At my wits end with my friend...advice please!

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Warning, this is long LOL

ok basically my friend has owned her 6yr old his whole life, she sent him away to be broken in this spring and he came back. She was lunging him daily in the school and riding him every day too, doing really well and he has never put a foot wrong.

Basically he was at the stage where he needed to hack out and not just toddle around the school, she has only been out on him 3 times, and that was only 50 metres up the lane and back, with me on my horse, her horse never put a foot wrong, just looked around, but basically I think she has lost her bottle.

For the last 2 months she hasnt ridden the horse at all, no valid reason, just excuses.
she isnt even coming to see the horse and was nearly kicked off the yard a few times because she has only been turning up once a week to pay her livery and look over the fence at him!
She has only actually been to see him and brought him in twice in a month!

People were offering to feed him and look out for him, as at the time they were believing her excuses, and she basically bit their heads off for doing so, so now no one will touch her horse.

He is very fine, and needs hard food.
so Ive been missing out on riding because in my 3hr daily time slot Ive felt so sorry for her horse with its rugs hanging off and looking miserable, that Ive been feeding him and looking after him. she is really grateful for this but can get to the yard any hour of any day and doesnt bother herself!

He was lame last week, I told her and she did nothing.


so I suggested that my friend ride him and carry on his education as she is very good. Horses owner (D) thought it a great idea, so I arranged it for Wed gone, D let her down!
I rearranged it for sat, D said yep definitely! I said make sure u ride him as she doesnt want to drive 45mins each way to watch you lunge him! D said oh I will.

Sat came and D comes out of house with no intention of riding in jeans and trainers!
My friend rang me, not happy of course but too nice to say so, so I suggested she go for a hack on my horse with others from the yard so she actualy got some benefit of coming through. she said yep great so as the others had already set off, i rang one and she rode back for my friend.

so girl arrives back at yard, and D starts kicking off that she needs a lift home so my friend cant ride out! girl on horse says get a bus or a lift from someone, D says I cant, at work this morning (wasnt at work until 3pm and it was only 10am!).

So my friend basically missed out on riding because of this selfish woman.

The best thing is, my friend said to me,oh Im coming back tomorrow, so I said oh is she riding then? oh no D is not even coming, she wants me to lunge her horse for her!!!

So D is using my friend as an f-ing groom because she cant be arsed to get out of bed, she ives 5 mins away! My friend has a 45 minute drive!

anyway as you can tell Im furious, her horse is being ruined, she doesnt give a toss and is talking about selling him, she isnt caring for him or even seeing him and taking advantage of everyone trying to help her.

D is apparantly riding him in the morning for my friend to watch, then she will ride, Im going to to make sure it actually happens.



Arrgh well rant over, Im just at my wits end, this poor horse is suffering because his owner is lazy and selfish and is either scared or cant bothered to ride. Even is she is scared there is no excuse for not feeding him though!
mad.gif
 
Ask her if she wants help selling her horse and if she does negotiate a price between you all so she doesn't have to bother anymore?

Or suggest she sends horse to a yard to be sold.

Seems to me as if she has just lost the plot a bit really.

I feel sorry for her aswell as feeling angry towards her for piddling you guys about!!

Hope it all gets sorted soon
smile.gif
 
We had this with a friend and her mare - mare wasn't doing anything wrong, friend had lost her nerve and kept leaving everything to us.

Cue big row over it and she moved the horse and then sold it - best thing that could have happened. Mare has a new home, we aren't feeling put on anymore, friend no longer getting depressed about a horse she didn't really want.

I'd encourage her to sell or at least loan out the horse.
 
I agree about selling him but she wants about 4k for the horse!

It is rising 7 and has done nothing, she has only ridden him in walk around the school and up the lane 3 times!

He has bad confirmation and looks very strange, he is so clumsy he falls over in the field when running and he dishes so bad his legs look like they are put on sideways.
None of this is his fault I know but no one is going to pay more than 500 quid for him!

ha ha she aint depressed, she has just been given a house, has more money than me, doesnt work and has no worries at all, we used to be quite good friends.
I know what it is, now that her horse needs work and attention, not just feeding like before he was broken, she cant be bothered!

Its her attitude that is the worst, its always woe is me, over nothing. Ive had he worst few months of my life with one MAJOR disaster after another, you know when it gets so bad that you cant face leaving the house!
Yet I still have responsibilities to my horse and make sure Im up that yard no matter what, looking after hers aswell now.
 
Hmm you wouldnt feel sorry for her if you knew her, Ive realised how selfish she is.
No one has said a bad word to her, everyone was tryng to help even though all she was doing was lying to them, and then having a go when they looked after her horse.

Ive stuck up for her for 2 months now and its beyond a joke, she has all day every day free and has enough time and energy to go shopping and buy things, but wont spare 30mins a day even to check on her horse.

she is just one of those people who gets everything handed to her on a plate and appreciates nothing, Im not feeding her horse anymore becauase why should I sacrifice my only times to ride because of her.
 
If it were me I would have been inclined to SMACK HER IN THE MOUTH!

Sounds to me like she should sell, or at least LOAN him out to someone that would really take care of him! You're right, no one is going to pay 4k for a horse like the one you've described and I feel truely sorry for him!
 
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Well if she's loaded - charge her for you looking after him!!!!
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ha ha! she still owes me £30 from months ago when I bought her horse rugs as she coudlnt be bothered to get them, she cant afford to give me it but has spent about 5k furnishing a new house the council have just given her!

