Buying after a loss

windand rain

windand rain

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Would you buy a horse after losing a loved long term horse or would you feel you were betraying a memory.
My personal view is that if you loved the lost one then you have so much to offer a new one and you should give to another to give it the wonderful chances you gave the lost one
Is not just a little selfish to say never again when you have so much to offer
Obviously if finances wont allow it then that is a different reason but if you have the money and the time and place would you have another one if you lost your horse of a lifetime
 
One of my incredibly special mares died just over a year ago. I miss her such a lot and I've never had the inclination to try to replace her. I have plenty of other horses to ride, who do different disciplines to her, and that satisfies me. One of my other horses would do what she did (actually a few of them would on thinking about it) but I have no emotional attachment to him so have never ridden him since her death. I don't think it's anything to do with selfish per se, I think it's all about how you feel within yourself.
 
Yes I would and I have. However do not do what I did and try to 'replace' a horse. Move on and keep a very open mind because if you try to replicate/replace you are heading for a massive upset.

I lost a treasured RID show horse. I was determined to find something with similar breeding, size, colour etc, what an abysmal decision that was. After viewing a lot of horses the penny dropped and I realised all horses are individuals just as people are.

The massive grey heavyweight has a place in my mind and heart with treasured memories. I eventually bought a bright bay middleweight who didn't speak the lingo, he turned into another superstar.
 
I find I need a rest, to recover a bit. Then, usually one will find me. I may make the effort to go and view a few, but won't feel obliged to buy until one grabs my heart, and I am seriously excited in a "cant live without this one" way.
 
I stopped riding completely for about 5 years after Aus died, and didn't miss horses at all. I then stumbled across this forum, started talking horse again, and before i knew it - Alf arrived! I don't regret the time out after Aus, nor do I regret getting Alf (who I adore even more than I loved Aus!) I maybe slightly regret the fact that within two years of getting back into horses, I have two of my own, a yard, several liveries and a growing client base - all of which as to fit in with a high pressure full time+ job!
 
I did, I don't think it is anything to feel guilty about either way. Its what you feel you need to do.
I needed a horse to care for so I bought a baby (who is now 9) and leased another horse to ride. When I went searching for a horse I made sure to stay away from horses that looked to much like my Pixie. For me that would have brought too much hurt.

I went from a petite bay with a tiny star to a big chestnut with a Blaze.

That is what worked for me, but there is no shame in taking a break either.
 
windand rain said:
Would you buy a horse after losing a loved long term horse or would you feel you were betraying a memory.
My personal view is that if you loved the lost one then you have so much to offer a new one and you should give to another to give it the wonderful chances you gave the lost one
Is not just a little selfish to say never again when you have so much to offer
Obviously if finances wont allow it then that is a different reason but if you have the money and the time and place would you have another one if you lost your horse of a lifetime
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I hate it when people say to me when I lost a pet ' are you going to replace them' . A pet hate 'scuse the pun'. You can NEVER replace them.

This is a very sensitive subject for everyone with all animals who have passed on.

No I would not be betraying their memory as you wouldn't if you found a new partner. I think of our hearts like a maze when one door closes another opens. The love and bond you had with the one you lost is secure and behind a door like a vault, no new animal can get through that door but you open another door for your new pet.

Being a foster with CP I find many people have different views.

Some lost cat a week before and come looking for a new one the next week, they are not being disloyal, they are not replacing their lost one. You can NEVER replace a pet, you open your heart to another, animals are irreplaceable. Those people cannot live without a cat and its harder to have an empty house to grieve in so having a new focus makes it easier.


Others wait years / months before getting another

Others say they wont get another but time heals and the day comes they want another cat.



Each one of the above applies to horses, it depends which you are. I personally find it easier to grieve with another.


When I lost my first mare I had already had my young mare a few years prior so could cry and grieve on her, when I lost my young mare 2012 I had already got her son to grieve on. That is me, which is why its hard after Lost my cat, hubby wont let me get another for me, as the resident two don't care about me.

Do not think your betraying your loved one, they are looking down not wanting you grieving, when the time and new horse comes along go for it.

Horses leave hoofprints on our hearts which never go. You can remember your lost one in anyway you feel you want too like the link in the web in my sig of ways to remember them. Don't close your heart off to another, you have obviously got loads of love to share, which should not take away the love you had for your lost one. :)
 
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I lost my horse of 20 years last year, I still have her nephew - and whilst I really hope he is around for a long time yet, I have said I won't get another.
 
