Being positive in riding

[paddi22]

he jumps don't bother me, it's the people standing around watching.
.

yeah this used to totally freak me out, and I remember a trainer said something to me that really helped. I had said i always froze in the ring cause i thought people would think I was shit. And he said 'yeah probably 25% of them will think you are rubbish, 25% will think you are good, and the other 50% are talking to their friends and don't care. and its none of your business what any of them think!'

 

[Mule]

yeah this used to totally freak me out, and I remember a trainer said something to me that really helped. I had said i always froze in the ring cause i thought people would think I was shit. And he said 'yeah probably 25% of them will think you are rubbish, 25% will think you are good, and the other 50% are talking to their friends don't care. and its none of your business what they think!'

That's good

 

[JFTDWS]

Having an audience is what bothers me. Not in a riding lesson but if I'm at a show. Dressage is ok but I get dead nervous when competing in show jumping. The jumps don't bother me, it's the people standing around watching.

I think it's important to work out what bit of it bothers you. If you're worried about people judging you, p22's advice is pretty sound. It's not a big deal, really.

Personally, I'm afraid of two things: being out of control, and being afraid. The second is stupid and irrational, but such is life. The former, I don't mean being out of control on the horse, I mean, in training, I decide what I jump, when and how - in competition, you tackle the course as it's set, or not at all. Realising that the latter was an option makes the idea of competing a lot less stressful for me.

Don't like the course? The ground? Withdraw. Issues on course? Pull up - you won't fix a training issue in competition anyway. Feel sick / have an asthma attack / develop consumption half way round the course? Pull up. It's no big deal, there's always another day.

Strangely, I don't tend to need to do it, once I remember I'm an adult and it's my call what I do with my horse!

 

[Mule]

I think it's important to work out what bit of it bothers you. If you're worried about people judging you, p22's advice is pretty sound. It's not a big deal, really.

Personally, I'm afraid of two things: being out of control, and being afraid. The second is stupid and irrational, but such is life. The former, I don't mean being out of control on the horse, I mean, in training, I decide what I jump, when and how - in competition, you tackle the course as it's set, or not at all. Realising that the latter was an option makes the idea of competing a lot less stressful for me.

Don't like the course? The ground? Withdraw. Issues on course? Pull up - you won't fix a training issue in competition anyway. Feel sick / have an asthma attack / develop consumption half way round the course? Pull up. It's no big deal, there's always another day.

Strangely, I don't tend to need to do it, once I remember I'm an adult and it's my call what I do with my horse!

My thing is all about people judging me. I don't understand why it's a bigger deal jumping than in dressage. Mind you, I get tense at dressage comps too.
Mabey the difference in anxiety is because people don't exactly hang around dressage arenas looking for excitement! Unless your Charlotte or someone like that no-one wants to watch

I do like the idea of saying you can withdraw if something isn't right. It gives you the control back doesn't it. I think I'll adopt that.

 

[JFTDWS]

Crikey I think dressage is worse. More snarky judgement on your riding - but less spectating to see people hit the deck!

 

[Mule]

Crikey I think dressage is worse. More snarky judgement on your riding - but less spectating to see people hit the deck!

It's the spectating that bothers me. People can snark away once I can't see them!

 

[GTRJazz]

It is not all about who can do the best circle get out have a canter in the country and ride across the beach then you will view dressage for what is is a very good tool for horse training, but it does not have to be stressful.

 

[Mule]

It is not all about who can do the best circle get out have a canter in the country and ride across the beach then you will view dressage for what is is a very good tool for horse training, but it does not have to be stressful.

It's just the competition environment that gets me stressed. I enjoy dressage and jumping at home or in a lesson. I like doing a bit of schooling on a hack too. I know what you mean about it being a useful tool. Lateral work to move away from traffic is a practical example.

 

[JFTDWS]

I'm not sure anyone has said dressage is stressful. Competitions can, for some people, invoke nerves, for various reasons. I think dressage competitions can be judgemental - as can other sports - anyone who denies this hasn't stood ringside for any length of time.

I'm not entirely sure how going for nice canter is meant to change that. I mean, I hack 3 horses a day, I'm on 120km weeks at the moment, with a good chunk of canter work - which is lovely for me, but I'll bet there are still ringside critics at almost every show in the area

 

[Horsegal98]

My main issue personally is confidence. I guess in some ways, I am a little negative, and tend to put myself down, but I wish I just had the confidence to believe I won't get hurt, or the horse will get hurt, with every little spook or stumble.

