Bullying on yards - any experiences?

Not so much bullying - I'm older and pretty scary (but certainly not a bully) however I do come across passive aggressive behaviours which I find slowly erode the soul if they're not addressed.
 
I have never been bullied at a livery yard but have had terrible bullying when at agricultural college here.
Apparently being a nervous rider means you are a novice rider (I was nervous because 2 years prior I broke my back in an eventing accident). They made my life hell for a year until I left because of the bullying.

It was horrific and knocked my confidence with equestrian people right up until now but it taught me to stick to my guns at least.
 
pansymouse said:
Not so much bullying - I'm older and pretty scary (but certainly not a bully) however I do come across passive aggressive behaviours which I find slowly erode the soul if they're not addressed.
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Couldn't have put it better myself. Agree wholeheartedly. If I have a problem with someone I try to resolve it by speaking to them, and will say something like "have I offended you at all, its just that I have noticed your are not your usual bubbly self recently?" or words to that effect. But I have displayed mild passive aggressive behavior myself before now when I was younger, I think we all have at some stage in our lives. But its not good for people as it evades the real issues, puts a stop to any form of communication and makes people feel insecure in themselves. It is a form of bullying - although I'd class it more as emotional abuse.
 
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pansymouse said:
Not so much bullying - I'm older and pretty scary (but certainly not a bully) however I do come across passive aggressive behaviours which I find slowly erode the soul if they're not addressed.
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I've had passive aggressive behaviour that I class as bullying. Facebook posts pointing the finger of blame, it seems some people will try to shame others into doing their duties.
 
When I was young around 12/13 someone advised my dad that as we had no rubber matting in our stable we should deep litter my ponies bed and just take the top layer of poo and wet out each day. We did as advised for a couple of months and the other girls my age (all with rubber matting and sprinkles of shavings for their ponies) used to regularly tell me how disgusting it was and how bad it was for my horse. One day I went to the yard with a non horsey friend and the other girls told me the YO had been round to do an inspection and that if didn't clear my deep litter out by the end of the day I was getting kicked off the yard. I spent hours in tears thinking I was in loads of trouble trying to empty all of the deep litter out as quickly as I could. My dad was furious when he turned up to pick us up and went straight to the YO to find out what was going on, the girls had made it up and the YO told me if she ever had something to tell me it wouldn't be passed on through others. I felt like an idiot because they'd all watched me crying and freaking out all day and it was just a joke to them..
 
Bullies crop up everywhere - not just on yards. Sadly they are a fact of life. Its how we respond to them that we have control over. Yes I've been bullied. But I choose not to let it define me - other than to work to be more empathetic to others and more aware of how my behaviour might affect them. As an adult the thing I find hardest is when my daughter is bullied - which has happened at school and within Pony Club sadly.
 
On the yard before the one mentioned above I had one incident probably not bullying but it upset me and scared me.

My pony didn't like being tied up alone, she would tie up ok but if she couldn't see you she'd back up enough to snap the baling twine and then wait for me to come back.

One day this older man saw her do it and kicked off saying it was bad behaviour and shouldn't be allowed. He took my pony off me and tied her up with a metal chain, held me back while I cried because my pony was rearing up, slipping and struggling. I thought she would end up really hurt I was trying to get away from him and shouting. My dad came out from the stable to find out what was happening and took my pony off the chain. He told the man to stay away from us which he did in future.
 
I don't deny that bullying exists at yards and in other walks of life and am not downplaying that however I do think that when you get a few people in one place who all have their own ideas regarding horse care and stable management that differences will be apparent and some people are more forceful in their views than others - this is not necessarily bullying its just that people react differently to it

90% of the 'bullying' stories I read on facebook are the result of someone not being firm enough to ask people not to interfere or being much to sensitive to react to the slightest criticism
 
I felt bullied when I started work as a groom as I just wasn't fast enough. My co-worker was really annoyed with me all the time, pestering me to hurry up, I never got breaks and struggled for lunch breaks, and try as I might I just couldn't keep up with her. It was only later I sat down and realised that as a new starter who had never worked a yard before I was being given the same amount of horses and stables to tend to and muck out as the other 4 girls and it was surely no surprise that I was slower! The person most annoyed with me would inspect my work and tell me that the horse owners would not be happy with what I'd done as she found a tiny piece of manure in the stables... and I'd have to work through all over again. One day I noticed that there was much more muck left in the boxes she had done, so I think I was being targeted. I gave up the job in the end.
 
