Breaking up with my loan horse :( advice please

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Millie Moo

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Hi all, I'm looking for some advice.

I love my part loan horse to bits, but the conditions she is kept in are bad, and getting worse.

The YO and owner are very close, and do not see a problem with how she is kept. I have voiced my concerns numerous times to be told to stop worrying and everything is fine, I have been made to feel like I am going mad. And I feel awful for giving up on her but it's getting harder every time I go and see her.

So, I have come to the very hard decision to stop loaning her. I don't know how to go about telling her owner, as they are never at the yard and never answer the phone. I will try to call, but if not the only way I can contact them will be voicemail or text, not ideal. I just don't know how to word it. I've voiced my concerns before so they know that I don't agree with the conditions she is kept in, maybe I am worrying too much but I am scared that they will get angry, and I think a lot of it is also down to guilt for the horse.

I don't want to cause an argument, and am not setting out to insult them, but I want to tell them my reasons for my decision at the same time as I think it's only fair to the horse, that I don't make up some silly excuse about not having them time or money.

Is there an easy way to do this?!

Thanks in advance for any advice!
 
No need to give a reason if you don't want to, or if you feel you have to - a diplomatic lie - please don't feel guilty, remember it's not your fault.
 
You can stop loaning the horse for any reason or none at all provided you give the correct notice. The notice should be to the owner, and not the YO. You may wish to state the reasosns why, if you hope that would prompt a change. Letter, Text message or email would give you a chance to write down your concerns, otherwise you will have to arrange a meeting with the owner.

If its helpful maybe list your concerns and some on here may be able to advise if they are serious or ok? If you so wish.
 
Well, you've already voiced your concerns and nothing has changed so if I were you I'd keep it short and sweet - leave a letter at the yard if you don't get to actually speak to the owner.
 
Thanks all.

We've never had a contract, no notice ever discussed. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a letter at the yard due to everyone else getting involved and not knowing if/when the owner would see it anyway as they rarely go, so I think my only option is to call really and see if I get an answer. In a selfish wimpy way, this might be better, though I would be happy to discuss in person and I will tell owner that.

Maybe I should just say I've made the decision to stop loaning her through no fault of her own, and leave it at that - then if they ask more I can say? I just don't know what to do for the best.
 
alainax said:
You can stop loaning the horse for any reason or none at all provided you give the correct notice. The notice should be to the owner, and not the YO. You may wish to state the reasosns why, if you hope that would prompt a change. Letter, Text message or email would give you a chance to write down your concerns, otherwise you will have to arrange a meeting with the owner.

If its helpful maybe list your concerns and some on here may be able to advise if they are serious or ok? If you so wish.
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Thanks alainax - issues include lack of attention and exercise for her until I go (which is only once/twice a week), she hardly gets turned out at all anymore, so is in stable almost 24/7, smelly hooves, their opinion of mucking out is disgusting - so she is always left with a damp dirty stable (until I do it), making her hooves worse. Her hooves are never picked out/disinfected until I go. Her water bucket is empty/filthy until I go, she has a bad cough and they won't do anything to try and help. They will leave loose twine in her stable and sharp objects in her bed and don't bat an eyelid when I've said how dangerous it is. These are the main things, but on top of that owner and YO don't seem concerned for her welfare at all, and it seems to be the case for most horses at that yard sadly. They would not move yards as YO and owner are very close.
 
showpony said:
Omg, is this for real??? What sort of sharp objects are left in her bed?
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Scissors and a knife. Seperate occasions and, don't get me wrong this isn't every time I go but if I had ever mistakenly somehow left either of those anywhere in her stable let alone her bed I would be mortified, where as they just laughed it off when I told them.

Don't get me wrong she isn't a big neglect case BUT no way would she be at that yard or kept in the same conditions of I had any say. But I'm just the part loaner.

It hasn't always been this bad or I would never have started loaning her in the first place but their attitude worries me too when I've told them and they tell me to stop worrying like I am in the wrong :(
 
Could you take the horse on full loan? It doesn't sound like the owners are that interested and maybe they'd jump at the chance to be able to hand her over to someone else. Are you really sure that you want to give the horse up? At the moment, at least you're sure that she's getting some attention when you go up. If you really can't bear it any more, then try to call the owner a few times. If you don't get any response, text them to say that you need to talk to them urgently. If that doesn't bring about a response, then write a letter and put it through their door. My loaner dumped my horse by text, but that was fine by me - I was about to terminate the agreement anyway. Your horse's owner may not be so happy to be told that way.
 
If you want to stop just Send a text saying you no longer feel you can loan this horse due to the conditions and you feel you are bein taken advantage of. you've tried..
 
