Babies and horses

[Baileysno1]

I'm in the early stages of preganancy, it wasn't planned but its all good. I have a fab horse on loan which I was planning to buy over the next few months. Before the baby comes I'll be leaving my temporary job moving in with OH he'll be in Newark then 2 hours away from my family here. I don't have any kids so don't know what to expect am I mad to buy the horse and take him with me, will it be possible for the 2 of us to manage with baby and horse with no local help? OH will be working full time I will look for part time work once I get my head round the little one. Also although I'm riding and competing now we only do flatwork and hack if I take Leonard he may not be ridden as regullary through the autumn.

I could potentially buy Leonard and loan him to a friend who likes the idea of having a schoolmaster for a year until I get settled, is this a better idea? I'd get more chance to find a good yard for him coming and we'd be in a routine by next spring and would be worked consitantly throughout. Plus I could get work to fund having a horse.

Or I could give him back (heart breaking as I type!!! so not the preffered option)

 

[Flicker]

Firstly, congratulations!
I don't have children myself, but from what I've seen, the first year is the hardest. Friends who have managed to juggle the two either have extremely understanding families / OH's, who take the kids off their hands, or don't work. I think that trying to combine work, home, horse and kids is potentially very demanding. I have also seen horses suffer for want of work or attention and then just get sold on anyway - obviously nobody wants to see that.
If you are desperate to have this horse, then I would suggest the buy-and-loan option, with a watertight, written contract with whoever loans him.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you are able to come to a solution that suits you, your family and your horse.

 

[chickeninabun]

I managed with an unridden pony, well my 3yo daughter rode her, whilst pregnant. It was fine most of the way through but very tiring nearer the end.
If you have someone reliable to loan him then I would definately say buy him and loan him out until the spring when you can start riding again.

 

[Dubsie]

If you read what you've written it strikes me you just want reasurance that you'd be doing the right thing to buy him and loan him to your friend till you're settled.

 

[GoJo]

if he's your dream horse and you trust your friend to loan him then that sounds like a great solution. it would only be for a year or so until you got to grips with the baby etc.

 

[Baileysno1]

I do think loaning him would make for the best option, my friend has facilities at her home, own arena etc and I know she'd care for him and I'd get updates regullary, plus I will head back for the occasional ride too.

I am a little worried if I did take him and struggle and OH was funding the whole thing I may end up having to sell him. If I have a year of plotting I can devise a fail safe plan and get a bit more established in Newark and perhaps look for a sharer a few times a week too.Hmmmm. Would definately be better than letting his owners sell him on, I want this horse to get old with me plus finding another one down the line is not appealing I have no desire to go horse shopping ever again!

 

[annaellie]

It is hard work but can be done I have a 7yr old and a 6 month old son. I would not part with my horses when preg with first child I managed it was very tiring but all worth it. With my second baby I had my horse pts few years eairler and did not want another till my son was about 3 months so I bought a new horse again its very hard work and as I not had my horse long still trying to get into a routine but when baby has been crying all day and OH comes home from work I go down yard and feel like me again not just mum If you really want to you can work a way around it. I would also say that the loan would be a good idea till your back on your feet just as someone said get a watertight contract

 

[mandk]

Congratulations - hope you are feeling well?

I have a 20mth old daughter and am 30weeks pregnant with bambino no.2 at present......
I have to say from falling pregnant with my daughter (I have suffered very badly with sickness with both babies) right up until now - I can prob count on 1 hand how many times I have ridden!
We have a 13.2hh NF 14yrs old who is more a big pet and ridden once in a blue moon (I have had her since she was 2years old) and a 15.3hh TB 9yr old who I finally decided to loan out December '08.

My decision to loan was mixed reasons - that fact that she did not mature to the height I had hope (had her since she was 9mths old) and when I was not finding the time for her due to baby and she was just sat in out field day in day out - that was the final push...... she is now in a fantastic loan home who absolutely adore her and she is intending to jump her affiliated this year. So this has worked out best all round and we are always getting updates, photos and videos - we also visit every now and again.

