ashamed to be wallowing in self pity

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margaretb

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To summarise:
Mid 40's, took up riding again 12 months ago, novice, gaining in confidence, and would quite like to own a horse. Realise that it is a huge undertaking and responsibility and this winter weather is a wake up call to the reality of getting up and looking after a horse. I work full time and have done all of my married life with the exception of 5 years. Have to work sounds a bit strong but scale of farming we operate on makes it necessary.
The riding is for me - both my children are grown up and lead their own lives, and surely there is more to work, cooking cleaning. Whilst my oh doesn't mind my taking riding lessons (I pay for them), he is reluctant to support my owning a horse. My parents are dead against it, (silly idea waste of money) but would loan me the money to replace my car, which does not need replacing (all for appearances I have to say). I do not have the funds available to purchase a horse outright, but can afford to keep one, if that makes sense. I was hoping that oh's business would loan me the money to buy a horse and I could repay it monthly. Not asking for a super duper horse, just something safe, to hack and poss a bit more.. but more importantly my family's support in something I really enjoy! They think it's funny.
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Ah well, keep doing the lottery!
 
Why not see if you can find a safe horse locally that you could part share. That way, you won't have to lay out money to purchase. Other benefits are you'll only need to give 50% of time and keep so you'll have the best of both worlds.

Regards your hubby and parents not supporting you, what are their objections?
 
Basically how much it would cost - someone made a joke that their tea wouldn't be on the table when they wanted it......!
 
Maybe you could share a horse, save up the lesson money, gain experience, and be ready for owning your own.
Maybe you should try to tell your family how you need something, just for you.
Where are you based (region)?
S
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My sisters, one of whom had had her own horse and the other who had had riding lessons with me when we were younger, both expressed a lot of concern when I told them I was getting my first horse 5 years ago, age 42! Their's were mainly financial concerns though I had waited until I had the money and opportunity to do it as I'm very cautious person. My friends however, even the non-horsey ones, were all for me going for it.

As I had no OH to consider I could be quite selfish as I was funding it all myself and just take the advice I wanted and get my horse, though I took my time to find the right one and really thought through cost and type of horse and where to keep it so everything met my budget and time constraints.

If you need to convince others, maybe start with a loan or share as other poster suggests and build up to an actual purchase in 6 or 12 months time if you can win your OH and family round in that time? With sharing or loaning a horse you can get more of a feel for everything and get to know what sort of horse you would like.

I hope you get there eventually with your own horse. Buying a horse was the scariest thing I've done in years but I don't regret a minute. He's my exercise & keep fit, fun and smiles, therapy, and through him I've met new friends and he's boosted my own confidence and belief in myself, so many benefits!
 
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He's my exercise & keep fit, fun and smiles, therapy, and through him I've met new friends and he's boosted my own confidence and belief in myself, so many benefits!

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threaten to:
join a gym (£50pm)
do a weekly yoga class (£40pm)
go out socially twice a week (£lots)
see a life coach (£100 per session)
etc etc

if someone told me (as an adult) not to do something that meant so much to be... i'd do it twice...
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x
 
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someone made a joke that their tea wouldn't be on the table when they wanted it......!

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that's what microwaves were invented for...

i have OH, fulltime job, doing a masters degree, 3 young children etc etc. and dinner is on the table every day at 6pm. and i have 2 horses.

it is possible!
 
Thank you for your positive comments! Confidence is something I lack, and I worry about bothering people to ask for help (which is why the forum is so nice cos you can remain anonymous!). I have thought about joining my local riding club, to up my knowledge on general care etc. As one poster put it "Life is too short" (and the rest!). I'll show them!
 
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Thank you for your positive comments! Confidence is something I lack, and I worry about bothering people to ask for help (which is why the forum is so nice cos you can remain anonymous!). I have thought about joining my local riding club, to up my knowledge on general care etc. As one poster put it "Life is too short" (and the rest!). I'll show them!

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Good idea to join your local riding club - also maybe get in touch with the BHS in your region, and offer to help out. They are always looking for volunteers - and you'll meet lots of horsey people and therefore opportunities.
Also - you could consider doing Horse Owners certificates, or working towards your BHS Stage 1 if you can find a course.
Good luck with it.
S
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When my sister bought hers it was 6 months before she told her hubby.

I got mine on loan for a year when I was 45. We now own her and OH has her and I bought another one with a friend so we share the costs between us
 
Good advice about joining a RC etc, they usually need volunteers for competitions etc and you may hear of a loan or share that way?

Life is too short - don't let them put you off and hopefully they will come around to the idea when they see you are serious.

Good luck
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So free stabling feed and bedding, Good idea joining RC, you get to know people and may get to here of horse for loan or share or when you get a little more confidence to buy or you could always try WHW
 
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someone made a joke that their tea wouldn't be on the table when they wanted it......!

[/ QUOTE ]

that's what microwaves were invented for...

i have OH, fulltime job, doing a masters degree, 3 young children etc etc. and dinner is on the table every day at 6pm. and i have 2 horses.

it is possible!

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clipcloppop -
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How do you manage THAT? You are an inspiration to us all!
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Basically how much it would cost - someone made a joke that their tea wouldn't be on the table when they wanted it......!

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That's a pretty lame excuse. You are his wife not housekeeper
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I still think sharing might be a good option to start with until your know for sure how much time and money you are prepared to commit to having a horse
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I think sharing would be a good idea, to see if you like it. You sound full of self doubt - why on earth shouldn't you own a horse? (once you are sure). And why, as an adult, mainly having worked full time, should your doing so depend on your husband or your parents?
 
I can't see any reason why you shouldn't own a horse one day - hope this doesn't sound rude but you sound as if you have no say in your life? If I were you I would insist on a salary if you work for the business otherwise get a job outside it so that you have your own money - then you can do with it what you wish. I am so glad my mother drummed in to me that she wanted me to be able to be financially independent - I know it is something she didn't have.

I can't believe in your mid-forties your parents still have a say in your life! If you can't save the money to buy a horse how would you pay to keep it? Even if you have your own land it needs feeding and possibly bedding, shoes, tack, rugs, vet bills etc. plus you may well need to continue to have lessons at least occasionally. Horses are a money pit.

I do hope you get your dream of a horse in the future - make it your New Years Resolution to make a plan to get a horse by this time next year (or maybe spring rather than January)
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I have a say in my life and I say it quite loudly most of the time!! I do work - full time away from the family business and what I earn is mine - except it pays to bring up the family! Not a brilliant salary (is my boss reading this!) Never been brilliant at saving, which I now regret as there is something I would like! As for my parents, I suppose I have always been fairly close to them and like to think they would approve of what I do - yes, strange at my age, but that's just the way it is.

I have a goal and I am aiming for it!
 
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Worcestershire Herefordshire Shropshire Borders

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Not a million miles away
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I'm a member of Bewdley Bridle Club if you ever fancy coming along to say hi? We've got some SJ sessions coming up (if the weather doesn't spoil our fun..) and always need help putting jumps up/away etc.

You can watch me make a fool of myself
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PM me if you fancy it?
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