baby v horse? dilemma

noblesteed

noblesteed

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hi all,
just wondering if anyone has any advice to offer me, to help me make a tough decision.
I have had my horse for 4.5 years and to cut a long story short we have come a long way together, been to hell and back before he became the horse of my dreams! We don't win loads of rosettes but he does what i want him to do and we have fun. I really would love to keep him to a ripe old age.
I recently had a baby and I am finding it tough to juggle horse and baby without feeling like I am neglecting one! This week I went back to work part-time and it's really hit me hard, so I need to work out what to do.
Horse is at a diy yard, lovely facilities, only 2 horses, close to work, horses live out in summer, and he is part-loaned by a local teenager. The downside to this is that it's 20mins each way to drive there, becomes cutoff in snow, and I have no help on-site as I have fallen out with the one other livery. Prior to baby I have been happy enough to do the drive, and willing to risk my neck in snow to get to my horse - now not so much. However last week I had horse on box-rest with a nailprick and I struggled to cope with 2 trips up a day with baby in tow - teenager isn't so keen when horse is poorly and i need to be there really. Not ideal for baby though!!!! Husband is losing patience rapidly too.
Looking at this I probably need to move horse nearer to me but will lose teenager. If I do this I will need a part-loaner as I will only be able to ride a few times a week - husband works late several days, I am at work 3 days, grandparents doing childcare etc...
The other problem is there are no decent yards near me, it's quite a remote area.. and not many sharers around either! I can't cope with bitchiness at yards either and left the only good yard round here because of that! I also feel terribly guilty about leaving baby to go and have fun!!!!
So do I just sell my lovely horse - it all seems too difficult!!!!!
 
Can't you get a part-loaner for the baby? :p

But seriously, if I were you I would move the horse closer to you if that's an option. Yes, you might lose the teenager but you could get a sharer who would still help out when the horse is lame rather than just with the fun parts. Also, you might find a yard with liveries that you like and who would be willing to help out.
 
even if you felt you wouldn't have time to ride your horse? or look after it without feeling like you're neglecting your family?

it will break my heart if i have to sell horse but at only 13 maybe he should be in a home where he gets to do lots...
 
Hi, I'm due to have my first baby in November and I'm also worried about how I will cope.
Can you put him on full loan to someone? Or ask the teenager to have him an extra day?
If you did put him on full loan it would give you a break and a chance to get yourself into a routine whilst baby is still young. Also you could probably come to an agreement where you could still go and ride him maybe every other week.
I was going to sell my boy who I've had for 9yrs since a foal, but he went lame and although he's ok to ride again now I don't have anyone to ride him for me as I have him at home, so I now have to pay for him all the way through the winter until I can ride again and either loan him or sell him next year. I've also got a 2yr old cob to break in next summer!
 
Could you afford full livery?

I know some people baulk at the idea but if it's the difference between having or not having a horse, it might be an idea.

I managed for a fair few years on DIY when I had children but it was tricky at times. I went down the full livery route as I was getting really uptight about getting to the horse at a ridiculous time at night. If my OH didn't work away, I'd happily go back to DIY but for now, we will be carrying on as we are.
 
Tbh, I don't actually see the problem with keeping both, imo its easily do-able. That said, horses are meant to be fun, so no point having the work & cost if its not. If its just the riding that bothers you if you move, few horses suffer from having time off. That said, if you struggle to cope with a baby & a part loaner, then a toddler & horse, specially if you lose the loaner will be a bigger struggle, so maybe full loan or sale may well be best.
 
