Bad falls and now no confidence. Help

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cat1

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For the six months i have been breaking in a 4year old mare. I have been thrown off countless times, knocked out,kicked in the face and other injuries although thankfully nothing major.
However then she started rearing. I put this down to separation anxiety as it only ever happened when she was away from other horses. Once the rearing started i felt (for my own safty it was time to hand over to a more professional person, a man who was not as light and easily walked over.
Now my confidence has taken a real hammering. I am to start riding her again but i am worried incase she thinks i am a easy touch and that she may start her antics again putting us back to square one. Any advice tips suggestions or similar experiences?
 
Bl00dy H3ll!
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I'm afraid I'd sell too.

I had a nutcase TB once who was really scarey & one day I admitted to myself that I totally hated riding. After thinking long & hard about giving up, I sold him cheaply to a dealer (having admitted EXACTLY what he was like) & px'ed him for a completely safe ID mare.

Had 2 years' safe riding, hacking, xc, sj etc & hey presto confidence back. So sold her & bought something slightly higher powered.

I cried & cried over selling the TB & really loved him, but at the end of the day he was mad, bad & dangerous to know.
 
I know someone who could really help you - she works with horse and rider confidence, working otu why, and how you're going to sort it. PM me for her details, she's been v successful with a lot of people.
 
sorry i posted that twice somehow. Thanx for the advice. i will pm you sw123 tomorrow for details as i would be very interested in contacting that person for advice. Thanx
 
Beg/borrow rides on friends' safe horses. Then it'll either fill you with the confidence to carry on with your youngster or strengthen your resolve to sell her and buy something a bit quieter.

I've been in both positions. Kept one like yours that all turned out good in the end. And sold one where my nerve had cracked.
 
You need to find someone to help you - this is not a case for tricks or tips. At the very least you need someone who can work with the horse AND work with you but can also assess the situation objectively from the outset and help you decide the best course of action.

I work with a lot of people whose confidence has been shaken (along with things like their backs being broken) by their horses. The horse needs help, the person needs help, and then they need "couples therapy". At the VERY least the horse needs retraining and then the person who does the retraining needs to be able to help the owner understand how to keep/make things different from then on. For many people a more thorough understanding of what went wrong and how to prevent it happening again is a huge part of regaining confidence not only in the horse but in their own skills.

And sometimes my advice is divorce.
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Each situation is different. In the mean time, if you are not riding the mare anymore, find someone who can teach you on reliable horses and who is willing to work with you on your confidence issues. This may mean support, it may mean "tough love", it may mean more education. More likely it will take a combination of the three. My advice would be to find someone who is actually interested in working with people in your situation, not just your average instructor. You MIGHT be able to do it on your own if you have access to safe horses and good people to ride with but from what you describe just "getting over it" with your mare without help doesn't sound a very realistic task.
 
Hey, I was backing a nutcase gelding in the Summer who'd been messed about by people before I got hold of him. I took him back to basics and started him from scratch and then eventually backed him again with my VERY VERY experienced boss' help. He bolted imediately and threw me off, fracturing my spine.

It totally wrecked my confidence for months. Although I got back on another horse after 3 weeks (don't tell my mum
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) even now I HATE riding horses I don't know and I only feel safe on my mare. I've also spoiled my mare's jumping (temporarily I hope) because I get so tense and nervous that she has lost confidence. I really really wish I had not taken that gelding on because getting over that fall is a nightmare.

I would say unless you adore this horse, I would find something else to ride that can get your confidence back as easily and quickly as possible. there is no point pushing yourself to the point where you have an accident or really lose your nerve because believe me that is NOT a place where you want to be. Sorry this is kinda personal opinion here, everyone is different but I would not wish the way I feel at the moment, loving riding as I do, on anyone else.
 
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