BHS friend at the end.

P

poiuytrewq

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Has anyone ever used this service?
Due to the fact that I seem to have lost the plot a bit this winter and am struggling with everything including this decision x2 (why is life so bloody unfair?) I've contacted them.
I have of course discussed with my vet also but in my heart I disagree with him (I think)
They are being so incredibly helpful and supportive and a lady is actually coming to visit me and my poor boys (who incidentally escaped and were really naughty to catch yesterday.... Are they really that bad?!)
She is going to talk everything through and give impartial advice on what I should do.
Not sure where my marbles have gone and it's not a decision I've taken lightly or really struggled with before, sadly loosing two in the past 4 years.
She's coming Thursday. Even just that fact makes me feel guilty but I look forward to having a real live person who knows what they are talking about to bounce ideas with. This forum is amazing but obviously no one actually can see my horses :)
Has anyone been helped by them before?
 
poiuytrewq said:
Has anyone ever used this service?
Due to the fact that I seem to have lost the plot a bit this winter and am struggling with everything including this decision x2 (why is life so bloody unfair?) I've contacted them.
I have of course discussed with my vet also but in my heart I disagree with him (I think)
They are being so incredibly helpful and supportive and a lady is actually coming to visit me and my poor boys (who incidentally escaped and were really naughty to catch yesterday.... Are they really that bad?!)
She is going to talk everything through and give impartial advice on what I should do.
Not sure where my marbles have gone and it's not a decision I've taken lightly or really struggled with before, sadly loosing two in the past 4 years.
She's coming Thursday. Even just that fact makes me feel guilty but I look forward to having a real live person who knows what they are talking about to bounce ideas with. This forum is amazing but obviously no one actually can see my horses :)
Has anyone been helped by them before?
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Didn't want to read and run..I havent used them myself but have heard many good things. Just wanted to wish you luck and a virtual hug. Let us know how you get on xx
 
I think it's a fantastic service. Good luck on Thursday. If nothing else you'll feel better for a chat with someone who is impartial.
 
So sorry that you are facing this decision. x

I do think it is wonderful that this service exists. I wish we had an equivalent here.
 
Hi, I can't offer an opinion as fortunately I've not have to use them but my gut feeling is they will be very helpful and supportive. I'm really sorry that you are at this point but my vet always says that owners have a much better feel for when the time is "right" than a vet who doesn't have the daily care. I hope it goes as well as it can.
 
I've not used them but it sounds a great service. In these situations, even the most practical and clear-headed of people can lose their way. A friendly but impartial voice is often what is needed. I hope they can make this difficult time a little easier for you. Do take care of yourself x
 
My issue is I'd all but decided then my vet came out to look and disagreed with one of them (the one I thought was the easier decision) that's just made it so much harder, especially as my family who are very against him being pts heard what the vet said.
I'm still suprised and was over the moon at his verdict until I really thought about it.
 
poiuytrewq said:
My issue is I'd all but decided then my vet came out to look and disagreed with one of them (the one I thought was the easier decision) that's just made it so much harder, especially as my family who are very against him being pts heard what the vet said.
I'm still suprised and was over the moon at his verdict until I really thought about it.
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Oh P, sounds like the vet has put a pretty big spanner in the works for you and I'm so sorry to hear this. Especially as it is only you who knows your horses both inside and out, not your vet, (however good they are at being a vet or however well intended)

I think the BHS will be able to put things into perspective and help you come to a clear decision. Although I've not used their service myself, I'm sure your idea to meet with them is a step in the right direction. At such a difficult time, I hope it all works out.
 
OP, I am very cross on your behalf with your vet! Just because we can prolong life it doesn't make it the right thing to do in every case. I remember asking a vet if we should pts a cat with fluid on the lung following an op to remove an eye
He disagree d and the poor girl spent the last 3 month s of her life with a cone on her head. Nowadays I would insist. IMO if a genuine ly concerned owner such as you think s it is the right time, the vet should support the decision.
 
To be fair to the vet I didn't out rightly say "I think he needs to be pts" I said I'm really worried about his quality of life and worry he's in pain and miserable to which he said no he's fine (although had blindingly obviously just trotted up seriously lame). He said if the horse is eating and keeping weight on its fine.
The Fuzzy Furry- thanks so much for your message. I certainly will be in touch. I'll reply tomorrow if that's ok, off on mum taxi duties!
Thankyou everyone X
 
I'm eating and keeping weight on but am bloody miserable and p***ed off most of the time because of pain and restricted movement, and yes I'm well aware there are thousands much worse off than me but hopefully I'm having an op that will go some way to sorting it out but if I didn't know that and thought I only had a worsening condition to look forward to I think I'd chose going to sleep and not wake up.