I got my horse two weeks before finding out I was pregnant (unplanned - I'm single). From day 1 it was hard work. I went through a bloody difficult winter - mucking out with baby strapped to me, trekking through the snow with the pram to put another rug on, leaving baby crying while I put horse out etc. It was really tough, and I felt guilty. Looking back, I'd do it all again. Financially and emotionally (and physically) it's a battle but the plus points are many and it does get easier.
My daughter (now 3 and a wonderful little person) has spent some very happy times playing at the yard, running around in fields, jumping in puddles, splashing in mud, riding in wheelbarrows, helping me with bits and pieces and learning lots. She adores the horses (we now have more than one!) and I believe she has had plenty of opportunities that children her age wouldn't get.
The main things that got me through were the help from an amazing lady and her daughter who were at the same livery yard who would happily hold crying baby while I brought in/ turned out/ picked out feet. (The rest I could do with baby in a sling/ pram), and my absolute and unconditional love for my beautiful horse.
If I hadn't had to get out and look after said horse, I'd have sat at home and been miserable.
Your circumstances might not be the same as mine, but don't let anyone tell you it's a bad thing for you to be around horses. You need to have something to do for 'you'. You don't need to spend all your time working and being a mum.
Find a yard nearer & better. Plenty of people would be happy to part loan - I'm sure you'll find someone new. Are you able to put baby with a childminder/ nursery to free up some time for you?
Whatever you decide, good luck!
 
I would look for a closer yard, at least as a temporary measure.

I bought Fat Grey Pony when bablet was a few months old as I was going crazy by myself all day. He lives on the family farm. My MIL looks after bablet for 30 mins every day whilst I water/poopick/pick hooves etc. I only get to ride (once in a blue moon!) when my husband finishes his work early enough for him to look after bablet. Pony is perfectly happy being a beautiful field ornament with occasional lazy walks around the farm. I'm happy with my daily 30 minute horsey fix (my only time away from bablet!). I can spend more time hanging around with Pony if I take bablet to visit him.As he gets older, I'll have more chance to ride, but there is no pressure.

If you move your horse closer, you may be able to see it more, even if you don't ride. Why not give it the winter off, turned out? Let him chill. You don't really need anywhere with great facilities or great hacking at the moment. Just somewhere where he can relax, and where there might be people who can help out...
 
I would try and do as others suggested and look for a yard closer to home.

My circumstances were a bit different to yours in that I keep my horse at home, however I also stuggled to find time to do him every day. Luckily during the winter hes turned away. My kiddies are 3 and 1 and I still don't ride much. When my husband isn't working i'd rather be spending time with my family than out on my own riding, so when I do get to ride its when my kiddies are fast asleep in the evenings (my horse doesn't mind having a break from being ridden and I know that in a year my eldest will be in school and my youngest will be in nursery two mornings a week giving me time to ride), after posting on here and discussing with my husband I have decided to keep my horse as I realise it is good to have some 'me' time - even if its just grooming my horse, and now my daughter is getting older she loves going over the stables and helping me muck out/groom/fill water/haynets etc. x
 
The baby will become less needy as it ages. You shouldn't feel guilty about having some time of your own. How old is the baby. Why is your husband losing patience. Assume it's his baby too!!
 
Paulag said:
I believe that's what the husband's supposed to be :D
Click to expand...

hahahahahahahahaha exactly!

No offence meant OP, I don't know anything about your situation so I am NOT judging your OH or suggesting for a minute that he isn't pulling his weight...
I just love the idea of referring to our children's fathers as "part-loaners"
 
Stick with it. I went through the same when i had my daughter and not a very sympathetic other half. Have child will travel, as they say. I used to take my baby in all weathers and did what I could with my horse at any given time as I was determined not to loose the one thing that was for me. My daughter is nine now and riding herself and my still disinterested other half has had to accept it! Dont give up.
 
poor you, not an easy situation. I wonder though, why do you feel your horse cares if he is doing lots or not? My horse is 7 and doesnt care if i dont ride for a week, I have a 15 week old baby, but then my horse is a very easy going type. I couldnt manage if on a yard i had to travel to but i wondered if how I keep mine might be possible for you? I have a field at home so I am lucky but I also rent a field a few hundred yards from my house from a local farmer. I got a little shettie as a companion , she is easy to manage - just has to have a grazing muzze. And I employ a local teenager who is a freelance groom to come out to me twice a week to poo pick, really scrub out the water buckets, pull ragwort etc. It still costs me way less than a yard would and I manage fine. Just a thought as I know it may not be possible for everyone.
 
