Breaking up a very bonded pair

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Hi everyone
Just seeking some advice in case the worst case scenario happens
My sisters horse is chronically lame. She has been for over 2 years and we had been managing it enough to keep her field sound. She has got worse over the past 2 weeks and we are taking her to the vet on Monday. Im worried.
We keep our horses on a small private livery yard. My horse (gelding) and hers are a very bonded pair. They graze alone together in a large field. They are also stabled beside each other. They have had this set up for the past 3 years. Last year when the mare needed some box rest my boy wouldn't even settle in the field with his neighbour from the other side because she wasn't there. If we have to make a very difficult decision over the next few weeks I was wanting some advice on how this would be made easiest for my boy. My friend also keeps her horse at our yard. He currently grazes alone however him and my boy seem to get on well in the box and on hacks etc. He is out alone cos he has been known to be nasty and given that we are on a small yard that was the only option. My boy is definitely the boss in their pack so we have never considered grazing the 3 together in case the 2 boys fight. Plus the mare isn't keen on him. I won't be keeping my boy by himself but I'd rather not move yards. It would be best case scenario to have my boy and my friends boy together as they're already in the same routine. But how would I go about this? And when? Ahhh such an awful situation all round :-( hate talking like that about our girl and hate the thought of breaking my boys heart :( any advice welcome
 
For five years J and Tatts were inseparable.
I was so worried when I took J to his loan home I thought Tatts would have a melt down and what happened ? - he just went to C and said I be your best friend now ok and that was that .
As long as your horse 'knows ' his new friend just put them together and let them sort it .
 
As the mare is quite vulnerable atm, I wouldn't change anything until you have to. Then if the worst comes to the worst, I would put the boys either in adjoining fields, or in adjoining stables. Then turn them out together whilst supervising them.
We lost the younger of a pair bond and were unsure about how the older one would cope, as they had been together for 20 yrs. We had thought that if the older one went first we would actually have them both pts at the same time. We had two other mares, they all shared a field and the one left coped reasonably well although was quiet, with the others to keep her company but she cheered right up when we bought another horse.
Wishing you all well
 
we have 2 horses at my barn that love each other. They aren't stabled next to each other but go out together. The mare gets stressed easily. The gelding had an ownership dispute issue last year and was removed from the property for a few months. We tried moving her in with her neighbor (my pony) and she didn't take to it at all. She would weave in the field once my pony went out with her. Luckily the ownership dispute was resolved and the friends were reunited. BUT the key to this being an issue is that the mare stresses easily, if your horse is a more down to earth horse you probably will be ok.
 
Fingers tightly crossed for a more positive outlook on Monday.
If you are faced with losing N, could you try dividing N + A's field into two halves and put O in one side, so A isn't totally alone but still at a "safe" distance from O? Really, really hope you don't have to do anything like this, but good on you for thinking ahead and considering all their needs. X
 
I had two that were totally unseperable. When I sadly lost one, I was so so worried how the other would react. I let him see the one who had been PTS before the body was taken away. He was withdrawn for a few days but did carry on and pick up. He didnt latch on as closely to any others but certainly coped.

Thinking of you. Its awful to go through
 
Hannahgb said:
I had two that were totally unseperable. When I sadly lost one, I was so so worried how the other would react. I let him see the one who had been PTS before the body was taken away. He was withdrawn for a few days but did carry on and pick up. He didnt latch on as closely to any others but certainly coped.

Thinking of you. Its awful to go through
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I think you have touched on a really important point. I believe very much in them seeing there companion has passed away before the body is removed. They can then deal with the death of a friend and not the disappearance which must be heart breaking. Call me soft or think that it doesnt matter but I dont care. It does matter and it does make a difference. Good luck OP.
 
I would put other horse beside them with a fence and then if the worst happens out then together. Minto and sultan were pair bonded for 14 years. It was heartbreaking the way Minto reacted when sultans went, he saw the full process.(we found sultan semi conscious in the stable in the morning as he never got back up). I have never heard a horse scream the way Minto did. He was fine out in the field in the day but was expecting sultan to be in stable when he came back at night.
 
Thanks everyone. Am hoping I'm thinking extreme worst case but do want to have it all thought through
I am definitely not keeping my boy alone. I would move yards rather than that. The 2 of them are constantly grooming and playing and he was the same with my old boy who we lost very suddenly (not as tightly bonded)
Unfortunately he is a complete stress head so I don't think it will be smooth. Maybe I would let him see her <\3
 
Antw23uk said:
I think you have touched on a really important point. I believe very much in them seeing there companion has passed away before the body is removed. They can then deal with the death of a friend and not the disappearance which must be heart breaking. Call me soft or think that it doesnt matter but I dont care. It does matter and it does make a difference. Good luck OP.
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When I was in this situation I let my horse see the body. He was a bit weird about it, I think it scared him. I then felt bad for having made him look.
However it definitely worked as I turned him out that night with another pony and he didn't shriek and tear round as he normally would have without his friend.
So sorry. Fingers x'd for you xx
 
So sorry for your situation. I had two mates that been together for 16 years and were absolutely devoted to each other. The one left behind was always boss and a big personality - she saw the PTS. Until I could move her to her new yard I kept her at a friends place with a small herd. She didn't cope well, was very withdrawn and allowed the herd to bully her. She was only there 10 days after which she moved to a small yard where she turned out with two others. She got her mojo back pretty quickly after that. I would try and keep his changes simple and easy and give him time to adjust. Mine never bonded in quite the same way with any other horse which is quite sad.
 