I do think that there are problems with some people believing/claiming that they are being bullied, when actually what has happened is that someone has disagreed with them. I find this irritating beyond belief and also feel that this devalues the experiences of those people who actually have been bullied.
 
I'm sorry but I think whenever you get a group of girls/women in a tight knit community such as a livery yard you will run into problems. Blokes really don't seem to get the 'kick' that women do out of bullying people, blokes tell it how it is, women are bitchy, back stabbing and cruel (not all obviously).
 
TheSaddleLady said:
I have never been bullied at a livery yard but have had terrible bullying when at agricultural college here.
Apparently being a nervous rider means you are a novice rider (I was nervous because 2 years prior I broke my back in an eventing accident). They made my life hell for a year until I left because of the bullying.

It was horrific and knocked my confidence with equestrian people right up until now but it taught me to stick to my guns at least.
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A friend of mine has said exactly the same about taking an equestrian course at a college, it was super competitive and you were ridiculed if you weren't and your horse judged for everything...
 
YorksG said:
I do think that there are problems with some people believing/claiming that they are being bullied, when actually what has happened is that someone has disagreed with them. I find this irritating beyond belief and also feel that this devalues the experiences of those people who actually have been bullied.
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This.

Bullying is real and exists and having been bullied in the past I know too well how debilitating it can be , but I can't abide wolf-criers or people who can't handle people holding a view that isn't theirs. I don't care what other people do with their horses unless they're being cruel.
 
That's why I love being plonked on my lonesome, in my own office in a porta cabin on a building site. Bliss. No women, just men.:D
 
I think for starters that bullying is quite difficult to define - especially amongst a group of adults as perceptions and feelings differ wildly between individuals.

I am quite thick skinned but also easy going - other people see insults where I haven't even noticed. Having said that I also speak my mind and if I do find someone offensive I will either tell them or just completely blank them (or tell them then blank them :) )

Older kids belittling/embarrassing or going out of their way to make a younger kid uncomfortable - yes bullying. A group ostracising an individual and going out of their way to make derogatory remarks specifically designed to hurt that person - yes bullying.

Someone snapping at someone else over something - bullying? Bitching or making snide remarks? Just genuinely not liking someone (after all we all can't like everyone) and keeping out of their way?
 
YorksG said:
I do think that there are problems with some people believing/claiming that they are being bullied, when actually what has happened is that someone has disagreed with them. I find this irritating beyond belief and also feel that this devalues the experiences of those people who actually have been bullied.
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I agree. But then it irks me that people have the 'right' to make judgement on who is being bullied and who is not. Do they know the background of that person's life to make such a call.

I remember quite clearly as a child in secondary school, plucking up the courage to tell a teacher that I was being bullied, it was a huge thing for me to do and took many weeks of soul searching before I trusted her enough to confide in her - I thought she would help me. After I'd managed to confide in her how bad the bullying was, she then turned around and said that I wasn't being bullied, and that I simply had a chip on my shoulder. That night after school (as was the case most nights) the twins (twin brother and sister) Kevin and Debbie were waiting outside the school gates. Debbie would yank my long hair down my back to my waist so my head was in the air and her brother would knee me in the kidneys on the long walk home from school, I would be crying and begging for them to let me go but they and their cronies thought it was all a joke. I was also called the lovely name of 'vomit' and everytime people saw me they would go 'alright vomit?' making retching noises. I was told I was weird and too quiet and no one would ever want to be my friend. Emotional and verbal abuse and physical abuse. I would get shoved, kicked, and spat at for no reason other than the fact that I liked horses and was shy and retiring.

Seeing Bethany bullied in Coronation Street makes me well up now. It stays with you for life.

So Yorks G you should be very careful when making the judgement call between what you see as people saying they are being bullied, and those that actually disagree with them. If I were you, I wouldn't comment until you know for certain because those kind of comments can do permanent damage to people.

In junior school such were my tormentors evil tricks that I was kept behind after school in the headmasters room so my Mother could collect me safely from school.
 
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applecart14 said:
I agree. But then it irks me that people have the 'right' to make judgement on who is being bullied and who is not. Do they know the background of that person's life to make such a call.

