Blessing in disguise.

[GingerTrotter]

Had a minor disagreement with my livery.

I am lucky enough to own my own land and stables with room for one more so i have a livery.
We both work long hours but me slight less so, so i do end up feeding her horses more than she does mine. I've done this happily and get her's in etc when required.
I always have beds down and hay nets up so if she ever needs to do mine its really easy and not too much intervention on her part. However she does not do the same for me. I always need to do nets etc... not normally a problem (i'm a helpful soul!)
But one evening we were supposed to meet to roll a bale of hay out the the field shelter (bit of a strugge for me on my own) i got a call, she was late and probably not going to make it, (*sigh*) but the weather was a bit dodgy so i should just get them all in instead and we would roll hay out in the morning. I asked if the horse's bed and nets were ready...no. (*Sigh*) (i was shattered! and not at my most friendly) so i was to get them in and she'd arrive late evening to roll the hay out and come at 5.30am to turn out with me, but she couldnt do hay in the mornng as was in a hurry.
So once i went down the field and fed etc, none showed any interest in coming in as it was only windy and dry so i decided to leave them out, i texted her and said as much. As i thought she was mega busy i said i was under control and she would just go home..... i was tired and to be honest wanted to finish up in one go and get in for a bath and bed. So i struggled and pushed the bale out to the shed on my own.
Now said livery is very cross with me, she apparently turned up and i didnt answer my door (head probably under the bath water ) she didnt want to go out the field to see if i'd done the horses so she went home again - now she doesnt want me to feed her horse for her. I dont mind this too much, but now i shall still have to do all the other chores alone like the hay, filling up the water etc and the whole idea of taking a livery was to help with these things and to feed mine if i ever go away for the weekend (rare!)

However - the silver lining is i am now not worrying about the other horse and now am going to my parents for xmas! with all my horses! (this also annoyed the livery as her horse will be alone in the field - although there are horses in a field directly next to mine) but i really dont want to be running round after her now she doesnt want to help each other out! so for once i am going to do exactly what i want to do.
A bit selfish i know but I cant leave the horses at home now and I really want to spend xmas with my family.

Bit of a moany post.... apologies for that

But Merry Christmas everyone and I hope that you all have a truely horsetastic holidays like i am planning! My Dad want a little ride on our homebred youngster... so I may have a little lump in my throat on boxing day when he mounts for the first time in 15 years!!

 

[TicTac]

If I were in your situation I would tell your livery to find somewhere else to keep her horse and either find another person or not bother!

 

[GingerTrotter]

This is her only indisgression (spelling?) to be honest.
Dont want any hard feelings to come back and bite me. But its a bit annoying that i cant ask her to cover for me sometimes, eg going out on a evening or away for a weekend.

It hard to know if it was my attitude on the phone that pissed her off, I was a little snippy and unhelpfull! (caught me in a bit of a tired mood)
But it is nice now i dont have to be in contact with her everyday coordinating diaries.

 

[AmyMay]

but i really don't want to be running round after her now she doesn't want to help each other out!

If this is the basis on which she is liverying with you tell her that if she doesn't want to continue with this arrangement she'll have to leave.

 

[Magicmillbrook]

I know how you feel. When our livery yard closed I took my horse home to live and had a friend from the yard come with us. She only worked part time and I had just started full time so the deal was no livery charge, she just paid her share of hay etc and helped out.

It ended up that I was looking after her horses, Me and daughter mucked out every morning and brought in every evening in the winter - she just checked and poo picked lunch time. On Saturdays they didnt come down, on Sundays they were usualy so late that we had mucked out hers by then too. In the summer when they lived out we had a rota for poo picking. Her son was only 1 year younger than my daughter at the time (all teenagers), but for some reason dear lickle ickle boy couldnt be included in the poo picking rota, nor could he pull ragwort or do anything else that was neccessary apart from riding.

The final straw for me was one new years eve, when my livery told me that she would only pop down briefly on new years day to say hello to pony as they were entertaining, and they couldnt do the morning as they would be tired from that nights party. It was a tricky situation because the lady was my friend, and fortuantely still is now she is no longer a livery.

To my mind you have two choices - get rid of her , or spell it out to her like you have us and let her make her choice, pull her weight or pull out

 

[GingerTrotter]

Magicmillbrook! this is exactly the same!
its such a difficult situation - i feel like if she's doesnt want to help me out then I could have one of my mums horses in her place instead to help her out - I do all the work anyway so i'd rather do all the work for ALL my own horses. I'm sad to say it make me a feel a bit bitter feeling like i have to do hers because she works longer hours than me.
I suppose i shouldnt care because if she was at DIY livery somewhere else she's have to do it and would.
I think i should change my attitude and think that if she wants her horse to watch mine eating their dinner and has to wait for a hours until she turns up to do it then so be it!
And i should not grumble about doing the hay and water by myself as i have 2 horses and she has 1. However!! if this carries on into next summer and I have to do all the poo picking then she'll have to go - - - or i'll electric fence off a little paddock and she'll be resposible for it and i wont have her horse in with mine at all.

 

[Magicmillbrook]

Magicmillbrook! this is exactly the same!
its such a difficult situation - i feel like if she's doesnt want to help me out then I could have one of my mums horses in her place instead to help her out - I do all the work anyway so i'd rather do all the work for ALL my own horses. I'm sad to say it make me a feel a bit bitter feeling like i have to do hers because she works longer hours than me.
I suppose i shouldnt care because if she was at DIY livery somewhere else she's have to do it and would.
I think i should change my attitude and think that if she wants her horse to watch mine eating their dinner and has to wait for a hours until she turns up to do it then so be it!
And i should not grumble about doing the hay and water by myself as i have 2 horses and she has 1. However!! if this carries on into next summer and I have to do all the poo picking then she'll have to go - - - or i'll electric fence off a little paddock and she'll be resposible for it and i wont have her horse in with mine at all.

I realy think you need to clear the air and set up some boundaries - that bitter feeling you describe will just get worse. In the end we (me daughter and OH) were getting realy quite obsessed and curtain twitchy about it, we are not normaly like, ususaly we are very laid back but it realy got to us in the end - good luck whatevery you decide to do.

 

[GingerTrotter]

Thanks for the advice! i'm comforted that i'm not the only one
I think we kind of cleared the air last night, she's craftily turned it round to be my fault that she now wants us to do our horses seperatly now.
I'm not backing down about not taking both mine away for weekends etc... i go to training camps and now both are rideable (one is a youngster) i WILL be taking both. Her horse will just have to get used to being on its own in the filed for short periods (which is fine as she can see other horses over the fence)