 

[Bernster]

There are tips and tools to help manage confidence. I got some last year from a coach and they did seem to help. I’m not good at continuing though so I need to refresh my memory next time I head out, as I don’t think you get a tip and that’s it, you’re done, it’s something you have to keep at, to overturn a natural inclination to be nervous etc.

 

[JFTDWS]

My main issue personally is confidence. I guess in some ways, I am a little negative, and tend to put myself down, but I wish I just had the confidence to believe I won't get hurt, or the horse will get hurt, with every little spook or stumble.

There's nothing like experience - every spook, stumble or fall where you don't get hurt and bounce back up erodes that fear away. If you're particularly daft, you can use other people's falls to reinforce that too - watching teenagers fall off and bounce back on youtube always makes me feel more rubbery in the face of gravity and solid ground...

 

[Fruitcake]

Personally, I'm afraid of two things: being out of control, and being afraid.

I thought I was the only person who was scared of being scared! In fact, the other week, I wasnt afraid but was actually worried about being scared of being scared! Fathom that one!!

 

[JFTDWS]

I thought I was the only person who was scared of being scared! In fact, the other week, I wasnt afraid but was actually worried about being scared of being scared! Fathom that one!!

That's a bit meta!

 

[Fruitcake]

No, not yet anyway! I was thinking about some things recently and realised it.

I’m off to look on Amazon for a book about this! I think it’s a really interesting point that I’ve just realised about myself too!

 

[Mule]

I’m off to look on Amazon for a book about this! I think it’s a really interesting point that I’ve just realised about myself too!

Let me know what you find

 

[Yas]

Long time lurker, and after a lesson on the weekend I was thinking that I needed to write up a post for advice. But I've stumbled across this thread, which I will try not to hijack!

Whether I'm struggling with being confident recently, I'm not sure. I've been riding for nearly 3 years now, and thinking back to what my progress has been like recently, I'm really frustrated with how I've been progressing. Or lack of progression.

I keep making the same mistakes in my lessons again, and again, and I just don't feel like I'm learning from them. I feel as though it's been forever where I've left a lesson and thought, "I did really well today".

My current RI is nice. But I was thinking about my lessons and I've realised I don't often get positive feedback when I've done something well. So either I'm not doing very well, or she just isn't the type to say it often! From non-equestrian activities I've realised that I do need someone occasionally to say, "you're well/OK/nowhere near as bad you think".

I'm not sure whether she gets frustrated with me making the same mistakes though, as I really don't like it when people make sarcastic comments as she did to me in the lesson the other day, "well you left that too late, you're not going to be able to make that turn now are you? You need to prepare yourself before". I know I'm not going to be able to do it! Your sarky comments don't help! I don't why I always (well not literally always), leave it too late to prepare for a turn and then obviously can't don't it and have to circle all the way around again.

She's not like that for entire lesson though, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to carry on.

I've been at my current riding school for about 3 months, and when I had my first lesson I told her that I wanted to learn how to ride so I could get competent enough to go out hacking. About 10 minutes into the lesson and she looked at me said, "You'd be absolutely fine at hacking, you'll be able to keep up". I did the leave the lesson thinking, "does this mean I do "properly" know how to ride now? Can I tell people when they ask if me ride, I can say yes?

On a side note, yes I was riding for over 2 years at this point and never plucked up the courage to go hacking (canter level), thinking if I went out with a group of people I would just absolutely embarrass myself.

I've read a few comments in this thread with people saying that they're perfectionists, but I am not that personality type at all. But I'm not sure if something about horse riding brings that out in me, for whatever odd reason. As both of my previous riding instructors (at two separate riding schools), both commented on how I seem to be really hard on myself. When I've mentioned this to my friends, they've all been surprised, as none of them can see the "perfectionist" streak in me, and neither can I!

I don't have any horse riding friends or family, I don't know anyone else who horse rides (whether that's an advantage or disadvantage, I don't know). I've been having private lessons too. So who I'm comparing myself to in my head I really don't know. It's not as though I've been to competitions and I'm comparing myself to those riders there, I've never been to a competition!

I don't have any interest in competing and don't have my own horse. I'm not sure whether I need to just back off from lessons from a few months and go out hacking. As I have now been out a couple of times and haven't made myself look like an idiot, and remembered why I wanted to learn how to ride in the first place. I saw a photo/video of one of my previous RI cantering along a beach somewhere, and then frolicking in the sea, and I just thought, "I want to do that !"