I remember quite clearly as a child in secondary school, plucking up the courage to tell a teacher that I was being bullied, it was a huge thing for me to do and took many weeks of soul searching before I trusted her enough to confide in her - I thought she would help me. After I'd managed to confide in her how bad the bullying was, she then turned around and said that I wasn't being bullied, and that I simply had a chip on my shoulder. That night after school (as was the case most nights) the twins (twin brother and sister) Kevin and Debbie were waiting outside the school gates. Debbie would yank my long hair down my back to my waist so my head was in the air and her brother would knee me in the kidneys on the long walk home from school, I would be crying and begging for them to let me go but they and their cronies thought it was all a joke. I was also called the lovely name of 'vomit' and everytime people saw me they would go 'alright vomit?' making retching noises. I was told I was weird and too quiet and no one would ever want to be my friend. Emotional and verbal abuse and physical abuse. I would get shoved, kicked, and spat at for no reason other than the fact that I liked horses and was shy and retiring.

Seeing Bethany bullied in Coronation Street makes me well up now. It stays with you for life.

So Yorks G you should be very careful when making the judgement call between what you see as people saying they are being bullied, and those that actually disagree with them. If I were you, I wouldn't comment until you know for certain because those kind of comments can do permanent damage to people.


In junior school such were my tormentors evil tricks that I was kept behind after school in the headmasters room so my Mother could collect me safely from school.
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I have the right to make the judgement, based on what I see infront of me. I frequently see people on these boards claiming to be bullied, when on all the evidence infront of the rest of the population of the board, there is simply a disagreement, or difference of opinion. TBH the "background" of either party is irrelevant IMO, having been bullied in the past does not give the person a free pass to shout bullying when disagreed with, nor to behave in a bullying manner to others.
 
Unfortunately in a way, it is somewhat subjective. Some people just take things more to heart than others. I have had a few difficult discussions around horses over the years, but that first experience as a groom is the only thing I would consider bullying as I was singled out and effectively harassed for weeks by one person.
 
I have been bullied all my life. All through school and horses were my safe place.

I moved to one yard with my first horse. I was 17 with unsupportive parents, and I worked weekends ontop of GCSE's and horse morning and night.

The owner was a vindictive, manipulative, horrible woman. Every single night she had something to say to me. My horse was a 4 year old ex racer, very challanging, dominant, but well cared for. Clean bed, fresh water and hay daily, groomed, feet picked out, and exercised lightly 4 days a week max and getting help from a good well known instructor.

I had a very well respected instructor who came but that wasn't good enough as it wasn't her daughter so I wasn't allowed. Her daughter was always so busy she never had time to help me!

I was meant to hack out every weekend according to her. How? My horse won't go hacking alone, its winter, and I work Saturday/Sunday mornings when the other liveries hacked out. I asked if they would go in the afternoon, the answer was no they could not. YO put so much pressure on me that I tried to hack alone (remember my parents are NOT supportive and wouldn't even walk out with me) and I actually ended up injured.

My horse was dominant, she was also fine left in a field alone. I told the liveries not to bring her in when they brought theirs in and she would be fine. Livery tried to bring her in with her horse from a separate field then walloped my horse because she "played up". Erm, she's young, she doesn't know you and you have a strange horse in the other hand?

She bullied me relentlessly. Horse went mad in the field one day and it was all my fault. I was at work, 5 miles away and I got so much abuse down the phone from this woman for something I had no control over.

This woman had cost me vets bills in un-needed vetinary intervention for a tiny little cut, told me my horse was dangerous and should be shot, told me I was too heavy (which I wasn't, backed up by both vet and Physio) and told me I couldn't handle my horse. My horse was healthy, happy, feet done, back done, teeth done, saddle fitted, clean bed, good weight, groomed, fresh water and hay daily. Not over worked, or asked to work hard. I always tidied up after myself.

When I told her I thought she was intefering and could she please back off she went mental and asked to speak to my parents. I moved 3 weeks later.

That woman ruined my confidence, my self esteem and my "safe place".
 
applecart14 said:
That's why I love being plonked on my lonesome, in my own office in a porta cabin on a building site. Bliss. No women, just men.:D
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Having worked in a male dominated factory for 8 years i can catagorically say men are far bitchier than women when you get them in a group, the difference being they call it 'banter'!!
 
Unfortunately yes. For some reason behaviour that would just never occur anywhere else seems to crop up at livery yards... On a previous yard where I had issues, I thought, and was made to feel, that I was just being overly sensitive. When I eventually gave up and left, I took my dad with me to help, and he was absolutely fuming when he witnessed a relatively mild incident of what I'd been putting up with for months... glad I finally left as realised it wasn't just me being precious when I was somewhere more supportive. Unfortunately I know it has made me more sensitive about criticism - even when it isn't meant that way...
 