Meanwhile we pay a fortune to private rent and she milks the system and has no intention of working, legally anyway. gets annoying!
 
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If it were me I would have been inclined to SMACK HER IN THE MOUTH!

Sounds to me like she should sell, or at least LOAN him out to someone that would really take care of him! You're right, no one is going to pay 4k for a horse like the one you've described and I feel truely sorry for him!

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totally agree and the girl who came back for my friend on her horse nearly did smack her!

Well my friend is going to see how she gets on with him and offer to loan him, part of me wishes I hadnt even asked my friend to help , I have enough problems of my own yet seem to be just sorting her life out for her!
 
tell her get rid off the gg it doesnt matter if he isnt the best im sure someone would really enjoy him! Tell her if she puts him up for sale to not be ridiculos (cant spell sorry) and put him up for a proper amount and he will get a proper home! It what he deserves!
 
He really does too, he hasnt got a bad bone in his body, she imagines him as a hunter or eventer though but he just isnt up to it. He would be fine as a happy hacker though.

Well my friend is going to offer to take him on loan so we will see what happens, just feels good to vent sometimes LOL
 
well, sounds like if people know they are being used, they have to stop allowing it. Fair enough, maybe feeding the poor thing, but its practically abandonment! That poor horse is 7 years old and has not experienced any true meaning of partnership or a loving owner. He has missed out on an awful lot on her behalf. If it were me, I would be thinking about taking matters into my own hands and advertise him as share or loan anyway and if she complains, she needs to be told a few home truths. People will not let her get away with it forever and it needs to be nipped in the bud and dealt with now.
 
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Is this the one who was scared of the horse and wanted him to do more and wouldn't ride him (or is this antoher one?)

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same one, only its progressed from not riding him to not seeing him.

Yep well YO said to her that she was neglecting him resulting in a huge argument and D threatening to leve. YO is at the stage where she doesnt care if she goes or not, she has people queueing up to be at the yard.

I jus wish D would realsie that she needs to take some responsibility, I have the feeling she wants to use my friend to bring him on now and then sell him when he is going well to get more money, whereas my friend obivously doesnt want to spend her time and money doing that, she will expect to lan the horse, 45mins each way working full time would be impossible for her. and expensive.
 
GIVE the friend the horse and talk to the YO and see which person (either D or your friend) actually cares for him. If it ends up that your friend does, then maybe consider asking D that the horse be given to the friend or loaned/shared/sold whatever, and the horse will be with someone with more love to give. Nobody like that deserves the privilege of owning a horse! Your friend sounds like someone who would treat this horse with care, although 45mins away is a long drive so the friend would have to be in it for the long run unless she moves the horse. It all depends on D unfortunately. Or maybe kick D off the yard - its not as if she is there anyway - and then she will HAVE to put the horse somewhere or sell him. (This probably isn't much help at all but sometimes people need a kick up the bum to wake them up to their actions)
 
I agree pinkrider.

I know my friend would never want to buy him because D really wouldnt let him go for less than 4k, silly I know, and my friend can get a REALLY nice well schooled horse for that.

Im hoping that once my friend starts riding him, D will get the bug again and show an interest,. she insists she hasnt lost confidence, if it was that the not riding wouldnt be a big problem, but even if she was nervous it doesnt ecuse not seeing him.

YO was going to kick her off but I think everyone, as much as they try not to be, is worried about where the horse will end up.

Its just hard to believe this si the same woman who was stuck with that horse through everything since he was born.
 
hmm. Sounds like shes just rejected him.. but it sounds like what some mothers do with their babies. But he isnt a baby, he's a horse, and he has needs. D needs to appreciate that, and realise that she brought him on and up, and now she has to keep him going or he could wither away and lose trust and confidence in people or even go the opposite way and latch onto everyone, or turn into a horse thats un-rideable because he doesn't trust people. So i wouldn't stop feeding him, I would care for him and include my own horse, this horse needs to feel some love, and D needs a serious talk from the YO.
 
He is already going backwards, yesterday he just stood facing the wall in the stable for over an hour, he wasnt alseep and wouldnt eat his food, he looked depressed.
Normally he is alert and nosing at everyone and everything, there were horses coming and going yesterday and he just didnt bother at all, poor thing.

He also didnt want t be caught yesterday, usually I have to stop him following me in he is so keen, yet since D came up on Sat he just doesnt want to come in, he is a horse that needs a routine.
 
lunge him to get some excersise, don't turn him out unless with another horse, feed and care for him,. spend time with him. Just spare a few minutes to give him the time of day that his owner won't. Ohhhh I'd have soemthing to say to that woman. (No offence) but its heartbreaking to know that horse feels he isn't being cared for so he needs someone to say "hang on a minute, don't be so down when WE love ya!"
 
Maybe its human company he wants though. If the other horses all have a rider/owner etc coming up to care for them and ride them etc, he is going to feel down on himself as if he is doing something wrong if he has been rejected by someone who appeared to love him then push him away.
 
Not sure what the issue is here.
The horse is turned out, right?If it's turned out and not all ribs, it doesn't need feeding, maybe it doesn't need rugs.
If there is an issue with welfare (i.e can see ribs/horse shivering etc) the the YO should do something, either kick her off or sort her out.
Dont think its your business to tell her to sell her horse?
Yes, she shouldn't have messed you around but as it doesn't sound like she pushed for it, can understand why.
 
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