I recently had to break up with my loan horse/owner so completely understand your fears. It's like dumping someone! It's very hard to do, and nigh on impossible to do without some kind of fallout if the situation is that you're not just stopping because of time/money/work etc. Mine was to do with the yard owner, so I sent a very long and reasonable text and was honest about my reasons for it as I felt I owed it to the owner after loaning for a year and speaking to her every few days, to give an explanation rather than just simply end the contract. I explained in full that the situation was making me feel sick before I arrived at the yard and so I had to stop before it put me off for good. I wish I hadn't now. I should have just said I can no longer continue the loan, and left it at that without reason. Every situation is different though of course - good luck.
 
Dear Owner,

I am writing to inform you that I will not be continuing with the loan of Fluffy through no fault of her own.
I hope you have many years of enjoyment with her, thank you for the time I have spent with her.
My last visit will be XXXX.

Many thanks
Millie Moo,


I wouldn't text - Do you have her address?
 
Happy Hunter said:
Dear Owner,

I am writing to inform you that I will not be continuing with the loan of Fluffy through no fault of her own.
I hope you have many years of enjoyment with her, thank you for the time I have spent with her.
My last visit will be XXXX.

Many thanks
Millie Moo,


I wouldn't text - Do you have her address?
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This sounds perfect to me. If you feel you have to give a 'reason' (or are asked afterwards), I find 'the situation no longer suits my circumstances' is a good catch-all that is entirely non-specific and does not encourage further probing - anybody probing into 'circumstances' would be considered pretty rude - after all, it could be something deeply personal or traumatci - unless they have an excellent reason to be doing so, which horse/yard owner do not.

Sorry to hear of this situation OP.
 
Thanks all, really appreciate your replies. It's helped me realise I am not going mad and it's nice to have support of other horsey people.

I don't have the owners address so wasn't able to send a letter, and didn't want to leave one at the yard as I wouldn't know when (or if) the owner would get it as they don't go very often.

Grumpy Herbert - I would love to be able to have her on full loan, or buy her but don't have the time or money.

But, I have done it! No answer when I called so left a message and text - I just said that I was stopping loaning her through no fault of her own and I hope they find someone who can give her more time. And…. Got an ok reply to say thanks for all I had done! Which is better than what I was expecting, as I didn't want to have an argument. At least I feel like I can still contact them and see how she's doing now and again… or go offer to buy her when I win the lottery ;)

As much as they might not care enough, they aren't stupid enough to not know why I have given up, I made it clear quote often that things weren't right or I wasn't happy. I would've gone into it if they had asked why I was giving up, but they didn't.

I am trying not to think about it now, I know it was the right thing to do but I do feel sad for her and will miss her a lot :(

I hope this gives them a kick up the backside to start giving her the attention and care she needs.
 
Well done - the brave bit is now out of the way and I think keeping it simple was the best thing to do.

Millie Moo said:
I am trying not to think about it now, I know it was the right thing to do but I do feel sad for her and will miss her a lot :(
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This is how I am at the moment - horrible isn't it, knowing it was the right decision but very sad anyway. I'm trying to take my mind off it by browsing Preloved for a potential next loan, although it seems very soon to move on I've always found that keeping busy is the best way to deal with anything.
 
Millie Moo said:
Thanks all, really appreciate your replies. It's helped me realise I am not going mad and it's nice to have support of other horsey people.

I don't have the owners address so wasn't able to send a letter, and didn't want to leave one at the yard as I wouldn't know when (or if) the owner would get it as they don't go very often.

Grumpy Herbert - I would love to be able to have her on full loan, or buy her but don't have the time or money.

But, I have done it! No answer when I called so left a message and text - I just said that I was stopping loaning her through no fault of her own and I hope they find someone who can give her more time. And…. Got an ok reply to say thanks for all I had done! Which is better than what I was expecting, as I didn't want to have an argument. At least I feel like I can still contact them and see how she's doing now and again… or go offer to buy her when I win the lottery ;)

As much as they might not care enough, they aren't stupid enough to not know why I have given up, I made it clear quote often that things weren't right or I wasn't happy. I would've gone into it if they had asked why I was giving up, but they didn't.

I am trying not to think about it now, I know it was the right thing to do but I do feel sad for her and will miss her a lot :(

I hope this gives them a kick up the backside to start giving her the attention and care she needs.
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Well done you have done the right thing - poor horse though, very sad to know horses are kept in these kinds of conditions but it does happen, I've seen it before and its awful but you have to walk away otherwise it will drive you mad.

I know you will miss her, I hated walking away from the horses I have part loaned in the past but ultimately you dont owe the owner anything and whilst you grow attached to the horse, they are not yours and you cant have a say in how the horse is kept.

Good sharers who are happy to share during winter are few and far between so I'm sure you'll find another horse quickly that hopefully is far better cared for by the owner and you can get far more enjoyment out of it.
 
