Bullying

[PRIME ON1E]

Hi everyone

Just for context, I’m a 22 year old guy and Ive been keeping horses for about 2 years, however I’ve been around horses for about 10 years and I currently own a cob which I’ve had since he was 3 months old, who was abandoned.

I’m currently at my second yard, which is a DIY livery, as my first was great however, distance wise it was quite a drive so when the chance came to move closer I did.
Now this yard I originally had an agreement with another livery I’ll Cath.

I’ve been out of work due to mental health for sometime now and it only made sense that whilst Cath was at work in the afternoons that I bring her horses in for the night.
This arrangement worked well for about 6 months, however as time progressed I noticed that my “duties” were starting to rack up. For example I was being asked to help her move her fencing, charge her batteries, order her food etc.

More recently It was her birthday and I forgot on the day and the next day I was scolded as a “bad friend” and how she makes me coffee and I cant even remember her birthday. Then the other day I was about 10 minutes late to her horses, where I was bombarded with multiple texts and calls asking where I was and she even called another livery to check up on me.

So finally the other week, I told her that I felt I was being taken advantage of and that I didn’t feel appreciated for what I was doing.
Which she acted polite and seemed to have taken it ok, however the where others around.
infested with rat poo’s.

So I made a respectful complaint as it was literally everywhere, I put my boots on , only to get my hands covered in rat poo. Cath got her brother in law to get the rats with his dog, which was great, however our barn was left in a state.

So I respectfully asked that he could please come back and tidy it up over WhatsApp.
The next day I asked her politely if she would mind clearing it up if that’s ok, and I was shouted at.
I dealt with it as calmly as I could, which I think annoyed her more as she started attacking me personally saying that I should do it because I do nothing all day and that I’m lazy.

This made me very upset as most days I struggle to keep a positive attitude and it can be a struggle to do thinks due to my mental health.

I raised the issue with the yard owner, only to be told that I should expect to be treated the same as everyone else and that I’m inexperienced regarding the rat problem. Which makes me suspect that she’s been told a different story by Cath.

All of this has made me very upset as the pony has been an escape for me and I’m now finding myself dreading to go there and I’m getting extremely anxious even when she’s not here.

I’m just stuck with what to do at this point moving forward as it’s really getting me down further and I don’t want to loose that love going to the pony.

Thanks

 

[Maxidoodle]

Hi everyone

Just for context, I’m a 22 year old guy and Ive been keeping horses for about 2 years, however I’ve been around horses for about 10 years and I currently own a cob which I’ve had since he was 3 months old, who was abandoned.

I’m currently at my second yard, which is a DIY livery, as my first was great however, distance wise it was quite a drive so when the chance came to move closer I did.
Now this yard I originally had an agreement with another livery I’ll Cath.

I’ve been out of work due to mental health for sometime now and it only made sense that whilst Cath was at work in the afternoons that I bring her horses in for the night.
This arrangement worked well for about 6 months, however as time progressed I noticed that my “duties” were starting to rack up. For example I was being asked to help her move her fencing, charge her batteries, order her food etc.

More recently It was her birthday and I forgot on the day and the next day I was scolded as a “bad friend” and how she makes me coffee and I cant even remember her birthday. Then the other day I was about 10 minutes late to her horses, where I was bombarded with multiple texts and calls asking where I was and she even called another livery to check up on me.

So finally the other week, I told her that I felt I was being taken advantage of and that I didn’t feel appreciated for what I was doing.
Which she acted polite and seemed to have taken it ok, however the where others around.
infested with rat poo’s.

So I made a respectful complaint as it was literally everywhere, I put my boots on , only to get my hands covered in rat poo. Cath got her brother in law to get the rats with his dog, which was great, however our barn was left in a state.

So I respectfully asked that he could please come back and tidy it up over WhatsApp.
The next day I asked her politely if she would mind clearing it up if that’s ok, and I was shouted at.
I dealt with it as calmly as I could, which I think annoyed her more as she started attacking me personally saying that I should do it because I do nothing all day and that I’m lazy.

This made me very upset as most days I struggle to keep a positive attitude and it can be a struggle to do thinks due to my mental health.

I raised the issue with the yard owner, only to be told that I should expect to be treated the same as everyone else and that I’m inexperienced regarding the rat problem. Which makes me suspect that she’s been told a different story by Cath.

All of this has made me very upset as the pony has been an escape for me and I’m now finding myself dreading to go there and I’m getting extremely anxious even when she’s not here.

I’m just stuck with what to do at this point moving forward as it’s really getting me down further and I don’t want to loose that love going to the pony.

Thanks

Gosh, poor you. I’m afraid your situation is so typical of livery yards, everyone on here will be able to tell you multiple tales of similar situations. We got so disheartened with livery yards many years ago, we struggled and got ourselves our own place with land. I’m afraid livery yards can be very tough at times, especially on your mental health and draws you away from your sole purpose of being there, to enjoy your four legged best friend. I’m afraid, it takes time, headphones are always a good thing to use, I got to the point of smiling sweetly and tapping my headphones if the yard know it all started, so I could pretend I was on a phone call, they soon get bored and move on to something else.

Not much help I’m afraid but just a reply to show you’re not on your own and it can be tough at times I’m afraid. Don’t let it put you off your enjoyment, I found the only way to deal with yards was to be friendly but a bit aloof and to be happy to help certain folk who were of a similar mindset.