baby+horse = happiness;)
How about turning horse away for the winter to give yourself some breathing space so you won't feel guilty about not riding. Then in the spring find a new yard and a new sharer who you can split the chores with to take the pressure of a bit.
I think you'll regret it if you sell after spending so much time and effort into the partnership you now have with your horse.:)
 
char3479 said:
I got my horse two weeks before finding out I was pregnant (unplanned - I'm single). From day 1 it was hard work. I went through a bloody difficult winter - mucking out with baby strapped to me, trekking through the snow with the pram to put another rug on, leaving baby crying while I put horse out etc. It was really tough, and I felt guilty. Looking back, I'd do it all again. Financially and emotionally (and physically) it's a battle but the plus points are many and it does get easier.
My daughter (now 3 and a wonderful little person) has spent some very happy times playing at the yard, running around in fields, jumping in puddles, splashing in mud, riding in wheelbarrows, helping me with bits and pieces and learning lots. She adores the horses (we now have more than one!) and I believe she has had plenty of opportunities that children her age wouldn't get.
The main things that got me through were the help from an amazing lady and her daughter who were at the same livery yard who would happily hold crying baby while I brought in/ turned out/ picked out feet. (The rest I could do with baby in a sling/ pram), and my absolute and unconditional love for my beautiful horse.
If I hadn't had to get out and look after said horse, I'd have sat at home and been miserable.
Your circumstances might not be the same as mine, but don't let anyone tell you it's a bad thing for you to be around horses. You need to have something to do for 'you'. You don't need to spend all your time working and being a mum.
Find a yard nearer & better. Plenty of people would be happy to part loan - I'm sure you'll find someone new. Are you able to put baby with a childminder/ nursery to free up some time for you?
Whatever you decide, good luck!
Click to expand...

^^ this - same here, single, no family network, husband left when daughter was 1! My horse was my sanity and still is - its really hard in the beginning. I used to park my daughter's pram by the school so I could ride and then when she got bigger, she used to have her tea at the side of the school when I rode - where the is a will there is a way :)
 
Turn him away, a year is not such a long time, and by then baby will have got used to the routine that you have.

I was worried , just like you, I put my horse on loan, just for the same reason as you, it was the worse thing I ever did!!! He did not care one jot that he had nothing to do all day but eat, he minded very much being taken away from me, long story short, I got him back
 
As others have said it will get easier as baby gets older so its worth hanging on if you can. Why not look for another loaner someone older than the teen who sounds like they are a little lazy when it comes to the care of your horse if there is a problem, no reason that you can't have two or bin the teen if you find someone that is more suitable and meets your needs.

I had similar problem but with dogs when my son was first born I have five large breed dogs and walking them any distance was a struggle but a good baby Bjorn with the cover and a lot of help from friends for the first year really helped :D
 
thanks everyone! I guess that was what i wanted to hear really, lots of stories from people that have managed. To be fair, my husband wants me to keep the horse as he says I need some 'me' time too, and he is willing to help with the cost. Just he doesnt like helping out! Baby is nearly 6 months. So I guess it's not long before he wants a pony of his own! Lol! And my horse would be such a good nanny.
I suppose horse doesn't care if he is ridden or not, it's just me that worries! I hadn't thought of turning him away for the winter, that is a possibility. My farrier today also gave similar advice and said he may know of an adult sharer if I can get horse moved, plus he told me not to loan as my horse is a lami risk. Guess I need to find somewhere new! I live in a small village so it's not easy, I think I had better start knocking on farmers' doors!!!! There's one livery yard I haven't tried that my farrier recommended so I have a number to ring tomorrow. I will let you all kno how I get on!
 
Ask the potential sharer if they know of anywhere. The current sharer doesn't sound that dedicated. You may lose her at some time to college or a boyfriend anyway. Consider yards further away too, if its easily accessible and with staff who will do full livery at short notice in an emergency. I once kept a horse 15 miles from home (45min drive) at full livery for half the price of all the local yards. It had better hacking and facilities, so although I couldn't get there often, when I did it was worth it. Horse was well looked after despite the cheap price.
 
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