased friend or instructor not involved in your present yard who would help.

Imagine how you would feel if someone told you how well you were doing and how conscientious you were in researching and learning horsecare and how Bonnyspony had blossomed since you had him.

 

[bonnysmum]

I think you need to be free from this undermining interference.

Have you an unbiased friend or instructor not involved in your present yard who would help.

Imagine how you would feel if someone told you how well you were doing and how conscientious you were in researching and learning horsecare and how Bonnyspony had blossomed since you had him.

Thank you. Yes I do have a friend with no links to the yard who I'm hoping can help me build my confidence to make the change.

I think one of the big problems is the lack of communication! When I bought the horse I asked for information about her current routine & needs and apart from stuff I needed to buy nothing was ever divulged. So I've had to find things out by asking constant questions and generally feeling like I'm making a nuisance of myself. And when I haven't been able to get the answer to a question I've had to make my own decision based on what I have been told, and my own research/instinct, and then of course I usually find I've done the wrong thing. I can't see why this would be deliberate, but it's starting to feel that way (and I've never allowed myself to think that until today).

 

[PurBee]

I had a similar situation, but not so close as to be on the same yard, like your situation. I knew the previous owner but their comments weren’t as toxic as you’re receiving. I too felt somewhat blindsided by the sale, in retrospect i now know i was absolutely unsuitable for the sale, and would never put a relative horse-keeping novice in such a position myself!
Despite inexperience, you want to be on a supportive yard, not one where your efforts are undermined and affecting your confidence.
Ask on here what yards are recommended in your county/region.

 

[bonnysmum]

I had a similar situation, but not so close as to be on the same yard, like your situation. I knew the previous owner but their comments weren’t as toxic as you’re receiving. I too felt somewhat blindsided by the sale, in retrospect i now know i was absolutely unsuitable for the sale, and would never put a relative horse-keeping novice in such a position myself!
Despite inexperience, you want to be on a supportive yard, not one where your efforts are undermined and affecting your confidence.
Ask on here what yards are recommended in your county/region.

I've checked out previous threads and spoken to people locally and there's a choice of about two (with space) within sensible driving distance @PurBee . I can't say I do think the horse is too much for us - this is a native pony not some crazy ex racer - although clearly it feels like it sometimes as we go through this particular period. I think the previous owner is used to how she did things and is not coming to terms with the fact the horse was sold precisely because she was told it needed to slow down a bit.

 

[I'm Dun]

My friend was in this situation. It wasnt her first horse either! She bought her and kept her at the yard she bought her from. At first it was very supportive and lovely, but then it got very controlling and unpleasant. When she finally plucked up the courage to leave, the parting shot was she wasnt good enough and would ruin the horse. She didnt. She went on to enjoy her and do all sorts with her, no ruining involved.

Its not just newbies it happens to. It tends to be nice and kind people who always think the best of others who get taken advantage of this way.

 

[bonnysmum]

My friend was in this situation. It wasnt her first horse either! She bought her and kept her at the yard she bought her from. At first it was very supportive and lovely, but then it got very controlling and unpleasant. When she finally plucked up the courage to leave, the parting shot was she wasnt good enough and would ruin the horse. She didnt. She went on to enjoy her and do all sorts with her, no ruining involved.

Its not just newbies it happens to. It tends to be nice and kind people who always think the best of others who get taken advantage of this way.

Wow, why on earth do people do this to other people, especially when there's a child involved? I never thought I'd get caught in such a situation, I thought I had my eyes wide open! Just goes to show.

 

[Caol Ila]

Wow, why on earth do people do this to other people, especially when there's a child involved? I never thought I'd get caught in such a situation, I thought I had my eyes wide open! Just goes to show.

Because the horse world is insane. Never underestimate that.

Sadly I don’t think there’s a better way of dealing with your situation than moving yards. Micromanagers are gonna micromanage.

 

[Gloi]

I have seen a similar situation where the YO sold a pony to a novice who kept it on the yard. It worked for a bit but the pony got a bit nappy with the novice and the YO bossed the new owner quite a bit about it so in the end the new owner no longer wanted to ride because she knew she'd get told off and in the end the YO sold the pony for her and pocketed a fair bit from the sale.

 

[bonnysmum]

I have seen a similar situation where the YO sold a pony to a novice who kept it on the yard. It worked for a bit but the pony got a bit nappy with the novice and the YO bossed the new owner quite a bit about it so in the end the new owner no longer wanted to ride because she knew she'd get told off and in the end the YO sold the pony for her and pocketed a fair bit from the sale.