 

[PRIME ON1E]

Gosh, poor you. I’m afraid your situation is so typical of livery yards, everyone on here will be able to tell you multiple tales of similar situations. We got so disheartened with livery yards many years ago, we struggled and got ourselves our own place with land. I’m afraid livery yards can be very tough at times, especially on your mental health and draws you away from your sole purpose of being there, to enjoy your four legged best friend. I’m afraid, it takes time, headphones are always a good thing to use, I got to the point of smiling sweetly and tapping my headphones if the yard know it all started, so I could pretend I was on a phone call, they soon get bored and move on to something else.

Not much help I’m afraid but just a reply to show you’re not on your own and it can be tough at times I’m afraid. Don’t let it put you off your enjoyment, I found the only way to deal with yards was to be friendly but a bit aloof and to be happy to help certain folk who were of a similar mindset.

Hi Maxi
Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it and they are some useful tips, I might give that a go.
And its comforting to know that I’m not alone.
thanks a lot

 

[Maxidoodle]

Hi Maxi
Thanks for the response, I really appreciate it and they are some useful tips, I might give that a go.
And its comforting to know that I’m not alone.
thanks a lot

You are very welcome. I’m glad it is of some help.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Can you move yards? Not all livery yards are like this...I would suggest for your own health and enjoyment to look elsewhere! You'll always get nosey people at yards that think they are experts in horse care and will try and tell you what to do...you just can't avoid them. I've no idea why but the horse world does attract know.it all types who love to gossip...it can be a right pain! But not everyone is like that...so perhaps look around for somewhere else x

 

[Glitter's fun]

Hi everyone

Just for context, I’m a 22 year old guy and Ive been keeping horses for about 2 years, however I’ve been around horses for about 10 years and I currently own a cob which I’ve had since he was 3 months old, who was abandoned.

I’m currently at my second yard, which is a DIY livery, as my first was great however, distance wise it was quite a drive so when the chance came to move closer I did.
Now this yard I originally had an agreement with another livery I’ll Cath.

I’ve been out of work due to mental health for sometime now and it only made sense that whilst Cath was at work in the afternoons that I bring her horses in for the night.
This arrangement worked well for about 6 months, however as time progressed I noticed that my “duties” were starting to rack up. For example I was being asked to help her move her fencing, charge her batteries, order her food etc.

More recently It was her birthday and I forgot on the day and the next day I was scolded as a “bad friend” and how she makes me coffee and I cant even remember her birthday. Then the other day I was about 10 minutes late to her horses, where I was bombarded with multiple texts and calls asking where I was and she even called another livery to check up on me.

So finally the other week, I told her that I felt I was being taken advantage of and that I didn’t feel appreciated for what I was doing.
Which she acted polite and seemed to have taken it ok, however the where others around.
infested with rat poo’s.

So I made a respectful complaint as it was literally everywhere, I put my boots on , only to get my hands covered in rat poo. Cath got her brother in law to get the rats with his dog, which was great, however our barn was left in a state.

So I respectfully asked that he could please come back and tidy it up over WhatsApp.
The next day I asked her politely if she would mind clearing it up if that’s ok, and I was shouted at.
I dealt with it as calmly as I could, which I think annoyed her more as she started attacking me personally saying that I should do it because I do nothing all day and that I’m lazy.

This made me very upset as most days I struggle to keep a positive attitude and it can be a struggle to do thinks due to my mental health.

I raised the issue with the yard owner, only to be told that I should expect to be treated the same as everyone else and that I’m inexperienced regarding the rat problem. Which makes me suspect that she’s been told a different story by Cath.

All of this has made me very upset as the pony has been an escape for me and I’m now finding myself dreading to go there and I’m getting extremely anxious even when she’s not here.

I’m just stuck with what to do at this point moving forward as it’s really getting me down further and I don’t want to loose that love going to the pony.

Thanks

Hello, and welcome to the forum.
Try not to worry, although a problem can feel overwhelming and permanent there is always a solution.

Are you able to say (roughly) where in the country you are? Someone may be able to recommend a good place to move your pony to, or maybe even someone could drop in to say hello & it would make "Cath" realise you are not on your own. Would one or two of your non-horsey friends or family be willing to drop in for 10 minutes?

It is common for a yard to have a "Queen bee" who has been there a long time & calls the shots. Unfortunately Cath seems to have decided she has an unpaid slave who has all the time in the world to do her bidding. That is great for her & she is bound to be annoyed for a while when it turns out that isn't the case. However she must have a very thick skin to behave as she has & that is to your advantage because you don't need to worry about offending her & she will move on to bullying someone else as soon as it becomes plain that it is no longer working with you.

If you haven't done so already, end the agreement with her. Don't argue or get annoyed , just be light & breezy & say you were between jobs when you arrived on the yard but don't have spare time to help her now. Then breeze off smiling! Take the same attitude when you meet her - bright & smiley but not stopping to talk. She will soon get bored of you!

...and keep talking to us - you are not alone with this now.

GM x

 

[Maxidoodle]

OP, just wanted to add, if you’re generally happy at your yard and it suits your horse, don’t let one bad egg unsettle you. I wouldn’t let them chase you off a yard you and your horse are happy at, take your time and don’t make any rash decisions about moving (sometimes it is better the devil you know).