I'm going to mention it to my RI at my next lesson and see what she thinks.

Whoops, this has ended up being far longer then I expected it to be, sorry for the novel folks.

 

[JFTDWS]

Yas - if your instructor's style doesn't work for you, try someone else, or try another school. It's fine and normal - I like a sarcastic comment now and then, but I also need to know when I get things right. Everyone needs that - including the horses! If she's not giving you any positive feedback - finding things to be positive about in your riding, then I'd say that's not really a great style for an RS RI.

It helps to have horsey friends to get an idea of how things are going, and to have people to talk it over with - if you tried group lessons or hacks, you might make some! Another way of assessing yourself is to video your lessons and see how you look - you might be pleasantly surprised! And, of course, you can look at people riding on youtube for comparison - there's all levels on there, from the professionals and the seriously talented amateurs, to the completely hopeless novices!

 

[Andrew657]

For those of you who get nervous competing about the audience. Remember that many in the audience will be people like me who aren't good enough and / or brave enough to attempt it.

 

[milliepops]

Yas - if your instructor's style doesn't work for you, try someone else, or try another school. It's fine and normal - I like a sarcastic comment now and then, but I also need to know when I get things right. Everyone needs that - including the horses! If she's not giving you any positive feedback - finding things to be positive about in your riding, then I'd say that's not really a great style for an RS RI.

100% this.

I am fairly confident in what I'm doing now, (I feel sick every time we go up a level in competition but that's different and also IME a one-off each time, it doesn't happen with subsequent horses. the pride and excitement generally overpowers the desire to get back in the lorry and go home ).
I don't get bothered by an audience and couldn't give 2 hoots who is watching me. I wasn't always like that but I've ended up in situations where I either got used to it or didn't ride, and my desire to ride is stronger than my fear of being watched.

I have a very good level of trust with my trainer, and i see him often. If he says that I'm doing a good job, now I finally have learnt to accept that. I know him well enough to understand that he doesn't say that to everyone. And I know he knows his stuff. So even if I feel like I'm cocking stuff up, I will take that praise and stick it in the confidence bank.

I am also afraid of being afraid. I know what it is to lose your confidence and how hard it is to build it up again, so I really try hard not to put me or my horses in situations that would lead to a loss of confidence. I also try to mentally notice the little things that go wrong but we recover well from, because it's important to dwell on *those* and not imagine the disasters that COULD have happened. That helps me to believe in my own abilities to deal with problems.

I do think it's important to stretch your boundaries but to do that in the best way for you. I get a lot out of having trusted help on the ground telling me to do something (with Salty I took her to group lessons with a good trainer who effectively dared me to canter her in company. That felt like something i couldn't make myself do, but I know she would control the environment if it all kicked off so it was a safe place to be dared in!) other people might have other methods, it's important to know what works for you and to go with that as we are all different.

 

[Yas]

Yas - if your instructor's style doesn't work for you, try someone else, or try another school. It's fine and normal - I like a sarcastic comment now and then, but I also need to know when I get things right. Everyone needs that - including the horses! If she's not giving you any positive feedback - finding things to be positive about in your riding, then I'd say that's not really a great style for an RS RI.

It helps to have horsey friends to get an idea of how things are going, and to have people to talk it over with - if you tried group lessons or hacks, you might make some! Another way of assessing yourself is to video your lessons and see how you look - you might be pleasantly surprised! And, of course, you can look at people riding on youtube for comparison - there's all levels on there, from the professionals and the seriously talented amateurs, to the completely hopeless novices!

I've been at my current riding school for about 3-4 months, and it's only recently that she seems to have been comments in a sarcastic tone. Unless she always has, and I've only noticed now because I'm in the "I'm so completely rubbish at this" mode and so it's annoying me more then it usually would. I think a part of me is worried about speaking to her and her saying (in a nice way, she's not really a sarky sort of person), "Well yes, to be honest, I can't see any improvement since you've been coming here". I would find that upsetting (not sure why!) Maybe I should take up your suggestion and watch youtube videos of absolute beginners on horses to make myself feel better.

I have thought about group lessons recently and think it would also be useful for my learning, as I'll get to see other people riding obviously. I just need to work up the courage and try not to worry about embarrassing myself in front of others. I know in reality they're probably not thinking all that much about what everyone else is doing, or at least, that's what I'm going to have to tell myself!