This said, my husband is very supportive of the horses and is always on hand to help - he maintains the fields etc and he has been fantasic thoughout both pregnancies and since our daughter was born - helping me when I am worn out, feeling poorly, handling them if the are being a bit difficult, giving me time to do 'horsey' things etc. If it was not for his help I do not know what would have happened!

Also, I want to say - we have just bought an 11mth old colt - by the time he is grown up enough to start ridden work our children will be older and I will have more time - in the mean time he will get everyday handling and ground work, which takes up less time and is easier.......
I spent so so long trying to find the colt which was perfect for us........
..... so I suppose what I am trying to say is it is what ever works best for you...... if he is the perfect horse for you I would grab him with both hands and never let go - take his age and temp into account for the time you will have and being around your little one once he/she is running about everywhere! How old the horse will be once you have more time on your hands - If he will still be young enough in your opinion and you are happy to loan him for a while I think it sounds perfect.
Sorry to ramble on (pregnancy hormones!)

 

[Horseyscot]

Many congratulations

I have three kids (now 9,7 and 6). While it is the most wonderful thing in the world to become a parent, a lot of hard work comes along with it! I have heard many women (myself included!) saying things like 'when baby comes along it will have to fit in with everything I do, and just come along' . Well believe me this is easier said than done! Life will never be the same (all in a good way), everything takes so much longer with a little one in tow and you would need lots of back up if you want to try and keep your horse. I was without a horse until my youngest was 3, I did mean to leave it until she was at school but I couldn't wait any longer! My horse is a home so that also makes things easier as I can do things when I get the chance, rather than having to be at a set time. Please don't think I am trying to put you off, but I think you may struggle when baby is little unless you have helpers and an understanding OH.
If you feel you have found the perfect horse, why not buy him and loan him to your friend? To me this would be the best option.
Good luck

 

[Jellymoon]

Many, many congratulations - how exciting! Baby is asleep so thought I'd treat myself to a bit of sofa and internet action!!

I have a 5 month old baby and two horses. Both horses are on a yard I rent by myself about 5 miles from home. I should imagine it would be a lot easier to combine babies and horses if you can keep them at home, but this isn't possible for most of us I guess.

I have a girl who does the horses 4 mornings a week for me (turns out and mucks out) and then I go up in the afternoons to get them in, and hopefully ride if I can get someone to look after the baby. I am managing to ride both horses about 2 or 3 times a week, which is not really enough, but we're coping. The horses are pretty fresh though, and I do feel like I'm just keeping them ticking over rather than progressing.

The days when I also have to turn the horses out and muck out in the morning are pretty tiring. Can't wait til I can turn the horses out 24/7!

I can only really ride when someone has the baby, tried wheeling him to the edge of the school, but it only works if he's asleep. If he's awake and screaming it is very, very difficult to concentrate (no-one can explain to you what it feels like when your baby has a meltdown, some can ignore it, but I can't!) And they never seem to sleep when you need them too...funny that. My OH has him at weekends, and my mum does a bit, and I also use a babysitter which obviously costs me.

I tend to school them when I ride as it's quicker and I can work them properly in half an hour if I crack on with things.

If I can't get a babysitter, then I take him with me and get the horses in and put them to bed with him in tow, which is sometimes 'interesting'. Again, all fine if he's sleeping, not great when he's in full meltdown. Leading in frisky horses in the rain or snow with a baby strapped to your front or in a buggy sceaming its head off is challenging! But I have managed all winter, and it does get easier as you get more confident.

I often feel annoyed that I can't ride as much, and haven't had any lessons or done any competing for ages, but my LO is absolutely adorable and it's a wonderful thing to have a baby. Almost as wonderful as having horses!!!

I'm lucky in that I can just about scrape enough pennies together to get a bit of help with the horses. I would and could cope without help, but it would be extremely hard and very stressful. I'd do it though, and I need my horses to be happy, and a happy mummy is a good one!

I would say go for it as long as you can get a bit of help with both horse and baby. It's not worth exhausting yourself and getting stressed because you won't be such a good mum to your baby or your horse.

Feel free to PM me, but don't be offended if I don't reply straight away, for obvious reasons!