I think it's relatively easy for an outsider to say a horse 'is fine', they are not seeing it every day knowing that the quality of life isn't good etc. I have no experience of BHS friend at the end but have heard very good things about them and whatever you decide I hope talking it over helps.
 
I recently had to have my first horse pts at the age of 6 due to chronic arthritis. The diagnosis was a massive shock but my vet was very supportive right from the start when I decided that with a degenerative condition I wanted her life to end on a reasonable note rather than keeping her on bute etc just so I could still have around. She was struggling in the mud and generally miserable. It was a horrible decision to make but I know it was the right one, and you'll know what the right decision is in your heart of hearts.
I thought about using the scheme because I just didn't know what I was facing (the process etc) but didn't as there was enough helpful info online.
 
Process wise I'm fine. I've experienced each way several times sadly with my job. I'm
Confident in what I'll do (although family wise this will cause ructions again ) but I'm well aware of what I'm happy with and I can handle that side of it. It's the fact that standing eating hay or grazing they look absolutely fine.
 
The problem is everyone has a different opinion on what "quality of life" means. Your vet gave theirs, you don't have to agree. You are the owner and its your opinion that counts the most.

Plenty of people prolong an animals suffering because they believe that if its alive then there's always hope, no matter how miserable the creature is. I don't agree with it but its their pet so their decision. I've got a permanently lame horse who is happy in himself, still working because he's unhappy if retired, still running off on turnout, rolling, and leaping about with his mate occasionally. I'm not worried about his quality of life, but maybe someone else would choose PTS if he was theirs.

I go on about this a lot on here and some people probably think I'm a trigger happy heartless cow, but its not just about the pet its the owner too. We go into horse ownership for fun, essentially. We don't do it to make ourselves ill with worry and stress, to bankrupt ourselves or to be a martyr. If you didn't have any kindness in you, you'd not be looking at the horse and worrying about its quality of life. If you are worried and its a persistent worry, there's bound to be a reason (assuming you're not a totally ignorant novice who knows nothing much).

Let's say you made a mistake and PTS too soon - well, the horse won't be here to mind about it, will be released from whatever suffering it is enduring (and if you're worrying about it then there's got to be some) and your life will be better for not having the constant worry.

I hope the Friend At The End service helps you to be at peace, whether you decide to PTS or not.
 
WHat a good service, when its our pride and joy at stake we don't always have perspective. A neutral 3rd party is not a bad idea at all.

OP - You know your horse, your vet doesn't have to agree (unless you are claiming from insurance?).

I've always thought it better to let them go before they suffer. Better too soon then too late.
 
Such a very hard call to make, I am glad to hear that you are getting support from this scheme, I always thought it was an excellent idea. Good luck to you and your boys, will keep you in my thoughts
 
Damnation said:
WHat a good service, when its our pride and joy at stake we don't always have perspective. A neutral 3rd party is not a bad idea at all.

OP - You know your horse, your vet doesn't have to agree (unless you are claiming from insurance?).

I've always thought it better to let them go before they suffer. Better too soon then too late.
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No, No insurance claims- I had hoped the vet would back me up because my family thinks (well my partner, 16 year old daughter is actually all for it) I'm wrong- He's not a horsey person but very much an animal is for life through thick and thin which if course is lovely but he doesnt seem to see what I see. Of course theres always the odd time a gust of wind makes one have a bit of a buck in the field and thats the bit he notices. What he never see's is how stiff he is the day after the moment.
I'd been certain the vet would have agreed and that he would accept it coming from a vet. All its done is made me feel worse and made him come out with things like "you cant just shoot him because your bored" or because its raining etc etc
 
I guess I've always been lucky with my vets. One day my previous, elderly cat woke up on my bed and her back legs had completely gone. I rang the vets as soon as the surgery opened and they said to bring her up straight away. I took her in to the consulting room, told the vet (I'd met him as a student when he accompanied my horse vet on clinical experience) what had happened, that I though it was likely a tumour on her spine and as it was over 80degrees every day that week, I didn't want an elderly, somewhat hairy cat in a position where she couldn't take herself anywhere any cooler in the house. He asked me if I was saying I wanted her PTS and I said yes and he said that's no problem. He didn't even examine her although I invited him to do so. He knew that I knew my animal better than anyone and that if there was something worth fighting for, I would - but there wasn't. It was her time and that was the end of it.
 
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