I think there is teh chance of buying the first one you see after a loss - You need to take someone with you and can point out flaws and tell you there are more fish in the sea? If that makes any sense..
 
Everybody is different, I dont think you can replace a horse you loose but I think you can love another. When our boy was PTS, we knew we'd get another but we left it a few months and looked for something completely different. We now have Amber, she has no way replaced DJ but we love her as much as we loved him but she is a totally different horse. Every horse, like people, have their strengths and weaknesses, you build on these and make good experiences and memories.
 
AdorableAlice said:
Yes I would and I have. However do not do what I did and try to 'replace' a horse. Move on and keep a very open mind because if you try to replicate/replace you are heading for a massive upset.
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This ^^^^

The best advice I was given was from my farrier, after I'd lost my old very dear horse a few years ago now. His advice stuck in my mind and I've never forgotten it, it was if making the decision to go for another horse, to "go for something completely different". And I did!!!

My first pony was a grey, and I worshipped the ground he stood on; and still miss him nearly 30 years on, very much so: and I absolutely adore greys, but I could NEVER have another one! It would somehow be seeming disloyal to his memory. Call me daft if you will.

It feels very very odd, disloyal certainly, and will probably induce some guilt feelings as well, when you get on another horse after losing one; almost (I guess) like accepting a date invite after the death of a partner............

Just go with the flow OP. Don't be in a rush, if you decide to go for another, let him/her find you. Put out your energy and see what is drawn to you....... you may get certain images in your mind from time to time, of horses (every single horse I've had, while they were still a long way off & before I met them, I've had a sort of picture in my mind.......beforehand. Which probably doesn't make sense, but if anyone has had that experience they'll know what I mean).

Let yourself grieve, don't rush any decisions..... and if you do decide to go for another - just be chilled and take everything as it comes.
 
The only time this has ever happened the grief has overtaken me and I haven't had another horse for many years....I now realise I need to have that bond and connection in my life whist respecting that each animals has it's own place in your heart....some people who have lost children go on to have another baby very quickly and are not judged, why should it be the same for us
 
As soon as I have a space I look for another horse I don't have any issue about it what so ever , I don't look to replace that horse simply to start a journey with another .
 
I lost my beautiful mare two years ago when she was only 15.

Two weeks later I started looking for my next horse, although it was three months before I viewed the first one, and six months later when I bought my current boy. That's probably because I'm very picky though :)

Strangely, it took me almost three years to get another cat after losing my 18 yr old girl.

If you want the same, go for it. I lost a Section D mare, bought a Section D gelding. He has many of her traits, but he's not her, and will never, ever replace her. He's just my next horse.

If you do have feelings of guilt/betrayal/disloyalty, then maybe it's just not the right time for you to be looking. You'll know when it feels right.
 
I always swore if I ever lost my last horse, I would never ever get another. Sadly he had to be put to sleep five years ago and it actually wasn't long before I started look for another. It's not that I wanted to replace him, it just created a massive hole in my life not having a horse (and riding friends horses just wasn't the same). In all honesty the first few I looked at were exactly like my old horse and I was all set to buy one who also had a similar name to him, but (thankfully for me) he didn't pass the vetting. I think if I had bought one so similar, I would have always been comparing! I then found my current horse! She certainly has never replaced my old horse, nothing ever could, but I love her just as much as I loved him! And am so happy I've been able to have two wonderful horses in my life.
 
I am a great believer that love is boundless and you reap what you sow, a bit corny I know. I am losing all my four legged friends due to age, its sad that I will never see them again but to think I would never have the joy of a whiskered nose pushing you because I could not bear the loss of any of them would break my heart far more than their loss. I love young horses, I have had most of my oldies since they were babies, in some respects it makes me want more to give another one a long and settled life.
 
I have never had just one horse so have always had another horse in the background or that I am already working away with. Many ponies have been sold in my past so they were replaced with other ponies but I lost my first horse when I was 18, she broke her leg, she was a cracking horse but not a horse of a lifetime. I already had Minstrel any way, had him since I was 12 (he was 2), I lost him 31st January 2013, he was the love of my life, but I already bought Ted as a 2 year old in 2009 so when Minstrel retired he came to the fore and became my ridden horse (Minstrel retired when Ted was 5), he is another horse who I can confidently say I would be lost without and he is a horse of a lifetime, and again I have a yearling rumbling in the background. I am very lucky I have been able to do this as when I was younger my horses were kept at home and now I have a very supportive husband :p
I am lucky, I feel the yearling is shaping up to be another horse who is so very dear to me, and I know I have had/have 2 horses of a lifetime. Lucky. :)
 
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