I would leave everything the same for now, as most importantly- your mare needs to be as happy and chilled as possible if this may be a her last weeks.

I've not had the PTS situation, but others have always recommended the mate seeing them. My friends horse, who mine used to go out with, died in the barn next to them over night. All the horses were fine in the morning. they clearly knew he was dead, but still had other horses with them.

I recently rehomed my new forest mare, who had lived with my gelding new forest from 6 months until 6 years- they have always been close. He saw her go in the trailer and called a bit, but then went back to grazing. when I returned with the empty trailer he had a look and saw she was not there! he is doing fine. if anything it has been good for him to not always have her to cling to.
 
The biggest mistake I made was letting my horse see his best friend/auntie being winched into the truck. He had seemed to be sad but coped ok with seeing her after she was out to sleep but after they put her in the truck he lost it and switched from a friendly pony who loved all horses into one who galloped across fields with his jaws open and ears pinned just to attack the others. I can only put it down to intense grief but it has affected him for a long time afterwards in how he interacts with other horses.
 
When I lost my elderly horse to colic earlier in the year, my other horse didn't see the body and I wish now that he had. He was very quiet for a number of weeks and spent a lot of time at the gate. I was able to provide another temporary companion for him straight away but he showed no interest in the new pony. After a couple of months i found a permanent companion, whom he bonded with immediately. I think he just needed time to grieve, if that's not being too anthropomorphic. I'd also keep things as they are until you have to change them.
 
I am another who would allow him to say goodbye to his mate. A friend of mine lost one of hers, and her other 2 did get a chance which helps. I lost my old boy a few weeks ago, and his mates didn't see him go, although I think they knew. 2 of mine are very bonded, although they live in a herd. My little mare ended up in hospital for a week, and is still in a paddock away from the main herd. Bizarrely, they have coped very well which has surprised me, although one of the other herd members has joined her due to being not right either which has probably helped.
If the worst happens, I would see how he gets on with the other horse, is your sister planning on a replacement?
 
No my sister definitely wouldn't be getting another horse. My friend would be happy to have ours out together if it worked. Probably means him getting bonded again to another horse tho which wouldn't be ideal but would be better than him being depressed and lonely for a long time. It's a long story but my horse and sisters mare were actually best friends when the families before us owned them. They had been together for 5 years, were split up for just under 2 and now are reunited with us again with us. We thought it was great at the time but now I feel so so terrible potentially breaking them up again
 
googol said:
No my sister definitely wouldn't be getting another horse. My friend would be happy to have ours out together if it worked. Probably means him getting bonded again to another horse tho which wouldn't be ideal but would be better than him being depressed and lonely for a long time. It's a long story but my horse and sisters mare were actually best friends when the families before us owned them. They had been together for 5 years, were split up for just under 2 and now are reunited with us again with us. We thought it was great at the time but now I feel so so terrible potentially breaking them up again
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Unfortunately, we can't make them last forever, you have given them a lovely time together, I bet they were delighted when they were reunited. Try to look on the positive side.
 
Thanks to everyone who replied!
Cautiously positive outcome at vets :-) she has had her coffin joint injected and vet said she's definitely not a welfare case at the minute and has a few suggestions which we will try in order to make her more comfortable
They are both staying in for 7 days after her treatment and then can hopefully enjoy the rest of the summer out. (Lame mare would be fine in without my boy but he refuses to settle by himself or with his other stable buddy, then is raging when he's kept in, no pleasing them sometimes lol)
 
Great news, just to say I had awful problems putting another gelding on with my very bonded mare and existing gelding, it's fine now but I think having a mare in the mix was the issue as existing gelding very possessive over her. When the time comes I suspect your 2 boys will settle easily together (hope that isn't needed for a long while yet)
 
Brilliant news, and fingers crossed she does improve. Horses are great at surprising us!

I'm in a similar situation with my mare and gelding and dreading the day I have to split my two up. The mare is 17, and the gelding 10. He's a complete stress pot without her and adores the ground she walks on. When the day comes that I have to put her to sleep, I will show him once she's gone.
I read through this thread earlier today and something random happened that prompted me to log back in to post.

I was browsing YouTube just now and a video came up of a herd of horses that were allowed say goodbye to another member of their herd that was put to sleep.

I must admit, it did make me cry!

For anyone that is interested, it's called "When Horses say goodbye" posted by Aline van Wijk. I don't want to post the direct link because it's upsetting, but not in a shockingly horrible way, just because there is a dead horse and the other horses say goodbye, very gently and respectfully.

I don't mean to upset anyone and apologies if I have. It's not my intention to at all, just thought I would share.
 
ElectricChampagne said:
Brilliant news, and fingers crossed she does improve. Horses are great at surprising us!

I'm in a similar situation with my mare and gelding and dreading the day I have to split my two up. The mare is 17, and the gelding 10. He's a complete stress pot without her and adores the ground she walks on. When the day comes that I have to put her to sleep, I will show him once she's gone.
I read through this thread earlier today and something random happened that prompted me to log back in to post.

I was browsing YouTube just now and a video came up of a herd of horses that were allowed say goodbye to another member of their herd that was put to sleep.

I must admit, it did make me cry!

For anyone that is interested, it's called "When Horses say goodbye" posted by Aline van Wijk. I don't want to post the direct link because it's upsetting, but not in a shockingly horrible way, just because there is a dead horse and the other horses say goodbye, very gently and respectfully.

I don't mean to upset anyone and apologies if I have. It's not my intention to at all, just thought I would share.
Click to expand...

Interesting to watch, thanks for sharing.
 
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