Buy my first horse or have a baby

Horse or baby?


  • Total voters
    19
  • Poll closed .
Joined
31 January 2019
Messages
1
I’m really struggling with this decisions right now. I’m only 22 turning 23 in February. I got married in May and have been with my husband for 6 years. I always made it clear that horses are important to me and my ultimate goal/dream is to own my own. I have a stable job that provides me with plenty of income to afford a horse and I’ve been riding and taking lessons since I was in 1st grade. My best friend will be my trainer/help me and I’ll be boarding at her barn and working off some of the cost for board on weekends. She found this awesome horse that has everything I’m looking for for my first horse. this horse would also get moved to my house come fall once we have the fence and barn set up. The problem is my husband doesn’t want me to buy the horse and wants to start a family first. He’s not saying no horses just not right now. He said in +5 years after we have a kid(we only want one) and move into our forever home(goal within the next 1-2years). While I can definitely afford a horse now. he thinks it will strap us for cash once we have a baby too. I want to start a family but he’s pretty much given me the ultimatum that if I buy this horse he doesn’t ever want to have kids. I want a child and I would totally be ready to start trying for them but I’ve been striving to reach this goal of owning a horse and Its finally in my reach. I’ve also gone and seen this horse and we were working to set up another day to go ride her. My husband thinks with buying a new house and have a baby a horse just isn’t possible. I suggested putting a family off another year so I can get this horse and then start trying for kids. I will also get another bonus and raise at work the following year and so will he to help get even more finances but he just doesn’t agree. Thoughts?
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JennBags

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21 May 2002
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West Sussex
Sorry to sound harsh but I don't think either of you sound mature enough to be having children! Giving you an ultimatum of never having kids if you buy the horse now? Asking strangers on the internet if you should buy a horse or have a baby? You met very young and it sounds like you both need to do a lot of growing up before you start thinking of having a family.
 

meleeka

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Joined
14 September 2001
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2,448
Location
Hants, England
Sorry to sound harsh but I don't think either of you sound mature enough to be having children! Giving you an ultimatum of never having kids if you buy the horse now? Asking strangers on the internet if you should buy a horse or have a baby? You met very young and it sounds like you both need to do a lot of growing up before you start thinking of having a family.
On the basis of this Id say buy the horse. Having children when you aren’t yet ready isn’t going to make you happy, but buying the horse might and you don’t have to keep the horse forever.
 

Keith_Beef

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8 December 2017
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1,877
Location
Seine et Oise, France
Your post goes on and on and on about horses.

I think you mention the idea of having a baby twice.

Your post more or less makes it clear what you really want.

At a guess, you're American. Which bit of the country do you live in?
 

ycbm

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 January 2015
Messages
16,555
Are you planning to have a single horse living at your place in the autumn? If so, have a baby.

Why did you choose a British forum to join to ask this question? I would have thought one in your own country would give you a better steer on this?
 

Shay

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Joined
17 August 2008
Messages
6,054
Troll? But on the off chance not.... OP that is a really odd post. And it does not sound like a very happy or stable marriage. On the basis you can at least sell the horse again I would say go with the horse. But you might be better off spending the money getting marriage counseling.
 

Red-1

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Joined
7 February 2013
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7,103
Location
Yorkshire
It sounds like you and your husband have different priorities. It sounds like he is not willing to compromise. It sounds like you don't want to compromise.

Sometimes living with someone for 6 years does not mean you are a great match.

I agree with marriage guidance counselling.
 

Cortez

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 January 2009
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8,404
Location
Ireland
I think you should ditch your controlling husband and do what you want, but I also think you're quite possibly a troll.

On the off chance that you're not, please don't even consider allowing the opinions of random strangers on an internet forum in another country influence any life changing decisions you are ever likely to make.
 

ycbm

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 January 2015
Messages
16,555
Because some parts of the U.S. have a very different attitude to women than anything you'll find in the UK. Because horses in some parts of the UK cost $30k dollars for an OTTB which can jump 90cm, and that changes the cost equation and attitude towards the husband a bit. Because the US is a bigger country and she's likely to get more answers. Because she's, from her writing, American. Because we don't know diddly squat about attitudes to, and facilities for, combining motherhood and horse owning where she lives in the US. Because US attitudes to acceptable ways to keep horses are sometimes very different from UK ones. Because .....

I could probably go on all day, would you like me to 😂 ?
 

splashgirl45

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Joined
6 March 2010
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5,841
Location
suffolk
i would buck the trend here and say you can always have a horse, you may not be so lucky to be able to have children.. if i was happy in the relationship/marriage and i wanted a child at some point i wouild opt for trying for the child now while you are young....horses can come later .....its a strange reply for me as i went the horse route and never had kids but these days it seems more and more people are not managing to get pregnant when they have left it a bit later....of course if you dont want children the reply would be different...
 
Joined
31 January 2019
Messages
12
If your having to decide over a Animal that takes lots of care and financial support or a baby that requires 24/7 365 days FOREVER. I would say go for a picture of a child and think long and hard about committing to the horse . I have 3 kids and trust me its rewarding labour and yes its costly till a degree
 
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