Calling riders with low confidence! WWYD

Serianas

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Hey all,

Long story so bear with me J

Last night I went out for a hack on the new pony, and OH was on foot (as he likes to walk with us). Anyway we were on our way home and a bike came shooting up behind us which none of us hear until he was right by ponies flank, to which pony jumped sideways. Rider apologised for scaring us and went on his merry way, and us on ours…
A bit further down the track, a pheasant was lurking in the woods behind the fence separating it from the bridal path… honestly this bird had clogs on! Pony stopped to have a look (which is fine by me because usually if he has a look he decided it isn’t scary and then next time hes fine with it) but because the bird was hidden he was getting a little worked up, turning into a ball and growing to about 17hh lol… In the meantime I try to make him go forward but he was rooted to the floor, when the other half decides to start yelling at me to make him move forwards when I can see whats going to happen… OH is going to get squashed because he is stood in ponies way and pony is going to do a little jump… OH cannot see this, so im getting more and more nervous so I decided to dismount… got off and lead pony to have a look at the pheasant, which he decided was not so scary and we walked back to the yard… I was shaking by this point and the OH kept telling me to get back on but I was a wreck with two scary things happening…
I must point out this pony is a dream to ride and I know scary things will happen but my confidence isn’t that great (but growing great guns cos of J) and having to keep OH from harm and focus on the pony is so tough as he isn’t horsey and he does things that one day will get him kicked or bitten…
I suppose my question is, would you have gotten off? Or would you have been a shaking leaf in the saddle? I didn’t want him to take my nerves on because hes only just starting his hacking career and I want things to be as positive as possible to make him into a really confident pony…
Cookies and coffee to all who got this far J
 

Gail1970

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I'm no hero and I do get off sometimes and walk past things(not many though)but do make sure I get back on when I've passed it!
My confidence isn't great at times so I surround myself with people who do make me feel confident and find I'm not really even noticing things anymore!
 

shadeofshyness

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I'm too chicken to hack my loan horse yet, but if I needed to get off I'd have the same problem getting back on - 17hh horse and no bounce in my legs!

Honestly if you felt safer on the ground then that's fine - always better safe than sorry. You can work up to staying on all the time gradually.
 

splashnutti1

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I am a believer in staying on the horse but if you feel happier dismounting then you should alwasy do whats suits you hun. i also am suffering a confidence crisis and i think its best to do what you feel most confident doing.

I feel its better to diffuse the situation the way you feel is best than to end up scared and in a fight and knock both yours and the horses confidence:)

Fyi , my other half walks with me, after me warning him sveral times he learnt the hard way to keep out the way when my big lad jumped on him and OH ended up in the ditch haha ;)
 

poiuytrewq

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I should have pointed out i cant get on from the floor because I have bad hips.. forgot that bit!

I told him to move but he was having none of it :S

In which case id have let pony jump on him and next time he would have moved ;)

Seriously, I dont get off as id never get back on and my horse is such a scaredy cat id never actually be on him at all! However i think its fine to get off, I think the fact you got the horse past the object is the main thing. I wouldnt imagine the horse thinks "ha, she got off i'll never go past a bird again"! more you got him past the scary bird and this will build his and your confidence.
A lot of people will tell you things are right or wrong but I'm a strong believer in going at your own pace and doing what your happy with as a brilliant confidence builder.
 

abbijay

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Getting off will not be the worst thing in the world although I'm a nightmare for clambering up a strangers gate to get back on (18.1hh pony who I can get on from the ground but it's just not pretty) but I would be ready to shoot the OH. HE needs to understand that he is there for support and time together but he has to be responsible for his own safety and if you say move there's a reason for it. Strong simple rules from the start will be best for everyone!
 

Serianas

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I think you hit it on the head Abbijay... he thinks im just being pedantic when I ask him to do things... he doesnt understand why pony needs brushing everyday, and thinks im over-reacting when I tell him whats going to happen when pony is looking at that bird for example... doesnt help that whenever pony looks at something ( I mean raises his head, has a look, decides its not scary and then basically shrugs) OH starts going OOOOOOO in a very high pitched tone as though pony is going to gallop off and throw me then stamp on my head... Ive only known this horse for 2 months and I can safely say I think the worst he will do is get a little joggy.... though the bird did scare me because of all the factors combined...