Well that's pretty uncanny in the similarity to this particular situation. If that's what's going on here then they are not going to win, I will not give in on this. And I won't give up on the pony either because she deserves better, she's a lovely soul.

Interestingly though I was just saying to my husband the other week that if I wanted to be cynical (and I really don't) I could imagine that this situation had been set up for weeks, looking back at what was said on the way to me buying this pony. My daughter's RI (her main one until a few weeks ago) was involved in this for heavens' sakes! Two of them in fact!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

IMO and experience, so long as the 1st horse is a sensible honest type that knows its job, a novice owner needs to have someone in the background to call on for advice but NOT 'support' on the yard and *definitely* not the old owner. You need to be free to make your own mistakes and do things your way, that is the only way to learn. Horses/ponies react differently to different people, so what worked for one person won't necessarily work for another owner. Do speak to your independent friend about moving your pony to another yard and do it asap. I think someone suggested on your other thread that you could take the BHS HorseOwners' Certificate course. That will give you an opportunity to talk to others about their experiences, why some things are usually done a certain way and how even the 'official' way doesn't suit all equines and their owners. There was a thread recently about the way to put on a bridle!
You are obviously a concerned mum and pony owner but if you can bring up a child successfully, you can certainly cope with a pony's needs.

 

[Riding_my_Rozi]

That can be a pretty difficult situation. I think the best option for you is to move to a different yard. You should be able to enjoy your new horse. He's yours after all! I hope you can sort it out!

 

[magicmoments]

I have once taken over a horse, that was loaned from a charity from a previous loaner and kept it on the same yard for roughly 6 months. I knew the yard wouldn't work for me in the winter anyway, but also did want to do things my way, without feeling overlooked, despite me being experienced.
I bought the horse I shared, and then fully loaned after the previous owner approached me about buying her without looking to sell her on the open market. We are still on the same yard, and I feel no need to move, as she pretty much left me to get on with it, even when fully loaning.
In your situation though, I think you need a fresh start, but with an experienced YO to help you for the first year or 2 so you have the support initially.

 

[Caol Ila]

My yard has a riding school and sell the occasional schoolie. Many stay on as liveries. Pretty sure the yard staff/instructors leave the owners to it. They will offer help if asked, but they have far too many better things to do than chase new owners with over-management and/or unsolicited advice. That’s the kind of relationship you want.

 

[The Irish Draft 2022]

I think you should move yard quickly nobody need that stress and I wouldn’t be polite if a previous owner is telling me what to do. I would reminded them they sold the horse and the decision has nothing to do with them or the yard owner.

 

[FireCracker238]

Please correct me if I'm wrong but I thought you'd mentioned on another thread that your daughter has lost confidence recently due to a couple of falls, tie that in with people giving her impression that she isn't good enough I'd be asking myself if this really is the yard where she'll be able to regain the confidence lost.

I concur with the others I'd be looking to move, fresh slate for the 3 of you and the solution you've put forward about progressing to DIY livery after using assisted for a while sounds ideal. ?

 

[bonnysmum]

You're all lovely, and I think the decision has now been made. I have a couple of yard viewings this weekend and if either seems suitable we'll be moving her ASAP. I was in tears yesterday over this and I really have too much stress in my life already for this to be adding to it. I don't want to burn bridges however due to friendships on this yard, so I suspect I'm going to need to suck up all the comments about what my horse "needs" and stick with the line that it's about practicalities and nothing else. That will be hard for me to do as I am completely straight down the line as a rule (hence finding it so hard on this forum not to spill out every single detail of this sorry situation!).

 

[SheriffTruman]

I was in tears yesterday over this and I really have too much stress in my life already for this to be adding to it. I don't want to burn bridges however due to friendships on this yard, so I suspect I'm going to need to suck up all the comments about what my horse "needs" and stick with the line that it's about practicalities and nothing else. That will be hard for me to do as I am completely straight down the line as a rule (hence finding it so hard on this forum not to spill out every single detail of this sorry situation!).

Sound like you are making the right move. It almost always pays not to burn bridges. Now you have made the decision to move yards, you may find it easier to deal with the bossy people for the remainder of your time there. That's how it works for me anyways. When they are being unpleasant, I remind myself that it won't last long, that I'll be out of there sooooon. You are in control now!

And I don't see why your friends can stay your friends. I am still friends with someone who left our yard due to struggles with yard management. Had nothing to do with me, so no hard feelings involved.

I always try to remember there are many roads leading to Rome, and horsey people always believe their way is the highway. Do seek help if needed, but keep walking your own road.

Hope you find a great new place, and re-gain your confidence!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I think you will find that this is the best decision you have made since deciding to buy your pony. I hope one of your viewings works out this weekend.