I was on a hideous yard a few years ago it turned out. All was fine if you were part of the in crowd (which I hated as it was the YO who picked who should be in or out), but things could change hour by hour.

Sadly it was a toxic combo of the YO and her father, who would flip from bullying his cows, to his aged mother, to his brother and ultimately to some of the liveries if his YO daughter deemed it necessary.

I only experienced it first hand when I handed my notice in - which was nothing at all to do with the bullying as it hadn't yet affected me. Basically I had him right up shouting in my face calling me an ungrateful bi*ch, threatening to set my horses free, blaming them for churning up ALL the grazing (no, of course they hadn't) and saying I'd disrespected his daughter. Said daughter just stood by and shrugged her shoulders when I asked what the **** her father was on about. I left that very day.

Crikey that was 4 years ago and I'm back to being angry about the bullying so-and-so again! Vile place.
 
Shay said:
Bullies crop up everywhere - not just on yards. Sadly they are a fact of life. Its how we respond to them that we have control over. Yes I've been bullied. But I choose not to let it define me - other than to work to be more empathetic to others and more aware of how my behaviour might affect them. As an adult the thing I find hardest is when my daughter is bullied - which has happened at school and within Pony Club sadly.
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Indeed. As an adult, you can only be bullied if you allow it to happen. If you either ignore the behaviour or deal with it, it will stop. Bullies, of any age, want a reaction which puts them in a position of power.
Which is not to say that it is acceptable for adults to demean children on a livery yard.
Children need to be taught the skills to deal with bullies wherever they meet them.
 
Been on livery yards like that which has been said before if your not with the in crowd its can get very bitchy calling your horse, you bed down wrong bankings not big enough or deep enough jealous after coming back from shows with red rosettes & beating them all petty things you won't expect from adults always one leader & the others follow bought my own place 15 yrs ago to get away from all this now just me & my horses can do what I want without beady eyes prying would never go back to a yard now
 
Yes unfortunately leaving the yard ive loved for the last 16 months due to the 'yard witches' who've recently decided I'm their latest victim not usually one to let petty pathetic people bother me however I'm in a really stressful job ATM, working long hours, nearly 5 months pregnant... So just don't need the crap. We've found a lovely yard closer to home and moving this weekend x
 
TheSaddleLady said:
I have never been bullied at a livery yard but have had terrible bullying when at agricultural college here.
Apparently being a nervous rider means you are a novice rider (I was nervous because 2 years prior I broke my back in an eventing accident). They made my life hell for a year until I left because of the bullying.

It was horrific and knocked my confidence with equestrian people right up until now but it taught me to stick to my guns at least.
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My eldest daughter was also bullied at an agricultural college.

One person on the last livery yard we were on was also something of a bully, she used to tell lies about us to get us into trouble. Needless to say we did not stay long.
 
Wow, all these stories make me sad.

When my kids were small and learning to ride 20 years ago we weren't living in the UK, and when I was small and learning to ride in the 1970's through to keeping my own horses at livery before moving away, there was no such thing as bullying. Or at least it wasn't so mainstream as it appears to be now in the horsey world.

I'm not sure I'd go back to a livery yard now. My horse is currently on a tiny yard, which 3 friends and I rent between us. It's lovely.

I'm a very friendly person. I can tolerate most people but I will not tolerate a bully! How sad that my lifelong pastime seems attract more than its fair share of these low lifes.
 
I had a shocker just recently actually even as a YO and a woman in her 30 s. Took on some new liveries and they turned into the bitch clique from hell. The mothers in particular used to devote at least an hour to forming a witches circle pulling apart various aspects of my yard. Interestingly it seemed to stem from their reluctance to actually pay, and a sort of weird jealousy. Worst of the lot was a sort of butter wouldn't melt 15 yo who I had previously taken under my wing and ferried about in my box for free. I got rid of the lot and have never felt better but i d never tolerate bullying on my yard again. That horrible tense feeling when you hear a car on the lane or the sort of blood rising into your ears when you get a bitchy text (like a demented howler... I 've kept it as a proof of insanity!!). Just nuts. I read a previous post about someone having horses as a happy place and that is my ultimate goal. It s certainly working for the rest of my liveries who are all delightful people.
 
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