 

[Baileysno1]

Great insight thank you, my friends both have 2 year olds which regullary come to the yard and I admit it all looks a bit stressed and rushed especially through the winter.

Leonard is 13 this year I figure if I get a sharer for 2 days a week and I ride the other 3 he would cope happily, he thinks hes semi retired anyway because he doesn't do much fittness now he doesn't jump. Competitions would become a big treat as my parents own the towing vehicle and will be 2 hours away, but I only go out once a month now.

*IF* I could get assisted DIY ie someone does mornings, I could go for a couple of hours once OH gets in from work, muck out and ride.

I do thrive on being busy and a bit of pressure but this is unchartered, I'm so reluctant to give up horses they are such a huge part of my life at the same time its the freedom of being with them I love and thats what I'll lose.................arghhhh maybe I should get him cryogenically frozen!?!!!

 

[Como]

Congratulations! The funny thing with babies is you really don't know how you are going to feel/manage until they are there! I have a horse and rode until I was 5 months pregnant, but now my son is here I would never do that again. It is very wierd how your outlook on life changes. I only manage to ride once a week (my son is now 18 months) and my horse is on full livery and my son is a very easy boy. Some pregancies are easy and you feel great after the birth some not. I think the answer to your question is blowing in the wind! Babies are wonderful and it's great to give yourself time to enjoy them.

 

[Kenniford]

We have managed it! I think it is possible to have horses and a baby. Our little girl is coming up 5 now and we have 9 horses and two foals due in May/June. We are lucky that we live on site, although a friend of mine lives off site has 3 kids under the age of 6 and last year had 15 horses she managed too! Good luck in whatever you choose!

 

[Baileysno1]

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bloody hell 15?!

 

[Magicmillbrook]

Congratulations, I am 39 weeks pregnant at the moment with my second child, however my first is now 17 so is able to help me lots with our horses, plus we have them at home, turned out 24/7 which is a godsend.

As other posters have said no two pregnanacies and children are alike. I did everything as normal when I was pregnant with Sophie, she was a very easy baby so with a little juggling I could still do most things. This pregnancy on the other hand has been a marathon of sickness, exhaustion and in the later months heartburn.

I reduced my riding down to about 1 - 2 times per week from the start due to sickness and tiredness and had stopped by about 28 weeks, my poor daughter took on the mantle of doing just about everything, however now I am on maternity leave I am getting out every day to poo pick, hay and wash feed buckets, takes me twice as long now than it would normaly do.

How I will cope when baby number 2 arrives I just cant say, I just have my fingers crossed he/she will be as easy as big sis.

From what you have posted I would agree that buying and loaning to your friend would seem a good option. One would presume that the loaner would be based closer to your family, so possibly you may be able to have a little 'go' when you go down to visit. A horse that you feel comfortable/safe on will be all the more important when you eventualy get back into the sadle, its amazing how your nerve goes when you have children. The idea of getting a sharer when you do start back aslo sounds a good idea, esp if you will be working part time by then

I would suggewst a very tight loan agreement, and regular check ups (we recently had a loan go bad) and to consider if you can cope financialy (esp on just one wage) should a loan go pear shaped and you need to have the horse back and on livery .

I think horses and babies are perfectly doable if its what you really and truly want. When I am with my horses I feel like me, instead of a Mum, Pregnant person, 9/5 work slave, Housewife etc etc, and horses dont say stupid things like - oooh, should you be pushing that wheel barrow, shouldn't you take things easy - bah!

Best of luck for the future

 

[Kenniford]

Yeah 15, we both breed so numbers especially my friend go up and down, she has gone down to 8 now but has done ok been as she not on site! We have still managed to get to shows and juggle everything between us. I'm not saying its easy, its not, but the rewards are worth it, especially when your little one says she doesnt want to ride her 11hh aged anymore cause he's too small and fancies her chances on a two year old TBx! lol!

 

[rubyrumba]

My son is 4 next month and he is brilliant, he helps muck out, sweeps up, fills the water up for me and cleans all the buckets out! Very good little helper!