Being taken for a mug...? Probably

[PeachesD113]

*long post alert*
Hi,
Now I'm sure I already know the answer but I feel the need to have a rant! And the benefit of the internet is that it doesn't need to cause gossip or drama at the yard 😊
I have my first horse on full loan and the girl who 'owns' him has her own loan horse on the same yard. I only say 'owns' as she was gifted the horse last year and kept him turned out for a winter when his previous owner couldn't look after him anymore. He's not her type of horse (he's a big fat beastie and she likes sj/ eventing) so she's only ridden him like twice. I started as a sharer but quickly took on full responsibility and costs for him. What started as an equal agreement helping each other out at the yard has now turned into me basically being her unpaid groom and I think I've finally reached the end of my very long tether!
In the last month she might have mucked out her horse maybe 5/6 times (I do it all other times as if I want to ride in daylight I have to bring hers in too as he can't be out on his own and I couldn't bear to put him into a dirty stable). I excercised him for her when she went away on holiday, when he was recently ill I took time off of my own job to spend hours walking him in hand when he was on box rest (my job was a lot more flexible than hers so I wanted to help) and didn't even get a word of thanks for either of these things.
So the cause of the rant today is that I was away last night and she turned them both out this morning (first time she's had to in like three weeks) I rushed back to get to the yard so I could excercise the fat beastie and she hadn't even attempted to muck out her own horse! I did not expect her to do mine obviously but walking up to her stable and seeing that I would need to do that one too before I could do what I needed to do just made my blood boil! Others at the yard tell me I'm being taken for a mug and I know I am but...I like to do unto others as I would like to be treated. I don't even mind doing it but it's this expectation now that I HAVE to do it that's irking me. I hate confrontation and am also looking to buy my horse so don't want to upset the apple cart so to speak. And I know I'm being petty but she'd put a heavy weigh rug on him today when she knows I've been trying to keep him in a lightweight or nothing as he's a fatty fat fat! (I know that she is still his horse so I can't really say anything about that but it was just another little annoyance as it was so warm today)
And as a final little moan I live like 20 miles from the yard and she lives about 5 so it's not like it's easier for me to get there.
So basically, I just need to suck it up for the time being? does anyone have any suggestions for how to get her to do a more equal share of the work for her own horse?
Sorry for long post and well done for getting to the end!

 

[Rowreach]

Well I have just had a seven year friendship come to an abrupt end yesterday after getting to the end of my tether with someone in similar circumstances. I should have said something a long time ago rather than letting it get to this point, so my advice is tell her why you are annoyed and set some new boundaries.

 

[be positive]

You are not helping by mucking her horse out rather than just putting him into a dirty stable, as you started to clean the box it is now expected, not right but I can see it was easy to take advantage, stop mucking him out and close your eyes to him being in last nights muck it will do no harm and will either get her doing it or cause a row where you have the trump card as you are doing most of the work.

I find in situations like this the resentment builds up gradually until you sit down properly and sort it out or you walk away and forget you were ever involved, the yard is a long way for you to travel every day so maybe use that as the excuse to move the loan horse to somewhere nearer, if you want to keep him, or to set up a proper routine where she does her share.

 

[benz]

From your post it sounds as if she has never said you have to do those jobs for her (other) horse, you have just taken it upon yourself to do (which I understand), so I would say just stop doing them. Tell her you don't have time anymore to do two horses and really don't do it! I know you will feel bad if horse standing in a dirty stable but sadly if you keep doing it for her she will not change.

 

[Rowreach]

It's very easy to get sucked in to doing more than you should be though, mostly because a lot of us can't stand seeing a horse standing in muck/not getting out/not being fed or whatever it is, and so we do what needs doing, let the resentment build, and then when we say enough is enough, it all gets turned around and we are the bad person.

Which is why such things are best dealt with early on [note to self]

 

[calmgirl]

Unfortunately the owner will think nothing now of you mucking out both her horses as this is what you've always done.
Give her a heads up that you don't have the time for example and stick with your loan horse. Only help with what she can do similarly for you, like one turn out and the other bring in. Cover for a weekend away etc.

 

[meesha]

Offer to buy your horse. Once bought, move!

 

[PeachesD113]

Thanks for the advice. Rowreach im sorry to hear about you and your friend, I hope you can work things out.
I know what you've all said is right, I need to stop doing it for her and let her look after her own horse. I have spoken to her about buying 'my' horse and once my job is secured I'll be doing this (providing the price is right as this a whole other issue as I worry she will ask for far more than he's technically worth as she knows how much I care about him). It's just that awkward first time when I don't do it..ergh. Guess I just need to put my big girl pants on!