Keeping half a brain on each person you love is hard :S
 

poiuytrewq

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OP is there no one on your yard you could hack with? Just until you get your confidence up? I think its lovely your OH hacks on foot with you, wish mine would, it would save me the boredom of going alone all the time! but i dont think he's doing you many favours by the sound of it!
I found when i rode with a certain friend i became nervous and my horse started being spooky. It wasnt until one day she commented "ohhh theres a lorry coming, how are you going to get him past it- hold on tight wont you!" that i realized she made me nervous. Neither me or the horse were scared of lorries yet id started getting tense as she said it and they approached then my horse picked up on it.
When i rode with anyone else or even alone it was fine as i didnt even think about lorries etc
 

Serianas

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WE get to the yard quite late but I would love to hack out with others (there are some lovely sensible people/ponies).. but moreover I would like to go on my own just to get to know and bond with J... its selfish and i know it cant happen because I dont want to discourage OH from coming after his breakdown... he looks to J for relief...

I suppose im just a bit stung that I get the mucking out and he gets the grooming, or he will try to give me advice when he would never get on J's back...
 

Merrymoles

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Lovely that OH is willing to walk with you (mine wouldn't!) but it does sound as if he might be contributing to your nerves at the same time.
I do think hacking out with someone might help to get you going. Don't stop hacking out with OH completely but give yourself some "down" time with another companion while you get to know J. You will then be more confident about how he is likely to react to certain situations.
It might help to give OH some rules about how far away to stay from J so that you don't have to worry about him getting squashed. I know that's more difficult than it sounds but a few ground rules might be useful. In my case, I'd be able to order my OH to "move!" but that's because he's a teeny bit scared, not that he would ever admit it!
Non-horsey folk can have very different perspectives on horses than the rest of us. Some are scared rigid by them, others just don't realise the danger they could be in.
Our yard giggles at the idea that my non-horsey brother tells people that his sister has got an "enormous" horse - yes bruv, he's 15.1...
 

canteron

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I haven't read all the posts but

Practice getting off when there is nothing to worry about, then your horse isn't going to associate you getting off with frightening things. I actually have a word which means that I am going to get off and then give him a treat when I am off. I also do something similar when remounting. This means that I can mount form fences, verges, cars, etc and get off calmly, even when there is a tractor coming one way, a rattly car with trailer the other, a pheasant in the verge and a helicopter above - which is what I want in a horse and I guess you do too?

The point is there is nothing wrong with getting off but make it part of your routine when things are dull and then it is no problem to do it when things are getting a bit heated!
 

Serianas

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He went from being petrified of my share horse who was 600kg and 16hh who could be a bit flighty for a cob XD, to hugging this pony round the neck... probably because he is smaller and more approachable but with a pony attitude, who can be a bit oppinionated... I dont know which i prefer...

I like these suggestions, I will definately be trying the dismounting when nothing is scary...

Its kind of embarrassing to go from jugganaught cob who fainted if a baby bunny looked at him and not being afraid, to going to 14hh pony who will pretty much decide for himself that the thing that made him look at it wasnt scary after all, shrug and move on... ah to be young and fearless again...
 

Dizzle

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It depends on the horse, with my old horse the safest place was always on top of him. Even for total histrionics I would stay on as it was better than trying to deal with them when on the ground. For the bird in the hedge the safest best would be to apply leg and get him to leg yield past, he’d probably forget once past what he was spooking at.

On pony, who is a very different kettle of fish, it depends. If she is napping I get off and lead her, she is 100% happy following a person on foot, I find that once we are a certain distance from home I can hop back on with no issues. If she was spooking at something in the hedge I would allow her to stop, keep my legs very gently on (a feather touch) and give her a loose rein and let her sniff. Trying to force her past results in an argument, but letting her stop and sniff lets her assess it for herself. She’s a forest bred New Forest so I think she’s more rational that the racehorse was!
 

Dizzle

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ETA: Sometimes out hacking if we find a nice spot I will hop off to admire the view/peace and quiet and let her have a little lawn mow.
 
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