If you can't see them face to face or if they don't answer the phone then write a letter. Put it away and read it the next day to insure it's right.

You don't have to give a reason, just stick to your agreement about notice etc.

If you are concerned for this horse you need to report it to the appropriate authority.
 
shadeofshyness said:
This is how I am at the moment - horrible isn't it, knowing it was the right decision but very sad anyway. I'm trying to take my mind off it by browsing Preloved for a potential next loan, although it seems very soon to move on I've always found that keeping busy is the best way to deal with anything.
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Sorry to hear that you're in a similar situation too - it is like you said, like dumping someone (but a lot harder cause a horse is involved!!) it must also be worse for you as they have been difficult about it.

I don't think I will find another part loan any time soon, I'm quite restricted because of the days and flexibility I need anyway. I feel a little numb at the moment to be honest.
I hope you find a nice horse at a nicer yard soon!

Thanks again all for your kind words
 
Millie Moo said:
Sorry to hear that you're in a similar situation too - it is like you said, like dumping someone (but a lot harder cause a horse is involved!!) it must also be worse for you as they have been difficult about it.

I don't think I will find another part loan any time soon, I'm quite restricted because of the days and flexibility I need anyway. I feel a little numb at the moment to be honest.
I hope you find a nice horse at a nicer yard soon!

Thanks again all for your kind words
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Are we twins?! I'm very restricted too - I travel a lot for work and have quite a complicated social life with all my friends living in a different place to me so I'm away regularly. Not easy is it! I've been browsing today and out of lots, there are only two that could even be potentials due to location, as it has to be very close to my house due to working hours, and I live in a not-very-horsey suburb. Sigh!

Good luck when you do go hunting for your next one. You sound lovely and any owner would be lucky to have you on board!
 
Sorry to read this OP. A friend of mine has just gone through something similar. Had a part loan from a lady who had 3 horses and completely lost interest in them. In the 6 months my friend was part loaning, she treated mud fever (owner had no idea she had it) Thrush on numerous occasions, the horse had constant diarrhea and was not fed enough. My friend was providing additional hay out of her own pocket as the horse was being fed a tiny amount of 3 year old mouldy hay. She hardly got to ride in all this time as the horse was sick and sorry. When she did she was bucked off a couple of times so had my instructor out. She noted the saddle was a terrible fit and horse was fussy in her mouth and needed her teeth doing. Friend had dentist out as owner reluctant and the horses mouth was full of ulcers :( The final straw came when the horse colicked and the owner wouldn't ring the vet. It turned out the owner isn't even registered with a vet! I called out my vet and passed the bill onto the owner!

My friend was so upset as the horses are lovely, just not cared for.
 
shadeofshyness said:
Are we twins?! I'm very restricted too - I travel a lot for work and have quite a complicated social life with all my friends living in a different place to me so I'm away regularly. Not easy is it! I've been browsing today and out of lots, there are only two that could even be potentials due to location, as it has to be very close to my house due to working hours, and I live in a not-very-horsey suburb. Sigh!

Good luck when you do go hunting for your next one. You sound lovely and any owner would be lucky to have you on board!
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Haha! Maybe we should just buy a horse between us to share :)

Thank you, you too! I'm sure the right one will come up for you soon, keep me updated!
 
HaffiesRock said:
Sorry to read this OP. A friend of mine has just gone through something similar. Had a part loan from a lady who had 3 horses and completely lost interest in them. In the 6 months my friend was part loaning, she treated mud fever (owner had no idea she had it) Thrush on numerous occasions, the horse had constant diarrhea and was not fed enough. My friend was providing additional hay out of her own pocket as the horse was being fed a tiny amount of 3 year old mouldy hay. She hardly got to ride in all this time as the horse was sick and sorry. When she did she was bucked off a couple of times so had my instructor out. She noted the saddle was a terrible fit and horse was fussy in her mouth and needed her teeth doing. Friend had dentist out as owner reluctant and the horses mouth was full of ulcers :( The final straw came when the horse colicked and the owner wouldn't ring the vet. It turned out the owner isn't even registered with a vet! I called out my vet and passed the bill onto the owner!

My friend was so upset as the horses are lovely, just not cared for.
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That's so sad to read, actually a few similarities to the mare I was loaning but your friends sounds worse.
Why do these people have horses!!!
I've dreamed of owning my own for 20 years but wouldnt do it in my curent position, I know it wouldn't be fair as I don't have enough time and wouldn't be comfortable that I could afford it.

Thank goodness you and your vet could help. It's heartbreaking coming to the decision to stop but I got to the point where I was getting upset every week and felt like I was condoning it in a way by carrying on.
I hope your friend can find a new horse to enjoy spending time with, and that owner rehomes them to someone who can care for them!
 
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